A recurring theme in my consulting with troubled churches is that there were issues known to leaders who chose not to address them until there came a point of crisis, often after a pastor left and after many congregants had left as well.
The question is - why were those issues not addressed so that a crisis could have be averted and the congregation not wounded as it was - in this blog by the senior leader. After all the cost of unaddressed and known issues that brings conflict to a congregation is high and it can take years to recover. As I have reflected on this question I would suggest that the following reasons are often in play.
One: Often the pastor is relatively new to the church and the prevailing thinking is that we need to give him a chance. While there is truth to this it is never an excuse to allow the congregation to be hurt by poor decisions, lack of process or change that is too fast for the body to deal with. Ironically, the leadership knows the congregation better than a new pastor and therefore has a higher responsibility to ensure that the congregation is protected and unity is guarded.
Two: A new pastor is bringing many new people so the reasoning is that even if there is great unhappiness among many, the new folks are proof that we should let the issues go. What that means is that we effectively give a leader a pass for behavior or decisions that hurt the body simply because new people are coming. That is faulty reasoning at its best. It is like a corporate board overlooking fraud because the CEO is bringing in new business. Really? Behavioral and leadership issues should never be given a pass simply because a church is growing.
Three: The senior leader is a strong leader whose personality is hard to go nose to nose with so leaders don't take the risk to confront issues. This is true of some very charismatic leaders who make it very hard for anyone to disagree with them and they win the day by the force of their personality effectively blunting any efforts for someone to say "wait a minute, we have an issue here." It is very easy to be manipulated by strong personalities and those with them know it very well and use it to their advantage.
Four: Group think is hard to overcome. While it only takes one independent thinker on a board to raise uncomfortable issues, often it takes a long time for anyone to have the courage to speak out clearly when the board is pseudo "united" by saying "we have to be together" and group think prevails. Sure the board must speak publicly with one voice but the conversations within the board room ought to be robust, candid, honest and disagreements must be aired with candor.
Five: Boards have too few executive sessions where concerns can be discussed without the presence of the senior leader. While people may be willing to speak up in the absence of a senior leader, many will not do so when the leader is in the room, especially when they can use the force of their personality to win the day. Every healthy board has regular executive sessions where they can speak freely.
Six: Many boards are driven by fear of what might happen if known issues were addressed. That fear keeps people from speaking up, from listening to others and from insisting that issues be addressed and not ignored. What boards ought to be most afraid of is not dealing with the elephants in the room on their watch because they will be held responsible if things come apart for not dealing with them.
Seven: It is simply easier to ignore issues than to deal with them. I remember sharing candidly with a board when things had come apart in their (large) church with the pastor resigning. They hung their heads (literally) and acknowledged that they knew there were serious issues but chose to ignore them because it was easier to pretend all was well than to deal with them. They ended up being asked to leave the board and new members appointed.
Eight: Even though board members have suspicions and questions they often choose to trust the word of their senior leader but not verify the facts. Not everything a board is told is always true. In one case there had been a series of people leaving the church staff but the board never interviewed any of those folks even though they suspected there was a pattern of abuse (and there was). In other cases, board members have been told by staff that they work in a culture of fear but no one has bothered to ask candid questions of staff but simply took the word of the leader(s) who fostered that culture of fear - that everything is OK. There is nothing logical or helpful about that behavior but it happens all too often. Trust but verify.
When there is a crisis in the church caused by a senior leader but ignored by a board I place the greatest responsibility on the board for not acting when they should have acted. It is the responsibility of the leadership to protect the congregation. Ultimately they answer for the health of the church. Don't allow one of the eight reasons above to keep your board from addressing known issues if they are there. Leadership is a high trust. If there are things that Jesus would not be happy about we ought not to be happy about either.
And in case we think it doesn't matter - think "Mars Hill."
Posted from Oakdale, MN
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
Monday, June 22, 2015
Sunday, June 21, 2015
Reflections on Father's Day
This morning I have been reflecting on how our fathers mold us for better or for worse. In my case for the better. None of us are perfect fathers or had perfect fathers but we were all molded by our fathers. Here are some of the lessons that my father left me.
It is all about Jesus. My dad knew that life was about God, not him. I remember his 4:00 am devotions and prayer before starting a long day at the hospital, and our family devotions (which I did not want to get up for).
Character is everything. Dad was a man of utter honesty and integrity and did not cut any ethical corners. Nor did he allow us to either.
Go where Jesus wants you to go. Feeling called to missions and being told that the mission needed a doctor he went to medical school and then to Hong Kong where he co-founded a hospital (Evangel Hospital) with Bob Chapman. Needing a surgeon, he came home, did a surgical residency and went back. This on top of his engineering and theological degrees. In the mid seventies my folks had two sets of parents who needed care so they did not return to Hong Kong in order to care for their elderly parents. Dad was willing to do what was needed to follow Jesus where he felt Jesus was calling them.
Share the gospel. My parents both had a compelling desire to share the gospel with others. People were always in our home, they had home Bible studies where I believe hundreds came to know Jesus and in his later years my dad wrote a book called Discovering the Bible for those who desired to read through the Word. Translated into Russian and Chinese it may turn out to be his greatest legacy in terms of sharing the Gospel. In the hospital in Hong Kong the staff shared the gospel with every patient.
Keep getting better. As my brother Tom said at my dad's funeral. "Dad was not a perfect man but he kept getting better." That is one of the greatest takeaways from my dad's life. He was not content and he did not settle. He kept seeking to become more like Jesus and he was a kinder, gentler and more grace filled man as the years went by.
Like any son, I had my struggles with my father. At times - epic. But his imprint on my life in important areas will be his legacy to me and I hope to my children and grandchildren. It is why I dedicated my last book Deep Influence to him. Dad's have a deep influence on their kids, at least mine did on me.
In my dedication of Deep Influence to my father I wrote this:
Posted from San Diego
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
It is all about Jesus. My dad knew that life was about God, not him. I remember his 4:00 am devotions and prayer before starting a long day at the hospital, and our family devotions (which I did not want to get up for).
Character is everything. Dad was a man of utter honesty and integrity and did not cut any ethical corners. Nor did he allow us to either.
Go where Jesus wants you to go. Feeling called to missions and being told that the mission needed a doctor he went to medical school and then to Hong Kong where he co-founded a hospital (Evangel Hospital) with Bob Chapman. Needing a surgeon, he came home, did a surgical residency and went back. This on top of his engineering and theological degrees. In the mid seventies my folks had two sets of parents who needed care so they did not return to Hong Kong in order to care for their elderly parents. Dad was willing to do what was needed to follow Jesus where he felt Jesus was calling them.
Share the gospel. My parents both had a compelling desire to share the gospel with others. People were always in our home, they had home Bible studies where I believe hundreds came to know Jesus and in his later years my dad wrote a book called Discovering the Bible for those who desired to read through the Word. Translated into Russian and Chinese it may turn out to be his greatest legacy in terms of sharing the Gospel. In the hospital in Hong Kong the staff shared the gospel with every patient.
Keep getting better. As my brother Tom said at my dad's funeral. "Dad was not a perfect man but he kept getting better." That is one of the greatest takeaways from my dad's life. He was not content and he did not settle. He kept seeking to become more like Jesus and he was a kinder, gentler and more grace filled man as the years went by.
Like any son, I had my struggles with my father. At times - epic. But his imprint on my life in important areas will be his legacy to me and I hope to my children and grandchildren. It is why I dedicated my last book Deep Influence to him. Dad's have a deep influence on their kids, at least mine did on me.
In my dedication of Deep Influence to my father I wrote this:
To my father.
Engineer, theologian, church planter, evangelist
physician, surgeon, author, teacher and mentor to many.
Most importantly a man of deep Influence
Who met His Lord on November, 19, 2012.
Posted from San Diego
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
Friday, June 19, 2015
Ministry burnout
Ministry burnout is one of the real risks any in ministry have. There are simply too many needs to be met, too many people who desire attention and the pressures can be intense. Early in my career I experienced this after dealing with dysfunctional leadership for a number of years. Every year ministry burnout takes good people out of the game and no one is exempt from the prospect unless we take precautions against it.
The signs of burnout include fatigue, sometimes anger (at the very people we are here to serve), a desire to be somewhere else or doing something else, lack of interest in being with God (we are too tired) and emotional overload. It is often a sign that we have not put adequate boundaries around our schedules, what we agree to do and are carrying emotional loads God never intended us to carry.
Looking back at my own situation I realize that I took too much personal ownership over things that were God's problems not mine. I also stayed too long in a dysfunctional system that I could not resolve. There are situations we cannot resolve and the longer we try to resolve them the more burnout we can experience. One of the things I learned was that some problems don't get resolved this side of heaven.
This is a dangerous place to be as there is a tipping point where our emotional, spiritual and physical resources become so exhausted that it can take years to recover. I have often counseled people to leave their ministries and seek another before the toll is so high that they must leave ministry in order to recover. It can be an arduous journey.
For those who are experiencing the symptoms of burnout in ministry I have these suggestions.
One: Guard your schedule so you have adequate time for rest, reflection and refreshment. If there was ever a time to do less it is at this juncture. We often think if we work harder we can push through the challenges but that is often the worst thing we could do.
Two: If you are in a dysfunctional workplace don't assume that you are the one who can make the breakthrough that is causing your situation. Sometimes we need to move on and leave the dysfunction to those who are causing it. This is not surrender but can be self preservation.
Three: Get good counsel from trusted friends to gain perspective. In the midst of burnout our own thinking is often faulty and not reliable. Listen to those who know you best and follow their advice. Often what keeps us from doing this is our pride - we think we ought to be able to figure our situation out but this is the time to put pride aside and seek help. Even professional help.
Four: Focus on things other than work as often as possible. Spend time doing those things that fill you and remember that ministry is not all there is. When our whole identity is wrapped up around ministry we contribute to the depletion of our emotional resources. Life is more than ministry. It is family, recreation, friends, and the joys of life. Develop ways to get emotional distance from your work situation. Spend time with those who love you and give you life when you are with them. Don't do this journey alone!
Five: Don't take on burdens that are God's. As Jesus said, "my burden is light." He did not intend for us to carry around burdens that are His to carry. We are to do our best and leave the rest to Him. Jesus came to save the world. We participate with Him in His work but we cannot save the world and often not even the situation we are dealing with.
Finally, press into Him and your identity in Christ. It is where we find rest for our souls and a divine perspective. Learn to give to Him what is His to carry.
Posted from San Diego
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
The signs of burnout include fatigue, sometimes anger (at the very people we are here to serve), a desire to be somewhere else or doing something else, lack of interest in being with God (we are too tired) and emotional overload. It is often a sign that we have not put adequate boundaries around our schedules, what we agree to do and are carrying emotional loads God never intended us to carry.
Looking back at my own situation I realize that I took too much personal ownership over things that were God's problems not mine. I also stayed too long in a dysfunctional system that I could not resolve. There are situations we cannot resolve and the longer we try to resolve them the more burnout we can experience. One of the things I learned was that some problems don't get resolved this side of heaven.
This is a dangerous place to be as there is a tipping point where our emotional, spiritual and physical resources become so exhausted that it can take years to recover. I have often counseled people to leave their ministries and seek another before the toll is so high that they must leave ministry in order to recover. It can be an arduous journey.
For those who are experiencing the symptoms of burnout in ministry I have these suggestions.
One: Guard your schedule so you have adequate time for rest, reflection and refreshment. If there was ever a time to do less it is at this juncture. We often think if we work harder we can push through the challenges but that is often the worst thing we could do.
Two: If you are in a dysfunctional workplace don't assume that you are the one who can make the breakthrough that is causing your situation. Sometimes we need to move on and leave the dysfunction to those who are causing it. This is not surrender but can be self preservation.
Three: Get good counsel from trusted friends to gain perspective. In the midst of burnout our own thinking is often faulty and not reliable. Listen to those who know you best and follow their advice. Often what keeps us from doing this is our pride - we think we ought to be able to figure our situation out but this is the time to put pride aside and seek help. Even professional help.
Four: Focus on things other than work as often as possible. Spend time doing those things that fill you and remember that ministry is not all there is. When our whole identity is wrapped up around ministry we contribute to the depletion of our emotional resources. Life is more than ministry. It is family, recreation, friends, and the joys of life. Develop ways to get emotional distance from your work situation. Spend time with those who love you and give you life when you are with them. Don't do this journey alone!
Five: Don't take on burdens that are God's. As Jesus said, "my burden is light." He did not intend for us to carry around burdens that are His to carry. We are to do our best and leave the rest to Him. Jesus came to save the world. We participate with Him in His work but we cannot save the world and often not even the situation we are dealing with.
Finally, press into Him and your identity in Christ. It is where we find rest for our souls and a divine perspective. Learn to give to Him what is His to carry.
Posted from San Diego
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
Abrupt decisions and non-decisions
Both abrupt and non-decisions are dangerous.
Abrupt decisions are those where we make a quick decision without thinking through the consequences or taking into account the advice of others. I see it play out all too often and it always saddens me because even if it is the right decision in the end it often circumvents process with others that would have been helpful.
In my own organization I see it play out where a decision to resign, for instance is announced and no one in the organization had any clue it is coming. I have to wonder why there was not conversation with anyone when someone has been deeply invested in ministry for a long time. It is possible that if there were issues that could be resolved they could have been. It also feels like a violation of trust when it happens. It certainly sends a message that those they have been in relationship with don't count or matter.
Then there are those who take forever to make decisions that are critical in nature. This is as unhealthy as abrupt decisions in my view as there is not an ability to take the prompting of God, the counsel of others and the information one has to choose one way or the other. This is a fatal flaw for leaders from whom decisions are needed. This is often the case with church boards who ignore issues for too long because they don't want to make a decision. By the time a decision has been made it is too late.
Wise individuals seek counsel, prayer and look at the information realistically and then make a decision. Both abrupt and non-decisions are unwise, and often do not reflect good judgement or wisdom.
Abrupt decisions are those where we make a quick decision without thinking through the consequences or taking into account the advice of others. I see it play out all too often and it always saddens me because even if it is the right decision in the end it often circumvents process with others that would have been helpful.
In my own organization I see it play out where a decision to resign, for instance is announced and no one in the organization had any clue it is coming. I have to wonder why there was not conversation with anyone when someone has been deeply invested in ministry for a long time. It is possible that if there were issues that could be resolved they could have been. It also feels like a violation of trust when it happens. It certainly sends a message that those they have been in relationship with don't count or matter.
Then there are those who take forever to make decisions that are critical in nature. This is as unhealthy as abrupt decisions in my view as there is not an ability to take the prompting of God, the counsel of others and the information one has to choose one way or the other. This is a fatal flaw for leaders from whom decisions are needed. This is often the case with church boards who ignore issues for too long because they don't want to make a decision. By the time a decision has been made it is too late.
Wise individuals seek counsel, prayer and look at the information realistically and then make a decision. Both abrupt and non-decisions are unwise, and often do not reflect good judgement or wisdom.
Posted from San Diego
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
Monday, June 15, 2015
Three questions to consider regarding what you do today
We are creatures of habit. Habits can be very helpful but they can also be counterproductive when we don't think through why we do what we do. I ask myself three questions regularly.
The first is "What do I need to do today?" Usually that it determined by what is on my calendar and to do list as this allows me to live out my priorities. In fact, if we are even asking the question of what we should do today it means that we didn't plan very well in our yesterdays. We should always know what we are up to long before we wake. But many don't!
The second question is just as important. "In what order should I do it?" Generally the right answer is that we should do the hardest thing first - the things we would put off if we could and may indeed already have done so. Whatever we are tempted to procrastinate on should get our first attention and then we can go on to do those things that give us life.
The third question is an interesting one: "Why am I doing it?" There are some things that we do by habit and never ask if we or someone else should be doing it, or for that matter, if we should be doing it at all! The things we do are not all equal and some things no one would notice if we just stopped doing them.
We are all busy so being smart with our time is time well spent.
The first is "What do I need to do today?" Usually that it determined by what is on my calendar and to do list as this allows me to live out my priorities. In fact, if we are even asking the question of what we should do today it means that we didn't plan very well in our yesterdays. We should always know what we are up to long before we wake. But many don't!
The second question is just as important. "In what order should I do it?" Generally the right answer is that we should do the hardest thing first - the things we would put off if we could and may indeed already have done so. Whatever we are tempted to procrastinate on should get our first attention and then we can go on to do those things that give us life.
The third question is an interesting one: "Why am I doing it?" There are some things that we do by habit and never ask if we or someone else should be doing it, or for that matter, if we should be doing it at all! The things we do are not all equal and some things no one would notice if we just stopped doing them.
We are all busy so being smart with our time is time well spent.
Posted from San Diego
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
Sunday, June 14, 2015
Using the hand we have been dealt for God's glory.
How often do we wish that life were different!
We complain about what we don't have, sometimes wish we were like others, or see the glass half empty rather than half full. But here is the thing! Jesus has given us what we have and what He asks of us is that we use the hand we have been dealt, regardless of the hand, for his glory.
Right now the cards my wife has in her hand are not very exciting. She suffers from a great deal of joint pain, has a hard time standing and walking because of pain in her feet and is rarely pain free. We are praying for healing and following all the medical paths we can but ultimately God wants her to use the hand God has given her for His glory. He knows the limitations. He also knows that her perseverance is an example to others. And while she is less active physically by necessity, she is more active in prayer for others.
I think of my dear friend Phil who has brain cancer that is terminal unless the Great Physician touches his brain and heals the cancer. What does God ask of Phil? To use the cards in the hand he has been dealt for the glory of God. He does not complain, lives in trust, continues to work and lives with expectancy. He gets it!
All of us have things we wish were different. But here is where our theology needs to trump the things we wish were different. God is fully aware of our situation, he is sovereign over all things in our lives, His Spirit intercedes for us in areas where we struggle (Romans 8), and He does work all things for His own good (Romans 8:28). I don't say that lightly because what is for His ultimate good does not keep us from those things that cause us pain in a fallen world. Rather He is able to redeem all of our situations and use them for His glory.
There are days when all of us with that life were different. What we need to do on those days is ask, "What has God placed in my hand that I can use for Him today?" That takes the focus off of what we wish were different and places it in a totally new perspective. It is no longer about me but about Him and we realized that it is not about the deficits of life (from our perspective) but those things He has given us that we can use on His behalf. It can change our day.
We complain about what we don't have, sometimes wish we were like others, or see the glass half empty rather than half full. But here is the thing! Jesus has given us what we have and what He asks of us is that we use the hand we have been dealt, regardless of the hand, for his glory.
Right now the cards my wife has in her hand are not very exciting. She suffers from a great deal of joint pain, has a hard time standing and walking because of pain in her feet and is rarely pain free. We are praying for healing and following all the medical paths we can but ultimately God wants her to use the hand God has given her for His glory. He knows the limitations. He also knows that her perseverance is an example to others. And while she is less active physically by necessity, she is more active in prayer for others.
I think of my dear friend Phil who has brain cancer that is terminal unless the Great Physician touches his brain and heals the cancer. What does God ask of Phil? To use the cards in the hand he has been dealt for the glory of God. He does not complain, lives in trust, continues to work and lives with expectancy. He gets it!
All of us have things we wish were different. But here is where our theology needs to trump the things we wish were different. God is fully aware of our situation, he is sovereign over all things in our lives, His Spirit intercedes for us in areas where we struggle (Romans 8), and He does work all things for His own good (Romans 8:28). I don't say that lightly because what is for His ultimate good does not keep us from those things that cause us pain in a fallen world. Rather He is able to redeem all of our situations and use them for His glory.
There are days when all of us with that life were different. What we need to do on those days is ask, "What has God placed in my hand that I can use for Him today?" That takes the focus off of what we wish were different and places it in a totally new perspective. It is no longer about me but about Him and we realized that it is not about the deficits of life (from our perspective) but those things He has given us that we can use on His behalf. It can change our day.
Posted from San Diego
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
Saturday, June 13, 2015
The source of a leader's identity directly impacts their leadership
Identity is a tricky thing. Who am I really? What gives me ultimate worth? Where do I find acceptance and a sense of purpose?
Those are profound questions for us. Let's assume for a moment that as the leader of a mission organization and a Senior Vice President in a denomination that my identity is a product of those responsibilities and titles. If that were to go away, who would I be? And if that is "who I am" what about the other parts of my life that have nothing to do with my job? Who am I there?
In no way am I diminishing the part that calling and passion play in "who are are" and "who we become." But, if our identity is anywhere else than in who we are in Christ we have a problem. Everything else in life is ultimately temporary. Only He is permanent. Furthermore, only He can ultimately satisfy the deepest cravings and needs of the human heart because in the end we were made for Him.
Consider:
If my identity is found in my role, when that role disappears so does my identity.
If my identity is found in success, not only will I be driven to succeed but will drive others as well - and the goal line keeps changing so there is no crossing the goal.
If my identity is found in power, I will misuse that power and move deeper into hubris, hurting myself and everyone around me.
If my identity is in things, they eventually all go away. We leave the world as naked as when we arrived.
If my identity is in fame, when my 15 minutes is over, so is my self worth. And then what?
Those leaders who are most grounded, most comfortable in their own skin, most healthy and most unflappable are those who have finally found their true identity in the one place where our truest identity is found. Jesus. They have focused their lives on Him first and understand the truths of Ephesians 1 and 2 relative to our position in Christ. They have found a profound settledness in Him.
What is the true ground of your identity?
Those are profound questions for us. Let's assume for a moment that as the leader of a mission organization and a Senior Vice President in a denomination that my identity is a product of those responsibilities and titles. If that were to go away, who would I be? And if that is "who I am" what about the other parts of my life that have nothing to do with my job? Who am I there?
In no way am I diminishing the part that calling and passion play in "who are are" and "who we become." But, if our identity is anywhere else than in who we are in Christ we have a problem. Everything else in life is ultimately temporary. Only He is permanent. Furthermore, only He can ultimately satisfy the deepest cravings and needs of the human heart because in the end we were made for Him.
Consider:
If my identity is found in my role, when that role disappears so does my identity.
If my identity is found in success, not only will I be driven to succeed but will drive others as well - and the goal line keeps changing so there is no crossing the goal.
If my identity is found in power, I will misuse that power and move deeper into hubris, hurting myself and everyone around me.
If my identity is in things, they eventually all go away. We leave the world as naked as when we arrived.
If my identity is in fame, when my 15 minutes is over, so is my self worth. And then what?
Those leaders who are most grounded, most comfortable in their own skin, most healthy and most unflappable are those who have finally found their true identity in the one place where our truest identity is found. Jesus. They have focused their lives on Him first and understand the truths of Ephesians 1 and 2 relative to our position in Christ. They have found a profound settledness in Him.
What is the true ground of your identity?
Posted from San Diego
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
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