So bad things have happened in your church!

Well, first, lets be clear - you are not alone. It has been happening since the time the church became a reality in the New Testament which is why we have a good number of the Epistles. In other words, you are in good company and it is precisely because your church is made up of redeemed but flawed people that bad things have happened. While we don't like it, be of good cheer, you are not alone.

Second, you need to do what you can to clean up whatever mess there is. Facing the truth and looking in the mirror is the only way we avoid the bad things from becoming a trend - and often they already are. This may mean an "autopsy without blame" to figure out why what happened happened. That may lead to admitting fault and seeking reconciliation where that is possible. Certainly it means that we understand why bad things happened and deal with whatever we need to deal with.

Third, when bad things happen it is not usually that there was a bad person afoot (although that is possible). Usually there is a confluence of events that led to whatever we must deal with. This may include leaders inattention to issues they knew were present, a lack of leadership acumen on the part of a leader, a DNA within the congregation that prevented the issue from being dealt with or other factors. Here is my point. When bad things happen in  your church there is rarely one reason but rather multiple reasons and all of them need to be factored in.

Fourth, you cannot "resaw the sawdust." In other words, what has happened has happened and apart from dealing with issues one needs to deal with (above), leadership needs to focus on the future rather than focusing on the past. This will irritate some people who desire that leaders resaw the sawdust and recreate what was! That will not happen. The past is over. We cannot recreate the past but we can re-envision the future. I learned a long time ago that some things don't get solved this side of heaven. 

Fifth, crisis in one's church is a great opportunity to address issues that have probably been present for some time but have not been dealt with. This is the upside of crisis. The question is whether we will take the opportunity to deal with the situation so that we don't repeat the cycle in the future. This is where courage from leadership is needed. This is not a time to spin, to ignore or to cover up. It is time to take an honest look, be transparent with the congregation and act to ensure that the church moves toward greater health. Crises can be opportunities if seen in that light.

Finally, if the crisis is significant, get a coach from the outside to walk you through a process to handle it. If leaders were in any way liable for not acting when they should have or ignoring issues that got you to where you are there is a loss of credibility already so finding an outside coach to help you negotiate the situation can save the church greater pain and help leadership move in a healthier direction. An outsider can also speak to the congregation without being perceived as having a personal agenda which is critical if "sides" have formed and positions taken.

Crises can be opportunities if you choose to see them in that light.

TJ Addington (Addington Consulting) has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

"Creating cultures of organizational excellence."

I am listening - or am I?

Listening is an interesting thing. We can do it without doing it! How many times has my wife said, "I told you that already," and it's like, "Really? I didn't hear it." 

One of the jobs of a leader is to listen to those who they supervise regarding concerns that staff or constituents have. It is not uncommon for me to hear from the same that their leader does not listen to them. Or, to put it another way, he or she did listen, but they did not feel heard. This does not mean that they didn't get their way. It means that a conversation took place, and they didn't feel their leader actually understood their concern. It was a kind of listening but not the kind that elicits appreciation.

Active listening is one where we are fully engaged and are able to articulate the concern that the other individual has. It is genuine hearing rather than passive listening. Further, it is a hearing that seeks to come to a common understanding and, hopefully, a solution that can work for both. When there is not a win/win, at least there is a mutual understanding of why! 

Why does this matter? For one, it gives regard to the concerns of others. Hearing is not the same as listening, as my wife would like to point out on a regular basis. Second, it matters that we are able to address the concerns of our staff or constituents in a way that hopefully allows us to move toward common solutions. As a leader, I should care about those concerns. If I don't, I will find myself leading fewer people. Or unhappier people. Third, those sharing concerns might just be right, and I might be wrong. But I won't know that if I don't care enough to actively engage in the conversation.

Here is what I desire people to say when they have shared concerns with me. I want them to know that I heard their concerns and can articulate them. I want them to know that if there is a way to address those concerns, I will. If I cannot move toward their solution, I want them to know the reason why. Finally, I want to preserve the relationship if at all possible. And I want them to know that I will consider what they have said - seriously.

I don't want to be a leader who "listens" but doesn't "hear." Oh, the same with my wife as well.

At Addington Consulting,

We Simplify Complexity

Speak Candidly

Help You Find a Way Through

tjaddington@gmail.com

The case for those of us who are older to mentor those who are younger

The book I released early this year, Deep Influence, has prompted many conversations with individuals and groups over essential issues of the inner life of a leader. One of the common themes is this: "I wish someone had talked to me about these issues when I was younger."

I agree! I wish someone had taken the time to talk to me about these issues when I was younger: Humility, suffering, EQ, managing the shadow side, living with transparency, intentional living, thinking like a contrarian, leading from who God made me to be and so on. I had to learn these the hard way and often through my own painful experiences. I wish someone had come alongside me as a young leader and shared their experiences in these and other things that would have given me context for the times when I needed that counsel.

This is what drives me to mentor and coach others. It is not that I am all wise (most of everything I learned was through my own mistakes) but that I want to help other young leaders develop an understanding of the issues they will face, help them understand how God designed them and provide some tools that will help them. I do not want them to look like me but to lead from who God designed them to be.

It does not need to be a formal coaching and mentoring. Some of my relationships are and some are not. Mainly it is a desire to help others avoid some of the dumb tax I experienced and move toward greater maturity earlier in life (knowing that some of that maturity is simply experiencing life). It is also about wanting to help young leaders grow spiritually so that their leadership comes out of inner health rather than the dysfunctions that drives so much of leadership - even in the church.

I am convinced that in our fifties and beyond our greatest legacy is what we pass on to the next generation. It is not about us (and never was) but about how we can equip the next generation of leaders to meet the unique challenges they will face. Many of which will be different from ours.

Who are you mentoring and coaching? Not because it is your job but because you desire to pass on what you have learned to the next generation of faithful leaders (2 Timothy 2:2).

TJ Addington (Addington Consulting) has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

"Creating cultures of organizational excellence."

How the Gospel ended my same sex relationship - From Borrowed Light

How the Gospel changed my same sex relationship



Posted from Grand Rapids, MI

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Is your ministry perfectly designed for who is there rather than for who is not yet there?

Organizations develop cultures that too often focus on who is already in the organization rather than who is not yet in. Think of that in a church situation where we often resist change or innovation because "what we do has worked well for us." That is a true statement, perhaps in that, it has worked well for those who are already in the church. But, it does not take into account those who are not in the church and are not likely to get there without addressing their needs.

Many denominations, for instance, are not seeing growth today, even Evangelical groups. Is it possible that their ethos and policies are keeping young, entrepreneurial leaders from joining them because they are looking for more flexibility? Those in the denomination could argue that their culture works without realizing that it works for those who are in but not for those who could be in.

The mission I lead used to devalue leadership as a value that had the unintended consequence of keeping many leaders from applying and joining. Those inside thought things worked well, but it did not work well for many who chose not to join. 

One of the important jobs of a leader is to understand that they may well have barriers to others joining them and then deal with those barriers. One way to find this out is to ask those outside the organization or church why they might not join. I am not suggesting violating key values but that the culture or strategies that worked in one day may not work in another. As insiders, we may not see that our ministry is perfectly designed for those who are already there and not for those who are not there.

At Addington Consulting,

We Simplify Complexity

Speak Candidly

Help You Find a Way Through

tjaddington@gmail.com

Four problematic leadership lessons from the life of Richard Nixon

I just finished reading a fascinating new biography of one of the most complex leaders of our century - Richard Nixon. (Being Nixon: A man divided). Not only was he a "man divided" between who he wanted to be and who he was, but he could never bring his divided self into alignment, and that was his ultimate downfall. It reminded me of many leaders who have imploded for the very same reasons. 

There are some lessons to be learned from the Nixon story for any in leadership.

First, he was essentially a man without true close friendships, and that left him without people who were willing to tell him the truth. It is a fatal flaw. Three weeks before he resigned, George Bush, the senior, wrote a perceptive letter to his four sons in which he said this about Nixon. "He has enormous hang-ups. He is unable to get close to people. It's almost as if he's afraid to be reamed in some way - people who respect him and want to be his friends get only so close - and then it is clear - no more (p. 520)." The first time Nixon shook Haldeman's hand was the day Haldeman resigned! In addition, if you listen to the Nixon tapes, it is clear that those around him, with very few exceptions, did not tell him the truth but what he wanted to hear. 

Leaders who don't forge close friendships with others eventually get themselves into trouble. Nixon's presidency was called the "imperial presidency." Leaders can become "imperial leaders" when they shut out other people.

Second, Nixon "resisted self-analysis." He told Frank Gannon that "I've never believed that any individual can analyze themselves (p. 529). In some senses, this is a true statement which is why deep and meaningful friendships are so important. But at the same time, this lack of self-analysis kept him from learning the hard lessons that suffering and setbacks can bring. Rather than learn from them, he plunged headlong into even greater leadership stupidity, lies, and scheming. "Nixon's tragedy was that he did not gain wisdom, at least about himself, from suffering - certainly, not until it was too late to save his presidency (p. 530)."  

Third, Nixon, when he was in a reflective mood, and especially when facing adversity, would know who he wanted to be but was unable to translate that view of himself into reality. At the end of his first year in office, he wrote one of a series of lists about who he wanted to be: "Excitement - joy in the job - sharing, lift the spirit of people, Pithy, Brevity, Statesmanship, Honesty, Candor, Consideration for subordinates, Concern for people, Vitality and so on (p. 245)." Yet these were the opposite of who he usually was, as evidenced by the Nixon Tapes, and he was not able to integrate his desired self into his real self. 

This is why leaders get into trouble. They focus so much on their leadership and too little on their personal lives, which directly impacts their leadership. The very things that brought this brilliant leader down were issues that emanated from his inner life, where he was unable to tame the demons that haunted him.

Fourth, Nixon was deeply insecure, and that insecurity drove him to resist close friendships, hear or deliver bad news, and caused him to divide people into those who were on his side and those who were not. With Nixon and other leaders I have met, people were either friends or enemies.

Insecurity is one of the most vicious enemies of good leadership. It is why I have chosen to live by the value that I have nothing to prove and nothing to lose, and nothing to hide. When we are putting our energy into proving our worth, proving we are right, and guarding our pride, we say and do things that are destructive. Ultimately insecurity is about our own pride and lack of humility.

What struck me about this book is that any of us are vulnerable to these four leadership issues. It is also why I believe that the inner life of a leader is of so much importance. It is our inner lives that make or break our leadership. Whatever is inside is what flows into our leadership decisions, attitudes, thinking, and values. 

I do not take anything away from what Nixon accomplished, but ultimately his accomplishments are overshadowed by his untamed demons.

At Addington Consulting,

We Simplify Complexity

Speak Candidly

Help You Find a Way Through

tjaddington@gmail.com

Women and girls endure unspeakable horrors during war according to Human Rights Watch

JULY 10, 2015

Women and Girls Endure Unspeakable Horrors During War and the UN isn't Doing Enough About it