Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Revisited

In teaching a seminar on team recently we spent some time talking about the issue of the EQ (Emotional Intelligence) of those who serve on our teams. I was fascinated but not surprised about how many of the ministries represented were struggling with people whose poor EQ were causing relational chaos on their teams.

People with poor EQ leave a wake behind them. Signs of poor EQ include defensiveness, manipulation of others, anger, poor conflict management skills, lack of understanding as to how their words or actions impact others, triangulation of relationships, narcissism, divisiveness, inability to work productively with others, inability to listen to or to empathize with others.

All of these characteristics leave a wake of pain and relational chaos behind them. Sometimes the wake is with an individual or a team, sometimes it impacts entire organizations.

There are few things that compromise the health, effectiveness or synergy of a team than a leader or team member who exhibits poor EQ. I am convinced that if they cannot be coached and helped to understand and modify their behaviors that they do not belong on ministry teams (and if I worked in the secular world I would not want them on my team there either). They are too toxic and in the end undermine everything we are trying to accomplish.

How do you spot people with poor EQ? They leave a wake behind them of broken relationships, conflict and unhappy colleagues. Generally they always have a reason why the wake occurred and it is never their fault. Where there is a pattern, you know you have a problem.

Our evaluation is not about motives but about behavior which negatively impacts others and our ministry. When someone cannot or will not take responsibility for their own behavior in conflict but rather ‘demonizes’ those they are in conflict with, you know you have a real problem.

Perhaps the most difficult EQ issue to deal with is that of narcissism. People who are narcissistic believe that life is about them, that they are always right, that they have an inside track on wisdom and that problems are never their fault. That perspective on the world causes a narcissist to use other people, not listen to them, discount the input of others if it does not fit their world view and marginalize anyone who might disagree with them (they are the enemy). Given that view of the world, it is almost impossible to gain a hearing in order to help them to understand the pain they cause or to help them become healthy human beings.

I am a believer that we ought to be redemptive where we can be in ministry. That means that where we encounter poor EQ we are upfront and honest with the individual involved and give them a chance to modify behavior. I have seen surprising outcomes in those who have chosen to look in the mirror, listen to those who can help them and grow in their understanding of themselves and their treatment of others.

My experience has been that in about 50% of cases where we have had significant EQ issues, we have been able to help people grow and become productive with honest feedback and significant work with a professional. Rarely have I seen success in the case of those who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder.

I am also a believer that our ministries need to be healthy. Only healthy people can produce truly healthy ministry outcomes since relationships mean everything in ministry. Thus where it is not possible to help an individual with EQ issues, we will move them off of our teams. To do otherwise is to hurt the rest of our organization and to violate people. Much chaos, conflict, and unproductive behavior could be eliminated if we paid greater attention to the EQ of those who work in our ministries.

Spiritualists and strategists

Ministry teams and ministry boards often experience conflict between two kinds of people: spiritualists and strategists. When not understood this conflict can cause significant relational disconnect. When understood and appreciated, the difference between spiritualists and strategists can become a strength on the team or board rather than a source of conflict.

The spiritualist on your board or staff is the one who strongly identifies with the need to appropriate God's power through prayer - sometimes to the exclusion of planning and strategy.

Moses is a good example of a spiritualist. Moses loved nothing more than to be in the presence of his Lord, and God rewarded that desire by meeting with him face to face (Exodus 33:11). When faced with difficult issues, Moses' first instinct was to go to God.

Strategy was less of a gift for Moses. In fact, he nearly burned out from trying to personally deal with all of the issues faced by several million people! It took his father-in-law, Jethro, to help Moses develop a strategy for organizing the people and dealing with their problems.

On the other end of the spectrum, the strategists on your board or staff are the ones who love to plan, think ahead, set goals, evaluate results, question practices and insist on 'ministry results.' These individuals are sometimes impatient with the spiritualists who, in their opinion, are unwilling to use their God-given abilities to think strategically and naive to think that God's going to do everything without a lot of our own effort.

I believe that Paul qualifies as someone who tended toward the strategist end of the spectrum. On his missionary journeys, he thought carefully about where to plant churches and chose the population centers of the Roman Empire, where the gospel would have the greatest impact.

This does not mean that Paul was not also deeply spiritual or a man of great prayer. But he tended to look at his ministry from a strategic perspective. It may well have been this strategic bent that was at the core of the rift between Paul and Barnabas over John Mark (Acts 15:36-41).

Barnabas, whose name and spiritual gift meant 'encourager,' was probably much less bent toward the strategic than toward the relational and spiritual. Paul, with his strategic bent, grew impatient with John Mark and was blinded to the benefits John Mark brought to the work. Barnabas had a more understanding approach.

If Paul and Barnabas could stumble on the relational shoals over their differing approaches to life and ministry, it should not surprise us that we face these challenges as we work with one another. Apart from Christ, who was a perfect balance between the spiritualist and the strategist, all of us fall somewhere on a continuum toward one side or the other. We do not see life perfectly, and we have been gifted differently.

This goes to the question of which is right, the spiritualist or the strategist? Biblically, both are right, and those who are at either pole fail to understand the genius of 'and.' It is our prayer and strategy. It is following Christ and the best of our thinking on behalf of His kingdom. It is passionate dependence and ferocious resolve.

We ought to thank God for both the spiritualists, who remind us to trust God and live in dependence, and the strategists, who prompt us to think strategically for the advancement of His kingdom. When we understand that both of these approaches are biblical, and that it is in the balance of deep dependence and ferocious resolve that the best ministry happens, then we will embrace both and denigrate neither. God has gifted us differently, and it is in the plurality of gifting that we are most complete.

Steps to church renovation when unhealthy DNA needs to be confronted

Churches can experience spiritual renovation if its leaders are committed to helping the congregation become healthy.

Remember that crisis can be a friend.

Spiritual renovation for congregations, like individuals, often starts in crisis. Pain is a friend for those who will listen - a wake-up call that not all is well. Rather than run, wise leaders use a crisis to ask important questions about healthy, about the past and about the future. Crisis reveals spiritual fault lines in a congregation that needs to be addressed.

Start to lead more intentionally

Spiritual renovation of a congregation requires courageous leaders who are not afraid to face brutal facts, who are willing to admit sin and make commitments to change, and who will lead their congregation in a healthy spiritual direction.

Face reality

Wise leaders face reality rather than run from it, no matter how painful or unpleasant. Facing reality is a necessary prerequisite to healing and wholeness. Leaders in troubled congregations must first clearly understand the issues that have contributed to where they find themselves.

Confess sinful practices

Where there are significant areas of sin (often the root of unhealthy genetics), those sins need to be confessed and renounced by church leaders. The naming of the sin along with its confession is a powerful step for church leaders.

Covenant to new practices

Unhealthy and sinful practices need to be replaced by healthy and godly practices. If a new genetic code is going to be planted in a congregation, it needs to be specified and articulated, and leaders need to commit to it first. A written document can become a reminder of your commitment to renovation - one that articulates both what has been confessed and what new practices have been embraced.

Recruit a guiding coalition

Significant change across a congregation takes more than the influence of the leadership board. Bring into your process other leaders in the church who can embrace and model with you the changes that need to be made.

Model, teach and establish new practices

At this point you will need to be proactive in teaching, modeling and establishing new, godly practices at every level of ministry. Talk frankly with the congregation from the pulpit, in small and large group settings, in membership classes and wherever you can, to remind them of 'who you are' as a congregation and commitments you have made to be the authentic body of Jesus Christ. At all costs, keep the issues in front of the leadership community so that you model that to which you have called the congregation.

Establish a prayer coalition

Things happen when people pray. The Holy Spirit starts to remind us of positive behaviors and convict us of sinful behaviors. Engage a prayer team to specifically pray that God would bring change to the congregation.

Don't be surprised if things get worse before they get better

That may surprise you, but it is often the case. Exposing sinful practices and calling people to new and healthier practices is not going to make everyone happy. Often you will face deep resistance from a segment of the congregation even though you are calling the congregation to healthier and more godly practices.

Realize that it's OK when people leave during renovation - expect it

If you have walked through significant crisis and change in a church-leadership setting, you know how discouraging it is to come to meeting after meeting and hear the latest list of those who have left the church. Spiritual renovation in a church will often leave some people cold - people who have no desire or intention to renovate their attitudes or change their behavior. We cannot force others to change.


When leaders start to lead well, they help the congregation clarify who they are as a church and what their future is. Clarification causes some to say, I don't want to be on this bus anymore. It's going in a direction I don't want to go.' Often, those who leave your church disgruntled find another church where they can fit and minister productively.

Hang in, trust God, keep praying and lead wisely

Spiritual renovation of congregations is not easy and is rarely fast. However, God wants to bring renewal. If leaders are patient, stay the course, do what is right and keep praying, chances are good that renovation will come.

Unhealthy DNA in the church

Every congregation has unhealthy DNA. Sometimes it has a minor impact on a congregation's life and effectiveness. Other times, it has a major impact. Leaders must understand where the congregation is unhealthy, even if they choose not to attack the issue head-on.

Churches change slowly. They are made up of people who, as a rule, do not find change easy! Before we become impatient with those we lead, we need to remember how much time it takes for us to deal with issues in our own lives that need renovation.

One of the keys to transformation is the willingness of leaders to set the standard and commit themselves to healthy practices. Congregations are much more likely to respond when leaders set the pace. This is why healthy and unified leadership boards are far more likely to grow congregations that are healthy and unified as well.

When unhealthy practices are identified, church leaders should first look honestly at themselves and ask where they have either contributed to unhealthy practices or engaged in unhealthy practices.

It is not surprising that some of the most unhealthy genetics that congregations face are in the area of interpersonal relationships. Healthy relationships require a great deal of energy to build and maintain. It's no wonder that Paul regularly addressed the importance of good relationships in the letters he wrote to the early church.

It is my conviction, that, after bad theology, poor relationships within the body are the next greatest contributor to deadly DNA. The converse is also true: Almost anything is possible in a body that has healthy, God-honoring relationships.

We have all learned, from our families of origin, ways of dealing with people - some healthy, some not. Like families, congregations reinforce either healthy or unhealthy relationships by what they teach and allow, and particularly by what leaders model. This places a heavy responsibility on leaders to practice what they desire the congregation to practice and avoid what they want the congregation to avoid.

Leaders often get what they deserve from their congregations. Congregations that are relating poorly are often simply following the lead of church leaders who are unwilling to submit to one another and who do not live by godly principles Until boards agree to practice godly behavior, congregations will not follow. Almost always, the congregation mirrors the level of health or dishealth of its leadership.

Leverage and contrarians

Ministry leverage is the ability to understand how to take finite resources whether people or financial and leverage those resources for maximum results. Leverage is a way of thinking about how we do what we do in order to achieve out of the ordinary results.

I spoke to a pastor this week who understands leverage. Fifty percent of the job description for everyone they hire is to raise up and train others to do what they do. Even if they are qualified to do the ministry they need to perform they will not be hired unless they are also able to train others to do that ministry. This pastor understands the power of leverage. He can hire someone to do a ministry or he can hire someone to multiply those who can do that ministry.

Larry Osborne and his leaders at North Coast Church in Vista, California stumbled onto leverage when they ran out of space and decided to try to replicate the teaching in their services via video preaching. The lack of space forced them to ask the question, how do we continue to grow without adding more services in our main auditorium? Today North Coast has thousands of people attending with several dozen worship venues.

Strategic people (and all of us should be strategic) are always asking the question, “Is there a way that we could get more done if we were to do something differently?” Sometimes we are forced to think that way when we run up against a wall. But we should always be asking that kind of a question just as a matter of stewardship.

This is a significant question in the world of missions. With 6.5 billion people on our planet, most of whom do not know Christ, we must think leverage and multiplication in everything we do. That is why the central ministry focus of ReachGlobal is to develop, empower and release healthy leaders around he world. It is not what ‘we’ do but what we can empower ‘others’ to do. We used to think of our personnel as ‘church planters.’ Today we think of them as ‘trainers and coaches’ who partner with others to help them be successful in their ministries.

Strategic folks are contrarians. Not in the sense of being contrary but in the sense of questioning conventional wisdom. Conventional wisdom is conventional but it is not always wisdom – or very strategic. Strategic folks are always asking “Why do we do it this way?” and “Is there a better way to do what we do?” Conventional wisdom in car manufacturing has nearly put Ford and General Motors out of business. The Japanese and Koreans questioned conventional wisdom and refashioned the automotive industry. Amazon questioned conventional wisdom and changed the way books are sold.

One of the secrets of those who understand leverage is that they think – a lot. And that takes time that is not available in the typical hurried life. They are also willing to take a calculated risk, go against conventional wisdom and try something new.

Here are the kinds of questions strategic people ask:

-What could we do to increase our impact and influence using our current resources?

-What are others doing that gives them leverage in their ministries?

-Are we doing addition or multiplication in the ministries we are involved in?

-Why do we do what we do the way we do it?

Checks and balances in church leadership?

I hear one common objection to moving toward what I suggest is a more biblical and healthy governance system: the question of checks and balances. If a church only has one board, and if greater authority is vested in this board, where are the checks and balances to its power?

That is a good question and one that goes to the heart of congregationalism. But it also reveals that the American church is driven more by its national polity than its biblical theology.

American government was designed as a three-part system - the legislative, judiciary and executive branches - each with different responsibilities and a carefully worked-out balance of authority so that no one branch could exert disproportionate power over the other two (at least in theory). The framers of the Constitution had a high-enough view of the depravity of man and the potential abuse of power that they tried to design national governance structures that would limit the power and, therefore, potential abuse.

Interestingly, the New Testament also provided for healthy leadership accountability, but in a different way. For instance, the New Testament always speaks of a plurality of overseers or elders, of which teaching pastors are one.

In other words, authority is never vested in an individual but in a group of leaders. In addition, strict qualifications exist for those in leadership positions, starting with character qualifications. These leaders are not at liberty to do as they please. Rather they are "under-shepherds" of Jesus, serving on His behalf, and will have to give an account for the quality and faithfulness of their ministry. That is huge accountability! Leaders are never the ultimate head of the congregation. Jesus is.

What you never find in the New Testament are competing boards of groups that exist to limit the authority of the senior leadership group, 'balance' its power or provide a check on its leadership. When we incorporate such systems into our church governance, we are modeling our systems more after our national polity than our biblical theology.

In a proper understanding of 'congregationalism' the congregation itself has the ability to override decisions of the designated leadership, but there is no biblical model or rationale in the New Testament for other checks and balances to the authority of the senior leadership.

Ripples in global ministry

You have seen the pictures. A pebble is dropped in a still pond and the ripples flow out from the center. Or raindrops on that same pond, each drop creating its own ripples and together the multiple ripples create a mass of energy - ripples against ripples until the whole pond is dancing with ripples.

When we think of mission strategies we need to think of ripples. All ripples count but the more and larger ripples we can create the more influence we have for the gospel. It is possible for missions to ripple on very large numbers of people globally - if they think strategically.Here are some ripples moving from small to large that together can create huge mission impact.
Ripples of evangelism
A small ripple but one that every missionary should be committed to. Every time we lead someone to Christ a ripple occurs and if they are healthy Christ followers they will ripple on others down through their lives.Ripples of church planting
God chose the local church as His means to reach the world. Every time a healthy church is planted it creates a ripple - especially if that church is committed to reproducing itself.Ripples of training/coaching/mentoring multiple national church planters.
Now the ripples start to get larger because instead of concentrating on a single church plant, mission personnel are seeing themselves as coaches and trainers of multiple 'national' church planters who are far more capable of planting and pastoring a church than from someone outside their culture. Here we move from addition to multiplication.Ripples of formal and informal theological education
Training pastors, twenty, forty, one hundred, multiple hundreds creates even greater and multiple ripples leading to even greater multiplication of influence. While formal theological training is vital, the informal training of lay bi-vocational leaders is critical if we are going to maximize our impact. In order to reach large numbers of people it is necessary to train far more leaders informally than through formal education.Ripples of holistic ministry
In a poor and needy world (54% of our world lives on less than $3.00 USD per day) bringing needed help through education, medical assistance, micro development, crisis relief, community development and any number of services opens hearts, opens conversations and becomes a wonderful, powerful platform for evangelism and church planting - especially among populations that would not otherwise be open to the gospel.Ripples of coming alongside movement leaders or entire movements
God has gifted the church with amazing movement leaders around the world who are missional, deeply committed to reaching their people for Christ but who are looking for partners who can come alongside them and partner with them. Think about this. When you partner with, help, encourage a gifted movement leader, all of a sudden you have multiplied your kingdom influence to touch all the people that this movement leader touches. This is huge multiplication!

In the same way, when we come alongside movements around the world, be they movements of 10,000, 200,000 or even larger to provide training, teams, specialized help - in order to help these movements be more successful and missional the influence one has is even greater. Again, huge multiplication.Ripples of mission movements
When missionaries can help other national movements become mission sending movements there is extraordinary opportunity to extend kingdom impact. Missions is about 'all people' reaching 'all people.' Every time we can partner with a movement to enable them to send missionaries and then partner with them in those mission efforts, together we create synergistic ripples that makes God smile.

There are many other kinds of ripples. I think of MK educators and service personnel who make it possible for others to be involved in the kinds of ministries I have outlined above. They ripple on more people than they know because their service makes possible the service of others.

We can think addition or multiplication in missions. The more we think multiplication, the more we think strategically, the more kingdom influence and impact we will have. Here is an amazing thought. Never in human history have there been more people on our planet. And with globalization, ease of travel and modes of communication, never has it been possible to reach more people for Christ more quickly than today. Not that it is easy in many places. But globally the opportunity is amazingly huge, if we will think strategically, think multiplication, think ripples.

Is your mission primarily doing addition or multiplication?