Emotional Intelligence in Missions

It is my conviction that one of the most neglected areas in the choosing, training and acceptance of missionaries is that of their emotional intelligence (EQ). Many of the problems that mission teams face revolve around individuals who have poor EQ - causing significant health issues for the team.

Think of these traits and their impact on healthy teams:
-Inability to forgive
-Holding onto hurt
-Assuming poor motives of others without trying to clarity with them what their motives actually are
-Consistent cynicism
-A propensity toward negative attitudes
-Difficulty in accepting those whose views differ from theirs
-A need to have their own way
-Difficulty in maintaining positive relationships with others
-Paternalism in dealing with nationals

These are examples of poor emotional, relational or spiritual emotional intelligence (EQ) and any of these traits compromise the health of teams who often need to work together in the pressured environment of cross cultural ministry. If you are a missionary and have ever encountered these issues you know how toxic these attitudes can be and how much emotional energy is expended in dealing with them.

In their drive to increase their mission force, many missions gloss over these issues and accept candidates with poor EQ. The same can be said for many field leaders who are not perceptive in who they recruit or deploy, assuming that the positive will outweigh the negative.

This is a major mistake that many agencies and teams are realizing as they deal with the fallout of unhealthy individuals.

The result is a significant lack of health on many mission teams globally and great pain caused to other team members who are healthy.
EQ is the ability to understand ourselves, know what drives us, accurately see how we are perceived by others, and know how we relate to others. EQ also measures whether we have the relational skill to work synergistically with others while being 'self defining' and allowing others to speak into our lives or work without defensiveness.
Signs of poor EQ include the inability to listen to others, personal defensiveness, unawareness of how we come across to others, lack of sensitivity to the feelings of others, inability to constructively deal with conflict, a need to control others, narcissism, and the need to have our own way.
Good EQ includes openness to the opinions of others, lack of defensiveness, awareness of who we are and how others perceive us, sensitivity to others, the ability to release others rather than control them, allow for constructive and robust dialogue, and the ability to abide by common decisions.
It is my conviction that mission agencies and mission teams are better off with fewer but healthier missionaries than to compromise on issues of emotional, relational or spiritual health. And, there are ways to measure these.
Where health is problematic those issues ought to be addressed before candidates are accepted. Where they exist on the field, the need to be addressed for the health of the individual, the team and the organization.
Not addressing these issues is unfair to the many healthy and productive personnel that you have in your agency. When an organization does not make health of their personnel a priority, it is the healthy personnel who suffer and its toll on teams is huge.
The number of our personnel should not be our measure of organizational success. The health of our personnel should be. And making health a priority in recruitment, care, and intervention when necessary is critical for healthy ministry and its success.

Hearing God's Voice

Something we pay far to little attention to in my view is that of intentionally listening for the voice of God in our lives. My guess is that anyone who has followed Christ for any period of time can think of instances where God clearly spoke to them about a life issue.

God speaks through his word, through circumstances, and through others. But God often speaks to us personally as well - if we will listen, and understand ourselves well enough to know how he usually communicates with us.

When I was in the hospital a year and a half ago, hovering between life and death for long weeks, God clearly told my wife, "It will be close but T.J. will live." That promise was one she clung onto for the 35 days I was in the Intensive Care Unit moving from one crisis to another. This past January when I was in a similar situation in Thailand, God again spoke to her.

For most of us, those kinds of instances are rare. The question is, how does God speak to us and how can we sensitize our lives to his voice?

God normally speaks to me when I am quiet and thinking, or writing. Not with words like he did with Mary Ann but clear impressions or ideas that he drops in my mind. For Mary Ann it is normally when she is quiet with God doing her Scripture study. For a friend of mine who works with AIDS kids and women in Thailand God often speaks to her through the interactions she has with those she cares for.

I have another friend who sees pictures when he prays for people in "prophetic prayer" and God uses those pictures to encourage those he is praying for. For others it is a God given impression or prompting to do something that does not go away.

God speaks to each of us in unique ways just as he created us as unique individuals. The challenge is to recognize how he usually communicates with us and then ensure that we are tuned in to his voice. Since God normally speaks to me in times of thinking and solitude, I know that when I am over busy and tired that I may not hear him. My challenge is to orient my life so that I can hear if he wants to communicate.

I do believe that we underestimate the desire that God has to communicate to us regarding issues in our lives. Because of our busyness and the general media clutter that incessantly assaults our minds it takes intentionality to hear him. I for one want to hear his voice when he chooses to speak.

Understanding Sharia Law

To understand Islam and the threat that Islam poses to the world one must understand Sharia (the body of Islamic law) which deals with every aspect of a Muslim's life: marriage; business; sexuality; politics; how one raises their children; the rights of women; punishment for crimes and multitudes of other issues. Unlike the west, in Islam, there is no distinction between civil law and religious law: there is simply Sharia.

Many do not understand that the goal of Islam is to become the religion of the world and under Islam, there is no freedom of religion. Take Egypt for instance. It is legal and easy to convert from Christianity to Islam but it is illegal to convert from Islam to Christianity and such a move can be punishable by jail or death.

Under Sharia, all non Muslims are second rate citizens. There is one set of rules for Muslims and another set of rules for non-Muslims. Under Sharia, women are denied even the most basic rights. Under Sharia it is forbidden to question any part of the Koran so there is little discussion about controversial issues.

Sharia is extrapolated from the Koran which is exceedingly unfriendly to non-Muslims. Consider these statistics from the book Cruel and Usual Punishment:

"There are 35,213 Qur'an verses, hadiths, Sharia laws, and various Muslim scriptures commanding and encouraging killing, violence, war, annihilation, corporal punishment, hatred, boycott, humiliation and subjugation aimed mainly against non-Muslims. The majority population of non-Muslims in democratic nations must be concerned about such scriptures, and they must be protected from those who will act upon such commandments."

As Muslim populations grow in our own country, it pays to understand the system that comes with it if we are going to minister to and share the freedom of the gospel with them. Unlike other populations who come to our shores, there is little integration into an American way of life or thinking. Islam is insular and seeks to keep its populations insular as well.

For an insightful and disturbing overview of Islam I highly recommend the book Cruel and Usual Punishment by Nonie Darwish who grew up as a Muslim in Egypt and now lives in the United States. The book reveals much that Islam wishes we did not know and it will help you understand the dynamics that Islam brings with it as it seeks to expand across the globe - including our own country.

If you or your church is interested in learning how to reach out to Muslims in your area, check out The Crescent Project which has training and materials that both explain Islam and help believers understand how to share the gospel with Muslims. It's Bridges curriculum is second to none.

Also check out http://www.morethandreams.org/ for stories of what God is doing to reveal himself to Muslims across the world.

I am Troubled

I am troubled by the number of pastors today who are not preaching the Word but instead using outlines from books on various subjects, whether the family or psychology or other felt need publications. I am also troubled by those who don't do their own work with the text but simply use the messages they find on the web.

As an author it would be gratifying for someone to take my material and preach it - certainly it would stroke my ego. But, my material is not scripture. It is not God breathed. And neither is that of other authors. The authors that can claim that are those who wrote the sixty six books of the Bible.

I have to conclude that there are many pastors today who don't believe that actually preaching a text, or through a book of scripture believe that the scriptures won't do the job. It is not relevant enough. It will not draw the crowds. It cannot speak to real needs of real people. Why else would so many pastors abandon the text for other texts?

I conclude that they do not really believe the words of the apostle Paul who wrote, "All Scripture is God-breathed, and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work" (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

Or the numerous times Paul told Timothy to "Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage with great patience and careful instruction" (2 Timothy 4:2).

Is it any wonder that so few believers today understand what it means to follow Christ? Or the basic doctrines of Scripture? Is it any wonder that there is little to no spiritual transformation among those who claim to be Christ followers? If you wonder about that check out the Reveal study!

It is the Word that contains the words of God. It is the Word that exposes God's truth and speaks to our spirits. It is the Word that helps us understand what God desires for our lives.

Why have we abandoned the Word in so many cases and substituted cheap second rate sources for the Truth. God's Word is relevant and it can and will change lives. In fact, it is THE source of life change as the Holy Spirit speaks to our spirits.

But we have to believe that it actually has that power. Perhaps we have concluded that the Word is no longer relevant and it needs our help to make it so. Perhaps we are embarrassed by what it says. Perhaps we think it will not be a popular message.

The balance of Scripture is the balance of Christ. Grace and truth. We need grace desperately and we need truth equally desperately. The perfect balance is found in the very words of God.

It is the source of life. Let's preach it once again!

Hearth and Home

Years ago my son Jon hosted a "theological discussion" in our home during his high school years with a number of his friends. Today, they have all graduated from college and are on with their lives but they stay connected to us. Jon recently said, "You don't know how much you guys mean to them."

The comment was a surprise because all we had done was open our home. But what we missed was the fact that our home was a haven, a place of peace, fun, grace, acceptance and a sanctuary for some whose own homes were not.

Ironically, our home was smaller than their homes, had the oldest television, and the fewest toys. None of that mattered. It was a place of peace and refuge.

I was reminded of how important it is to ensure that in the chaos of our lives and world that our homes are places of peace, refuge, relationship and grace.

I love the world "hearth." It was the place around the fire where families would traditionally gather. They would enjoy the warmth, the fellowship and good food. Much of life revolved around the hearth.

With the insane schedules in today's world along with the distractions of Internet and television it is even more important to cultivate the warmth of the hearth whether we are empty nester's or a larger family. Like the warm glow from the window of the cottage above, the hearth is a place of safety, security and peace - if we will cultivate it.

It is not by mistake that hospitality is referenced so often in the New Testament. Inviting others into our homes is to invite them to our hearth, to the warmth of our hearts and the peace of our home. For some, like the students who came to our home in their high school years, it is a special place of refuge. For all it should be a place of fellowship and grace.

Recently we had a dinner with Jon and his friend Chris as Jon was leaving the Twin Cities for Knoxville and his life after college. His friend, Chris, hugged us and said, "let's not be strangers just because Jon is leaving." He still wants to join us at our hearth! It was a good reminder.

Incarnational Ministry - Going Viral

All of us who are involved in ministry - the local church - missions - or parachurch - want to make the largest difference we can for the cause of Christ and see the largest number of people changed by the gospel message.

That passion leads us to develop programs, ministries and events that will reach and impact the lives of those who participate. All good.

But, we often miss the most powerful, organic, and viral ministry strategy designed and modeled by the God of the universe - incarnational ministry.

Incarnational ministry is a lifestyle where we intentionally identify with those around us (our neighborhoods, workplaces, friends and circles of influence) in authentic relationship - sharing our lives, love, faith, time and resources just as God chose to identify with us in his incarnation.

It is not a program, it is a lifestyle. And it is viral. It requires no budget, no staff, no facilities - just the willingness of God's people to be His people to those around them. As God's love rubs off on others, it spreads to corners of our community that our churches would never touch through programs or events.

Jesus did not come with a program, he came with a life that he wanted to share with others. His challenge to his disciples was to become "fishers of men" like him. His method was to meet people where they were in relationship, love, grace, acceptance, truth, and practical help. It was life on life impact - the essence of incarnational ministry.

Helping incarnational ministry become the DNA of those in our congregations is far more powerful than all the programs we can develop - good as those are. And through incarnational ministry, a church of any size, fifty or five thousand can have an influence far beyond its size. It is powerful, organic, and viral.

And it is all too seldom an emphasis in congregations today. The Reveal study done by WillowCreek Church is a wake up call that our programmatic emphasis in the church today is not working. It is not producing disciples. It is not developing incarnational lifestyles. For all of our buildings, budgets, staffing and programming we are producing few fully devoted followers.

I believe we need to re-focus from the programmatic to the incarnational model.

What would happen this week if everyone in our congregations did one or more of the following things?

Encourage somone who needed encouragement

Prayed specifically for someone in need

Found quality time to spend with a friend, neighbor or co-worker

Shared something of their life story with authenticity

Helped fill a need in a tangible way

Life on life - viral and organic. Programs and events are great, incarnational ministry is essential and viral and powerful. Which are you putting the greatest emphasis on in your church? In your life?

Choosing and preparing new board members

One of the great challenges for healthy boards is the rotation of board members that is required in many churches. Every time a new board member is introduced to the board, the culture of the board changes. Boards are are intentional in moving in a certain direction may also find that the new member is not in sync and causes frustration for those who were already on the board.

I have suggested that the New Testament lays out a clear job description for board members as well as specific characteristics for the board members themselves. I also believe that boards should operate with a board covenant that spells out how they relate to one another, how they make decisions and the "game rules" for how the board operates.

Who you choose to serve on your board will have a direct impact on the missional effectiveness of your congregation. Yet congregations continue to pay far too little attention to the selection process, effectively sabotaging their future ministry when the wrong people are placed in leadership roles.

What should a selection committee look at when selecting potential board members? First they need to ask whether the individual meets the criteria laid out in the New Testament for church leadership. This includes asking the question as to whether they are really leaders. Non leaders do not belong in a leadership role. Non leaders on boards simply impede the work that a leadership board is meant to have.

Second, does the potential board member understand the ministry philosophy and direction of the church and can they support it? To put someone in leadership who is out of sync with the rest of the board or the staff is literally to throw a wrench in the gears. It is foolish. This means of course that the board actually has a philosophy and direction - essential elements to a healthy board.

Third, can the individual live by the board covenant and are they willing to sign the covenant? If not, they should not be placed on the board.

Fourth, do they understand the biblical role of the senior leadership board of the church - to keep the spiritual temperature high, ensure that people are cared for, release people into ministry, provide directional leadership, ensure biblical teaching and protect the flock?

Church leadership boards often have only the foggiest idea as to what they are actually responsible for and muddle around in minutia when what is needed is attention to the most critical spiritual and directional issues of the congregation.

All of this assumes that those who run the selection process understand these four issues as well. If they do not they will not be able to vet well or communicate up front what is expected. It is often said that the most powerful group in the church is actually the nominating committee since they "guard the gate" or in most cases don't.

If your board needs clarity on any of the issues above, "High Impact Church Boards" is a great place to start. Don't fly blind when choosing and preparing new board members.