Reframing the Question

It is our natural default when something bad happens to us: Why? Why me? A few months ago while lying in an ICU in Bangkok on a ventilator with massive pneumonia and Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome (ARDS) - my second severe bout with both I asked that question. But then I was forced to ask a second question: Why not me?

The television for the two weeks of my stay was glued on CNN and their coverage of the war in Gaza. I watched the men, women and children being ferried into inadequate hospitals with inadequate medical help and was reminded how fragile our world is and life in this broken world. So why should I be exempt from that brokenness?

Job asked the "why" question and God was gracious to him but He did not answer the question. What he did say was, I am God, I am great, I have my reasons and I am with you.

In the past month I have lost three friends and the son of another friend is paralyzed from the chest down due to a skiing accident - at 17. Why? In the past year and a half I have booked 65 days in the hospital. Why?

Job discovered that God is so great that His ways are inscrutable. What does not make sense to us makes perfect sense to Him. And we are not exempt from brokenness of our broken world. So, what is the question to ask? I believe it is "what" and "how" not "why."

The first question is "how." How will I choose to respond when life is not fair and the cards dealt me are not the ones I would choose? That is not easy when the cards are tough or unfair cards. I faced that in the ICU because the odds were that I might well not survive.

In my pain and limited ability to focus I chose to hang on to the words of Jesus to the disciples: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid" (Matthew 14:27). Those words were my lifeline during some very long, hard painful days.

Pain and suffering are interesting friends or foes. As a friend they can drive us closer to God if we will allow them to. As a foe they can drive us from God to a life of bitterness and diminished dreams if we let them. We choose whether we see them as a friend or a foe and our choice determines the path we take after that. Those who choose the path of bitterness do so because they keep asking the "why" question. Those who choose the path of following God more closely do so because they focus on two other questions.

There is a second question worth asking: "What does God want me to learn through this?" That does not mean we deserve it, or that God is punishing us or that He wanted us to suffer. We live in a broken world and we "share in the fellowship of His sufferings" while here. But, it is also true that it is in the hardest times that we learn the greatest lessons about God, life and us. As C.S. Lewis said, "pain is God's megaphone."

I have filled a journal of lessons I learned through my 65 days in the hospital over three stints. They include his love, his grace, his sovereignty, his ability to do the miraculous in our day and many other lessons. I realize in a new way the gift that each day is and I empathize with those who suffer in a whole different way. In the end my pain was a gift that taught me lessons I would not have learned any other way.

I also know that the "why" questions will become plane on the other side of eternity. This side the question is how will I respond and what does God want to teach me. If we get that right, the "why" will all make sense in a little while!

Climbing out of a Hole

It has happened to each of us. We have dug a hole for ourselves by treating someone with lack of dignity, marginalizing them, holding bitterness or maligning them to others and our attitude and actions have hurt them and hurt ministry and possibly hurt the team with which we work. Bottom line we are in a deep hole that we need to extricate ourselves from.

Often, our first thought is "how do I get out without too much embarrassment:" Our concern is for ourselves rather than for the harm we have caused or the sin we have committed. It goes to the fallen nature of our hearts.

What we should be asking before we do anything is "How did I get here? Why did I do what I did? Was it my pride, my arrogance, my desire to get my own way? Did I not listen to others? Did I have an agenda that I was driving that got in the way of relationships, team process or the feelings of others? What sinful attitudes on my part contributed to what I did? Am I harboring bitterness, ill will or wrongly attributed motives toward others?"

Before we try to make the wrong right, we need to understand our own hearts and take a hard, surgical, painful look at how we got to where we got. Most people, even when they need to make things right, sidestep this hard look - it is too painful. But without acknowledging the true and full nature of our fallenness, our sin and how we got into the hole we are in, our efforts to get out of the hole will be less than perfect. Glossing over the issues will actually hinder our efforts to make things right.

Once we have taken the hard look, we need to come completely, fully, transparently clean with those we have hurt - whether it is one person, a team, or a group. It is not enough to apologize to those we have hurt if we have also maligned them with others. That is an insincere apology. It is an apology that makes us feel better but that does not acknowledge the full extent of our wrong and to others and until we are willing to make the full wrong right, we remain guilty for the sin we have committed against others that has not been dealt with.

Real repentance is all about humility. Humility takes place when we recognize and name the full extent of our sin and resolve that sin to the full extent of our ability. When we choose not to fully come clean our pride is still ruling our hearts because our true strategy is to apologize to the extent we need to but to continue to preserve our dignity. It is a disingenuous repentance that remains committed to protecting ourselves rather than fully acknowledging what we have done to others. It is a self-focused apology.

Finally, to the extent of our ability we need to make our wrong right with those we have gossiped with, maligned others with, or divided by our sinful attitudes or actions. This is the hardest step but until this step is taken we have not made right our offense. To not do so is to make ourselves feel good (we asked for forgiveness) but to leave the results of our sin (what we have said to others about another) simmering with its painful ramifications. For now there are barriers between those we spoke to about another that remain until we make right what we made wrong.

Wise men and women make right what they have made wrong. Foolish men and women do not. One is a way of humility. The other is a way of pride. One is a way of righteousness. The other is a way of the fallen sinful nature.

Climbing out of a hole we have created is hard, but it is possible, if we will humble ourselves and do what we need to do - all of what we need to do to make it right. The hole is dark. The sunshine of freedom at the top is wonderful. There is pain in making the climb out but the freedom at the top is wonderful. And we won't want to have to make that kind of climb again

Leadership Capital: Deposits and Withdrawals

At any one time leaders have a finite amount of leadership capital in their wallet. Deposits are a whole lot better than withdrawals because when the wallet is empty it does not matter what position one has, no one is following anymore.

Deposits are made intentionally and withdrawals are usually made inadvertently.

On a personal level, leaders receive deposits when they are open and approachable, care about their staff, are consistent in their behavior, keep their promises, take ownership for their mistakes, are seen as accountable and want the very best for those who work under them.

Withdrawals come when leaders are unapproachable or defensive, do not encourage open dialogue, are not perceived to care about staff, don't keep their promises, blame others for failure, are inconsistent with their behavior or are seen as unaccountable.

Leaders who experience many withdrawals often do not even know it because they are not open enough to receive the feedback that would tip them off to those withdrawals. It often takes great courage for someone to speak the truth to them about behaviors that are causing them to lose leadership capital.
On an organizational level, leaders gain capital when they clarify ministry direction, empower staff to play to their strengths and use their gifting, resolve organizational or staff issues rather than ignore them, give others credit for success and take responsibility for failure, encourage and hold people accountable for ministry results.

They lose capital when they control rather than empower, don't deal with issues, are fuzzy about ministry direction and don't pay attention to results.
Because we often are blind to areas where we may tend to lose capital it is essential to have people who will give one feedback and who have permission to tell us when withdrawals are being made. I have people that I trust who are always free to tip me off when inadvertent withdrawals are taking place that I would not have recognized myself.

It is an interesting exercise to ask trusted colleagues what actions cause withdrawals and what actions cause deposits. You might be surprised by what you learn.

As noted in the previous blog, paying attention to what is going on around us is important to understanding where one stands with deposits and withdrawals.

There are times when a leader makes a conscious decision to address an issue that he or she knows will involve a withdrawal because it is not popular. Popularity is not the goal, respect is. But, in order to make a withdrawal one has to have capital in the bank. Too many withdrawals and not enough deposits will eventually erode the ability of a leader to lead.

Key decisions that require withdrawals need to be considered carefully. If there is not enough capital - and one knows that the decision will therefore be problematic, wise leaders wait until the capital is present. Timing is as important as the decision itself. Poor timing without enough capital will make it more difficult to move forward later.

Leaders who are intentional in building their leadership capital have the greatest opportunity to maneuver because there is a bank account of good will and trust. What is in your bank account?

Parched: When God Seems Absent

I spoke recently with a friend who was suffering from a long dry spell in his relationship with God. Used to a high degree of intimacy and relationship with Christ, it now seemed that God had gone silent. Silence from heaven can be deeply discouraging. We ask, why? Is it me? Is it God? Why the silence.

When I lay for two week in the intensive care in Thailand this past January I felt much the same thing. There was no wonderful warm feeling of God's presence and I was lying awake on a vent, feeding tube, multiple lines into various parts of my body thinking I might not make it through.

And I had a lot of time to think since I could not sleep and was not put into a coma. I hung onto the words of Jesus in Matthew 14 to the disciples in the account where Jesus walked on water.

"Take courage! It is I, Don't be afraid." - Jesus

"Lord, save me!" - Peter

"You of little faith," he said, "Why did you doubt?" - Jesus

I remembered that "Fear not" is the most repeated command in Scripture. I remembered how often Jesus said, "I am with you." A command and a statement that I knew to be true, even though emotionally I did not feel it to be true.

And I thought through the connection between faith and doubt. Faith is not based on emotion or some warm feeling on intimacy - nice as that is. As the writer of Hebrews writes, "Now faith is being certain of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see (or feel?). This is what the ancients were commended for." Hebrews 11:1-2.

I concluded laying in that bed, being kept alive by a machine that could breath for me, enduring the pain of the regular cleaning of the vent where they vacuumed deep into my bronchial cavity, that my job was to believe all that I knew to be true and banish the doubt that crept in.

Faith is developed when we have to exercise it and we exercise it the most in times of drought, when all is not well, when God seems silent, when we are hurting, or scared, or at the end of our wits.

Interestingly, the one time that I felt the Lord's presence strongly was when others came to pray for me. At those moments I knew that God was there, even though he was largely silent to me. In times of drought, find others who will pray with you and for you.

Being at the end of ourselves is a wonderful place to be because all that is left is God - and in the end God is all that we really need.

There is a Psalm that says it well. "Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage." Pilgrimage is not easy. It takes us through deserts and to the oasis. The oasis is easy and the desert is hard. But it is in the desert that we choose to exercise our faith and it is there that our faith is proved and grows.

God is never absent. We may think him absent. In reality he is doing us a favor but helping us build our faith. And Jesus says in those times "Take courage it is I, Don't be afraid."

Ministry and Spiritual Warfare

Our world is a battle zone between the forces of God and the forces of the evil one who is committed to disrupting and destroying everything that God wants to do to repair a broken world and bring His good news to lost men and women. The problem is that the battle is unseen. We see its effects and feel its reality but we are easily lulled into thinking that if we simply do the right thing that people will respond to the gospel.

There is no more seminal passage on this than that of Paul’s in Ephesians 6.

”Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.”

Paul truly believed that a battle is being fought in the heavenly realms and that the truth of the word, the transformation of salvation and the practice of prayer are both the defensive and offensive weapons of the believer. He constantly asked for prayer for his own ministry as he does in verse 19, knowing that prayer was the key to engaging the help of God’s Spirit.

If there is a front line to God’s work it is the ministry of missions where there is a concerted effort to reclaim territory from the enemy. As in any battle, the more aggressive the effort, the more aggressive the response. The enemy holds billions of our world’s population captive to false religions, materialism and personal satisfaction. And the enemy has no intention of giving up any substantial ground to Christ.

There is a reason that Islam so militantly hates Christianity and will do anything in its power to stop it: It is enemy territory and its people are held captive by Satan. There is a reason that radical Hinduism will go as far as to kill believers: it is enemy territory that the evil one believes belongs to him. There is a reason that so many in our world are held captive in animism and fear of the spirits. It is the enemy’s way of keeping billions from looking to Christ.

There is a reason that Western Europe is so hard to the gospel. The enemy has used materialism and humanism as false but alternative routes to truth. There is a reason that many Buddhists are resistant to the gospel: the enemy has convinced them that there are many possible routes to truth and God. As Paul said, “Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light" (2 Corinthians 11:14). The account of Paul’s missionary journeys in the book of Acts were a constant battle between the truth of the gospel and the resistance of Satan.

We will never know until eternity the full extent of the unseen all out war that is taking place around us but blind to us apart from seeing the effects. The prophets Daniel and Ezekiel, however give us glimpses of that spiritual war and the New Testament proclaims it’s reality.

Paul, the greatest New Testament figure in the spread of the Gospel and the first major missionary constantly spoke of the need for prayer in his ministry and the proclamation of the gospel. He knew that he was treading on enemy soil and that offensive and defensive weapons were needed to see success.

It is highly significant that the inauguration of Christ’s ministry was marked by two distinct events. The first event was the baptism of Jesus by John the Baptist. As soon as Jesus was baptized “heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, ‘This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased (Matthew 3:16-17).’”

That testimony from heaven itself was the enemy’s deepest fear and the realization that this, finally, was the One who would crush him (Genesis 3:15), who would bless the nations through Him (Genesis 12:1-3), who would suffer and rise again (Isaiah 53), who would overcome the evil one and reign triumphant (Daniel 9-12), the one whom he had tried to eliminate through Herod’s killing of the children at Christ’s birth.

His adversary from the days of the garden had finally arrived in person on his soil and the battle lines were drawn. For He came with a proclamation of an eternal and holy Kingdom that would encroach on the enemy’s territory.

And the enemy knew it - for the second event of the inauguration of Christ’s ministry was a direct attempt by Satan to subvert his calling in the temptation of Jesus in the wilderness. Here was an amazing scene: the God of the universe in personal confrontation with the devil himself. Finally, the devil had the opportunity to personally confront and tempt the One who he had feared since the fall, and with the rebuke of Christ, would continue to fight a losing but bruising battle until the final battle when heaven rules supreme.

The temptation of Christ serves as a lesson to us. If the devil had the audacity to challenge the God of the universe, what will keep him from challenging and confronting us as we seek to take back what rightfully belongs to God and to turn the hearts of people from captivity and bondage and sin to freedom and grace and righteousness! At every level he will challenge the gospel and the greater the threat, the greater the pushback.

That is why the spread of the gospel is often accompanied by the blood of the saints. In 1 Corinthians 16:9 Paul connects the great open door he has in Ephesus with many who oppose him. Great opportunity usually comes with great opposition.

It is foolish and naïve for us to think that we can engage in this front line battle without the greatest spiritual protection that we can possibly gather. The most important thing we can do is to ensure that we have the offensive and defensive weapons that Paul speaks of in Ephesians 6, recognizing the reality of the battle and our deep need for spiritual resources to fight what is a spiritual war.

My family experienced that first hand in my hospitalization between December 4, 2007 and January 14, 2008. For thirty five days I lay in the ICU hovering between life and death. When my son put up a blog to keep people informed and call them to prayer, some 10,000 unique users accessed that blog from 50 states and 75 countries – earnestly interceding on my behalf.

The common understanding among them was that this was an intense spiritual battle. I lay helpless, in a coma, with at least five medical conditions that should have killed me, yet with the intercession of many, none of them did and the mitral valve in my heart was healed miraculously when doctors said only surgery could repair it but surgery would have been fatal. For some reason this spiritual battle was intense and it took thousands of prayer warriors over the course of a month to overcome the arrows of the evil one.

Spiritual warfare is real. To engage in missions without significant attention to the need for spiritual protection and the offensive work of the Spirit is like walking into the battle of the Bulge without a weapon or a helmet or a platoon: dangerous, foolish and in the end fruitless.

Emotional Intelligence in Missions

It is my conviction that one of the most neglected areas in the choosing, training and acceptance of missionaries is that of their emotional intelligence (EQ). Many of the problems that mission teams face revolve around individuals who have poor EQ - causing significant health issues for the team.

Think of these traits and their impact on healthy teams:
-Inability to forgive
-Holding onto hurt
-Assuming poor motives of others without trying to clarity with them what their motives actually are
-Consistent cynicism
-A propensity toward negative attitudes
-Difficulty in accepting those whose views differ from theirs
-A need to have their own way
-Difficulty in maintaining positive relationships with others
-Paternalism in dealing with nationals

These are examples of poor emotional, relational or spiritual emotional intelligence (EQ) and any of these traits compromise the health of teams who often need to work together in the pressured environment of cross cultural ministry. If you are a missionary and have ever encountered these issues you know how toxic these attitudes can be and how much emotional energy is expended in dealing with them.

In their drive to increase their mission force, many missions gloss over these issues and accept candidates with poor EQ. The same can be said for many field leaders who are not perceptive in who they recruit or deploy, assuming that the positive will outweigh the negative.

This is a major mistake that many agencies and teams are realizing as they deal with the fallout of unhealthy individuals.

The result is a significant lack of health on many mission teams globally and great pain caused to other team members who are healthy.
EQ is the ability to understand ourselves, know what drives us, accurately see how we are perceived by others, and know how we relate to others. EQ also measures whether we have the relational skill to work synergistically with others while being 'self defining' and allowing others to speak into our lives or work without defensiveness.
Signs of poor EQ include the inability to listen to others, personal defensiveness, unawareness of how we come across to others, lack of sensitivity to the feelings of others, inability to constructively deal with conflict, a need to control others, narcissism, and the need to have our own way.
Good EQ includes openness to the opinions of others, lack of defensiveness, awareness of who we are and how others perceive us, sensitivity to others, the ability to release others rather than control them, allow for constructive and robust dialogue, and the ability to abide by common decisions.
It is my conviction that mission agencies and mission teams are better off with fewer but healthier missionaries than to compromise on issues of emotional, relational or spiritual health. And, there are ways to measure these.
Where health is problematic those issues ought to be addressed before candidates are accepted. Where they exist on the field, the need to be addressed for the health of the individual, the team and the organization.
Not addressing these issues is unfair to the many healthy and productive personnel that you have in your agency. When an organization does not make health of their personnel a priority, it is the healthy personnel who suffer and its toll on teams is huge.
The number of our personnel should not be our measure of organizational success. The health of our personnel should be. And making health a priority in recruitment, care, and intervention when necessary is critical for healthy ministry and its success.

Hearing God's Voice

Something we pay far to little attention to in my view is that of intentionally listening for the voice of God in our lives. My guess is that anyone who has followed Christ for any period of time can think of instances where God clearly spoke to them about a life issue.

God speaks through his word, through circumstances, and through others. But God often speaks to us personally as well - if we will listen, and understand ourselves well enough to know how he usually communicates with us.

When I was in the hospital a year and a half ago, hovering between life and death for long weeks, God clearly told my wife, "It will be close but T.J. will live." That promise was one she clung onto for the 35 days I was in the Intensive Care Unit moving from one crisis to another. This past January when I was in a similar situation in Thailand, God again spoke to her.

For most of us, those kinds of instances are rare. The question is, how does God speak to us and how can we sensitize our lives to his voice?

God normally speaks to me when I am quiet and thinking, or writing. Not with words like he did with Mary Ann but clear impressions or ideas that he drops in my mind. For Mary Ann it is normally when she is quiet with God doing her Scripture study. For a friend of mine who works with AIDS kids and women in Thailand God often speaks to her through the interactions she has with those she cares for.

I have another friend who sees pictures when he prays for people in "prophetic prayer" and God uses those pictures to encourage those he is praying for. For others it is a God given impression or prompting to do something that does not go away.

God speaks to each of us in unique ways just as he created us as unique individuals. The challenge is to recognize how he usually communicates with us and then ensure that we are tuned in to his voice. Since God normally speaks to me in times of thinking and solitude, I know that when I am over busy and tired that I may not hear him. My challenge is to orient my life so that I can hear if he wants to communicate.

I do believe that we underestimate the desire that God has to communicate to us regarding issues in our lives. Because of our busyness and the general media clutter that incessantly assaults our minds it takes intentionality to hear him. I for one want to hear his voice when he chooses to speak.