Thanking those who mentored and influenced you

None of us became who we without the influence of some significant individuals in our lives. All of us stand on the shoulders of others whether parents, mentors, influencers, spouses and friends. Each of them was a gift to us and should be considered precious to us because God used them in our lives to make us better than we would have been without them.

Have you ever thanked those who helped mold you? Each of them gave us a great gift. I can look to parents, close friends, colleagues, a key seminary professor, Christian leaders who engaged with me when I was young, even those I know from afar through their writing but who had a profound influence. None of us are "self made." We bear the lessons, influence and maturity of others whose  faith and life have rubbed off on us. We are all better because of it.

In our fast paced and self centered world, don't forget to thank those who helped shape you. It is easy to take them for granted but also sad. They were faithful in some way that made us who we are. Lets thank God for them and lets thank them. When we get to heaven we will realize how much others helped shape us. All of us stand on the shoulders of others. A grateful heart recognizes their influence and takes the time to thank them. I for one am very thankful for those who invested in me.

The high wire of faith

Contributing Writer

Mary Ann Addington

When our son Steven was in 5th grade I was asked to be a parent volunteer on a 3 day class trip to Wolfridge Environmental Learning Center in northeast Minnesota. One of the activities was a high ropes course. Starting from a walk across a balance beam sort of structure, the course builds up to a thirty foot high Burma Bridge and ends in a zip line back to the ground.

The Burma Bridge was the most intimidating because one walks across on a single cable. Even being hooked into a cable above your head and cables at your side, you still have to step out onto the single line. After I coaxed and encouraged about ten 5th graders to go over the Burma Bridge, one youngster turned to me and said, “Mrs. Addington! Now it is your turn!”

This was not what I had signed up for, but I could hardly chicken out after telling all the kids that they could do it. As I was on the platform trying to figure out if there was any way out of stepping onto the cable, my fan club stood below. “Mrs. Addington, we know you can do it!” “Come on, Mrs. Addington, you helped us do it!”

With trepidation I take my first step out the cable holds and the line above is still hooked in. About half way across I even breathed enough to notice that above the trees I could see Lake Superior off in the distance. And to the delight of my fan club below I actually made it across the cable and back to terra firma.

Living by faith when life comes undone is much like walking the Bermuda Bridge. The cable is hard to walk, it is a long way down, and every step forward requires balance and the faith that the cable will hold and that the safety ropes can be trusted.

The first steps are the hardest but there comes a place where we actually start to breathe again. While we would never willingly sign up for it, we learn that we can take the step of faith, put our weight on the line and that the cable will hold the safety ropes hold.

Living on the wire of faith means sticking to the confidence that God is in control and can be trusted even when all evidence is to the contrary. During T.J.’s initial illness, I would be irritated with people who would say over and over how hard this must have been on his dad because he was a doctor and understood how sick Tim was.

I would think, “This is true, but give me some credit!” I am an RN with ER and ICU experience and had done of lot of research on MRSA and ARDS. I knew that this was really, really bad. There were numbers on his monitor that were worse than I had ever seen- except on someone who was dying. I could tell by the body language of the nursing and medical staff that they thought I was in lala land when I spoke of discharge planning.

Every night I would go to sleep at night listening to Lincoln Brewster’s “Another Hallelujah” and had to tell God that this would be my response to whatever happened the next day. Every day was like taking another step of faith on the high ropes, choosing to trust God.

I had to train myself to move from fear to trust countless times during the long ICU ordeal. “Fear not” is the most repeated command in all of Scripture because it is so easy to live in fear rather than in faith. It is a choice we make and it is really about whether we focus on our undoneness or on God.

My worst day in T.J.’s first ordeal in the ICU was when I received a call from his sister telling me to get to his room right away because his stats were terrible. I rushed back to the hospital from a nearby restaurant to find T.J.’s heart beating at 240 beats per minute. This was on top of his massive pneumonia, ARDS, septic shock and a failed mitral valve in his heart. His heart was desperately trying to compensate for the mitral valve failure and get oxygen to his organs.

The nurses hustled me out of the room so they could try and shock his heart back into rhythm. I went to a nearby room where I could see what was happening overwhelmed with fear. This was the worst it could be. Humanly speaking, T.J.’s heart would just give up. They could not do surgery to mend the mitral valve because he would not survive the surgery. It was God’s intervention or death. And that intervention had to be quick.

Sitting in that alcove watching the medical personnel around T.J.’s bed I wrestled with fear and faith in a way I had never done before. God had told me that it would be close but he would make it. Could I really believe that in the face of what I was watching? Was that rational? Could God really be trusted? Had I heard him right? This was one of the cases when the medical personnel would not even make eye contact with me because they knew the inevitable outcome. Indescribably fear gripped my whole body. I felt like I was about to go into a free fall from the high wire and there were no safety lines attached.

I chose faith over fear as hard as that was watching what I was watching. The staff were not able to shock T.J.’s heart back into rhythm and we knew that unless the mitral valve was healed there was no way he would survive. We put an urgent call for a day of prayer and fasting specifically asking for a miracle to heal the mitral valve. Across the globe those watching the blog (over 10,000 individual users) stormed the gates of heaven boldly asking for an outright miracle. Within that twenty four hour period it started to slowly heal! He was not out of the woods by any means but God was true to the words He had given me.

To this day, when T.J. visits his cardiologist he shakes his head and says, “How did you dodge that bullet?” They were certain that he would need surgery to repair the valve when he was well enough to have it – if he survived. On his most recent visit, the cardiologist told T.J. he did not need to come back.

One of the hard things is that God does not always do what we wish He would do. His ways are sovereign and we will not always understand His plans or purposes for our lives. But we always have the choice of focusing on Him or focusing on our circumstances. Our circumstances are unpredictable but His is always faithful. It is the choice we make between fear and faith when life comes undone.

God loves it when we choose to trust him! And it is as much as a choice as when we put our full weight on the cable and begin that hard walk. Trusting does not mean that we know how everything will turn out, but that we live in the confidence that God loves us like we love our kids and that He is in control. Trusting God brings peace, even when that does not seem logical.

Isaiah 26:3 has been up on my bathroom mirror since December of 2007:
You will keep in perfect peace

him whose mind is steadfast,

because he trusts in you.

It is not about me! It is about keeping my mind and emotions focused on who God is. It is not about whether I have done all the right things, or even that I am trusting the right way. It is about keeping our minds steadfast on who God said He is and what He has promised to do which includes peace when all evidence says that cannot happen. Life on the high ropes is not about us- it is all about God, His grace, and our simple trust in Him. It’s putting our weight on the wire one step at a time.

Older leaders and their attitudes toward younger leaders

Recently I asked a successful pastor in his fifties who pastors a large church in the Midwest what leadership lessons he had learned recently. His answer was interesting and I think relevant in many situations. He said, "I am learning the need to allow younger leaders to lead, to not get in their way, and to give them the freedom to do things the way they want to do them."

I believe his answer applies to churches, missions and other ministries. It is often difficult for leaders in their latter years to release leaders in their young years because younger leaders will often approach ministry and strategy differently than those of us in our fifties (me included).

He made an interesting observation: "It is easy to try to control these young leaders but it is counterproductive." I agree. When we bring young leaders onto our teams we must release them as we release all others to use their gifts in line with their wiring to accomplish what we have asked them to accomplish. They will challenge our methodology and paradigms and they will help us become all that we can be.

Key to releasing others is a secure leader who is not threatened by other good people who may well have ideas that are better than theirs. That takes a very non defensive attitude and humility. But again, it is not about us but about God and the building of his kingdom.

If you are a leader in your fifties and sixties and have younger leaders on your staff you may want to have a candid dialogue with your younger leaders and find out how free they feel, how empowered they feel. Often we don't realize that we are not truly releasing others fully. The more we do, the stronger our ministries will be - and the better leaders we are.

A vision, a plan and a leader

Want to get something done? Three things are needed every time! A vision (what do we want to accomplish?), a plan (how are we going to do it?) and a leader (who will lead the way?). It is pretty simple but all too often good intentions fall prey to the lack of one of these three.

Think of the local church where there is no end of ministry dreams and possibilities. Three simple questions need to be asked. What is the vision of this ministry and how does it fit with the vision of the church? The desire to do something is not a vision. Vision has to do with what we want to accomplish and why.

What is your plan is question two. Vision is not a substitute for a workable, reasonable, plan for how the vision is going to be carried out. The world has many "visionaries" who have no plan and generally they don't produce much.

Who is going to lead the way? No endeavor works without a leader who will take the responsibility to ensure that what needs to happen happens and will give coordination and encouragement to the group.

It is simple but then again most effective strategies are.

Dealing with people who just don't get it

Too often in Christian circles when faced with problematic behaviors we are far less candid and defining than we need to be in trying to address them. In our desire to be "nice" and exhibit "grace" we understate the issues hoping that the staff member will "get it" and respond. Usually it does not work and in fact backfires when the behaviors continue unabated. 

Ironically it is precisely because they don't "get it" in the first place that we are having the conversation.

In addition, our "nice" approach is not fair to the one we are trying to get through to as they are not experts in subtlety. The only thing that will get their attention if one wants to help them is candid, unadulterated truth and honest feedback delivered in a way that leaves no room for interpretation. It is not about being unkind. It is about being exceedingly defining.

What do we need to be defining on?

First we need to be defining on what the problematic behaviors are with examples so that the staff member understands precisely what behaviors we are talking about. While they may not agree that the behaviors are problematic they must be clear on our assessment of them.

Second, we must be defining on how the behaviors impact others or the team negatively. 

Third, we must be defining on what we expect in the future. If we leave any doubt as to our expectations it is highly likely that there will be little if any change. After all, why go to the trouble of modifying my behavior if there is not a clear and defined expectation?

Fourth, we need to be defining as to what the consequences may be if there is not significant progress on problematic behaviors. This means that there is a clear follow up plan and that the individual knows from the start that the conversation is not over.

People who don't get it need help in getting it. As we say in Minnesota, "Minnesota nice" does not work in these situations. Directness is imperative when dealing with those who don't get subtlety. 

Unselfish Kingdom driven leadership

As I watch fellow leaders - at whatever level they lead - I am struck that there are essentially two kinds of ministry leaders: Those who are consumed by their own success and those who unselfishly give themselves away to help others be successful. I call the latter, unselfish leadership.

Unselfish or generous leaders care about helping others around them be successful. They invest time in others, mentor and befriend other leaders, pray for them, spend time with them and build genuine friendships. Contrast that with leaders how don't have time for others because they are so consumed by their own concerns.

I have watched this with both ministry and workplace leaders. I remember a lunch I had once with the leader of a significant ministry that serves other ministries. In a two hour lunch, there were no questions asked about what I did or the ministry I represented. It was all about him! I left that lunch knowing that this was a selfish and self consumed leader. Fortunately I am surrounded by both marketplace and ministry leaders who represent generous and unselfish leadership.

We live in a day of significant ministry competition - something we don't like to admit. But here is the truth: only selfish, self consumed leaders compete - at least in the ministry world. Generous and unselfish ministry leaders are not competing. Instead they will do all that they can to help others succeed.

I am committed to giving myself away to others in any way that I can. It is the antidote to selfish living and competition. It is the way of Christ. It is also the route to spiritual influence. After all, wise leaders know that the ultimate goal is not building a personal kingdom but having the greatest spiritual influence that it is possible to have. Life is not about us! It is about God.

What motivates your ministry?

For those of us who are in ministry, paid or volunteer, full time or part time, the question of our motivation is central to how we will carry our ministry out. Here is the question: Is our ministry about us or about God and the gospel?

Now, that may seem like a funny question to ask anyone who is giving their time and energy in ministry. But actually it is not. Paul makes the point that there are people who minister out of selfish motives. It was true then and it is true now.

Those motives may be prestige, having a large church, being the best, pulling down a decent salary, being a leader, looking for respect, or any number of personal issues that drive us. I am convinced that there are an inordinate number of people in ministry who have deep personal needs and seek to fill those needs through ministry. Ministries either breed narcissism or attract it, I am not sure which but there are a lot of folks in ministry who have a need to "be someone."

This can be true of laypeople or full time workers. When motivations are not pure, when we are trying to fill personal needs through ministry we often end up hurting people and the ministry we serve. If it is about me, we have a problem.

I love meeting pastors in the majority (poor world) because they have little or nothing to gain by being in ministry. Unlike those in the minority (wealthy) world, they cannot pull down a decent salary, they are marginalized in society and often pay a heavy price personally for what they do. They are motivated solely by the desire to please God and share the gospel.

True motivation for ministry is that of humbly serving our God, and being passionate about the sharing of the gospel - period. If that is my motivation:

• I won't care who gets the credit


• I won't need the limelight


• I will be willing to give ministry away


• I will serve rather than want to be served


• I will partner with others


• I will empower others


• I will equip others


• I won't be enamored by the indicators of success that others are enamored by


• I won't need to get my own way


• I will lift others 
  

Our motivation affects our actions. Take a moment and reflect on your motivations in ministry today. Is it about you or is it about God and the gospel? Really!