Five attitudes of a leader that lead to high trust and significant influence with staff

Why is it that some leaders leave staff and colleagues drained and tired after a conversation, while others leave them uplifted and encouraged? In the first case, meetings with your supervisor or colleagues can be a dreaded exercise, whereas in the second case, something one looks forward to. What leaders often overlook is that their approach to interactions with staff and colleagues either builds or diminishes their trust and influence. You may have a title and a position as a leader, but neither of those makes up for a deficit of trust and influence with those you lead.

There are five attitudes and practices of a leader that contribute to high trust and maximum influence with those you work with.

If one desires influence, it starts with a posture of humility. This means that I don't have to be the smartest person in the room. I don't have to have the answers to every problem, and I don't have to have my way in every situation. Here is the truth: If you are the smartest person in the room, you hired very poorly. If you have the answers to every problem, you are deluded, and if you need to have your way, you will be limited by your own abilities. 

Humility is the attitude that there is a great deal I don't know, that I don't have the answers, but can find good answers with others who have greater expertise than I do. Humility leads to the second practice, which is dialogue with others, along with asking good questions rather than making pronouncements and handing down decisions. 

Dialogue and questions bring others into a productive conversation around issues that need to be resolved. Pronouncements about what should be done often shut down conversation. It is the crucial difference between arrogance and humility. Leaders frequently fail to realize how little they actually know compared to those who work closely with the issues at hand. Engaging others to share their perspectives opens up solutions that will not be found otherwise. 

Both of these attitudes are augmented if the leader approaches staff and colleagues with a non-critical spirit. Critical spirits and words shut down good conversation and are indicators of a lack of humility. If I am critical by nature, it means that I have decided my evaluation is the best. That is arrogance. If I approach issues openly and non-critically, it sends a message that together we can find a good solution. It does not elevate my perspectives over those of others (arrogance), but instead levels the playing field to find the best solutions. 

Add to these three a gracious spirit that truly appreciates the efforts of those around you or below you and assumes the best rather than the worst when it comes to motives and effort.  Graciousness is the opposite of a critical spirit. A gracious attitude invites conversation while a critical spirit shuts it down. Even when I don't understand the actions or decisions of others, they can be addressed with a gracious and non-critical spirit, and I may well learn something that contributed to decisions others made that I am unaware of. 

All of these are the building blocks of trust with both colleagues and staff who report to us. Remember that arrogance, critical spirits, pronouncements rather than dialogue, and a lack of graciousness rob you of trust and influence. They take tokens out of your leadership bank account while consistently displaying the practices and attitudes above add to your leadership bank account. The key here is consistency. Your staff and colleagues need to know that they will get the same from you in any conversation, and if you display these attitudes, they will learn to relax in your presence. They will see you as an ally rather than a threat. And you will have their trust, which leads to greater leadership influence. 

Leaders: Your IQ is far less important than your EQ

The telephone call I received from a leader I worked with was nothing short of crazy. He was massively triggered, and I listened to a tirade of thirty-five minutes where I could not get a word in edgewise. He just went on and on. He had been triggered, and rather than asking me any questions to clarify, had made some crazy assumptions and made equally crazy assertions and accusations. And his response was totally out of proportion to what had actually occurred. He was having an amygdala hijack, and it was not the first time...or the last. 

I chose not to go into work the next day, which made him all the angrier as I had "ghosted him." Everything was my fault; he was sure of his "facts" and "conclusions." Actually, he didn't have a clue! My infraction? I had told him what was going on in the business. Not my opinion, actual facts. He didn't like them and took his angst, frustration, and insecurity out on me. Unfortunately, episodes like this are all too common among leaders. 

Have you ever worked for a leader who struggled to regulate their emotions, leaving damaged relationships in their wake? Or have you struggled with your emotions when things were not going how you wanted them to? This is a common issue for leaders, even smart ones, because your emotional intelligence is more important than your IQ. High IQ does not make up for low EQ. 

The term Emotional Intelligence and its components was pioneered by Daniel Goleman, Ph.D., who authored the bestseller Emotional Intelligence and co-authored Primal Leadership: Learning to Lead with Emotional Intelligence.

Goleman suggested that an individual's emotional intelligence (EQ) mattered more than their intelligence (IQ) because an individual with good EQ was better equipped to understand themselves and how they are perceived by those around them, and has the social skills to negotiate healthy relationships.

He suggested that there were five components to emotional intelligence:

Self-awareness - the ability to recognize and understand your moods and emotions and how they impact others.

Self-regulation - the ability to control your emotions, impulses, and moods and think before acting. If self-awareness is the ability to understand one's emotions, self-regulation is the ability to control those emotions in how one behaves.

Internal (or intrinsic) motivation - having an inner drive to pursue goals for personal reasons rather than because of some external motivation or reward. Our motivation has to do with deep inner core values that inform our actions. 

Empathy - the ability to understand the motivations of others, the reasons for those motivations, and to put oneself in their shoes. If self-awareness is about understanding ourselves, empathy is about living with an understanding of others. 

Social skills - the ability to manage relationships, connect and collaborate with others, manage conflict, build healthy networks, and forge healthy relationships.

Think about this: When leaders get into trouble, it almost always involves the flip side of these components of emotional intelligence. Leaders who are not self-aware have little understanding of how their words and actions impact those around them, often creating significant pain. My guess is that we have all experienced those instances ourselves.

Leaders who do not have self-regulation and cannot control their emotions say and do hurtful things to those around them. I ended up resigning from the leader I described above, who could not control his emotions and therefore his words and actions.

 “An amygdala hijack is a situation where the amygdala, a small, almond-shaped structure in the brain responsible for processing emotions like fear and anger, takes control, leading to an immediate and overwhelming emotional response.” (Study.com).

This is the leader who cannot control their anger and whose response is far greater than the situation merits. In that flood of emotions and fear or anger, things are said that are damaging, people are hurt unnecessarily, and the recipient is left wondering what happened and that they were the subject of a tirade of angry words and accusations. Countless people have encountered this from supervisors. Even when there is an apology after (a good thing), it does not repair the damage done in the heat of emotion, where a leader cannot manage and regulate their emotions. (see Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence, 10^th anniversary edition, Chapter 5, Passion’s Slaves).

When leaders lack empathy, they are unable to understand the perspectives and concerns of others. So, for instance, the sales executive who overpromises services to clients to look good and gain the sale at the expense of the staff who must fulfill those promises—leaving them unable to do so and the bad guys for not doing so and then blaming the staff for the resulting fallout—has an empathy deficit that impacts those around them.

One sure sign of a lack of empathy is leaders who rarely, if ever, ask questions of staff but simply make statements and demands. Empathy means that I care about how my decisions and actions impact those I work with, which naturally requires dialogue and an inquiring mind to understand the perspectives, needs, and wisdom of others. Leaders with empathy ask good questions, listen carefully, and seek to find solutions that work for all. Leaders who are defensive, don’t listen to staff, or take their concerns into account have an empathy deficit that hurts the culture of many organizations.

These are leaders who cannot manage their egos or emotions. Empathy is about others and understanding their concerns. Ego and empathy are incompatible, while humility and empathy are friends. If you struggle with these issues, get help so your leadership is not toxic but healthy. Unhealthy leaders hurt those around them while healthy leaders lift up those around them. A sign of dishealth is uncontrolled anger, which results in hurtful words and actions. 

As you reflect on the five elements of Emotional Intelligence above, which are you strong in, and which do you need to focus on?

Evangelical deconstruction: not of faith but of the church.

I spoke this week to a close friend struggling deeply with the church. He is discouraged, disillusioned, and tired from his years of church leadership: Trying to see issues addressed that needed to be addressed, trying to move the church toward TOV (Goodness), trying to deal with massive dysfunction at the leadership and staff level, and getting nowhere. 

The result is that while he does not question his faith, he is asking much about the church scene and whether he wants to have any part in it. I would describe him as tired, disillusioned, and cynical about his church experiences. 

We have all read a great deal about Christians who are deconstructing their faith. For some time, I have been convinced that there is another, more significant issue: The deconstruction not of faith but of what the church is and should be. If I were to identify the kinds of issues involved, I would look at the following common problems:

• Senior church leaders who are narcissistic to the core create a toxic atmosphere on staff while proclaiming the love of Jesus from the stage. 

• The end result of narcissistic leaders is that many people get hurt: run over, marginalized, and, if they disagree with something, run out. No one cares. 

• Church boards do not hold such leaders accountable, allowing the toxicity to continue and hurting people. It is easier not to rock the boat, especially if the numbers are growing! 

• On Sunday mornings, the church presents a "face" by what happens on the stage. It is happy, optimistic, faith-filled, and Spirit-led. Behind the facade is a toxic staff and a board that facilitates the toxicity to continue. In other words, there is no alignment between the stage, the staff, and the board regarding health or spirituality.

• Rather than focusing on the two cardinal commands for the church to love God and love people, the staff creates programs that give people the illusion that these things are happening. Still, it is about the program, not about individual practice.

• There is little to no disciplemaking strategy in the church, even though the mandate to create disciples is central to the mandate Jesus gave the church.

• While the church is always looking for volunteers for their programs, there is not a culture where people are invited to find their gifts and use them for the Kingdom in meaningful ways. Instead, come to the welcome center, and we will tell you where you can fit. All ministry is tightly controlled. 

• The prayer and spiritual commitment of staff and board are virtually nonexistent. There is no time for such things or that great an interest. There is too much time on programming to spend extraneous time on spiritual issues. 

• The stage is performance rather than worship. The difference between a rock concert and worship has become blurred. Teaching is a TED Talk of self-help rather than an exposition of the Scriptures. 

• First impressions give the impression that we are one happy family, while the reality behind the scenes is much different. In fact, if you choose to challenge the system, you quickly find that you are no longer a part of the family, and you are discarded. Over time, the bodies pile up on the side of the road. 

None of this fits with the picture of the church in the New Testament. Sure, the church had its problems, which is why we have many of the New Testament epistles. Still, the biblical image is far from what it often looks like in many corners of American Evangelicalism.

Where does this leave the church? It leaves untaught congregations, discouraged leaders who long for something different, a spiritual drought where there ought to be spiritual life, people controlled rather than released into their faith and gifting, and the loss of some of the best who leave in discouragement after realizing that things will not change. 

In fact, one of the most discouraging indictments of the church today is the number of church boards that have no clue about their responsibilities as church leaders or any sense of ecclesiology (what the church is all about from the New Testament). Many have not read anything on either topic, yet they are ultimately responsible for the church's health. No wonder the church is in trouble. In growing numbers, senior pastors have little theological training. They are pragmatic but not theologically astute. And too often, cannot lead healthy teams. 

I personally know many individuals who no longer attend church after being deeply hurt. Many were church leaders who simply gave up over time. They have not given up on their faith, but they have given up on the church as it exists in American Evangelicalism. To be sure, many churches don't fit the description above, and to be equally clear, leaving the church altogether is not what God desires. However, these factors contribute to a significant deconstruction of faith—or its practice.  

We have lost the Biblical vision for the church in our search to find "success." However, the success we have seen is often a failure if measured against the New Testament teaching of the church.

Ten ways that leaders can sabotage organizational culture

 

Leaders can inadvertently sabotage the culture they desire to create in their team or organization with behaviors that may seem insignificant to them but are very significant to those they lead. They are careless behaviors that leaders that demotivate those they lead because they send a message that their team is not valued or important.

One: Blowing off meetings, showing up late, or coming unprepared for scheduled meetings. I once worked with a colleague who regularly did not show up for scheduled meetings or, if he did, would come in 15 to 30 minutes late. This message was that I was not valued and my time was unimportant. I am sure my colleague thought nothing of it, after all, he valued flexibility but it became so common that the staff just expected that he may not show up. It was aggravating, to say the least. 

Healthy leaders value others' time, show up on time, and are fully present for the meeting at hand. 

Two: Telling people what to do rather than engaging in dialogue to understand the perspectives and ideas of staff. Leaders who simply tell staff what to do create a culture where staff are devalued and their wisdom left on the table. In these cultures, the only voice that really counts is the leader. Eventually, the best people leave the organization rather than work in an environment where their expertise is not valued.

Healthy leaders don't assume they have the answers; rather than telling, they dialogue to understand staff thinking and perspectives and devise better solutions.  

Three: When things go wrong, blame people rather than ask if some processes or systems could be fixed to prevent such failures. Blame is a terrible motivator. It assumes the worst motives when poor motives are rarely the reason for failure. In most cases, underlying issues explain why things go wrong, and failure can be a learning opportunity rather than a blaming opportunity.

Healthy leaders know that things will not always go well. Rather than blaming others, they seek to fix the underlying issue so that the "disconnect" does not happen again.

Four: Not taking the time to listen and ask good questions. Leaders often lack valuable information because they don't ask questions or take the time to listen, which means they assume they know what they need to know. This is not only a faulty notion, but it is also disempowering to staff who have insight that a leader does not have and desire that their voice be heard for the betterment of the organization.

Healthy leaders know many things they don't know, so they intentionally ask many questions and listen well. 

Five: Being quick to criticize and slow to encourage and lift up. Critical leaders create cultures that are fear-based rather than grace-based. Fear-based cultures do not breed healthy dialogue and the necessary give-and-take of ideas. There are often reasons that people have done something that a leader is unaware of unless he/she first asks questions and enters into a conversation. Leaders who criticize carefully and lift up regularly create a healthier culture than those who do the opposite.

Healthy leaders are slow to criticize and quick to encourage and enter into constructive conversation.

Six: Changing one's mind after the work has been completed by staff. I have watched senior leaders give an assignment to staff to work on a particular program, and then when they present the plan, the leader dismisses it because he/she now has a better idea. In one case, the work had taken the better part of a year. This was not because their work was not good but because the leader simply had a new and better idea. This kind of behavior is very demotivating to staff and indicates that the leader did not give good direction on the front end, did not stay engaged along the way, and was willing to dismiss the work out of hand at the end. Leaders who change direction frequently create chaos rather than stability.

Healthy leaders give good direction, stay engaged, and don't quickly change their minds for the "flavor of the month."

Seven: Micromanaging. Micromanagement is the failure to delegate responsibility and authority around a task or project and instead inserting oneself to check up, change, modify, or redo work that is in progress or that has been done. It screams, "I don't trust you to do this right," and often, "I want you to do this my way." So, it is about a lack of trust and needing to do things the leader's way. It is profoundly disempowering behavior.

Healthy leaders set boundaries and empower good people to do their work without undue interference. They don't insist that the work be done the way they might and are very careful about interfering in the process. 

Eight: Lack of appreciation. Leaders have a gift that many others don't have. They have staff available to help them do what needs to be done. They can delegate and get all the help they need. However, the key to healthy staff is to treat them with respect, dignity, and appreciation. When staff feel used, leaders lose coinage—a lot of it. Lack of appreciation creates a feeling among staff that they are being used, which creates cynicism toward leadership.

Healthy leaders never take staff for granted. They show their appreciation in their words, attitudes, and acts of kindness toward those on their teams. Their staff know that their leader is deeply appreciative of their efforts.

Nine: Narcissistic tendencies. To put this one in perspective, each of the behaviors listed above are, in fact, narcissistic behaviors. They are about me: What I want and choose to do rather than how I can best serve the mission and the staff of the organization I lead. Narcissism is the antithesis of servant leadership. Our leadership is not about me but about those we lead and the mission we steward. All leaders have narcissistic tendencies. That is part of the human condition. The question is whether we recognize those tendencies, work to counter them, and manage our shadow side. Narcissistic behaviors include wanting our own way, lack of collaboration and listening to others, treating others poorly, lack of accountability, believing too highly in ourselves, taking credit for success and blaming others for failure and the list could go on. 

Healthy leaders recognize and counterbalance their narcissistic tendencies with a servant-like attitude toward their staff. They also allow trusted colleagues to talk with them when those tendencies show themselves.

Ten: Lack of genuine relationships. A key ingredient to a healthy culture is getting to know those who report to us. Without an authentic relationship, staff will likely not be candid with us. Relationships mean that we take the time to get to know our staff. We ask them questions, learn about their situations, and relate to them as fellow human beings rather than simply staff.

Healthy leaders get to know their staff and create trust and understanding.

A healthy organizational culture is fostered in the little and the big things. The culture will rarely rise above the practices of the head of the organization or the head of the team you lead. Take your assignment seriously, and don't sabotage the culture by unhealthy practices. As a Master Certified Coach in Intelligent Leadership I can help you improve the culture in your organization. You can contact me at tjaddington@gmail.com.

11 Keys to leading organizational change

All leaders must lead their constituency through change at one time or another. And, those of us who have done so have often learned some hard lessons along the way. Here are some of the lessons I have learned in effective change management.

1. Don't surprise people with big changes. Surprise brings with it fear, anxiety and the feeling that our security has been upended. If there is going to be major change, develop a process to bring people into discussion rather than simply dumping it on them and then trying to explain after. Once surprised, people are unlikely to hear your explanation. Lead into change over time and prepare people for what needs to come rather than surprising them.

2. Don't get so far ahead of people that they balk at following. Change need not be and often should not be all at once. Start with those things that you believe your constituency can understand and will follow you on. Some changes will take time and should be set aside for a day when you feel you will have greater support. This may mean talking to people of influence ahead of time to ascertain whether the changes you are proposing have a likelihood of meeting strong resistance. Go where you can go with the support of people rather than where it is going to face fierce resistance.

3. Determine what coinage you have before you propose major change. All leaders have a bank of good will. You need relationship and trust in order to convince people to go places that are uncomfortable. Moving too quickly may overspend your account which can take a long time to redeposit. Be smart about how much trust and relationship you have as the greater the change the more trust and relationship it requires. Don't overspend your account!

4. In explaining change, don't announce, dialogue. People don't like announcements that rock their world. Most, however will enter into a dialogue with you around strongly held values that if understood can help them move toward doing things differently. A conversation is very different than a pronouncement. The former invites understanding and discussion while the latter says "this is the way it is" and sound very much like an ultimatum - which are rarely helpful.

5. Be willing to be flexible on issues that are not essential. You don't want to die on a sand-hill but on a mountain. If you get major push-back on a non essential element of your preferred future, back off and show people that you are reasonable and can listen. Even leaders don't always get their way and probably shouldn't.

6. Talk to wise people. Don't ignore those who have been around for a while in leading through change. If they are resistant, take note. If you cannot get the key influencers on board with you to help you they will likely hurt you. I am not talking about laggards on the change scale but wise individuals of influence whom one needs to navigate successful change. If they balk, you may want to think about what you are proposing or the timing. 

7. Don't lose people you don't need to lose. It is a truism that some people will get off the bus when there is major change but one can minimize the fallout by paying attention to the principles above. Yes, some may leave but don't give people a good reason to leave - which us usually by not leading change wisely, pushing too fast, not running process, or not identifying one's coinage properly. They more you lose the more potential fallout you have on your hands to deal with.

8.  If you are a church leader, never start to think this is my ministry and therefore I can get my agenda. No ministry is ever "my" ministry. It is "our" ministry together under the Lordship of Jesus. Just because I lead it does not mean I always get my way. If I expect others to be flexible and teachable so must I be. When leaders don't show the same flexibility they expect of those they lead, they are bound to get themselves into trouble. I have seen it happen many times.

9. Make sure your key leaders are with you. If your key leaders are not in sync with you as you move into a change process you either have the wrong leaders, have not done enough work with them on the proposed changes or you are moving too fast. If your key leaders balk, those they lead may well do so as well. 

10. Tie your proposed changes to values that are shared. Many people will resist change because they are change resistant to a greater or lesser degree. However, if you can demonstrate that the proposed changes will allow the organization to best meet its mission and better align itself with its values, this knowledge may well help good people move forward in embracing the proposed changes.

11. Remember that change is a process rather than an event. Significant change means a change in the way we think and in our practices. It is rarely a "one and done" type scenario. Therefore you will need to continue to champion the change and dialogue with your staff on how it is going. Continue to focus on the change process until it is complete rather than prematurely moving on and allowing the change to falter. An incomplete change process creates cynicism when further changes are proposed. 

Taking full advantage of the Advent season

One of the unfortunate byproducts of the age in which we live is the commercialization and busyness of the Advent Season, robbing it of the opportunity to deeply impact our own souls as we consider the amazing story of God becoming man so that man could become more like God. In what other religious tradition does God become a creature so that His creatures could know his creator? 

And how does one explain how the King of the Universe was willing to be born into the world He had created. The infinite becoming finite so that the finite could be transformed by the infinite God. 

This is a story so absurd that it could only have been scripted by a Divine hand. No other writer would have attempted such a script. If they had they would not have claimed it to be true: fiction maybe, but not reality. This is not how the One whose voice had echoed off of a billion galaxies would make His entrance. Without CNN and Fox News, into a hovel known affectionately today as Bethlehem but then nothing more than a tiny village on the path to Jerusalem. 

His entrance was marked not by a proclamation to kings but to astonished herdsmen sleeping with sheep. The heavens opened with ten thousand voices – not over Jerusalem the ancient capital – but over a tiny grazing field for a handful of insignificant shepherds. They would be the only witnesses of the grand entrance of a King. No other writer would have written such a script. 

No other author would have taken such a chance. For behind this story, there are echoes of another story - equally incredulous. Centuries before in the vastness of eternity past – when infinity kissed infinity, The Master of Infinity spoke into being the universe in which we live - 3,000 of whose stars are visible to the careful eye, 30 billion visible from a large telescope, - the other 90% of the universe still hidden from our eyes. Its splendor is an eternal testimony to the Author of the story.

The Author’s heart had love that could not be contained. A heart full of love is not easily satisfied. Transcendent goodness longed to give away infinite love. Again the Author spoke: A planet was expertly crafted. One among billions. A people wonderfully created – in the image of the Author. Free to love, free to experience the infinite goodness of the Author. Free to revel in His infinite Love. But above all free. Love cannot be forced and remain love.

We are not the sole owners of broken hearts. No heart suffered such sorrow as Infinite Love rejected. Image bearers rejected the Image Maker. The story’s characters fired the Author to write their own script. Unmatched, searing pain pierced the Author’s heart as the loved one jilted the Lover.

Chaos infiltrated beauty. A planet was hijacked and spun out of control. Poverty of spirit supplanted endless joy. Unfulfilled hearts realized the pain of lost love. Without the Author, individual storylines faltered – and failed. Sadness reigned. Darkness descended in seeming endless gloom.

Truth can be stranger than fiction. For in the pained heavens the grieving Author plotted love’s revenge. An awesome revenge that only Divinity could contrive – that only Divinity would contrive. Having lost His loved, the Lover would send His most loved to reclaim His heart’s desire. The rejected Creator would kiss the unfaithful created. Tender mercy in place of deserved destruction. An astonished heaven broke into unbelieving applause. Image bearers would be reclaimed by the Image Maker. Light would once again prevail over darkness. Brokenness would be made whole. Peace would triumph over chaos.

All was silent in the heavens on the chosen night. Angels held their corporate breath. For nine months the Son had been absent, resident in a young girl's womb, coming to us, not as a king but incognito, just one of the thousands of children that would be born on a lonely planet that night – into the darkness that our word had become. Placenta covered the Son of the universe arriving to claim back His beloved: this time, one by one, heart by heart. Tender mercy arriving in disguise: one of us, one like us. On that night, the Author personally entered our story. 

Such humility our world has never known. A stunning reversal for a world gone astray. A Heart full of love is not easily satisfied. Transcendent goodness longing to give away infinite love, arriving under cover of night in order to “shine on those living in darkness…to guide our feet into the path of peace.” (Luke 1:27).

When an author writes, each character is unique; each has his or her own story-line. We, each have a story – unique, unrepeated, singular. Each story has its own joy, its own pain, its own pathos and unmatched quality. But each shares one singular, astonishing feature. We are made in the Author’s image, and He will not rest until we have invited Him to join in our story. 

More astonishing than the script He has authored, the story we celebrate today is that He also wants to enter into your story. This is the most ancient of stories but it is also the most contemporary of stories. The Christmas story is but one chapter in the Author’s divine script. The Author is still writing. And every person who invites Him into their story becomes a separate and unique chapter in His unfinished book. And into each story, He brings His light and peace. 

“For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.” (John 3:16-17.)

Take time this month to ponder the gift that God gave our world - and more importantly gave you. Spend time with the One who became part of your story so that you could become part of His story. Allow the message of peace on earth and goodwill toward men to bring you peace and give you the motivation to share His goodwill with others. 

This is what will make the Advent season meaningful. 

What time wasters do you want to rethink for the coming year?

Time is perhaps the most precious commodity any of us have. Money comes and goes but time just goes. For those of us who are "mission driven" in our lives and desire to maximize our impact with the gifts God has given, how we invest our time takes on eternal meaning. 

It is worth remembering that every engagement we agree to requires us to write a "time check." We may think it doesn't cost us anything but actually it does because that time cannot be regained. So it is worth asking the question, "Are there activities, people or habits that wasted my time this year and which I can reclaim for better purposes in the coming year?"

I have realized, for instance that it is very easy to get caught up scrolling through X, instagram, facebook videos and the like. While my technology can save me time and give me access to a great deal of information quickly, that same technology can easily rob me of time if I am not careful. We easily get into habits that are frankly time wasters rather than quality time investments. 

There are also people in our lives who on reflection, are not great investments as well. Kacey Muscgraves recently wrote a song called Deeper Well. She sings...

"Took a long time, but I learned

There's two kinds of people, one is a giver

And one's always tryin' to take

All they can take

So I'm sayin' goodbye to the people

That I feel are real good at wastin' my time

No regrets, baby, I just think that maybe

You go your way and I'll go mine

It's been a real good time

But you got dark energy, somethin' I can't unsee

And I've got to take care of myself

I found a deeper well"

Kacey got it right. There are often people in our lives who carry more negative energy than positive, who rob us of our time, our joy and our purpose and whom it would be better to let go of. We have choices about friendships and who we spend time with. Since time is so precious we ought to choose well. Our time with any individual is an investment. 

Years ago, I listened to a colleague talk about the diminishing time he had left. I was a lot younger, in my forties and he was in his seventies. His comment made me think as he talked about things he would like to do but "the runway is getting a lot shorter." At 68 I also realize that the runway is getting shorter. But at any age, we should never take time for granted. 

This is the time of the year that I ask myself the question, "What should I do differently next year?" Evaluating how I spend my time is one of those important considerations. Some things are just more important than others including God, my marriage, family, close friends, and in my case, writing and coaching others. If I can be smarter about how I invest my limited time, I can accomplish more of greater value!

So here is my challenge. What changes do you want to make in the coming year to redeem the time you have? I will reflect futher on this but this is a good place to start. Think through your habits, the people you spend time with, the things you are involved in and the dreams you have. Are you making the right time investments and could you make better investments? Write down what you discover and think about how you can redeem your time in the best way possible.

Six steps that church boards can take to address issues that threaten the health of their church.

It happens way too often, especially in the not-for-profit arena and especially on church boards. Obvious issues within the ministry are ignored, minimized or allowed to fester because the board is unwilling to confront a senior leader, or a powerful individual in the church who is creating issues or a staff culture that is toxic. 

It is not that the issue is hard to see. In fact, in many cases, congregants see the issue clearly and in many cases leave the church. Yet on the board, there is reluctance to even name and discuss the issue. It is a classic case of burying one's head in the sand and pretending that the issue is not there or will go away by itself. If we ignore it, maybe it will dissapear. In fact, what usually happens is that the issue gets worse, not better. 

The negligence of church boards is at the root of many toxic church cultures. They did not create the toxicity but knowing that it it there they have done nothing to deal with it.

This week I spoke with an individual who had a concern around some issues in his church that could literally blow the church apart. He is on the board but the board does not want to deal with the issues. I asked if there were congregants who were aware of the situation and he said yes. So it is an "open secret" I said and he said yes. It is also the kind of issue that if it became more public could create a great deal of legitimate concern. Yet the board is dragging its feet and has not made it a priority. As I listened I thought to myself, "This is not going to end well."

In another church I am familiar with, there has been a great deal of toxicity on the staff - the result of a senior pastor who can be described as narcisistic, abusive toward staff, prone to outbursts of anger and attack, causing both elders to resign as well as key staff. Even though the board was fully appraised of the issues, it took them over two years to deal with the toxic pastor and they have never sought to make things right with the individuals the pastor hurt, alienated, had their reputations damaged by him even as he polished his own reputation with spin and subtrafuge. 

The board knew but chose to do nothing for two years while staff were being hurt and the bodies on the side of the road proliferated. Even when key staff appealed to the board there was absolute silence - no response. In one case a staff member recorded her last meeting with the pastor who berated her causing her to walk out of the meeting and out of the church never to return. Even when the recording became known, there was no interest on the part of the board to listen to it. When she wrote a painful letter to the board about her experience, there was no response. Not even a call to the former staff member. 

As I read the New Testament I see that boards (elders) have six responsibilities Biblically. First to ensure that the congregation is taught well. Second, to keep the spiritual temperature of the church high. Third, to ensure that the congregation is led well and missionally, Fourth to protect the flock from the wolves of aggregious unrepentant sin, division and heresy. Fifth, to ensure that the flock is cared for. And, sixth, to ensure that people are developed, empowered and released into meaningful ministry. Certainly, the kinds of behaviors I have enumerated here violate number two, three, and five. My book, High Impact Church Boards enumerates these responsibilities. 

Too many boards are wrapped up in doing all the wrong things. Policies and procedures while ignoring toxic behaviors, conflict, people who are being abused and hurt, leaders who are not leading, and the absence of spiritual ferver in the church.

I am convinced that many boards are utterly untaught in the Biblical responsibilities of elders (regardless of the name of the senior leadership group in your polity). The result is a great deal of damage to the church as unadressed issues continue to grow until they blow up and in some cases destroy the church altogether. It is as if these boards have never had a serious discussion about the clear passages in the New Testament that speak to their role. There is no excuse for this. It is Biblical ignorance of the highest order. 

There are many very public examples of large churches who chose to ignore known issues until the issues literally blew the church up with broken bodies left all over the map.

I believe that boards ought to have a standing agreement that when there are credible issues that arise within their church that they will do these six things.

One, they will have a full discussion so that whatever the issues are they have been verbalized and everyone is aware of the situation.

Two, they ask the question as to what follow up is needed and who will be responsible for that follow up. This includes regular updates to the board until the issues are resolved. That follow up should include candid converstation with those who may know something or asking uncomfortable questions that will help them understand the truth.

Three, they ask the question as to their responsibility as church leaders in this situation. They put their responsibility front and center rather than evading their own responsibility. They measure their responsibility against the six responsibilities of leaders enumerated above from the Scriptures. 

Four, they commit to doing the right thing even when it is hard, inconvenient or uncomfortable. It takes courage to be a church leader and if one is unwilling to do the above, they should not serve in leadership.

Five, where the board cannot decide what to do they agree that they will seek outside counsel from individuals who are wise, who are not personally impacted and who can give unbiased counsel. 

Six, they will not leave known issues unadressed. Period. 

Any board that is unwilling to take these six steps ought to reconsider their leadership in light of their Biblical mandate. 

The greatest waste in any organization

The greatest waste in any organization is waste that no organization needs to pay but does regularly and the cost is high! What is it? It is wasted time, talent and energy of staff who are underutilized and whose time is wasted by supervisors. Let me explain!

I often do culture audits in organizations. One of my standard questions is this: Are you being used to your maximum potential, given your abilities and gifts? In almost every case, the answer is "No!" My follow up question is this: "Has your supervisor ever asked you that question?" Again, the answer is almost always no.

So here you have employees who want to use their gifts to the fullest and know they are not and employers who are choosing to leave that unused talent on the table. Who loses? The organization for sure which could see greater return on their investment along with staff who are unfulfilled. 

When I was in organizational leadership I would regularly ask my own assistant, "Is there anything I am doing that you could do for me?" And, "If you were running this office, what would you encourage me to do differently?" Those two simple questions allowed me to offload tremendous amounts of work over the years to competent and top flight administrators who could often accomplish tasks far faster than I could. This freed up precious time that I could use for other purposes. A win win for me and for the organization.

A second prodigious waste of time are ill prepared meetings where people come in late, where the facilitator is unprepared and as a result the staff are unengaged, paying more attention to their phones than to the object of the meeting. It is estimated that half of all meeting time in the United States is wasted. 

I once worked for an organizational leader who was habitually late to his meeting, came unprepared or simply did not show up. Repeatedly! I remember one time after my schedule was eradicated by his behavior, I left the building, went to the local Panera Bread and contemplated quitting right then. It was not too long after that I did resign. Aside from the total lack of respect shown, the wasted time and therefor opportunity was huge. And this was a large organization. 

No meeting should be held that does not start and end on time, has a clear agenda, agreements on how the meeting will be conducted and the attention of those present. If leaders give opportunity for the meeting to wander it will. If they model discipline and good planning they send a message to others about these values. We cannot ask of others what we ourselves do not model.

These examples show a lack of respect for staff, as well as the organization as a whole. But they also illustrate the waste that we can allow to rob our organizations of time, talent and job satisfaction. 

If you are a leader, regularly ask staff members if they are being utilized to the fullest and if you get a "no" work with them and their supervisor to change that equation. And on meetings, set a new standard if it needs to be set for disciplined and time effective meetings. These are important culture statements in any organization.

Leadership malpractice

Leaders face many temptations, which, if not guarded against, will hurt their leadership. Here are ten that I often think of and that are often not given adequate attention.

One: Starting to coast on past development in the middle and later years. When leaders don't stay sharp and don't have an intentional development plan, they hurt themselves and the team they lead. Intentionality must be ramped up in the middle and later years if we stay in the game. Not having a growth plan is leadership malpractice, especially for those in senior positions. Their lack of growth and development harms everyone under them. Leaders should only be allowed to operate with an annual development plan.

Two: We become set in our paradigms and lose the necessary flexibility all leaders need. The world changes quickly, and we need to continue to understand those changes and stay flexible in our approaches to maintain our ability to remain relevant. We should become more flexible as the years go by and realize the limitations of our knowledge, wisdom, and contributions to others. 

Three: Becoming less receptive to the ideas and feedback from others because we feel we have the knowledge base we need. When we stop listening to others, asking questions, and inviting input, we become less and less effective. No one has the complete knowledge base they need. Instead, we are deeply dependent on the expertise and skill of others as our leadership platform grows. When we become unwilling to hear candid feedback or ideas that are not ours, we are in a danger zone, and it is only a matter of time until our behaviors find us out.

Four: Getting into a rut by staying too long in our role. This does not necessarily mean we need to change jobs, but it does mean that we constantly need to look for new challenges that cause us to think, grow, and learn new things. This is why number one is so significant. One way to stay out of the inevitable rut is to develop intentionally. Those who wait too long in a single role experience a diminishment of thinking skills, strategy, and creativity as they stop using these necessary leadership functions. 

Five: Allowing our time with Jesus to become professional (related only to our work) rather than personal and intimate (related to our heart and life). It is an easy trap to fall into and one that we must constantly fight if we are going to allow Jesus to continuously transform our lives. This is a dangerous place for those who profess faith in Christ or work in ministry. Our relationship with God is only as current as the last time we spent with Him. Neglect of the spiritual is dangerous for those in any leadership position, especially those in professional ministry.

Six: Taking too little time for reflection and thinking. Leadership means responsibility, and it is easy for our activities to crowd out the reflection we need. When we are young, we run on energy to a great extent. As we mature, we need a lot of wisdom, but wisdom comes from having the time to think and reflect. The best leaders allocate more rather than less time to reflection and feeling as the years pass. This is the most challenging work a leader does because the pressure is always to be doing something when we should be doing a more excellent reflection and thinking that can lead to significant leadership breakthroughs. No one will do a leader's thinking for them.

Seven: Taking our staff for granted rather than realizing they are one of our highest priorities. No matter how good our team is, unless we are building into them, encouraging them, and helping them grow, we lose critical influence with them and the organization. Leaders either grow their subordinates or stagnate the organization by not doing so. The development and encouragement of staff are the quickest ways to significantly increase the organization's impact. It is literally a multiplication metric.

Eight: Allowing ourselves to become disengaged from the leadership work we do. This may reflect deficits in some of the issues above, but disengagement and autopilot always threaten good leadership. When we stop paying attention to our leadership tasks, it is usually because we are paying attention to lesser things and priorities in our lives. We have lost our way as leaders when we allow the less important to get in the way of the truly important. You cannot coast and lead well at the same time.

Nine: Not developing outside interests that can feed our lives. All of us need things that refresh us and delight us. Leadership is hard. Having other interests actually refreshes us for better leadership. Outside interests add richness to our lives and are indispensable to healthy leaders. For me, this is often reading one of the books stacked on my desk, photography, cooking, and, more recently, time in the gym. Doing less to achieve more and balancing life with multiple interests are keys to leadership success.

Ten: We should not allow our identity to be defined by our role in leadership rather than by our identity as healthy individuals. Leadership is a role we play, but it should not define who we are personally. We are people like everyone else and need to be comfortable outside our leadership role. It also helps us not take ourselves too seriously. Life is more than the role we play in our work. 

Nine ways that pastors can inadvertently create conflict in the church

Senior leaders are fully capable of creating unnecessary conflict in their churches. There is enough opportunity for conflict in the church without pastors contributing to it. Here are some ways that pastors contribute to conflict and, therefore, ways we can avoid doing so.

One: Being defensive with staff and boards. Defensiveness shuts down discussion, which inevitably creates conflict as real issues cannot be openly discussed and resolved. When pastors are insecure and, therefore, not open to robust dialogue, conflict becomes inevitable. The more open we are the less opportunity there is for conflict to germinate. 

Two: Making unilateral decisions without the input of stakeholders. Nobody likes surprises - not boards, not staff, or congregations. When pastors do not engage stakeholders, whoever they are, they create the seeds of conflict. Key decisions need to be processed with those who are impacted.

Three: Being inflexible. We may be clear about where we want to go, but flexibility is usually necessary to get there. Often, we cannot get everything we desire at once. Wise leaders are flexible in how they get to where they are going so that those they lead will actually go with them.

Four: Not running process. This is related to the above. All change requires a process to help those we lead go with us. When leaders make decisions that surprise stakeholders and do not run an adequate process to explain their rationale for change, conflict inevitably occurs. Often, we are too impatient to go where we want to go rather than take the time to run a process, and it results in conflict.

Five: We are not clear on where we are going and how we are going to get there. Ambiguity over direction and strategy creates insecurity and questions among those we lead. Clarity over both is critical to a healthy congregation. Often, when these are absent, dysfunction results.

Six: Marginalizing those who disagree with us. This is always a sign of poor EQ and insecurity, but it is not uncommon among senior pastors. We too often equate loyalty with agreeing with us, and when someone disagrees, there is a tendency to see them as bad or disloyal or even "agents of the evil one." Disagreement is not bad, but our response to it can be. When we marginalize those who disagree with us, we naturally create conflict because we now have those who are "in" and those who are "out."

Seven: Using the pulpit to take shots at our detractors. All pastors have detractors—it is the nature of the job. But when we start using the pulpit (which is a powerful platform), we naturally create an us-and-them mentality. The pulpit is for the untainted truth of God from Scripture, not a platform for us to take shots at our detractors. They deserve our love and maybe our candid thoughts, but not from the pulpit.

Eight: Dividing the board from the staff. I call this "leadership default." Pastors never play their board against their staff, for it inevitably creates an "us/them" mentality and distrust between two groups that must work in coordination with one another. The senior team the pastor is on is always his board, and it is his responsibility to create partnership rather than tension between his staff and his board.

Nine: Using the church for one's own agenda rather than for a corporate agenda that is agreed to by staff and board. Churches can be a platform for our personal agendas in leadership, or they can be a platform for God's agenda, which is agreed to by leadership, staff, and, ultimately, the congregation. When we use it for our own agenda without the agreement of others who make up our leadership team and the congregation as a whole (remember the priesthood of believers) we will inevitably create conflict.

As leaders, we often criticize those who create conflict in the local church. We need to remember that we can do the same—and often do if we are not careful. 

Counterintuitive practices of great leaders: Leading beyond the ordinary

There are several practices of wise leaders that are counterintuitive to how people usually think and act. However, these counterintuitive practices can help you build incredibly strong, resilient, and loyal teams. 

First is the practice of holding staff with an open hand. We breed resentment when we hold on to staff and make it difficult for them to move on or explore other opportunities. On the other hand, if we always tell them that we want the absolute best for them, whether with our team or on another, you breed loyalty. Those who are willing to let go find that people actually stay longer!

Second, developing staff to their maximum potential, even though it may mean they eventually leave your organization because you have developed them beyond your ability to challenge them. This willingness to develop others comes from a conviction that leadership is a trust, and a major part of that trust is building capacity into others - not to benefit you specifically but to help others use their God-given gifts to their fullest potential. This is an unselfish view of leadership development that benefits your staff, your organization, and others that your staff may end up serving.

Third, giving leadership opportunities away to qualified individuals rather than keeping them to yourself. This is counterintuitive because leadership opportunity also equals power and authority in the minds of many. Most leaders tend to guard rather than share leadership opportunities. It is counterintuitive to lift others up as we are often naturally selfish. Doing so, however, extends our own influence as we allow others to lead. 

Fourth, encourage people to speak their minds even when disagreeing with your ideas or thinking. The ability of others to engage in robust dialogue where any issue can be discussed, with the exception of personal attacks or hidden agendas, actually brings the best thoughts to the table. Leaders must overcome their insecurities to encourage robust dialogue, but they get the best from their people when they do. Letting others speak their minds even when they contradict our ideas is powerful and counterintuitive.

Fifth, encourage staff to accomplish their jobs in their own way (not how we would do it) within specified boundaries. Empowerment means letting go and unleashing others to use their creativity and gifts in their own way. It is hard for leaders to let go, but when they do, they get the best out of their staff—if they choose them wisely. Micromanagement breeds resentment, while empowerment breeds great loyalty.

One of my convictions is that conventional wisdom is always conventional but not always wisdom. The best leaders think differently than conventional leaders, and their counterintuitive practices reflect nonconventional thinking.