Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Monday, May 25, 2015
Signs that leaders are leading from a posture of fear and insecurity
We often do not realize it when our leader is leading from a posture of fear but there are symptoms that give it away. It is dysfunctional and it feels bad but we often do not understand what is going on. Here are some of the symptoms of a leader who is leading from a place of fear.
One: They demand loyalty to themselves rather than to the mission of the organization. Leaders who lack self confidence require their staff to be loyal to them - usually meaning that their staff agree with their views - rather than loyalty to the organization and its mission. They are intimidated by independent voices who speak their minds and if they perceive that the loyalty as they define it is not present they often marginalize those voices.
Two: They try to keep people from talking to others about issues they feel strongly about. When pastors, for instance tell staff that they cannot talk to board members or board members to staff or staff to congregants it is a sign of fear rather than a sign of confidence. Whenever leaders seek to limit the conversation of others (beyond appropriate channels) they are operating out of fear rather than health. Prohibiting open conversation is usually a precursor to an unraveling of leadership.
Three: They display an underlying anger that erupts in inappropriate language, statements, requirements or rules. People who live with fear or insecurity often try to control the environment around them with threats, anger, strong statements that intimidate or rules that are meant to keep their staff in line. When it does not feel good, it probably is not good. When it feels intimidating or coming from a place of fear, it probably is. When it does not feel healthy it probably is not healthy.
Four: Those who disagree are let go or marginalized and the reasons for departures, voluntary or involuntary are disguised. Truth is usually a victim to insecurity and fear. There is an inordinate desire to control the message and to spin the reasons for departures in the name of being graceful for those who are leaving but usually to protect the insecure leader responsible for the departure of the staff member.
Five: There is a culture of fear on staff. Anytime, fear becomes the culture and people are not allowed to talk with one another or others it is a sign of an insecure leader. No secure leader creates an environment of fear or intimidation. None. Where there is fear among the staff in general there is a dysfunctional and usually a fearful leader.
Six: Candid feedback to the leader is not allowed or appreciated. Only insecure or fearful leaders create an environment where candid and honest feedback is limited, controlled or not allowed/appreciated. It says more about the leader than it does about the staff. It comes from fear and insecurity rather than security and freedom.
Seven: A leader's board and senior staff must toe the line of the leader. Some years ago, our organization made a decision that irritated a senior pastor within the denomination. He forced his board (through intimidation) to agree with him and to withhold all support of our organization in the face of irrefutable evidence that we had reasons for our decision. But no pushback was allowed and he forced his board to go along with him. When a board or senior staff must toe the line of the leader, it is usually a sign of control, fear and insecurity.
My question is why such behaviors are not seen for what they are in the ministry arena and why staff and boards allow this kind of behavior? It demonstrates naivete on the part of boards and usually fear on the part of staff who are put in an impossible situation. Don't be fooled and don't get sucked into a dysfunctional leaders stuff. It is poison and it is foolishness. Too many board members get sucked into the dysfunction.
Posted from Knoxville, Tennessee
One: They demand loyalty to themselves rather than to the mission of the organization. Leaders who lack self confidence require their staff to be loyal to them - usually meaning that their staff agree with their views - rather than loyalty to the organization and its mission. They are intimidated by independent voices who speak their minds and if they perceive that the loyalty as they define it is not present they often marginalize those voices.
Two: They try to keep people from talking to others about issues they feel strongly about. When pastors, for instance tell staff that they cannot talk to board members or board members to staff or staff to congregants it is a sign of fear rather than a sign of confidence. Whenever leaders seek to limit the conversation of others (beyond appropriate channels) they are operating out of fear rather than health. Prohibiting open conversation is usually a precursor to an unraveling of leadership.
Three: They display an underlying anger that erupts in inappropriate language, statements, requirements or rules. People who live with fear or insecurity often try to control the environment around them with threats, anger, strong statements that intimidate or rules that are meant to keep their staff in line. When it does not feel good, it probably is not good. When it feels intimidating or coming from a place of fear, it probably is. When it does not feel healthy it probably is not healthy.
Four: Those who disagree are let go or marginalized and the reasons for departures, voluntary or involuntary are disguised. Truth is usually a victim to insecurity and fear. There is an inordinate desire to control the message and to spin the reasons for departures in the name of being graceful for those who are leaving but usually to protect the insecure leader responsible for the departure of the staff member.
Five: There is a culture of fear on staff. Anytime, fear becomes the culture and people are not allowed to talk with one another or others it is a sign of an insecure leader. No secure leader creates an environment of fear or intimidation. None. Where there is fear among the staff in general there is a dysfunctional and usually a fearful leader.
Six: Candid feedback to the leader is not allowed or appreciated. Only insecure or fearful leaders create an environment where candid and honest feedback is limited, controlled or not allowed/appreciated. It says more about the leader than it does about the staff. It comes from fear and insecurity rather than security and freedom.
Seven: A leader's board and senior staff must toe the line of the leader. Some years ago, our organization made a decision that irritated a senior pastor within the denomination. He forced his board (through intimidation) to agree with him and to withhold all support of our organization in the face of irrefutable evidence that we had reasons for our decision. But no pushback was allowed and he forced his board to go along with him. When a board or senior staff must toe the line of the leader, it is usually a sign of control, fear and insecurity.
My question is why such behaviors are not seen for what they are in the ministry arena and why staff and boards allow this kind of behavior? It demonstrates naivete on the part of boards and usually fear on the part of staff who are put in an impossible situation. Don't be fooled and don't get sucked into a dysfunctional leaders stuff. It is poison and it is foolishness. Too many board members get sucked into the dysfunction.
Posted from Knoxville, Tennessee
Sunday, May 24, 2015
A dialogue between T.J. Addington and Tony Morgan from the Unstuck Group on church governance
It won't take you much time but if you are a pastor or a church leader, this conversation is for you.
Church Boards: An Interview with TJ Addington
Posted from Knoxville, Tennessee
Saturday, May 23, 2015
Living and leading with expectation rather than discouragement
It is very interesting to listen to people regarding their circumstances in life and whether they see their glass as half full or half empty. I suppose this can vary on any given day but I would argue that for believers we have reason every day to live with expectation rather than with fear and discouragement.
I love Psalm 5:3 in this respect where David says:
"In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation."
David is suggesting that it is possible to walk through our days with expectation of what God will bring and do in answer to our prayer. This is not a life of fear and discouragement but one of faith, courage and expectation.
The word expectation has a sense of mystery to it. How will God answer? What will he do in response to our prayer? When will He act? It also has a sense of faith for in expecting Him to act we are conscious that He hears our prayers and answers them - in His wise and sovereign way.
After many years of leadership I have learned that I don't need to live with anxiety over challenges in the ministry I lead. What I do instead is give the issue to God and wait to see how He will show up and what it will look like. I always have a choice: I can see life as a glass half full or half empty. As believers we ought to see our glass as half full - in expectation of how and when He is going to fill up the other half. You never know, it might even overflow.
An attitude of expectation is contagious. As God gives it to us, we in turn can give it to others through our attitudes, faith, courage and expectation.
Posted from Knoxville, Tennessee
I love Psalm 5:3 in this respect where David says:
"In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation."
David is suggesting that it is possible to walk through our days with expectation of what God will bring and do in answer to our prayer. This is not a life of fear and discouragement but one of faith, courage and expectation.
The word expectation has a sense of mystery to it. How will God answer? What will he do in response to our prayer? When will He act? It also has a sense of faith for in expecting Him to act we are conscious that He hears our prayers and answers them - in His wise and sovereign way.
After many years of leadership I have learned that I don't need to live with anxiety over challenges in the ministry I lead. What I do instead is give the issue to God and wait to see how He will show up and what it will look like. I always have a choice: I can see life as a glass half full or half empty. As believers we ought to see our glass as half full - in expectation of how and when He is going to fill up the other half. You never know, it might even overflow.
An attitude of expectation is contagious. As God gives it to us, we in turn can give it to others through our attitudes, faith, courage and expectation.
Posted from Knoxville, Tennessee
Friday, May 22, 2015
Pastors, staff and board members who use inappropriate language, emotions and actions
I was once doing an intervention in a church where the pastor was in conflict with several associate pastors. During a "reconciliation meeting" the senior pastor acknowledged a whole lot of behavior that he termed was "below the belt" but his further comment was that "It was no different than what the associate had done to him." Really?
I told them both that their behaviors would be a no brainier for termination in the ministry I lead and that foul language, anger, threats, shouting at one another and undermining each other was simply unacceptable behavior in ministry and would be cause for termination in the business sector. What I said to them was that they were like two year olds throwing sand at one another in a sandbox rather than grown ups who deal with one another with grace and the attitudes of the Fruit of the Spirit.
I am always amazed at the behaviors that are acceptable in the church but would be unacceptable in business where the standards presumably are lower than in the church. When the Fruit of the Spirit is not exhibited by those who are in church leadership - whether pastors or board members or volunteers there is a deep problem. When the scenes behind the scenes are not consistent with the public portrayal there is hypocrisy in the camp. Yet boards and staff seem to ignore this all the time. Why?
I suspect boards ignore such issues because when it is a fellow board member they don't have the courage to confront one of their own. I suspect they ignore these issues with a senior leader when that leader is "producing results," irregardless of the behaviors that should be deemed unacceptable. That is a pragmatic approach that ignores the inner dishealth of the leader. What they don't get is that the health of the leader will inevitably determine the health of the staff and the entire congregation. As goes the leader, so goes the church. When it all comes apart, I have often had boards acknowledge that they knew all was not well with their leader but chose to ignore it because the leader was bringing people in. The facade was good but the inner structure was unhealthy.
Paul told Timothy to watch both his life and his theology with diligence so that all would notice (1 Timothy 4:15-16). He also told him to "set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity (1 Timothy 4:12). Theology without a life that reflects that theology is unacceptable in the Kingdom of God. No one is perfect but there are boundaries to what is acceptable and if it not acceptable in public it is also not acceptable behind the scenes.
If our behind the scenes leadership (language, actions, behaviors attitudes) do not reflect our up front leadership there is a dissonance that should be addressed because it will eventually cause deep problems. Our public lives should directly reflect our private lives and when that is not the case there is a discontinuity that will eventually hurt the organization - especially when it comes to leaders. In the case cited above it caused the explosion of a church which has taken several years to heal.
See also, Abuse in the church. When the bully is the pastor.
Posted from Bloomington - Normal, Illinois
I told them both that their behaviors would be a no brainier for termination in the ministry I lead and that foul language, anger, threats, shouting at one another and undermining each other was simply unacceptable behavior in ministry and would be cause for termination in the business sector. What I said to them was that they were like two year olds throwing sand at one another in a sandbox rather than grown ups who deal with one another with grace and the attitudes of the Fruit of the Spirit.
I am always amazed at the behaviors that are acceptable in the church but would be unacceptable in business where the standards presumably are lower than in the church. When the Fruit of the Spirit is not exhibited by those who are in church leadership - whether pastors or board members or volunteers there is a deep problem. When the scenes behind the scenes are not consistent with the public portrayal there is hypocrisy in the camp. Yet boards and staff seem to ignore this all the time. Why?
I suspect boards ignore such issues because when it is a fellow board member they don't have the courage to confront one of their own. I suspect they ignore these issues with a senior leader when that leader is "producing results," irregardless of the behaviors that should be deemed unacceptable. That is a pragmatic approach that ignores the inner dishealth of the leader. What they don't get is that the health of the leader will inevitably determine the health of the staff and the entire congregation. As goes the leader, so goes the church. When it all comes apart, I have often had boards acknowledge that they knew all was not well with their leader but chose to ignore it because the leader was bringing people in. The facade was good but the inner structure was unhealthy.
Paul told Timothy to watch both his life and his theology with diligence so that all would notice (1 Timothy 4:15-16). He also told him to "set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity (1 Timothy 4:12). Theology without a life that reflects that theology is unacceptable in the Kingdom of God. No one is perfect but there are boundaries to what is acceptable and if it not acceptable in public it is also not acceptable behind the scenes.
If our behind the scenes leadership (language, actions, behaviors attitudes) do not reflect our up front leadership there is a dissonance that should be addressed because it will eventually cause deep problems. Our public lives should directly reflect our private lives and when that is not the case there is a discontinuity that will eventually hurt the organization - especially when it comes to leaders. In the case cited above it caused the explosion of a church which has taken several years to heal.
See also, Abuse in the church. When the bully is the pastor.
Posted from Bloomington - Normal, Illinois
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Giving space and giving grace
We, and I include myself in that, are all too prone to criticizing then actions or words of another. Now there are clearly behaviors which are out of line and which are violations of our organizational cultures. But at the same time there are things that we might call "quirks" of another - and we all have them where we need to give both space and grace.
As uniquely created individuals there are places that we will differ with others. In addition, there are things that others do that may irritate us. I certainly experience this and I also irritate others at times.
There is perhaps no scripture that challenges me more than this than that of the the fruit of the Spirit: Love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control (Galatians 5:22-23). These are the characteristics that the Spirit exercises to us and which we are to exercise toward others.
Before I am critical of others I need to ask myself if I am living out the fruit of the Spirit in my actions and reactions. This is not an excuse to ignore inappropriate behavior but it is a reminder to us as to how we respond.
Often, those things that irritate me the most in others are things that I struggle with myself. That is something that I need to think hard about. We all do!
Before we react to the words or actions of others, lets give space and give grace. And if we need to address it lets do it with the combination of grace and truth and an awareness of our own vulnerabilities and struggles. It would make a great difference in our relationships. I am so glad for how the Holy Spirit gives me grace and space and for those who love me who do the same. I want to be one who gives it to others.
Posted from Bloomington - Normal, Illinois
As uniquely created individuals there are places that we will differ with others. In addition, there are things that others do that may irritate us. I certainly experience this and I also irritate others at times.
There is perhaps no scripture that challenges me more than this than that of the the fruit of the Spirit: Love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control (Galatians 5:22-23). These are the characteristics that the Spirit exercises to us and which we are to exercise toward others.
Before I am critical of others I need to ask myself if I am living out the fruit of the Spirit in my actions and reactions. This is not an excuse to ignore inappropriate behavior but it is a reminder to us as to how we respond.
Often, those things that irritate me the most in others are things that I struggle with myself. That is something that I need to think hard about. We all do!
Before we react to the words or actions of others, lets give space and give grace. And if we need to address it lets do it with the combination of grace and truth and an awareness of our own vulnerabilities and struggles. It would make a great difference in our relationships. I am so glad for how the Holy Spirit gives me grace and space and for those who love me who do the same. I want to be one who gives it to others.
Posted from Bloomington - Normal, Illinois
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
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