What wise people know about gossip

Gossip is one of the most destructive habits we can engage in. Often it is nothing less than character assassination since our information is often incomplete, second hand and wrong. Wise people know four things about bad news they hear regarding others.

One: There is always more to a story. Usually when we hear bad news about another person it is at best partial news. Take a marriage conflict or a divorce. Hearing from one partner does not give one a complete picture. There is always more to a story. Wise individuals think grey about negative information passed on about others because they know there is always more to a story.

Two: There is always the rest of the story. Even when people do bad things, that need not be the end of the story because with redemption and change the end of the story can be different than the current story. Wise people know that we need to give people the opportunity to change their story rather than assume their current story is the full story.

Three: Good people can do bad things. Do you doubt this? Consider yourself. Each of us do bad things but we don't consider ourselves bad people. God sees us as holy people who still sin. Therefore, don't write others off because of their bad actions. Wise people know that good people can do bad things and don't demonize the person.

Four: People love to believe and share the worst about others rather than the best. It is our lower nature to share the worst about others rather than the best about others. We are really good at it. Perhaps it makes us feel better about ourselves. Wise people know this tendency and keep in mind that there are likely very good things about the character and behavior of those they are hearing negative things about.

These four truths can change our paradigms when it comes to gossip. Wise people always keep these in mind and therefore resist gossip. It also gives them a more compassionate and gracious response to those who have done bad things. It need not be the end of the story and it is unlikely the full story.

When boards don't know the morale of the staff or choose to ignore it

It is not uncommon for me to deal with situations where the board of a church or non-profit (it happens in the for profit world as well) seem to be ignorant of the moral of the staff in the organization. In many cases I have been called in as a consultant because of low staff morale. When I report to the board my findings either the reaction is one of surprise or embarrassment. Surprise when they had no inkling of the issue and embarrassment when they did but chose to ignore it and hope it would go away.

When this happens it is always unfortunate because the common result is that good people leave the organization disillusioned with the leadership and discouraged with the lack of concern for the staff. Usually, by the time the issue is dealt with, some of the best people are gone.

Why does this happen? First, boards rightly assume that staff issues are the purview of the senior leader so they don't get involved. At one level this is correct. Boards should not be giving direction to staff apart from their senior leader. But at another level this is flawed thinking. If the senior leader were taking the organization in directions that were disadvantageous to the organization, the board would step in. Where there are serious morale issues, those issues are a threat to the organization - if the staff involved are good staff that the organization wants to keep. Healthy boards never ignore threats to the organization.

So how does a board keep a pulse on staff in a church or ministry non-profit. Informally, conversations with staff where the board member is not giving direction but simply listening to how the ministry is doing can be helpful. 

More formally, the board can ask for reports on any trends regarding resignations from the organization. Such reports are consistent with policy governance and certainly can give a board a heads up if there seem to be common issues. 

Third, there are software programs that can measure engagement of staff and general satisfaction with their work. Such programs can be a great help to senior leadership and boards have every right to see the monthly results as well.

If board members believe that there is an issue that needs to be addressed with staff morale it ought to be a topic in executive session and then raised with the senior leader. And there needs to be a way to verify what is true and if there is a plan to deal with morale issues, whether it is successful. While boards need to give their senior leader wide latitude in assessing and solving morale problems they are also ultimately responsible for the health of the organization so cannot ignore the issue. 

I am even more concerned when boards seem totally unaware of serious issues within the staff. What this tells me is that the board has inadequate policies or procedures in place to monitor the health of its most important asset: the staff. If it matters to monitor the financial situation of an organization it matters just as much to monitor the satisfaction of the staff. Both are active indicators of the organization's health.

When there is not adequate organizational clarity

If there is one thing that many organizations lack it is crystal clear clarity about who they are, what they want to accomplish and how they are going to get there. This is especially true of non-profits and ministries as the profit motive is not the driving factor. In fact, clarity is the glue that holds the organization together as it grows. In my consulting with numerous non-profits I have observed four related consequences of poor or no organizational clarity.

Conflict
I am speaking here of conflict between leaders and departments. Why? Because a lack of clarity from the top results in leaders one level below creating their own clarity and going in their own direction. When there is a vacuum, someone will fill it. The problem is that we fill it with our version of clarity rather than a shared version of clarity, find ourselves at odds with one another, create silos and find ourselves fighting over direction, finances, resources and strategy.

Relational disconnect
This conflict creates relational disconnect and we often assume that the conflict is a result of people with bad motives or who are not team players. More likely the disconnect is a result of the senior leader not developing a shared clarity about who the organization is and how it will get to where it wants to go. The relational disconnects are a result of poor leadership at the very top of the organization.

Lack of alignment
In this situation, senior leaders and departments are not aligned with one another. Each may be doing good things but often they are working at cross currents with each other. If each were an arrow, the arrows would be pointing in different directions rather than all in the same general direction. This lack of alignment creates conflict and relational disconnect and is deeply frustrating to good leaders who often leave if the situation is not solved. 

Dispersed energy and compromised impact
Because the arrows are not pointed in the same direction and departments and leaders are working at cross purposes with one another the energy and impact of the organization is severely compromised. In fact, leaders are often trying to negotiate issues within the organization rather than focusing on the mission of the organization. There is nothing more distracting and discouraging to people who have bought into a mission than to be fighting intermural wars when they could be delivering on the mission.

Organizational clarity matters...a lot. 

Life interruptions of hard times

One of the inescapable truths about God is that He does not see life from our point of view or what is best for us from our vantage point. Nowhere is this more evident than in our desire for a life of ease and comfort and His not uncommon "interruptions" that bring with them hardship, suffering and challenges that test our coping abilities. We often question His inscrutable ways as we wish our hardships away. Sometimes He seems to hear our prayers and other times the hardships seem to be the new normal and the circumstances of our lives do not change. And it misses a crucial point which CS Lewis in his wise way reminds us. "The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one's 'own,' or 'real' life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one's real life -- the life God is sending one day by day." God is never surprised by our circumstances. Nor does He always see our "negative" circumstances as such. Often He sees them as opportunities for our own growth so that in an inversion of what the world counts as good, He sees the hard as opportunities for our greatest growth and therefore greatest good. Given this, those negative circumstances that we see as life interruptions are often the richest life we will ever live as it drives us closest to God. If we will see it as such and if we will embrace what God has sent and trust Him in its midst.
Consider these words of James regarding such life interruptions: Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing (James 1:2-4)."

It is good to pray for resolution of the hard situations we face. It is also good to embrace what God wants to do in our lives through it. And finally it is good to trust Him fully in its midst. This is life lived in followership of Jesus.

Self evaluation and personal growth

In the busyness of life, the hectic schedules we keep, and the many obligations we agree to, one thing often suffers self-evaluation and personal growth. We are too busy to consider and running too fast to be purposeful in our own growth. In this, we pay a personal price.

The price is that we miss out on personal perspective and growth that can give us greater personal health and happiness and can improve our relationships and life impact. How many times do we say to ourselves, "I wish I had known that when I was younger." An investment in our personal growth today can have a significant impact in the years to come. What we don't learn today will cost us in the years to come. It is the law of returns.

Growth always starts with self-evaluation. Taking the time to thoughtfully consider our lives, Emotional Intelligence, where we are going, relationships, work, finances, marriage, and the major building blocks of our lives. And then being brutally honest with ourselves regarding the state of our lives. 

In self-evaluation, journaling is a powerful tool. When we put on paper with our own hands the reality of our lives, good and bad, it is also imprinted in our brains. It clarifies what it is we are considering and demands action - a plan or strategy for growth. To journal, one must set aside time, quiet the mind, and think clearly. The opposite of the cacophony of daily life.

In addition, a periodic review of one's journal reminds us of our past thinking and often of our progress. It is a reminder and an encouragement. 

Intentional reading on subjects that will help us think more deeply, along with conversations with trusted friends, provides us with both insights and a mirror with which to see ourselves. Of course, there is no better mirror than scripture as it places in front of us the character, wisdom, and teaching of God. And, as the book of Hebrews says, it probes deeply into our hearts. For me, the simple act of blogging creates space in my life to think more deeply than I otherwise would.

Evaluation is understanding where we are, whereas growth is doing something about it. Again, I come back to putting thoughts on paper. I cannot reflect in my journal without also thinking through and writing down solutions, modifications, or new commitments. It is a natural part of the writing process. And again, looking back on our journal entries in months to come, we are reminded of our plan and can celebrate whatever growth has occurred. 

This simple blog required me to carve out an hour of my time, but it also caused me to think and put on paper simple thoughts of self-evaluation and personal growth. Without making space for it in my day, there would be no blog. Without making space in our day or week for personal growth, there will be far less growth than there could be. I wish I had known that when I was younger...

The paradox of our perspectives on sin

Here is a paradox: When we consider the sin of others we often see them as bad people who did a bad thing. When we consider our own sin we see a good person who did a bad thing. We tend to assume the worst about others and the best about ourselves. In the first instance our attitudes of condemnation of others can fuel our own self-righteousness because our sin is not as bad as their sin. It is ironic that we can be proud that we are less sinful than others! It is also a false comparison in that all of us are capable of evil. The Apostle Paul called himself the "chief among sinners" and described his own struggles with doing what is right in Romans 7. It is also why he said that we should boast in nothing but the cross as it is through the cross that our sin is forgiven, our hearts cleansed and our lives transformed. We are all sinners saved by grace. That is the great leveler! In the second instance, it is very possible for us to downplay our own proclivities toward evil and assume that we are better than we are. As Winston Churchill said humorously, "We are all worms but I do believe that I am a glow worm." In other words, we are the exceptions to the rule. Actually no one is exempt from evil and all must be aware of its pull. A part of true spiritual formation is understanding that our goodness comes from Christ and that in our fallen nature we are all prone to sinful thoughts and actions. Understanding our own sinful inclinations both helps us guard against them and appreciate the struggles of others. We may struggle differently but all of us struggle with sin. How I see others and their sin has an impact on how I treat them. Usually we treat ourselves far better than we treat others because we can think the worst about them and the best about ourselves. What if we were to treat others the way we treat ourselves and assume that they, like us, desire the best and desire righteousness. We are all broken vessels that only God can fully repair. My fault lines may lie in different places than yours but the places of needed healing and growth exist for us both.

Six board lessons from the recent Willow Creek events

My objective here is not to revisit the specific controversies of Willow Creek but to draw some lessons for those of us who serve on church boards to consider. For my part, I am drawing on decades of working with church boards as well as having served for years on various boards. The recent issues at Willow Creek simply serve to illustrate my observations. I suspect that the good people who serve(d) in leadership at Willow would agree with most of these observations.

One. You can have as sophisticated a board structure as you desire and still get into deep weeds. If you google Willow Creek and church governance you will see all kinds of advice for how churches should structure their governance. They used Policy Governance and wrote about running great meetings. In the end none of that mattered when the board could not hold the senior pastor accountable and failed to guard the health of the church. 

There are governance structures that will make ministry easier and some that will make ministry harder but the structure itself is only as good as the people who are leading. The bottom line is that governance structures while important are not a substitute for wise leaders. Sadly, the very ministry that held up its leadership paradigm as a model (Willow Creek), ended up with its whole leadership team resigning with no credibility left. It is a warning to all boards. 

I am very curious what the dynamics were at Willow that prevented people on the board who asked the right questions from staying in leadership. When discerning people ask discerning questions and they get shut down by the rest of the board it is a sign of a dysfunctional and unhealthy board and organizational culture.

Two: Any structure that prevents board members from asking questions of a senior leader and verifying their answers is flawed. I have encountered situations where in the name of Policy Governance, the board was not allowed to press into staff issues, or even ministry philosophy and they acquiesced to the senior leader's pushback.  Even while the senior leader was mistreating staff, creating a toxic workplace and making ministry decisions that alienated huge portions of the congregation. When it all came apart, the boards no longer had any credibility and had to step down. 

Only after the fact, and after huge damage had been done did these boards realize that they had failed to ask the hard questions, insist on answers and verify those answers. 

Three: Unhealthy pastors can and do use their boards to protect them and to silence discerning members of the congregation who are asking penetrating questions. When you try to silence others you either create a cult like atmosphere and healthy people leave, or there is a blow up when the voices persist (Willow Creek and Mars Hill), and finally leaders must confront it. Certainly not all voices in any organization are created equal but when people of good reputation and discernment speak up as they did at Willow Creek and Mars Hill they are ignored at the board's own peril. As they discovered.

One other observation. Boards cannot be intimidated by their senior pastor. If they are they will not be a healthy independent board. 

Four: Unhealthy governance systems or groups will eventually cause significant issues in the congregation. In the case of Mars Hill, the church ended up disbanding. In the case of Willow Creek, the leadership resigned. Think of the pain felt by the congregation in both cases. When there are unhealthy pastors or boards, that health issues will eventually be felt by the congregation. 

Five: Sometimes a board needs an outside voice(s) in order to help them see beyond their desire to protect the pastors, themselves or the church and to do the right thing. In the middle of a crisis or when people feel under siege, poor decisions are often made. What might have happened at Willow if the board had brought in and listened to a wise outside voice. Someone who has stature in the Evangelical community. This is not a sign of weakness but a sign of maturity. If nothing else an outside voice of reason and wisdom can verify the board's approach - or challenge them. 

Six. A sign of a healthy leader is their willingness to be accountable to a board even if they disagree with some of their decisions. Healthy leaders solicit the opinions of others, listen to their authority, respect it and abide by it even when they may disagree. If a senior pastor will not abide by board decisions or allow the board to make those decisions beware! It means the board has authority in name only and not in reality.


See also Willow Creek and governance. A watershed moment

London Bridge is down: A fascinating article about an end of an era

Given the advanced age of Queen Elizabeth there are numerous contingency plans for her death and funeral. Some of us will grieve personally. In my case, I was her subject from 1960 to 1971 while living in Hong Kong. Each day in school, rather than a Pledge Allegiance we sang God Save the Queen. I have been schooled in the history of he monarchy and the UK and have a very soft spot in my heart for her and what she stands for. Whatever our upbringing, Queen Elizabeth has been an influence in our world for many years. The following article describes what will happen in minute detail upon her death.

London Bridge is Down: The secret plan for the days after the queens death

The rare magnet of grace

We live in a harsh world. It is not just our differences and the polarization of our society but it is the attitudes that accompany our differences. Attitudes of derision, anger, ill will, verbal assaults and relational separation. Such a context makes it all the more remarkable to meet people who practice the grace of Jesus toward others.

Extending grace to those we think don't deserve it is the most counter intuitive act we could perform. The only reason we can do this is that we recognize God did the same for us and we of all people did not deserve His grace. Not then and not now. But He extends it regardless because that is who He is.

Grace is wonderful when extended to us by God and others. It can be inconvenient when we are called to extend it to those around us. Especially those who irritate and anger us. Those who have hurt or failed us. Those who have committed some sin that we can condemn them for because it is worse than our own sin (in our eyes). But the thing about grace is that it is by definition unmerited favor. It is reserved only for those who don't deserve it. And none of us do! 

I had an uncle by the name of Warren. I always loved to be in his presence because he was a person of grace. Never condemning, always loving and accepting. There was no hint of condemnation in him. In this he was like Jesus. And very different from many Christ followers I know. 

Personally I don't believe the church has much of a greater understanding of grace than the rest of our world. We can be just as condemning, exhibit the same animosity toward those whose views do not match ours and perhaps even more judgmental of others since we can use the cudgel of Scripture to put others down. And we do. Just listen to the conversation of many. 

Of course we have a Scriptural excuse. We need to be people of grace and truth like Jesus was. We are very good at the truth part, which is where our attitudes of judgement come from. But we are very weak at grace, extending unmerited favor. 

And we forget that even when sharing truth, Jesus was normally very gentle: the woman at the well; the woman caught in adultery; the rich young ruler. Our truth can be hard and cutting. His was soft and gentle which made it all the more remarkable and caught his audience off guard. Even His truth was filled with grace. Truth if not communicated with the fruit of the Spirit is not God's truth.

I no longer assume Christ followers will be people of grace which makes it all the more beautiful when they are. While I too fail at it many times, I want to learn to be more like Jesus in this - and my uncle Warren. And to live out the admonition of Paul in Ephesians 4:32-5:2. "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."

That is grace! Who can you show some grace to today?

Do you have a book in you that is just waiting to be published?

Today it is easier than ever to publish a book. So if you have a non- fiction book that is waiting to get out, I would love to talk with you. I can help you in each step of the process including:

Concepting

                           Writing                            

Editing

Design

Copyrighting

Publishing

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As the author of 5 books and four in process I have a passion to see others share their wisdom. 

You may also be the leader of a business, church, ministry or non-profit and want to codify who you are, tell your story and inspire both staff and customers. We can help you with that as well. 

You may contact me at 615.840.1676 or tjaddington@gmail.com. I look forward to talking with you.

Whose perspective do you have in mind today? Yours or God's?

"...you are not setting your mind on God’s interests, but man’s."

Jesus to Peter, Mark 8:33

In this passage, Peter makes a perfectly reasonable statement. Jesus has been talking about his death and Peter said, "Hey Jesus, don't talk that way - you are the Christ - why talk about death?' (ok I am speculating on what Peter actually said but we know he rebuked Jesus for his words). You and I would no doubt have felt the same way whether we said it out loud or not.

In Jesus' reply to Peter he says, "Look, there are two kinds of interests here: Man's and God's. And you, Peter are not thinking of God's interests but man's. My interests are different than your interests (my paraphrase)." This is an interesting statement and one that each of us ought to consider in our own thinking and decision making.

In the Lord's prayer we pray, "Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven." With those words we are again making the distinction that God's interests are not the same as man's interests in many cases. Consider:

• I have a preferred future for my life but so does God. His plan is to see me become like Him and join Him in His work. He is more interested in helping me develop His character than He is in my success (by the world's definition).
• The code of morality in our society is often very different from God's. Honesty, truth, fairness and integrity are paramount to God's character but are often peripheral matters to those around us. Often getting to where we want to go is more important than how we get there.
• We are always up to something but so is God. And what He is up to is far more important than what we are up to. Joining Him in His work in our world is the path to life significance and meaning.

Jesus' point to Peter is one worth considering.  On any given day we are faced with all kinds of decisions, priorities and choices. In all of those we should be aware that God's interests may be different than ours. And we ought to consider the question: Is my decision based on my interests or His?

One other thing. The interests of God may seem foolish to those around us at times. The plan of God for the crucifixion certainly seemed crazy and foolish and a failure of what Jesus was sent to do. Which is why Peter offered Jesus his (mistaken) perspective: "Get a grip Jesus, that's not a good plan." But as God says in Isaiah 55:8, “My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord. Followers of Christ seek to discern what His ways are because they are the right ways.

Disturbing trends for Christianity in China

As China's president Xi Jinping continues to consolidate his power there are very troubling signs of the repression of the church. In recent days major house church movements have been banned, Churches have been told to replace pictures of Jesus with pictures of Xi Jinping, there is a plan to prevent on line ministries and China is seeking to restrict Christian activities with 26 new rules.

For an overview of these developments, read this article from Christianity Today

Dealing with the gut punch of discouragement

Discouragement is an affliction all of us deal with as life throws us curveballs that hurt, create anxiety and complications. Life is not fair and has never been fair, living in a fallen and complicated world. And sometimes the bad news bunches up and comes all at once. It can be like a gut punch that leaves our minds in a knot for days. 

There are many who believe that as followers of Jesus we should not experience pain, sickness, poverty, or other realities of life in this world. But what do you make of Jesus’ words, “In this world you will have trouble.” That is a defining statement—and one that all of us know to be true. There will come a day when God will redeem this sinful, fallen, and troubled world, but that day is yet to come. In the meantime, we live with the results of the rebellion against God in the garden.

At the same time, Jesus says, “in me you may have peace.” You won’t escape trouble, suffering, hardship, pain, hurt, difficulty, but “in me you may have peace,” in spite of those things. That is a game changer! How many people do you know who have a sense of peace in the middle of their pain or suffering? I know a few, and their sense of peace in the midst of their difficulty is a magnet to others who want to know where that peace comes from.

How then do we deal with very real pain and discouragement? First, acknowledge that the pain and hardship is real and that life is not fair. Bad stuff that is beyond our control happens.

Second, pray for the peace of Christ in the midst of the situation. Even before we ask God to resolve our difficulties, we need to experience His peace based on His promise, His goodness and His presence in our lives. If He is good and if He is faithful and if He is with us and has our lives in His hand we can trust him in the middle of our situation.

Third, ask God to intervene. He has the ability to do what we cannot do: change hearts; minds; situations and circumstances. He may not answer as fast as we desire or in the way we desire but He will answer in a way that glorifies Himself. Here is something to remember: We don't know when faced with trouble what God is up to - in us, in others or in His Kingdom work. But we can be sure that He is up to something that will bring Him glory. That also means that He is in control even when life seems out of control.

Finally, choose to live in trust that He will show us a way through in His time and in His way. We can live in anxiety which is exhausting. Or, we can live in His peace trusting Him with the outcome. This is a choice we make based on God's word and His promises. But that choice makes all the difference in our attitude today.

Comfort zones can also be danger zones

We all have a comfort zone. It is the place where we don’t need to worry much because we are living with the familiar. It is a nice place to be...but stay too long and our comfort turns to complacency and we lose our cutting edge. 

Leaving our comfort zone is not about adopting the common lifestyle of the hurried, harried, and overcommitted. That is a place of frustration, tiredness, and depletion. What I am suggesting is that there ought to be at least one area of our lives where we are pushing ourselves to learn, grow, and become all that God designed us to be. Those who stop growing become stale, and that staleness impacts all of their life.

Think through the major areas of your life: work, relationships, marriage, children, ministry; finances; spirituality. Which of those areas are in need of growth now? Are there any that are screaming for attention? If you could give a red (it is going badly), yellow (I could do better), or green (it is really good) to each of the areas mentioned, which would be red or yellow? Those can be good colors because they tell us where we can grow.

Even the Apostle Paul, at the end of his life, knew that he needed to press forward in growth. He writes, "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me...Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward to Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:12-14).

When the other disciples were perfectly comfortable in their boat in the midst of a storm (where fishermen like to be), Peter got out to walk toward Jesus. He took a risk and learned the power of God. Where do you need to take a risk, leave your comfort zone, and go where you have not gone before? Start where you know you need to be. God has already probably told you in your heart where you need to take a step of faith. Get out of the boat and trust Him...and you will keep growing. 

Staying away from those whose presence brings with it controversy, conflict and division

As you read the following description, think about whether you have met people like them. 

When they are present, they bring with them controversy, conflict and dissention. They seem to be most interested in themselves rather than in others and in their wake they leave broken relationships, confusion and people taking sides. They can be brilliant, visionary, persuasive and win the debate but when they are gone things get much more peaceful. You don't get the full affect of their presence until they are gone. 

Paul talks about these kinds of people in 1 Timothy 6:4-5. "He is conceited and understands nothing. He has an unhealthy interest in controversies and quarrels about words that result in envy, strife, malicious talk, evil suspicions and constant friction..."

Whether clothed in great vision, God talk, or success, stay away from people whose presence creates envy, strife, malicious talk, evil suspicions and constant friction. Why? Because none of these character traits come from God. They come from selfish individuals and the Evil One, but not from the God of peace. They are not healthy!

Usually these individuals suffer from narcissism. The very fact that they are willing to create controversies and divisions is that they believe themselves right, want people to agree with them and marginalize those who don't. Often the conflict and division they bring revolves around them getting their way.

Healthy individuals are people of peace, are gracious, speak kindly, are not naturally suspicious and don't create strife. Nor do they divide people. In fact, they do all they can to bring people together.

I love to hang with the latter. I have learned not to hang with the former. One brings life and the other diminishes healthy relationships. And that raises the question of which category we fit into.