This is a podcast from Leary Gates and guest Roger Thompson on what it means to transition well. Going out at the top of your game!
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Endless emails and church/staff conflict
It is not unusual when working with a troubled church to read endless emails regarding whatever it is that has created conflict. Even more interesting to me is when there is dysfunction on a church staff and staff members who work in close proximity to one another are exchanging lengthy emails rather than walking down the hall (or to an office next door) to have a conversation.
Email dialogues are rarely helpful for resolving conflict. In fact, I would posit that they actually raise the level of conflict because it is easier to state things in non-negotiable language in an email than it is in person or on the phone. Thus the dialogue often becomes even more strident in email conversations (confrontations). In addition, emails are often written in the heat of the moment lacking the gift of reflection. Even worse, emails can be copied to many others which now widens the potential conflict rather than keeping it between two parties. Word to the wise: never put in an email anything you don't want the world to hear because they may.
Emails do not allow one to sit down face to face and seek clarification, look one in the eye and listen carefully, empathize or challenge points of view in a personal way. I will often receive emails asking for an answer or seeking my perspective and I will reply, "It sounds like this is a conversation, not an email." Then I will schedule a phone call.
People with good emotional intelligence are not afraid of conversations. Often email exchanges are a substitute for a conversation out of fear or an unwillingness to dialogue with someone that we know disagrees with us. Ironically, personal conversations tend to diminish rather than increase the level of conflict. Especially if the two parties are at least willing to listen to each other and seek understanding. Email missives are a cowards way out of a personal conversation where we are more accountable for our words, body language and attitudes.
When there is conflict, walk down the hall, pick up the phone or make a Skype call rather than write down words you cannot retract and which may polarize rather than heal. In fact, this is my practice whenever I hear that there are people who have issues with me. Rather than wonder or make assumptions I pick up the phone and seek to resolve whatever it is that has caused a disruption in the relationship.
In conflict, have a conversation rather than sending an email.
Email dialogues are rarely helpful for resolving conflict. In fact, I would posit that they actually raise the level of conflict because it is easier to state things in non-negotiable language in an email than it is in person or on the phone. Thus the dialogue often becomes even more strident in email conversations (confrontations). In addition, emails are often written in the heat of the moment lacking the gift of reflection. Even worse, emails can be copied to many others which now widens the potential conflict rather than keeping it between two parties. Word to the wise: never put in an email anything you don't want the world to hear because they may.
Emails do not allow one to sit down face to face and seek clarification, look one in the eye and listen carefully, empathize or challenge points of view in a personal way. I will often receive emails asking for an answer or seeking my perspective and I will reply, "It sounds like this is a conversation, not an email." Then I will schedule a phone call.
People with good emotional intelligence are not afraid of conversations. Often email exchanges are a substitute for a conversation out of fear or an unwillingness to dialogue with someone that we know disagrees with us. Ironically, personal conversations tend to diminish rather than increase the level of conflict. Especially if the two parties are at least willing to listen to each other and seek understanding. Email missives are a cowards way out of a personal conversation where we are more accountable for our words, body language and attitudes.
When there is conflict, walk down the hall, pick up the phone or make a Skype call rather than write down words you cannot retract and which may polarize rather than heal. In fact, this is my practice whenever I hear that there are people who have issues with me. Rather than wonder or make assumptions I pick up the phone and seek to resolve whatever it is that has caused a disruption in the relationship.
In conflict, have a conversation rather than sending an email.
Monday, August 11, 2014
We are entering a new Dark Age with ISIS: The face of evil. Warning on graphic images
This is the face of ISIS, perhaps the greatest threat to humanity on our globe today because of the utter inhumanity toward anyone who does not fit their brand of Islam. The genocide and killing reminds me of the second world war whether from Stalin or Hitler except this time there are no world powers seriously seeking to check their progress.
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To ignore the actions ISIS when we know what they are doing is akin to those who ignored the actions of the Nazis in their extermination of the Jews. Some knew and chose not to act. Today those directly threatened are Christians, other minorities and anyone who does not adhere to the barbaric form of Islam represented by these evil individuals. If we think they are not a threat they have managed to take over towns and cities from near Aleppo in Syria to the outskirts of Baghdad in Iraq. They have their sights set on Lebanon and Israel and the United States.
ISIS forces are barbaric. Killing is their specialty. If the evil one came to "kill, steal or destroy, (John 10:10), these are the evil one's children. ISIS is saying to Christians and others, convert or be killed! Kurdish officials are warning of genocide.
This is no longer an Iraqi problem. It is a humanitarian disaster, it is genocide before the eyes of the world and it is a movement that will threaten the entire globe with no regard for human life if not stopped. It is the very face of evil. How can the world watch and not act in the face of this kind of evil - or will we simply watch as the world did in Rwanda until the killing was over and the blood defiled all those who knew but did not act?
See these articles for more information or google ISIS and your heart will be broken. Please be aware of graphic images. You are looking into the face of evil personified!
Reminder. My new book, Deep Influence: Unseen Practices That Will Revolutionize Your Leadership, is now available for pre-order on Amazon.
Saturday, August 9, 2014
A nasty job done well
There are times when leaders, whether boards or senior leaders must tackle what can be fairly be called a nasty job. It may involve dealing with moral failures, financial downturns and the resultant decisions that must be made or moving someone out of an organization. Or perhaps dealing with a recalcitrant board member or individual who is hurting the organization. It is a nasty job because it is delicate, will not be received well, could have significant repercussions and on the surface it looks like there are no great outcomes and significant risks - but it must be done.
No one signs onto leadership for the nasty jobs but they are part of the equation from time to time. It is easy to become discouraged when faced with a messy situation. And not without reason as many messy situations are handled in a messy matter further complicating the picture. But that is not a necessary outcome. It is possible to handle nasty jobs well and in the meantime honor people and protect the organization. Here are some thoughts in dealing with messy or complicated situations.
No one signs onto leadership for the nasty jobs but they are part of the equation from time to time. It is easy to become discouraged when faced with a messy situation. And not without reason as many messy situations are handled in a messy matter further complicating the picture. But that is not a necessary outcome. It is possible to handle nasty jobs well and in the meantime honor people and protect the organization. Here are some thoughts in dealing with messy or complicated situations.
- Never act in haste unless you must. Take the time to ensure that you understand the situation as well as you can. Hasty action is usually a result of our own anxiety and will often have unintended consequences.
- Never act alone. The more messy the situation the more important it is to have multiple counselors. You may also want to find a trusted outside counselor who you trust as they do not have a stake in the situation or outcome.
- Work a process. To the extent that you can, engage in dialogue with the individual who you need to deal with (if it is an individual). When we are anxious we tend to make assumptions, send letters and emails. Try to stay in dialogue and be clear with the individual what you need, don't say things that don't need to be said and keep the circle of those involved as small as possible. You can make the right decision but fail in running a good process. It takes time to get to where you need to go so be patient in the process.
- Make prayer central. It is amazing how sensitivity to the Holy Spirit's counsel can help navigate tough issues. There is power in a groups wisdom when each member of the group is also listening to the Holy Spirit along the way. You may be surprised at the insights He brings to the process.
- To the extent that you can, and depending on the circumstances, treat individuals involved with utmost respect and fairness. In messy situations it is easy to get angry and express that anger but in dealing with it this is rarely helpful.
I have been a party to helping many churches and organizations deal with messy and sometimes nasty jobs. it is a great gift when the end result is one of success because it was handled well. That is always the goal when faced with a nasty job: Can we handle it well!
Friday, August 8, 2014
How to spot a manipulative church leader
Unfortunately there are unhealthy, manipulative and narcissistic church leaders. This article by Donald Miller is worth reading.
Nobody has talked to us about Jesus before!
Friends of mine recently had dinner with the wife's employers (another husband and wife). They asked the husband what he did for a living and he told them that he worked for an agency that planted churches around the world and introduced people to Jesus. At the end of the evening the couple said to my friends, "No one has ever talked to us about Jesus before."
Yes, this was in the United States! They knew about religion but no one had talked to them about Jesus. We assume that in a "Christian" country (it is not), that Jesus is well known. That assumption is wrong. Sure people know the name but there are many like those above who have never been told that the Gospel is about a relationship with a person - Jesus.
Far from being offended, this couple was intrigued. I am sure it will lead to further conversation. As you interact with people, don't assume that they understand that Christianity is about a Savior with whom they can relate and enter into a personal relationship because of the incarnation. It is a life changing revelation!
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Dirty church politics
If there is one thing I hate and I have to believe that Jesus hates as well is dirty politics in the church. Dirty politics where people with a hidden agenda use underhanded tactics including rumors, lies, gossip and manipulation of the church constitution at times to get what they want. One only has to read the book of Ephesians to know that there is nothing spiritual, God like or righteous in using unrighteous means to achieve one's will.
I was the victim of dirty politics in a church I served. I know how it felt and for years afterwards there were people who spread lies about me and my ministry. Their politics split the church. Unfortunately it is no unusual.
Here are some of the common characteristics of dirty politics.
First, there is a hidden agenda behind the scenes which is not stated because they know they would be discredited if it was. They have the conversations behind closed doors with those they are in alignment with but are never upfront about what they think or intend to do. It may be to derail the leadership direction of the leaders or be as blatant as forcing a pastor out.
Second, there are unrighteous things said. By unrighteous I mean falsehoods, rumors and outright lies. Information is passed along which is damaging to others that has never been verified. Think of how often God says in the Scriptures that he hates falsehood. When this is present, evil is present.
Third, while they may use spiritual language the real issue is power. If it was about ministry they would be willing to state their position publicly so everyone knows. Anyone who does not do that is playing power politics with a hidden agenda and that is almost always about power, not true concern for the church nor concern for truth.
Fourth, these are people who are arsonists. They light fires with gossip and lies and then are not to be found when someone tries to figure out where they came from. In other words they refuse to be accountable for their words or actions which is power and unrighteousness combined.
How do you know when this is taking place in your church? When there is gossip going around about leadership. When there are power plays in meetings. When common language is used which clearly indicates that there is a faction talking. When the issues are not clearly stated up front. When conflict starts to erode the congregation. When you start to hear common language from diverse people.
One of the best ways to counteract this is simply to tell the congregation what is taking place, what is being said and simply ask them if that is what they want. Chances are the perpetrators will run for the hills because they don't want a public debate. If they thought they would win that way they would do it. Rather they are using underhanded means because they know that the bulk of the congregation would not be in agreement with. It is unrighteous and cowardly behavior. We see it all the time in politics but it has no place in the church.
Be smart, be truthful, be wise but don't let those who play by dirty politics to determine the direction of the church. In almost every instance where they succeed the church loses. Why should we be surprised? There is nothing righteous about their behavior!
See also Hearing the voice behind the voices.
I was the victim of dirty politics in a church I served. I know how it felt and for years afterwards there were people who spread lies about me and my ministry. Their politics split the church. Unfortunately it is no unusual.
Here are some of the common characteristics of dirty politics.
First, there is a hidden agenda behind the scenes which is not stated because they know they would be discredited if it was. They have the conversations behind closed doors with those they are in alignment with but are never upfront about what they think or intend to do. It may be to derail the leadership direction of the leaders or be as blatant as forcing a pastor out.
Second, there are unrighteous things said. By unrighteous I mean falsehoods, rumors and outright lies. Information is passed along which is damaging to others that has never been verified. Think of how often God says in the Scriptures that he hates falsehood. When this is present, evil is present.
Third, while they may use spiritual language the real issue is power. If it was about ministry they would be willing to state their position publicly so everyone knows. Anyone who does not do that is playing power politics with a hidden agenda and that is almost always about power, not true concern for the church nor concern for truth.
Fourth, these are people who are arsonists. They light fires with gossip and lies and then are not to be found when someone tries to figure out where they came from. In other words they refuse to be accountable for their words or actions which is power and unrighteousness combined.
How do you know when this is taking place in your church? When there is gossip going around about leadership. When there are power plays in meetings. When common language is used which clearly indicates that there is a faction talking. When the issues are not clearly stated up front. When conflict starts to erode the congregation. When you start to hear common language from diverse people.
One of the best ways to counteract this is simply to tell the congregation what is taking place, what is being said and simply ask them if that is what they want. Chances are the perpetrators will run for the hills because they don't want a public debate. If they thought they would win that way they would do it. Rather they are using underhanded means because they know that the bulk of the congregation would not be in agreement with. It is unrighteous and cowardly behavior. We see it all the time in politics but it has no place in the church.
Be smart, be truthful, be wise but don't let those who play by dirty politics to determine the direction of the church. In almost every instance where they succeed the church loses. Why should we be surprised? There is nothing righteous about their behavior!
See also Hearing the voice behind the voices.
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