On Friday of this week, an acquaintance who is in ministry took his own life. I know none of the details and don't need to know apart from the fact that no one takes their life unless there is overwhelming pain they are dealing with. As one who has suffered deep depression in my past I know that pain and count it God's grace that I did not act on some of my own thoughts.
We are deeply broken people. I am more aware than ever of my own brokenness and need of God's grace and am so thankful for Good Friday and Easter morning that we soon celebrate. I often say that everyone has either public or private pain. It is the result of a fallen world. My acquaintance was a victim of a fallen world but the evil one was defeated at the cross and resurrection and will not prevail in this "apparent victory."
John 10:10 says that the evil one comes to steal, kill and destroy. Since he cannot get at God he goes after those who are made in His image. But the rest of the verse says that Jesus comes to give life and life abundant. In the end God wins. In fact, He has already won on the cross and Satan now fights a losing battle. But he fights on and there are losses.
I am deeply sad for a young pastor who gave into his pain and for his wife and family and congregation. I am deeply thankful for the truth of Good Friday and Easter which proclaim victory over the evil one.
One lesson I take away from this is that there are people around us who live in pain, public or private. I pray that we will be sensitive to them and their situation, come around them and offer them hope. Ironically, this pastor offered hope to many every Sunday yet needed that hope himself in a deep way. Never assume that the individual or friend you rub shoulders with does not need encouragement and hope. Even your pastor who lives in the same fallen world that we all do.
And if it is you who need encouragement, seek it. In Jesus there is always hope, always redemption, always grace and always forgiveness and always healing. Satan will not prevail in this instance for the resurrection comes and He has been defeated. But lets care for one another this side of heaven.
(Posted from Wayne, PA)
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Friday, April 11, 2014
God speaks our language
Contributing Writer
Mary Ann Addington
Our oldest son, Jon lived in China the year after high school studying Chinese and doing tech support for an NGO. One day he went into a store and asked the clerk in Chinese to help him find something. The clerk looked at another employee and said, “I don’t know English, do you know what he wants?” The other clerk said something to the effect, “He is speaking Chinese, stupid!” Because he did not expect to hear Chinese from this young Anglo, he didn’t recognize his own language!
Sometimes I think we don’t hear God because we don’t think He speaks our language. We don’t really expect him to answer directly when we pray. Prior to seeing God work so powerfully in healing Tim, my own prayer was more like wishing rather than expecting. I would talk at God wishing that he would do something. I frankly lacked the confidence that I really was good enough to ask God for big things.
Have you ever felt unworthy to ask God to answer your real needs? This is where grace and faith collide! The great giant of the faith, Daniel, understood this truth. In one of the great prayers of the Old Testament, Daniel says, “We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy” (Daniel 9: ).
Living on the high wire of faith is actually believing that God hears us because He said he would hear us and answers based on His mercy, not on any worthiness (or unworthiness) on our part. God wants me to ask for big things because he is honored when he can show his power. And He loves His kids!
Several days into T.J.’s first hospitalization I was sitting in his room in the ICU thinking that this was going to be ugly. As I watched T.J. struggling to breath, I specifically asked God to show me how to pray. Immediately I heard back, “It is going to be really close, but he is going to make it.” Jon came into the room a few minutes later and said, “Did you just feel a real peace come over this room?”I told him what I had just heard.
Other people who were close to us, including our prayer team, confirmed it and we were in a situation where I could not afford to second guess God. (Did you really say that? Do you really talk to us? Can I trust that this is from you?) God also sent a lot of encouragement to stay on the wire and I believed that He was going to act.
One evening T.J.’s nurse was checking all of his equipment (nine IVs, a feeding tube, a monitor with several wires, a chest tube, cooling blanket, and of course, the ventilator), and she left the room rather abruptly. She told me later that as she was assessing all the stuff, she was overcome with the knowledge that Tim was going to survive. She started to cry and said, “God just told me that he is going to be okay!” Many of the people who followed the blog told us that God repeatedly gave them the confidence that He was doing a miracle.
I realized in a new way that God not only speaks my language but that He could speak very specifically to me about the situation I faced and it was His voice that I could hold onto.
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Ways that pastors disempower their staff
I frequently talk with church staff who live with disempowering pastors. Ironically, these same pastors are often deeply loved by their congregations who experience a life giving leader while those who work for him experience a life taking leaders. While almost never intentional, the actions of pastors who disempower staff cause discouragement, mistrust and cynicism among staff. Pastoral staff rarely have received training in leading, developing healthy teams or supervision which may be the reason that staff dysfunction is so common.
Here are some common ways that senior pastors disempower their staff.
When we disempower or mistreat those who work for us in the name of ministry or Jesus we have a major disconnect. When we talk of the fruit of the spirit and transformation but it is not reflected in our own staff relationships it is a sign that attention needs to be paid to the culture of our ministry. Our internal culture must reflect our external culture.
If you hare a senior pastor are you willing to ask your staff if any of these examples apply to you? If you are not, it is an indication of your own fear. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by doing so.
(Posted from Oakdale, MN)
Here are some common ways that senior pastors disempower their staff.
- Do not develop cultures where robust dialogue can take place. Too many senior pastors take any disagreement as a personal attack which means that they effectively shut down discussion on important ministry issues with those whom they work with.
- Using the God card to manipulate staff. "I am concerned about your spiritual walk," or "Your theology is wrong." Such God talk shuts down conversation rather than inviting it.
- Not preparing for staff meetings. The vast majority of church staff I talk to indicate that their leader is not ready for meetings and seems to be bored by them. Of course, that is a waste of time for everyone present and it sends a message that staff are not an important investment of their time.
- Not giving feedback unless it is negative. Lack of encouragement is deeply discouraging.
- Changing their mind. A common scenario is that senior leaders ask a staff member to work a certain issue and after the work is done, unexplicitly change their mind and either change what has been done or go a different direction completely.
- Make last minute changes to programs or weekend services which sets off a chair reaction of people that need to be redeployed to meet the leaders's wishes.
- Are not open to suggestions or feedback. They expect staff to jump to their needs but are not open to hearing the opinions or feedback of staff.
- A mentality that staff are there to serve them rather that they are there to serve their staff. A disconnect with what Jesus has to say about leadership.
- A lack of significant relationships with staff. Trust comes with relationship and in the absence of relationship that trust is often non-existent.
- Lack of empowerment of staff to do their jobs. Micromanagement kills staff morale.
The fact is that many church staff cultures are toxic and unhealthy and when that is the case, the person responsible is the senior leader who has not created a healthy ethos. Often it reflects a pastor who has problematic EQ. Church boards need to hold their senior leaders accountable for the health of the staff as well as the health of the congregation. Allowing toxicity in the staff is not consistent with what we espouse as a church.
When we disempower or mistreat those who work for us in the name of ministry or Jesus we have a major disconnect. When we talk of the fruit of the spirit and transformation but it is not reflected in our own staff relationships it is a sign that attention needs to be paid to the culture of our ministry. Our internal culture must reflect our external culture.
If you hare a senior pastor are you willing to ask your staff if any of these examples apply to you? If you are not, it is an indication of your own fear. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by doing so.
(Posted from Oakdale, MN)
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Wise engagement with current cultural issues
Increasingly Christian leaders are faced with the need to deal with cultural issues of our day. That we need to engage is not the issue but how we engage is a critical issue.
Many Christian leaders are quickly reactive to issues of concern to them and in doing so have spoken to these issues without the benefit of careful thought. This was true on issues of gay marriage, the recent World Vision decision and retraction of that decision, and reactions to court decisions that seem to erode morality or religious freedom. Reactive statements are rarely wise responses and rarely help produce productive dialogue.
Some suggestions to help us move from a reactive to a proactive stance in controversial issues.
First, reactive statements are rarely helpful. We need to think before we talk or write. I am always circumspect in my first thoughts on controversial issues.
Second, think about how what you say will be perceived both by your constituency which will probably agree with you and by those on the other side who will not agree. If those on the other side perceive your words as ungracious, insensitive or an attack on them it is not helpful. Never mind others don't always play fair, as Jesus' disciples we need to play fair and be gracious in our truth.
Third, civil discourse beats uncivil discourse every time. Civil discourse invites dialogue and understanding while fighting statements do not. For instance, the Duck Dynasty controversy could have been avoided if Phil Robertson had thought about his audience and how he said what he said. One may defend his right to free speech but wisdom could have avoided the noise around what he said. Christians are often seen for what they are against - mainly because of how we say what we say. What are we for? And are we gracious in our communication?
Fourth, we need to consider our audience. For instance, is what one says to their church or constituency the same as one says to the public? I suspect not. The public will often not understand the reasons that believers take certain positions. To them it sounds restrictive and narrow. Again, this was the issue with Phil Robertson. When he quoted Paul from Romans, he missed the fact that Paul was not communicating to a pagan audience but to the church itself. Taking into account the audience on controversial issues is critical.
All of this takes wisdom and thought. Waiting on our response until we can speak with wisdom and care saves us a lot of controversy and may also help us develop productive dialogue with the other side of the issue.
(Posted from Oakdale, MN)
Many Christian leaders are quickly reactive to issues of concern to them and in doing so have spoken to these issues without the benefit of careful thought. This was true on issues of gay marriage, the recent World Vision decision and retraction of that decision, and reactions to court decisions that seem to erode morality or religious freedom. Reactive statements are rarely wise responses and rarely help produce productive dialogue.
Some suggestions to help us move from a reactive to a proactive stance in controversial issues.
First, reactive statements are rarely helpful. We need to think before we talk or write. I am always circumspect in my first thoughts on controversial issues.
Second, think about how what you say will be perceived both by your constituency which will probably agree with you and by those on the other side who will not agree. If those on the other side perceive your words as ungracious, insensitive or an attack on them it is not helpful. Never mind others don't always play fair, as Jesus' disciples we need to play fair and be gracious in our truth.
Third, civil discourse beats uncivil discourse every time. Civil discourse invites dialogue and understanding while fighting statements do not. For instance, the Duck Dynasty controversy could have been avoided if Phil Robertson had thought about his audience and how he said what he said. One may defend his right to free speech but wisdom could have avoided the noise around what he said. Christians are often seen for what they are against - mainly because of how we say what we say. What are we for? And are we gracious in our communication?
Fourth, we need to consider our audience. For instance, is what one says to their church or constituency the same as one says to the public? I suspect not. The public will often not understand the reasons that believers take certain positions. To them it sounds restrictive and narrow. Again, this was the issue with Phil Robertson. When he quoted Paul from Romans, he missed the fact that Paul was not communicating to a pagan audience but to the church itself. Taking into account the audience on controversial issues is critical.
All of this takes wisdom and thought. Waiting on our response until we can speak with wisdom and care saves us a lot of controversy and may also help us develop productive dialogue with the other side of the issue.
(Posted from Oakdale, MN)
Monday, April 7, 2014
Is your heart rested or restless?
How is your heart today? Rested or restless? A restless heart is often a sign of inadequate time with God who is the One who brings profound peace and perspective to our lives regardless of our circumstances. We are restless precisely because our focus is more on ourselves, our work, and our challenges than it is on the source of our lives - Jesus. Ironically this is true for many in Christian leadership who are so busy doing things for God that they miss the point of being with God.
A rested heart, on the other hand, is one that is at peace with itself because it has the perspective of God. Truly rested hearts come only out of regular time with Him and a daily life that is deeply interconnected with His in prayer.
It is not based on the circumstances of life but on the person of God. It is expressed well by the Psalmist when he says, "Be still and know that I am God." And that is the key - being still before God and understanding that He is God - and we are not! Being reminded daily of who He is brings a perspective on life that nothing else can bring.
Leaders are especially prone to restless hearts because we run too hard and must deal with too many pressing issues. We of all people need rested hearts as our perspective will spill out to others whom we lead. Restless hearts are anxious hearts, impatient hearts and even angry hearts. Rested hearts are peaceful, patient and trusting hearts in a sovereign and good God who can be trusted in all situations. Which kind of heart do you have today?
(Posted from Oakdale, MN)
A rested heart, on the other hand, is one that is at peace with itself because it has the perspective of God. Truly rested hearts come only out of regular time with Him and a daily life that is deeply interconnected with His in prayer.
It is not based on the circumstances of life but on the person of God. It is expressed well by the Psalmist when he says, "Be still and know that I am God." And that is the key - being still before God and understanding that He is God - and we are not! Being reminded daily of who He is brings a perspective on life that nothing else can bring.
Leaders are especially prone to restless hearts because we run too hard and must deal with too many pressing issues. We of all people need rested hearts as our perspective will spill out to others whom we lead. Restless hearts are anxious hearts, impatient hearts and even angry hearts. Rested hearts are peaceful, patient and trusting hearts in a sovereign and good God who can be trusted in all situations. Which kind of heart do you have today?
(Posted from Oakdale, MN)
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