Anthony Bourdain, Kate Spade and depression

Unless you have suffered from depression or have lived with someone who does you will not understand how two such successful people who seemingly had everything going for them could commit suicide. But if you have experienced significant depression or lived with someone who does, you do! 

How can one describe depression to one who has never experienced it? 

Waterboarding of the soul

The dark night of the soul

Being stuck in your own head with all its fears and thoughts without a way out

Pain, pain and more pain - the kind that you cannot escape from

Brain fog where everything is a struggle, everything is hard

Darkness and sadness and hopelessness

Drowning in a vast ocean

Constant feeling of fear

If you have experienced depression you will have your own metaphors but none of them are sufficient to describe the experience. Most illnesses can be described. This one can only be felt and it feels like there is no escape. Money, position, power, family and any number of other things we often aspire to cannot free the depressed person from the prison of the mind. It is an illness and that illness needs compassion, understanding and help.

Because this illness resides in the brain, there is no escape from it. It can appear at the oddest moments and rob the brightest and most successful of their joy. It is in the brain but it is not just a matter of just "getting over it," or "thinking positive thoughts." It often requires extensive therapy and medication and ways to cope with the inner pain. 

If you cannot understand the suicides of Anthony Bourain or Kate Spade it is because it is not understandable apart from understanding the unpredictability of depression and the darkness that even successful people experience. Outward appearances can hide deep inner pain regardless of one's success in life. 

Many evangelicals and deeply religious people misunderstand depression thinking that if only one would give their issues to God all would be well and quote Scripture verses to that affect. Life is not that simple and answers are not that easy. Depression is a disease. "Just get over it," is not an answer but a deeply painful attitude to those who suffer from depression. You would not say that to someone with cancer and it equally does not apply to depression.

There are, thankfully, many good therapies for depression, as well as medications (Don't be one of those - especially in the religious community - who look down on those who take medication for depression). Sometimes it is learning how to deal with the disease rather than curing the disease. It can be a hard road but one worth travelling so that joy can replace depression, if only part of the time.

I have deep compassion for Anthony, Kate and their families. In a moment of time and in a season of depression, suicide seemed the only way out. I wish with all my heart they had chosen a different path but understanding the metaphors above I understand the pain. If you know someone who suffers from depression, encourage them to get help. It is available! Like anything else it can be a hard road but worth the effort. A life lost to depression robs the world of a precious individual made in God's image and of inestimable value.

"Life is the most irreplaceable and fundamental condition of the human experience"

Joni Eareckson Tada to Brittany Maynard: God alone chooses the

day you die, not you

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

A pastor takes his life

On Friday of this week, an acquaintance who is in ministry took his own life. I know none of the details and don't need to know apart from the fact that no one takes their life unless there is overwhelming pain they are dealing with. As one who has suffered deep depression in my past I know that pain and count it God's grace that I did not act on some of my own thoughts.

We are deeply broken people. I am more aware than ever of my own brokenness and need of God's grace and am so thankful for Good Friday and Easter morning that we soon celebrate. I often say that everyone has either public or private pain. It is the result of a fallen world. My acquaintance was a victim of a fallen world but the evil one was defeated at the cross and resurrection and will not prevail in this "apparent victory."

John 10:10 says that the evil one comes to steal, kill and destroy. Since he cannot get at God he goes after those who are made in His image. But the rest of the verse says that Jesus comes to give life and life abundant. In the end God wins. In fact, He has already won on the cross and Satan now fights a losing battle. But he fights on and there are losses. 

I am deeply sad for a young pastor who gave into his pain and for his wife and family and congregation. I am deeply thankful for the truth of Good Friday and Easter which proclaim victory over the evil one. 

One lesson I take away from this is that there are people around us who live in pain, public or private. I pray that we will be sensitive to them and their situation, come around them and offer them hope. Ironically, this pastor offered hope to many every Sunday yet needed that hope himself in a deep way. Never assume that the individual or friend you rub shoulders with does not need encouragement and hope. Even your pastor who lives in the same fallen world that we all do. 

And if it is you who need encouragement, seek it. In Jesus there is always hope, always redemption, always grace and always forgiveness and always healing. Satan will not prevail in this instance for the resurrection comes and He has been defeated. But lets care for one another this side of heaven.

(Posted from Wayne, PA)

A must read CT interview with Kay Warren on the suicide of her son one year ago April

Some wounds never heal this side of heaven. The suicide of a loved one is one of those. This interview with Kay Warren should encourage those who have experienced this terrible loss and should teach those of us who have not.

CT interview with Kay Warren

(Posted from Milwaukee)