Thankfulness as a habit and attitude

2018 is past. Have you stopped to consider what you are thankful for in this past year? It is a worthwhile exercise to write down the people you are thankful for, the answers to prayer you experienced and the blessings of God that you received. In my experience, the healthiest people I know are also those who are most thankful.

Why? Because they dwell on the positive rather than the negative aspects of life which changes one's whole attitude. Because they appreciate the people around them who bless them. Because they are conscious of and appreciative of God's blessings on their lives. Rather than wishing they had more or different, they are thankful for what they have. Even in the hard things, they look at what they have learned and the small blessings along the way and are thankful for them. 

Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and mental health author wrote an article in Forbes Magazine titled 7 Scientifically Proven Benefits of Gratitude that Will Motivate You to Give Thanks Year-Round. They included the following:

1. Gratitude opens the door to more relationships
2. Gratitude improves physical health
3. Gratitude improves psychological health
4. Gratitude increases empathy and reduces aggression
5. Grateful people sleep better
6. Gratitude improves self-esteem
7. Gratitude increases mental strength

The bottom line is that gratitude impacts all of our lives so it makes sense to focus on being a person of thanksgiving. Being thankful to God, to people, and for the smallest of blessings rather than dwelling on the negative is both Biblical and psychological advice. Bringing thankful people on our staff also changes the morale of our staff and teams. Unthankful people spread a Scrooge like attitude while thankful people spread good cheer.

An attitude of gratitude is especially important for leaders as their attitude sets the culture of the company, ministry or team. Thankful leaders are healthier leaders.

Are you living a thankful life today?

Creating cultures of organizational excellence
AddingtonConsulting.org

Book Matters. Imperial Twilight: The Opium War and the end of China's Last Golden Age

Every once in a while a book of history has significant relevance today. For those who have had interactions with China or who are watching the current trade wars this book by Stephen R. Platt is a must read. The book chronicles the attempt by the west to force the Chinese to open their borders to greater trade (including opium) and the various strategies that were used to convince China to comply. 

The end of the Opium War (which was about much more than opium) saw the Chinese cede the Island of Hong Kong to the British along with 12 square miles of the mainland, later supplemented by a 100 year lease of the New Territories. This was my home during my childhood and I had the experience of visiting the residual opium dens still open in the 60's. No I did not inhale - I promise. 

While the events of the book take place in the 1700's and 1800's the essential style of leadership in China related to outsiders doing trade with the same is amazingly similar. In addition, the inability of the West to understand or attempt to understand the Chinese psychology during this period reminds me very much of the attempts of the United States to convince the Chinese to modify certain practices today. 

China is not easily convinced to change their practices and neither force or public shaming have been helpful in that regard. The west is doing both today and China is doing what it has always done in taking the long view and biding their time. A reading of this book indicates that not much has changed in this regard. 

Equally compelling for any business people or missionaries who are going to work cross culturally are the lessons that can be learned from this account of the necessity to understand one's host culture, its way of thinking and its practices based on their historical values. 

The west was wildly incompetent in this regard, not only in their way of relating to the Chinese but in their total disregard of what mattered to China. They were the west after all and knew what to do! In fact, China knew a great deal more about the west than the west knew about China and that is true today as well. Cultural intelligence has not been the west's strong suit in understanding Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, Syria or China. Reading this volume reminds me that the west makes many of the same mistakes today that we did two and three hundred years ago.

If I taught cross cultural studies I would make this required reading for the class. We can learn much from history and particularly from this volume. I give this five stars for the historical account and its relevance for today. 

Creating cultures of organizational excellence
AddingtonConsulting.org

Why the minority voice often wins on church boards and within congregations and what to do about it

It is very frustrating to those that make up the majority when a minority voice is able to determine the outcome of church issues. This can take place at the board level or within congregations, even when the polity is one where the majority should be able to move forward. Unfortunately, it is all too common, and church leaders often allow it to happen. In my experience, there are a number of tactics that are used to manipulate a larger group by a minority group.

One. Our voices will be loud, and we will therefore give the impression that we are many. This works well behind the scenes when there is conflict over a decision and in congregational meetings where loud voices often rule the day. 

Two. We will declare that many agree with us with the implication that if you try to move forward, you will "split the church" or cause "serious conflict and division." Now I have done a great deal of conflict resolution in churches, and I have never encountered a situation where this was actually true. I have seen pastors and boards try to push things through when a majority were dissenting (it was not pretty), but when a few voices declare that there are many with them, I am often skeptical. However, this tactic often works because leaders and congregations don't want to cause undo conflict, so they back off with only the word of a few that they actually have strong support.

Three. If you move forward with that decision, we will leave. So let's call that for what it is: congregational blackmail! Since it is considered wrong to "push people out of a church," this threat is used against the majority because the minority can claim that they were indeed pushed out. What actually happened was that the minority simply chose to leave because they didn't desire to stay. 

This is often a threat that works, but it is nothing less than congregational blackmail. The same can be said for those who declare that if you move forward, they will withhold their funding. That is financial blackmail. All threats no matter what they are, by a minority voice to block the majority should be considered blackmail and should be called exactly that - in public where appropriate.

Four. If you move forward, there will be a lot of people who will be angry. Given what I said in one and two, it is unlikely that a lot of people will be angry. Also, any time you make any decisions in a church, someone is likely to disagree, but if that is the criteria by which we make decisions, no decisions would be made. While this strikes fear in many congregants, it is emotional blackmail by those using the tactic.

One of the fundamental reasons that all these threats work is that most people are conflict resistant. They don't want to have to negotiate conflict, they are afraid of conflict, and they especially don't like conflicts in the church with people they know. Unless leaders understand this and speak to it, such threats often work to the chagrin of the majority of the congregation or board. Fear keeps leaders and congregations from moving forward in the face of threats. 

So how do you counter these tactics? Especially when you have an entrenched individual or group where dialogue and reasoning has not done anything to change their minds?

First, I would suggest that you look at the tactics of the minority group and ask whether they fit any of the scenarios above. Perhaps I have missed something but be willing to name the tactic that is being used for what it is. Explain to the individual or group involved that their tactics are not fair or honest and see if reasoning will change their behaviors.

Second, if reasoning fails, which it often will, I would encourage the board or leadership to share with the congregation what they believe to be true. That you believe this is a minority view, that you have tried to reason with them, and that you believe that for the good of the ministry, the church needs to move forward. It is possible to say these things in a way that does not disparage but does speak the truth. If leaders are cowed, the congregation will be as well. If leaders are courageous and forthright, the congregation is likely to follow. 

Third, if this is a significant decision and there is no clarity on what is actually happening, bring in a third party to ascertain what is really going on. It is not hard for a disinterested and experienced third party to evaluate the situation and determine the actual facts rather than hearsay. 

Finally, in all of these discussions, remember that what is at stake is the health and effectiveness of the Body of Christ, The Bride. Don't compromise the work of God out of fear! 

TJ Addington (Addington Consulting) has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

"Creating cultures of organizational excellence."