When dreams are shattered

It is a great gift to come to the place where we have nowhere else to turn than to God - because in the end He is what we really need and is the only One who can resolve many of the issues we face!

That is the gift that shattered dreams gives us. They force us back to the One who has our destiny in His hands, they give us the choice of turning either to bitterness or to faith, and call the question on where our security lies. Each of these is a great gift from God if we choose to respond by moving closer to God.

That is a big IF. I meet those who allow their disappointment to move them toward diminished dreams, bitterness toward God and others and a quiet resignation that this is all there will be.

Then I meet those who allow their need to build character, deepen their trust in God, re-group and rather than live with resignation, boldly fight back with the hope that comes from faith in God.

What makes the difference?

The difference comes back to how we see God. Is He truly trustworthy? Is He truly good? Can I really trust Him with my life and destiny? Do I believe that He has greater purposes for my life than I can always understand? Can He redeem pain for His glory and my benefit?

If I can say yes to those questions I will be on a path toward growth, maturity and healing that will profoundly change me. If I cannot say yes to those questions, confusion or bitterness will be the path.

The key is understanding God and that takes time in His word and in His presence. Those who make that investment have a stockpile of strength and understanding and faith that carry them through the dark days. Those who don't - don't.

Through a glass darkly

I am often intrigued by those who are so sure of themselves on all theological arguments and their application to our daily lives. I wish I could be one of them! However, I realize that my view of God and his ways are at best distant and fuzzy. He is so grand and His ways so far above mine that while I see, I see through a glass darkly - making out the outline but often not much more.

He is wonderfully and powerfully inscrutable!

As Job argued with his "friends" (who wants friends like he had), he thought that he had a pretty good idea of what God should be doing with his situation. Yet even after God demolished the "wisdom" of his friends, he too, endured the rebuke of God, for his views too, were deficient.

As the opening salvo of God to Job cogently said, "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?" (Job 38).

After four chapters of rebuke, Job replies to the Lord in chapter 42, "Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things to wonderful for me to know."

Nothing develops true humility faster than trying to understand the awesome, holy, transcendent God! What we think we know, we know only in part. What we think we understand is understood through a glass darkly. One day when it is clear the landscape will be so amazing we will never get over it. Today we live by simple faith, in humble relationship with our wonderful God.

The single most important decision we make

The single most important decision we make is the decision as to how we will leave our ministry when our time is up. It is more important than the decision to come and it is more important than many of the decisions we make along the way. Because this final decision has the ability to hurt and destroy all that we have built and this decision reveals our true character. Will we do all that we can to uphold the Bride as we leave or will we do something to hurt the bride on the way out! And whatever choice we make, it cannot be undone.

As a church board member and organizational leader I have watched people make both very good and very poor decisions on how they exited their ministries. 

I have had people come and say, "T.J", I sense it is time for me to go and I want to do everything I can to make this a seamless, God honoring transition that blesses the organization and leaves it ready for the one who takes my place.

I have had others who came with demands and indicated that if those demands were not met they would do all they could to hurt the organization on their way out. And I watched some who did just that. Their bitterness drove ungodly behavior which undid much of what they had done during their tenure. 

How we leave is a test of our true character. Those who try to hurt a ministry or its leaders on the way out reveal a bitter spirit and heart that is willing to see God's work compromised in order to justify their own sinful behavior.

Contrast this with Paul who knew that some people preached out of envy and rivalry and even selfish ambition but "what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice (Philippians 1:18)."

No matter what the circumstances with which we leave we always have a choice. To be gracious for the sake of the One we serve and His Bride. Or to be bitter and divisive because we can. The first reflects the Spirit while the second reflect the flesh in all of its sinfulness. How we leave is a test and a reflection of our true character. 

Ministry Briefings from Todd Rhoads and Matt Steen

Todd Rhoads and Matt Steen are offering a new service to keep you up to date on what is happening in ministry.

• First, everyday Todd and Matt share a short video talking about "ministry stuff", they tend to be five minutes long, and we hope that they start a dialogue among those who watch (our youtube channel is here).
• Second, each month Todd and Matt are releasing a print piece called Ministry Briefing. This is a compilation, and executive summary of stories that we see throughout the month that are helpful for church leaders. While some of these stories have corresponding videos, many do not. The piece is made up of news articles, blog posts, studies, etc, that catch our eyes during the month. This month's piece has 115 summaries with links.

If you use the promotional code addington you will receive a $3.00 discount. Check it out. I am a subscriber!

Your freedom is a threat to my legalism

That is a great quote that I heard recently. The Scriptures give us an amazing amount of freedom in choices we make. Yet there are always professional legalists lurking in the background ready to pounce on those who make choices they would not make. These are not the "innocent" who will be hurt by our lifestyle decisions but legalists who are threatened by our liberty and who believe that others should make the choices they make - restrictive ones which is the nature of legalism.

The funny thing is that their legalism is not a threat to our liberty! Those who live in freedom are not threatened by legalism: Indeed they find it repulsive and sad.

In the early days of my tenure as leader of ReachGlobal we changed some policies that had a legalistic cast to them. Everyone cheered me on - except a few legalists who were deeply threatened by the change. Even though we had not asked them to change their individual convictions the fact that we were no longer legislating those convictions on everyone was a threat to them. Some actually left the organization because of it. Legalists like to impose their view on others. Those who live in freedom give others the choice to make decisions that Scripture leaves grey and up to individual conscience.

Why? Because Christian freedom is always a threat to legalism. It questions the premises of rules, regulations, expectations, that some like to place around themselves and others. Christian freedom means we have choices to make and many legalists don't like either that freedom or responsibility. The freedom Jesus lived in was highly irritating to the Pharisees whose rules He broke with regularity.

I chooses to live on the side of Christian freedom. It may be a threat to my fellow legalists but their legalism is never a threat to my freedom. In fact it reminds me often of the joy of freedom.

Handling stress in a healthy manner

Stress is debilitating condition. It robs us of joy, sleep, peace, concentration, causes changes in our body that can affect our health and is strong enough to lead to a shortened life! Many of us live unnecessarily with high levels of stress - especially in ministry.

Stress has many causes but at its core it is caused by something or somebody which is a danger to our well-being, to the well being of something or someone we care about.

For instance, because I love my organization or church, a threat to their health can be a cause of stress. If there is a danger to someone I love (disease, a marriage coming apart and so on) I can equally live with a level of stress.

By itself, stress is a good thing in that it can be an early warning system to us that something is not right and needs attention. However, if not managed well it can lead to inappropriate responses on our part, anger, depression and any number of negative responses.

I want to deal specifically here with stress that is caused by a threat to us individually. It could be someone who is angry with us and wants our hide, a supervisor who is unhappy with our performance, a staff member who has gone negative, or a perceived threat to our well being. As you read this think about the stresses you currently face.

Stress will be with us as long as we are alive but there are tools that we can develop and practice which can help us manage it. Below are some of the tools I have found to be helpful.

First, it is helpful when faced by a threat that causes anxiety to ask the question, what is my part of the equation? If someone wants your hide, is there a way that you have contributed to the others anger? Is there a piece of you that has contributed to their anger? If so, can you de-escalate their emotions by a conversation and trying to come to an understanding. We always have the choice with other people to escalate or de-escalate the passions.

Second, perceived threats tend to loom larger in our minds than they should. It is the fear mechanism that kicks in. Ask yourself, "what is the worst thing that could happen in this situation? Usually the worst thing that could happen is not as bad as our emotions would paint it.

Third, consciously work to "keep anxiety low." I actually say that to myself from time to time. The truth is that the worst that could happen is rarely as bad as what we think. Further, why worry about something that could happen when it has not happened? Keeping our anxiety low is critical because in a state of high anxiety our own responses are likely to be less than healthy in a stressful situation.

Often the worst that will happen is that someone will not like us or will speak ill of us. Unfortunately this is a fact of life - even in ministry. The truth is, however, that our reputation is ultimately in the hands of God. Not us. I don't know anyone who has accomplished something in ministry who does not have their detractors. Ultimately we play to an audience of one: God. If we are motivated by the applause of others we have the wrong audience in mind

Fourth, find counsel. When under stress, our own perspective or response is often not as dispassionate and level as it could be. Bringing a trusted wise adviser into the equation is exceedingly helpful. This is not about lobbying others to take our side or to "get back" at whoever is causing us anxiety. It is quiet, confidential, Godly counsel from someone who can give us perspective and counsel.

Fifth, don't go defensive with the one who is unhappy with you. Defensiveness is never a helpful response. You may not agree with what someone says but a defensive posture is really an attempt to protect oneself, keeps us from listening and is a barrier to communication. Healthy individuals deal with conflict from a non-defensive posture with an attitude of 'nothing to prove, nothing to lose."

What if there is some truth in the accusations against you? Own them. It's OK, none of us respond perfectly. Your willingness to take a non defensive posture will significantly lower the level of anger against you because it is an unexpected response which says, "I am not going to do battle with you."

A non-defensive response, even when accusations are not true from your perspective significantly lowers the level of the conflict and can lead to a conversation with a more dispassionate tone. Even though it is a normal human emotion, defensiveness rarely if ever helps, only hurts.

A non-defensive response can be as simple as "tell me more" about why you feel that way? Or, "share with me what you would have done?"

Sixth, intentionally give the situation to God. The older I get the more I appreciate the sovereignty of God. He ultimately has control of my job, my reputation and the circumstances I face. In fact, many years ago I went through a difficult period when many untrue things about me were intentionally spread. God used that to bring me to where I am now. He has the ability to take even the worst and unfair situations and redeem them for his purposes.

Stress and anxiety are really a test of our faith. Do we believe God is sovereign, that He is good, that He has our best in mind and that even if the worst happened (above) He will still be on the throne and look out for us? Stress asks the question, "Do I really believe what I preach and teach or believe?"

Finally, it is helpful to separate the conflict from who you are. My identity is not in my job (if I feel it is in jeopardy), it is not my reputation (I cannot fully control that), but it is my identity in Christ. Conflict and difficult situations come and go, but my core identity as a member of God's family does not. No one can take that from me - ever.

Stress is an opportunity to trust God, act wisely, de-escalate passions, leave our reputation in God's hands and remember that no one can take away our core identity. If people or life is unfair, God is not. He is good all that time and he is sovereign forever.

Accidental Pharisees

This book will challenge you, irritate you, perhaps make you mad in places but it will certainly cause you to think and evaluate. I highly recommend Larry Osborn's new book. Accidental Pharisees: Avoiding Pride, Exclusivity, and the Other Dangers of Overzealous Faith.