So let me just say: It is not cool to take public shots at the organization we have been serving on the way out whether it is justified in our minds or not. It does not serve Jesus, it is not necessary and in the end it reveals more about our character than it does about the faults of the organization we are leaving.
When we choose to leave a ministry for whatever reason, we always have a choice as to how we leave. We can preserve unity, good will and relationship or we can destroy all three. Usually when we choose to take public shots it is more about our lack of EQ and character than it is about the shortcomings of the ministry.
It is one thing to privately share our observations and concerns with those who can do something about them and it is another to go public with those who cannot and may not even know there are issues. I have watched pastors split churches and staff seek to hurt other ministries they have been a part of on leaving.
Ironically, any ministry that a disgruntled staff member goes to after they have publicly castigated their prior ministry is foolish to receive them. Why would they think that the individual will be any more gracious to them than to their prior ministry? They may feel good at the moment that the individual wants to work for them (and look how much better we are than that other group) but those who speak ill of their prior group may well do the same to the new group.
There are no perfect organizations, or leaders. But what would motivate one to seek to hurt or cast aspersions on either as they leave? The motivation certainly cannot be the betterment of the group they are leaving as they are no longer in a position to contribute. Those doing it certainly know it will not help their prior ministry. Usually the motive is personal and the behavior passive aggressive. It certainly does not fit the criteria given by Paul that what we say ought to build others up. In the end it is simply sad!
As one who has consulted with many churches and organizations I understand dysfunctions. But when I hear public criticism of a ministry as a staff member leaves it usually tells me a lot more about them than it does the organization they are leaving.
Showing posts with label leaving well. Show all posts
Showing posts with label leaving well. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
A very tough decision: When it is time to leave!
All of us face this decision from time to time in our lives. Henry Cloud calls them necessary endings. It is making the decision that it is time to leave a job - whether for another - or even not yet knowing what is next.
A good friend of mine just announced his resignation from a ministry. I asked him what he was planning to do and he simply said, "I am concentrating on finishing well and the rest will sort itself out." His internal compass convinced himself that after a ten year run it was time to move on. Even though he does not know what is next.
There are times when we know that our time is finished but we cannot pull the trigger to resign a familiar position. We are afraid for the future. Yet the coinage we trade in is that of faith and these are times that require great faith. Even when we leave for another position there is uncertainty and the requisite fears about leaving the familiar for the unknown.
In his book Necessary Endings, Henry Cloud rightly makes the point that in order for something new to start, something old must die. It is the nature of life. That is why there are endings that are necessary. The courageous heed the inner signs that it is time. Often we know in our heart of hearts that it is but resist out of fear. When we resist we miss out on that "new thing" that God wants to do in our lives.
A tough decision but often the most important decision. Knowing when it is time.
A good friend of mine just announced his resignation from a ministry. I asked him what he was planning to do and he simply said, "I am concentrating on finishing well and the rest will sort itself out." His internal compass convinced himself that after a ten year run it was time to move on. Even though he does not know what is next.
There are times when we know that our time is finished but we cannot pull the trigger to resign a familiar position. We are afraid for the future. Yet the coinage we trade in is that of faith and these are times that require great faith. Even when we leave for another position there is uncertainty and the requisite fears about leaving the familiar for the unknown.
In his book Necessary Endings, Henry Cloud rightly makes the point that in order for something new to start, something old must die. It is the nature of life. That is why there are endings that are necessary. The courageous heed the inner signs that it is time. Often we know in our heart of hearts that it is but resist out of fear. When we resist we miss out on that "new thing" that God wants to do in our lives.
A tough decision but often the most important decision. Knowing when it is time.
Saturday, April 26, 2014
We play our role and then yield the stage
At 58 I am acutely aware that there is a finish line to my professional life lurking in the next decade or so. Not my influence as that can continue long after my final paycheck but our jobs don't last forever. We play our role and then yield the stage.
At least that is the way it should be. My predecessor yielded the stage to me with grace. Not only did he not meddle with me but he chose to support me even as I made significant changes to the organization. I had so much trust in his character that I invited him to a new part time role that allowed him to do what he loved to do.
Yielding the stage is a hard thing to do. Our ego is often wrapped up in our work. We have put strategies and philosophies in place that we believe in and don't want others to mess with them. We hired staff who we will be leaving behind and who will be giving allegiance to a new leader. And, it is hard to reconcile that our time is now over at least in the official sense. If one has had a job they loved and seen some success I doubt this is ever easy.
While not easy it is a test of our maturity and character. Maturity to understand that there are seasons and they come to a close so that new seasons can begin. Character to leave in a way that blesses the ministry rather than hurting it in any way. How many pastors, for instance, hang on long after they should and elders must literally pry their fingers from the ministry so that they can move on. Or board members whose time has come. And ministry founders who need to allow the ministry to go to a new level that they cannot lead but cannot yield their control.
Humble leaders understand the concept of seasons and that it is not about them but about the mission of the organization. The moment I lose my passion for the job I have is the moment that I need to hand it over to another even if that comes before the end of my professional career. It is true for all of us.
Think about this issue long before you need to implement its principles. The day comes for all of us to yield the stage, often faster than we expected or wished but come it does. How we handle the end of our careers is just as important as how we stewarded our role along the way.
(Posted from Atlanta)
At least that is the way it should be. My predecessor yielded the stage to me with grace. Not only did he not meddle with me but he chose to support me even as I made significant changes to the organization. I had so much trust in his character that I invited him to a new part time role that allowed him to do what he loved to do.
Yielding the stage is a hard thing to do. Our ego is often wrapped up in our work. We have put strategies and philosophies in place that we believe in and don't want others to mess with them. We hired staff who we will be leaving behind and who will be giving allegiance to a new leader. And, it is hard to reconcile that our time is now over at least in the official sense. If one has had a job they loved and seen some success I doubt this is ever easy.
While not easy it is a test of our maturity and character. Maturity to understand that there are seasons and they come to a close so that new seasons can begin. Character to leave in a way that blesses the ministry rather than hurting it in any way. How many pastors, for instance, hang on long after they should and elders must literally pry their fingers from the ministry so that they can move on. Or board members whose time has come. And ministry founders who need to allow the ministry to go to a new level that they cannot lead but cannot yield their control.
Humble leaders understand the concept of seasons and that it is not about them but about the mission of the organization. The moment I lose my passion for the job I have is the moment that I need to hand it over to another even if that comes before the end of my professional career. It is true for all of us.
Think about this issue long before you need to implement its principles. The day comes for all of us to yield the stage, often faster than we expected or wished but come it does. How we handle the end of our careers is just as important as how we stewarded our role along the way.
(Posted from Atlanta)
Saturday, March 1, 2014
When people leave your church
OK lets face it. It hurts when people leave the church we pastor. We take it personally and in most cases should not. We forget that individual circumstances and needs vary and we cannot meet them all no matter how hard we try. In fact, if we were in the pew, rather than in the pulpit, we might leave too - depending on our circumstances.
I am not advocating a culture of moving from church to church. And frankly it is not the movers that cause us angst but those who have been with us for a long season. It is their leaving that hurts. But think about this:
If they leave because they are unhappy with us as the pastor, why did we assume that we could please all those who come? If we have had an influence in their lives that is good and will pay off for the rest of their lives. If their needs change or their stage of life changes, how can we be unhappy that they need a change? Often the issue is more about us than it is about them.
If they leave because because of unresolved issues with us then we need to do all we can to resolve those issues. It may be painful but it can be redemptive and instructional for us. If our actions, attitudes or words have caused pain it is good for us to hear that and to learn from it. It is not about trying to convince them to come back but rather making peace and learning from it.
I think the most painful situations are when many people leave and it is then that we need to sit up and take notice. Why are they leaving and what have we missed, if anything that has caused their leaving? Sometimes it is because we and the leaders have made intentional changes that we are committed to and we will be sad but realistic with the leaving. Other times, it is because we have been unwise in our actions and it is a reaction to our decisions.
Understanding the reasons is the important thing. If we need to learn from them we should. If we and our leaders are committed to a course of action that is right in the long run we need to take the hit in the short run. This is all about understanding the reasons and being willing to incur the cost when renovation or change is necessary.
Sometimes it is necessary for disaffected people to leave a church so that the church can move forward with greater health and missionality. Sometimes we push people out for unhealthy reasons.
When people leave, understand the reasons!
I am not advocating a culture of moving from church to church. And frankly it is not the movers that cause us angst but those who have been with us for a long season. It is their leaving that hurts. But think about this:
If they leave because they are unhappy with us as the pastor, why did we assume that we could please all those who come? If we have had an influence in their lives that is good and will pay off for the rest of their lives. If their needs change or their stage of life changes, how can we be unhappy that they need a change? Often the issue is more about us than it is about them.
If they leave because because of unresolved issues with us then we need to do all we can to resolve those issues. It may be painful but it can be redemptive and instructional for us. If our actions, attitudes or words have caused pain it is good for us to hear that and to learn from it. It is not about trying to convince them to come back but rather making peace and learning from it.
I think the most painful situations are when many people leave and it is then that we need to sit up and take notice. Why are they leaving and what have we missed, if anything that has caused their leaving? Sometimes it is because we and the leaders have made intentional changes that we are committed to and we will be sad but realistic with the leaving. Other times, it is because we have been unwise in our actions and it is a reaction to our decisions.
Understanding the reasons is the important thing. If we need to learn from them we should. If we and our leaders are committed to a course of action that is right in the long run we need to take the hit in the short run. This is all about understanding the reasons and being willing to incur the cost when renovation or change is necessary.
Sometimes it is necessary for disaffected people to leave a church so that the church can move forward with greater health and missionality. Sometimes we push people out for unhealthy reasons.
When people leave, understand the reasons!
Thursday, July 25, 2013
When is it time to leave?
Nothing is forever - and part of a wise leader's (or key staff member's) periodic evaluation is whether it is time to consider moving on. Interestingly, when that time comes - and it comes for all of us one way or another - it is usually a good thing both for us and for the organization we serve.
A key issue for us to remember is that our work with any organization is a stewardship. In ministry, even if we started and built an organization our work is a stewardship to that organization on behalf of Christ. And, when we can no longer move the organization forward effectively, a part of our stewardship is to ask the question of whether our time 'here' is up.
Asking this question does not mean that we have failed. In fact, just the opposite is true. If we can discern that our time is up, we will have helped the organization. Those who cannot discern the right timing do actually end up hurting their organization. This is not about failure, it is about seasons of life.
What are some of the signs that our time is up?
When our organization has plateaued, or has moved into decline and we are unable to figure out how to reinvision the ministry. There are times when we have run out of ideas or an ability to lead the organization to the next level.
Rather than holding on and pretending that things are like they used to be when the organization was doing well, we serve ourselves and our ministry by saying, "we need fresh ideas and I need a fresh challenge." There is NO shame in that. It is actually deeply honorable because it refuses to compromise the mission (which transcends us) and acknowledges that we are not the right one "for this hour."
When there is conflict we cannot solve. There are also times when there is a level of conflict in the organization for a long enough time that we know in our hearts we cannot solve the problem and that it will take someone else to get the job done. It makes sense, in this case to step aside, both for our own health as well as for the health of the organization.
This does not mean that we run from conflict. It does mean that if we cannot solve the problem, for whatever reason, we don't hold on and allow the situation to compromise our future ministry or the chance that someone else could come in and solve the problem.
When we have become deeply restless over a period of time. Long time restlessness is often an indication from God that we need a new challenge. This differs from the issue above because things may be doing just fine in our organization - and we know we could continue on for the rest of our career. But the restlessness does not leave.
If you are restless and it does not go away, consider the fact that God has another assignment for you where you will be challenged to grow and develop in a new way. I spoke recently with an effective pastor in a healthy church who with tears in his eyes said "T.J., I know I could stay where I am but there is a restlessness in my soul. I am 50 something years old and I just feel like there is one more run that God has for me. What do I do?" He is feeling the restlessness of the Spirit and needs to pay close attention to it.
When we have lost the confidence either of the board (if we are the senior leader) or our supervisor (if we are part of the team). This takes good EQ on the part of a leader or staff member. In ministry organizations, one can lose the confidence of a board or a supervisor long before they will take action to suggest you move along - there is a lot of grace and a lot of conflict avoidance in ministry organizations.
However, here is the truth of the matter. When this happens, whether it feels just or not, and whether we agree or not, our ability to minister is severely compromised because those we need support from are no longer giving it. Wise people choose to address the issue and have a frank conversation with their board or supervisor and if it is clear that the necessary support is not there, they will be proactive in looking for God's next assignment.
The final reason to leave is where God grabs our heart - unexpectedly - for something we were not looking for or seeking. This one takes great discernment because we may be seeing great success in our current ministry and thus have no reason to leave. But, God may have a reason and we need to discern whether the opportunity is someone else's desire for our lives or our desire for our lives.
These decisions are not always easy, and life is not always fair, as I can attest. I have had to make these decisions - I know. But in the end it is not about us but about the ministry we serve. I honor those who are willing to ask the question and act in the best interests of the organization.
I am saddened by those who in spite of all the evidence choose to hang on and in hanging on, hurt the very organization they had served so well.
A key issue for us to remember is that our work with any organization is a stewardship. In ministry, even if we started and built an organization our work is a stewardship to that organization on behalf of Christ. And, when we can no longer move the organization forward effectively, a part of our stewardship is to ask the question of whether our time 'here' is up.
Asking this question does not mean that we have failed. In fact, just the opposite is true. If we can discern that our time is up, we will have helped the organization. Those who cannot discern the right timing do actually end up hurting their organization. This is not about failure, it is about seasons of life.
What are some of the signs that our time is up?
When our organization has plateaued, or has moved into decline and we are unable to figure out how to reinvision the ministry. There are times when we have run out of ideas or an ability to lead the organization to the next level.
Rather than holding on and pretending that things are like they used to be when the organization was doing well, we serve ourselves and our ministry by saying, "we need fresh ideas and I need a fresh challenge." There is NO shame in that. It is actually deeply honorable because it refuses to compromise the mission (which transcends us) and acknowledges that we are not the right one "for this hour."
When there is conflict we cannot solve. There are also times when there is a level of conflict in the organization for a long enough time that we know in our hearts we cannot solve the problem and that it will take someone else to get the job done. It makes sense, in this case to step aside, both for our own health as well as for the health of the organization.
This does not mean that we run from conflict. It does mean that if we cannot solve the problem, for whatever reason, we don't hold on and allow the situation to compromise our future ministry or the chance that someone else could come in and solve the problem.
When we have become deeply restless over a period of time. Long time restlessness is often an indication from God that we need a new challenge. This differs from the issue above because things may be doing just fine in our organization - and we know we could continue on for the rest of our career. But the restlessness does not leave.
If you are restless and it does not go away, consider the fact that God has another assignment for you where you will be challenged to grow and develop in a new way. I spoke recently with an effective pastor in a healthy church who with tears in his eyes said "T.J., I know I could stay where I am but there is a restlessness in my soul. I am 50 something years old and I just feel like there is one more run that God has for me. What do I do?" He is feeling the restlessness of the Spirit and needs to pay close attention to it.
When we have lost the confidence either of the board (if we are the senior leader) or our supervisor (if we are part of the team). This takes good EQ on the part of a leader or staff member. In ministry organizations, one can lose the confidence of a board or a supervisor long before they will take action to suggest you move along - there is a lot of grace and a lot of conflict avoidance in ministry organizations.
However, here is the truth of the matter. When this happens, whether it feels just or not, and whether we agree or not, our ability to minister is severely compromised because those we need support from are no longer giving it. Wise people choose to address the issue and have a frank conversation with their board or supervisor and if it is clear that the necessary support is not there, they will be proactive in looking for God's next assignment.
The final reason to leave is where God grabs our heart - unexpectedly - for something we were not looking for or seeking. This one takes great discernment because we may be seeing great success in our current ministry and thus have no reason to leave. But, God may have a reason and we need to discern whether the opportunity is someone else's desire for our lives or our desire for our lives.
These decisions are not always easy, and life is not always fair, as I can attest. I have had to make these decisions - I know. But in the end it is not about us but about the ministry we serve. I honor those who are willing to ask the question and act in the best interests of the organization.
I am saddened by those who in spite of all the evidence choose to hang on and in hanging on, hurt the very organization they had served so well.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
The single most important decision we make
The single most important decision we make is the decision as to how we will leave our ministry when our time is up. It is more important than the decision to come and it is more important than many of the decisions we make along the way. Because this final decision has the ability to hurt and destroy all that we have built and this decision reveals our true character. Will we do all that we can to uphold the Bride as we leave or will we do something to hurt the bride on the way out! And whatever choice we make, it cannot be undone.
As a church board member and organizational leader I have watched people make both very good and very poor decisions on how they exited their ministries.
I have had people come and say, "T.J", I sense it is time for me to go and I want to do everything I can to make this a seamless, God honoring transition that blesses the organization and leaves it ready for the one who takes my place.
I have had others who came with demands and indicated that if those demands were not met they would do all they could to hurt the organization on their way out. And I watched some who did just that. Their bitterness drove ungodly behavior which undid much of what they had done during their tenure.
How we leave is a test of our true character. Those who try to hurt a ministry or its leaders on the way out reveal a bitter spirit and heart that is willing to see God's work compromised in order to justify their own sinful behavior.
Contrast this with Paul who knew that some people preached out of envy and rivalry and even selfish ambition but "what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice (Philippians 1:18)."
No matter what the circumstances with which we leave we always have a choice. To be gracious for the sake of the One we serve and His Bride. Or to be bitter and divisive because we can. The first reflects the Spirit while the second reflect the flesh in all of its sinfulness. How we leave is a test and a reflection of our true character.
As a church board member and organizational leader I have watched people make both very good and very poor decisions on how they exited their ministries.
I have had people come and say, "T.J", I sense it is time for me to go and I want to do everything I can to make this a seamless, God honoring transition that blesses the organization and leaves it ready for the one who takes my place.
I have had others who came with demands and indicated that if those demands were not met they would do all they could to hurt the organization on their way out. And I watched some who did just that. Their bitterness drove ungodly behavior which undid much of what they had done during their tenure.
How we leave is a test of our true character. Those who try to hurt a ministry or its leaders on the way out reveal a bitter spirit and heart that is willing to see God's work compromised in order to justify their own sinful behavior.
Contrast this with Paul who knew that some people preached out of envy and rivalry and even selfish ambition but "what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice (Philippians 1:18)."
No matter what the circumstances with which we leave we always have a choice. To be gracious for the sake of the One we serve and His Bride. Or to be bitter and divisive because we can. The first reflects the Spirit while the second reflect the flesh in all of its sinfulness. How we leave is a test and a reflection of our true character.
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