Seven things to understand about church conflict

Anyone who is in church leadership for very long, either as staff or board members will experience church conflict. Unfortunately the unity Jesus prayed for in John 17 and which Paul asked for in Ephesians 4 is often missing in the church. We live in a fallen world and fallen people have a hard time getting along. 

As a veteran of helping churches negotiate through and out of conflict there are seven things that one needs to keep in mind when it happens.

First, the presenting issues are very often not the real issues. This may be counter-intuitive but it is true. Often in trying to negotiate conflict staff and  boards take what is said by an opposing side as the truth. Often, the real issues are hidden behind the presenting issues and one should not assume that the presenting issues are the real issues. It can take a skilled individual to ferret out what the real issues are an until one can identify what the actual concerns are it is not possible to resolve the conflict.

Second, some involved have no first hand knowledge of what the real issues are but have taken up the offense of others.Often, friends and relatives of those who are unhappy will be caught up in conflict even though it is not their issue and sometimes without even knowing what the underlying issues are. This is one of the things that makes church conflict so confusing. Some people are just caught up on either side because they identify with other people but don't really have a stake in the issues.

Third, truth often becomes a victim of emotion. In the midst of church conflict a lot of words are written and spoken that are often not accurate but they are taken as truth. One person says something which gets repeated as truth when in truth it is not at all true. Emotions are stronger than rational thinking in many instances and those emotions often get in the way of truth. It is sad. When I was the target of disgruntled people many years ago, much of what they said was blatantly false. But in the heat of emotion, it was taken by their friends as truth.

Fourth, some individuals are unable to modify their positions even in the face of irrefutable evidence. This is the result of emotions taking precedence over truth. Once a position is taken in the heat of emotion many individuals are not able or willing to modify that position even when presented with evidence to the contrary. This is one of the reasons that conflict cannot always be resolved in a win/win scenario. When entrenched opinions and emotions do not allow individuals to respond to evidence to the contrary there is little hope of those individuals ever seeing the situation differently than they do.

Fifth, it is not always possible to satisfy everyone. This goes back to what I have already said. This side of heaven some conflicts will not get resolved either because two sides are so far apart, or because logic is lost in emotion or because individuals who have become entrenched in a position are unwilling to move. Sometimes in order to resolve conflict individuals need to say they are either sorry or were wrong. Some will never go there.

Sixth, the longer the conflict remains unresolved the more that truth gets lost. Conflict thrives on rumor, assumptions about motives, emotional triangles and the demonization of those who we disagree with. The longer the conflict remains unresolved, that these poisonous issues flourish and the messier it gets to clean up. Sometimes after a long period of conflict the two sides don't even know what started it all. All they know is that they no longer like each other or want to work with each other.

Seven, conflict flourishes in darkness but not in the light of day. One thing I have learned about conflict is that once brought into the light so that everyone in the congregation is informed of what is going on, things become resolved far faster than when the issues are kept in the back room. We are often fearful of just telling God's people what is going on and what the positions are. Yet, the sooner that is done the less harm comes to the body as a whole. If we believe that each individual has the Holy Spirit within them, we then need to trust that if the congregation knows what is going on they will make decisions that are best for the body as a whole. I always suggest transparency over secretiveness.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

If it doesn't stick it's not vision - the six descriptors of good vision

Vision is what we ask God for in faith as opposed to mission which answers the question of why we exist. There are six descriptors of good vision.

First, it is a God sized ask. If we can accomplish it by ourselves it is not vision. Vision requires God's direct involvement and requires faith.

Second, it engenders enthusiasm. It resonates with those in our ministry to pray for and work toward a goal that we can all get excited about.

Third, it is simple and clear. It does not require a lot of explanation and can be instantly understood. Complicated vision is not vision because it will not stick.

Fourth, it does not need to be fully quantifiable. Remember, it is a big, faith ask. One should be able to show examples of that vision being accomplished but it need not be about counting and keeping score.

Fifth, it mobilizes people in a common direction. That is what vision does. Good vision encourages people toward common God sized goals.

Sixth, it sticks. If you share "vision" and it does not stick it's not vision.

In ReachGlobal we are praying that God would raise up one million disciplemakers to allow us to impact 100 million people with the Gospel and see 100 Acts 19 locations where the Gospel penetrates whole cities or regions rather than just a neighborhood.

That is our vision. What is yours?

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Why it's so easy for leaders to fake it - from Francis Chan

Francis Chan: Why It's So 

Easy for Leaders to Fake It

If you are serious about authentic leadership, my book Deep Influence: Unseen Practices That Will Revolutionize Your Leadership is now available for pre-order on Amazon. It directly addresses the issues Francis Chan talks about.

When pastors fail at this they severely jeopardize their ministry

One of the most dangerous things a pastor can do is to ignore their staff, mistreat them or allow for a less than healthy culture to develop at the staff level. One may get away with this for a period of time but ultimately it will often destroy everything that one has worked hard to build.

On one end of the spectrum are those pastors who simply take their staff for granted and do not intentionally pastor their own pastors. Staff notice when their leader pays attention to others but not to them and it is disempowering and discouraging. Further, it is dangerous to the senior leader because when push comes to shove it is staff who are closely connected to their leader who will support that leader. The more distant the relationship is the less likely it is that staff will stand by their leader when he really needs them.

Then there are leaders (and I have met my share of them) who either mistreat staff or allow toxic cultures to develop at the staff level. I have worked with churches where the senior pastor verbally mistreated staff, allowed their anger to erupt regularly, regularly interfered with staff responsibilities, fired staff without due process or good cause, marginalized those who disagreed with them and even got rid of staff whose (orthodox) theology did not agree with their own theological proclivities. 

And in case one were to think that this only happens in small churches, it does not. One can have churches in the thousands and still this happens at the staff level.

Obviously the behaviors I identified above are dysfunctional but unfortunately they are not rare. What often intrigues me is how long this dysfunctionality can be hidden from the congregation, which it often is as staff are reluctant to share their issues with the congregation at large - generally a good thing. 

However, there usually comes a breaking point where the dysfunction on staff does spill over to the congregation and when it does it can be very ugly. Because I often get called in the aftermath of such spillage I can attest to the pain it causes staff members and congregants. Often, the senior leaders involved lose their ministry in that church but unfortunately often go on to repeat the behaviors in another church and with another staff.

I have several suggestions for church leaders and senior pastors. First, if you are a senior pastor the most important responsibility you have is to ensure that you have a healthy board and healthy staff because you cannot have a healthy church without health at these two levels. That means that these two groups become one of your highest priorities. Talk of transformation is cheap if there is not transformation at these two levels.

Second, church leaders should have a way to monitor the health of the staff team. Whenever I have had to help clean up messes left by senior leaders the board should have known the issues but either chose not to pay attention to them or simply took the word of their senior leader that all was well. Trust but verify!

Third, if there is significant dysfunction at the staff level, get help for your staff and your senior leader. For the senior leader it may be coaching or training in the building of healthy and aligned teams. For the staff it will mean that you listen and help them move toward health. If you cannot do so with your senior leader then that must be addressed because you cannot have a healthy church without a healthy staff.

There is no greater irony than to talk of transformation when the core leaders of the church, your staff live in toxicity. It is wrong and it will eventually jeopardize the health of the church and the ability of the senior pastor to lead. Don't allow it to happen and if it is, deal with it seriously. The current implosion at Mars Hill in Seattle is a significant lesson in ignoring an unhealthy staff culture. No one gets a free pass on this issue!

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Intervarsity derecognized in California State Universities

Intervarsity Now "Derecognized" in California State Universities

Are evangelicals no longer welcome in the public arena? |

Ed Stetzer

Bibliotheca: A Bible I am excited about

Here is a Bible I am excited about and have ordered. Check it out for yourself

Bibliotheca

My new book, Deep Influence: Unseen Practices That Will Revolutionize Your Leadership, is now available for pre-order on Amazon.

The media and Christian ministries

I have watched with sadness the travails of a large church and famous pastor over the past year or so. It has been my desire that they would get their act together for the sake of the church as a whole. One of the interesting facets of the saga has been the charge that the media has been used to create undo attention to the charges against the senior pastor and that dirty laundry should not be aired in the secular media. Even I was chastised for suggesting on Facebook that I wished the parties involved would get their act together as indicated above.

We live in a connected world. This is not necessarily a bad thing. Perhaps what it does is increase our responsibility to handle issues within the church and in Christian organizations in ways that actually honor Jesus and don't need to be hidden from the world. If we have to hide our issues from the world there is either something wrong with our conduct or the way we handle conflict or differences together. 

Further, why should ministries be exempt from the same transparency that we ask of other institutions in society whether government or other entities? If we have something to hide, if we engage in questionable practices, if we mistreat staff or muzzle opinions, is it wrong that we not be held accountable? We love the media when it helps us and use it for our purposes when we can. Is it a surprise that the media not pay attention when we allow our issues to become public as they have in the church above?

Paul suggested that our conduct be such that even the pagan world would look at us and not have cause to accuse us of any wrongdoing. If that were our standard we would not be afraid of scrutiny from the outside or the inside. My take.

Finally, when we allow our leaders to become public figures and treat them like rock stars - or draw attention to our ministries why would we expect anything other than media attention? 

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.