Three marks of faithful friends

Having faithful friends matters. All of us will have superficial friendships, but we also need deep faithful friends. They may be family or others, but you know they are always in your corner. As I think about what characterizes faithful friends, I think of these three qualities.

First, they are trustworthy and always have your best interests in mind and we theirs. They can be trusted with confidential information, they have a deep and abiding love and you can always trust their motives. There is no pretense in their friendship and it is not based on anything we can give (although all friendships are mutual, one to the other). In other words we can be the real us with them and they with us.

Second, they (and we) can be counted on in good times and bad. We need faithful friends at all times of life but we really need them when the chips are down. Faithful friends go the distance and go out of their way when times are hard. Most move away from those who are in the hard times. Faithful friends move toward those who are in the hard times.

Third, faithful friends will tell one another the truth, even when it hurts. Who else will do that? Our enemies for sure but they have no redemptive motive in mind. Faithful friends do not let other friends go in the ditch if they can help it! They address issues they see in a loving and kind manner but they challenge one another to better living and better followership of Jesus.

Do you have such friends? Are you such a friend to others?

TJ Addington (Addington Consulting) has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

"Creating cultures of organizational excellence."

Three reasons to be reconciled with those we have had conflict with in the church

There is no way around conflict in the local church. In fact, it is only the presence of the Holy Spirit that keeps churches from devouring themselves. Coming from all kinds of backgrounds, with our own dysfunctions and issues, it is the Cross of Jesus that gives us a common bond - which we would not otherwise have. And it is the common Holy Spirit that unites us as members of the family of God. 

So why should we be reconciled to one another when there is conflict in the church? We may violently disagree with one another, we may hold grudges against each other. And it is very easy to pick up the offences of others and carry them ourselves. And those we disagree with don't deserve our favor or forgiveness unless they "repent" and choose to agree with us. So why should we be reconciled to each other?

Let me suggest the following reasons to consider. I don't do this lightly as I have been at odds with others in the local church. In fact, I need to do this with great humility. I have had to forgive and be forgiven too many times so this is not a treatise from strength but one from having to face myself too many times. And one from having faced truths from Scripture that I have had to grapple with.

First: We forgive because Jesus chose to forgive us. Ephesians 4:32 says it this way: "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." No matter how much animus I have, I cannot get around the fact that Jesus chose to forgive me and therefore commanded me to forgive others. 

Such forgiveness is not predicated on the confession of others (and in conflict we are often all guilty in come way). Nor is it predicated on having hashed through all the issues (it is often not possible). What it is predicated on is that Jesus forgave us when we did not deserve it and by implication we are to forgive others even if they do not deserve it (in our view).

I fully believe that Christ will hold us accountable for every unresolved relationship we choose to live with when we see Him. What do we say to the one who bore our sin and failure on Himself and chose to forgive us against the fact we chose not to forgive others? The truth is that we will have no answer in the face of his amazing and unmerited forgiveness of us. How can we not forgive others when we have been the recipient of so much grace?

Second: In church conflict we often do not know the full story. There are always two sides and we often are privy on only one. We need to remember that we only know what we know and frankly we usually don't know the whole story. 

Third: Forgiveness and reconciliation do not mean that we need to be best friends with those who we extend it to. It does not mean that we agree with the course of action that was taken. Nor that we must stay in the church. 

It does mean that whether we choose to stay after conflict or leave that we do either with a happy heart and a clear conscience based on reconciled relationships and the lack of unfinished business. Living with ongoing animus or anger is both unbiblical (do not let the sun go down on your wrath) and it is a prison of our own making that we live with and that separates us from others. What reconciliation and forgiveness does mean is that we are willing to live at peace with those we had a disagreement with.

TJ Addington (Addington Consulting) has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

"Creating cultures of organizational excellence."

A lesson we all need to learn: Godly people can disagree from Quintin Stieff

Godly people can disagree

Quintin Stieff

TJ Addington (Addington Consulting) has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

"Creating cultures of organizational excellence."

Here is a scary scenario when it comes to prayer....

If the prayer lives of people were modeled after the prayer example of a typical worship service, it would be a fairly prayerless existence. Many congregations have lost the art of leading people to the throne of God in a meaningful way. 

Certainly, prayer can become a ritual like any other. Yet, how we pray and what we pray for in a worship service should model what we are taught to pray about in Scripture. It is rare, for instance, that I am in a worship service that has prayers of confession or lifts up the amazing attributes of God, or even uses Scripture to guide one's prayer. The exception to this would be high church services where prayer and Scripture are always central to the worship experience. 

While I am not advocating either a high or low church experience, it is interesting to me how many evangelicals are gravitating toward a more liturgical style of worship and wonder if it is because of the emphasis on prayer and the Word throughout the service. 

When prayer becomes an afterthought in our services, we do a disservice to our people and to the Lord we are worshiping. Not only should prayer be central in our services, but what we pray for should model something to those we are leading to the throne. 

As you think about your services, I would simply say this: If people modeled their own prayer lives after what they experienced in their church on Sunday, would it be rich or poor? For better or worse, what we model in worship sends a message to our people. It is something to think about.

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The part that humility plays in the effectiveness of ministry teams - from Gary Warkentin

Humility and Team Effectiveness

Gary Warkentin from Effective Ministry Teams

TJ Addington (Addington Consulting) has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

"Creating cultures of organizational excellence."

Franklin Graham's comments regarding Muslim immigration requires a response. Here are two responses.

An Arab and a Jew Lament a Christian’s Words

by Ashraf Atieh and Brian Newman

Franklin Graham’s Call to End Muslim Immigration Could Backfire

More churches only want to work with Christian refugees. But limits on Muslims could hurt Mideast Christians too.

Timothy C. Morgan/ JULY 24, 2015

TJ Addington (Addington Consulting) has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

"Creating cultures of organizational excellence."

A conversation between the Navigators and T.J. Addington regarding Deep Influence

Deep Influence

A Conversation with T.J. Addington

By Disciple! - Jul 1, 2015

TJ Addington (Addington Consulting) has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

"Creating cultures of organizational excellence."

In it for the Long Haul: The pastor's job is to find success when it's invisible from Leadership Journal

In It for the Long Haul

Forget metrics. The pastor's job is to find success when it's invisible.

TJ Addington (Addington Consulting) has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

"Creating cultures of organizational excellence."

Watching for redemptive moments

We obviously live in a very broken world, and as it tumbles toward even greater post-Christian moorings, the brokenness will only become greater. That is why I love the word "redemption" because our Lord loves to redeem hearts, lives, families, circumstances, and even whole communities. And we are part of that redemptive process as we look for opportunities to bring the redemptive news of Jesus to hurting people. Only Jesus can take what is broken and sad and bring from it wholeness and joy.

We ought to never underestimate the power of God's love and our part in bringing it to people who need it. A word of encouragement, an act of kindness, a prayer for the needs of others, and just the willingness to come alongside others demonstrates the heart of God. We are called to be the words, hands, and feet of God, and we can leave the results to the Holy Spirit. We are His messengers; he has the power to redeem hearts and circumstances.

Think of the privilege we have to be invited by the God of the universe to join him in His work. Too often, we think that we are insignificant in the grand scheme of things. The truth is just the opposite. God wants to use us as His agents to bring truth, love, healing, justice, and comfort in a world that lacks all of these. Think about the significance of that. We are His agents in His work to bring His redemption to people who need it through the work of His Spirit. That puts a whole different spin on our lives entirely!

Redemptive moments are those moments where it is obvious that we can bring the love of Jesus to those who need it. When God presents them, don't ignore them. How people respond to our (God's) love is not our business - bringing Jesus to them is! It may be food for the hungry or shelter for the homeless, a visit for the sick, or encouragement for the broken. Redemptive moments are precious because they give us the opportunity to share the love of Jesus with those who need it. Never let such a moment go to waste. Jesus didn't.

I long for the day when God's people understand the power they have in Jesus to impact the world for Him. The opportunities come one redemptive moment at a time. Pray for them, watch for them and take advantage of them. Just as Jesus did in the Gospels when he came across needy people.

TJ Addington (Addington Consulting) has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

"Creating cultures of organizational excellence."