Saturday, January 3, 2015
Friday, January 2, 2015
Neighbors from Hell
Yes, that was the title of the 20/20 episode I watched tonight. It was amazing to see the petty battles and lengths people can go to in their conflict over seemingly insignificant things. And that people who live in close proximity to one another cannot simply get along. It was funny, sad and crazy all at once.
It caused me to think about some of the conflicts in the local church where the Holy Spirit is actually present but where the same petty conflicts easily become full blown battles. Sadly, many of the behaviors, assumptions about one another and tactics are not much different from the "Neighbors from Hell." Except that we are really called to be "Neighbors headed to Heaven" where we will spend eternity together.
In the 20/20 episode it was clear that battles among neighbors were all consuming - energy wise and emotionally. Fences were built, cameras installed to watch the actions of the others and all kinds of nasty things done and said to one another.
Such is true in conflict in the local church as well and as such it is often literally from hell because the Evil One is greatly satisfied when we are fighting one another rather than focused on taking territory for Jesus. The irony in the local church is that our "neighbors from hell" are going to be our "brothers and sister in heaven" one day. Does it not make sense that we would practice on earth what will be true in heaven? - especially as we pray "Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven." Something to think about.
The saddest thing about the episodes? It was so unnecessary. And so is most conflict in the local church. It robs us of our ability to accomplish what God has called us to do, it diminishes the reputation of Jesus and it is life taking rather than life giving (John 10:10). There are certainly things worth fighting for. Most church conflict does not fit that category. It is a distraction of the evil one from the mission of Jesus for the church.
All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.
It caused me to think about some of the conflicts in the local church where the Holy Spirit is actually present but where the same petty conflicts easily become full blown battles. Sadly, many of the behaviors, assumptions about one another and tactics are not much different from the "Neighbors from Hell." Except that we are really called to be "Neighbors headed to Heaven" where we will spend eternity together.
In the 20/20 episode it was clear that battles among neighbors were all consuming - energy wise and emotionally. Fences were built, cameras installed to watch the actions of the others and all kinds of nasty things done and said to one another.
Such is true in conflict in the local church as well and as such it is often literally from hell because the Evil One is greatly satisfied when we are fighting one another rather than focused on taking territory for Jesus. The irony in the local church is that our "neighbors from hell" are going to be our "brothers and sister in heaven" one day. Does it not make sense that we would practice on earth what will be true in heaven? - especially as we pray "Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven." Something to think about.
The saddest thing about the episodes? It was so unnecessary. And so is most conflict in the local church. It robs us of our ability to accomplish what God has called us to do, it diminishes the reputation of Jesus and it is life taking rather than life giving (John 10:10). There are certainly things worth fighting for. Most church conflict does not fit that category. It is a distraction of the evil one from the mission of Jesus for the church.
All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.
Staff and board relationships in the local church: What is healthy and what is unhealthy?
In the local church, staff board relationships are a critical factor in either health or dishealth. I am not speaking of the senior pastor (or in a large church the Executive pastor) here who is normally both a member of the board and the leader of staff. I am speaking of other staff and how they relate or do not relate to board members. Let me run through some scenarios that fit in the healthy and dishealthy columns as they are often played out in the church.
Unhealthy: There is to be no conversation between board members and staff except through the senior pastor or Executive Pastor. This effectively says that staff are not allowed to speak to board members or board to staff. This is often mandated in the name of policy governance. While it is true that in policy governance the board manages staff through one employee - the senior leader- and the board cannot manage staff other than the senior leader, eliminating conversation between boards and staff is not healthy.
Consider this fact. By eliminating conversation between board members and staff, a dysfunctional or controlling leader can hide the fact that there is toxicity on staff. I have seen it many times and the board who is actually responsible for the health of the church is the last to know. The rule in the name of policy governance can be used as a foil to keep staff issues from reaching elected leaders. Yet the health of staff must be one of the highest priorities of leaders.
Healthy: Board and staff are allowed to interact but it is understood that the board does not manage staff other than its senior leader. Healthy senior leaders don't mind board staff interaction as long as the board does not overstep its authority. In fact, I would go so far as to say that the board has a responsibility to monitor the health of the staff ethos and not simply to rely on what they are told by the senior leader. As Reagan famously said, "trust but verify."
Unhealthy: Staff go around their supervisor to the board to achieve their ends. This violates the chain of authority which is through the senior leader and boards that allow it to happen are foolish and have moved into the area of management as well as disempowering the senior leader. Any form of triangulation that goes around our supervisor to achieve our ends is unhealthy.
Healthy: There must be a place where staff can go in the event that there is dishealth either in their relationship with their supervisor on staff in general. Senior leaders can bully their staff and dysfunctional ones often do to "keep quiet" about dishealth and significant problems on staff. In one church conflict I worked with there was a string of at least ten staff who had been unfairly treated and the board had never talked to any of them (they had a gag order). Essentially we are talking about a grievance policy where staff can go when they face serious issues. Not to have such a policy and procedure is to hurt staff and open the church up to legal liabilities.
Unhealthy: Preventing staff from communicating outside of the staff structure if needed to resolve an issue - per a grievance policy. While it should happen seldom, there are leaders who make it impossible for a staff member to speak about serious issues outside of their presence. They do so because of their own insecurity and control issues.
Healthy: Regular board interaction with staff. I do not believe that staff should be on the board apart from perhaps the senior leader and the Executive Pastor. At the same time there should be regular touch points that boards have with the staff (in a large church, senior staff) where candid questions can be asked, relationships developed and ministry discussed. When this does not happen, boards only know what their senior leader tells them which is not always the full picture.
To put all of this in perspective, whenever I see rules that keep conversation between board members and staff in the local church I become wary. Why does the senior leader feel he needs to prevent such communication? In healthy organizations with healthy leaders, there is not fear of such conversation because there is nothing to hide. Usually when excessive control is exerted, there is something to hide or unhealthy control being exerted by the senior leader. At the same time boards and staff must understand what a healthy relationship is and what it is not and abide by those principles.
I often hear from staff members who work in an environment where health does not exist and they have no real recourse. I am sad for them because the very transformative ministry that the church proclaims it is about is not what they live internally. It is a problem in too many churches.
All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.
Unhealthy: There is to be no conversation between board members and staff except through the senior pastor or Executive Pastor. This effectively says that staff are not allowed to speak to board members or board to staff. This is often mandated in the name of policy governance. While it is true that in policy governance the board manages staff through one employee - the senior leader- and the board cannot manage staff other than the senior leader, eliminating conversation between boards and staff is not healthy.
Consider this fact. By eliminating conversation between board members and staff, a dysfunctional or controlling leader can hide the fact that there is toxicity on staff. I have seen it many times and the board who is actually responsible for the health of the church is the last to know. The rule in the name of policy governance can be used as a foil to keep staff issues from reaching elected leaders. Yet the health of staff must be one of the highest priorities of leaders.
Healthy: Board and staff are allowed to interact but it is understood that the board does not manage staff other than its senior leader. Healthy senior leaders don't mind board staff interaction as long as the board does not overstep its authority. In fact, I would go so far as to say that the board has a responsibility to monitor the health of the staff ethos and not simply to rely on what they are told by the senior leader. As Reagan famously said, "trust but verify."
Unhealthy: Staff go around their supervisor to the board to achieve their ends. This violates the chain of authority which is through the senior leader and boards that allow it to happen are foolish and have moved into the area of management as well as disempowering the senior leader. Any form of triangulation that goes around our supervisor to achieve our ends is unhealthy.
Healthy: There must be a place where staff can go in the event that there is dishealth either in their relationship with their supervisor on staff in general. Senior leaders can bully their staff and dysfunctional ones often do to "keep quiet" about dishealth and significant problems on staff. In one church conflict I worked with there was a string of at least ten staff who had been unfairly treated and the board had never talked to any of them (they had a gag order). Essentially we are talking about a grievance policy where staff can go when they face serious issues. Not to have such a policy and procedure is to hurt staff and open the church up to legal liabilities.
Unhealthy: Preventing staff from communicating outside of the staff structure if needed to resolve an issue - per a grievance policy. While it should happen seldom, there are leaders who make it impossible for a staff member to speak about serious issues outside of their presence. They do so because of their own insecurity and control issues.
Healthy: Regular board interaction with staff. I do not believe that staff should be on the board apart from perhaps the senior leader and the Executive Pastor. At the same time there should be regular touch points that boards have with the staff (in a large church, senior staff) where candid questions can be asked, relationships developed and ministry discussed. When this does not happen, boards only know what their senior leader tells them which is not always the full picture.
To put all of this in perspective, whenever I see rules that keep conversation between board members and staff in the local church I become wary. Why does the senior leader feel he needs to prevent such communication? In healthy organizations with healthy leaders, there is not fear of such conversation because there is nothing to hide. Usually when excessive control is exerted, there is something to hide or unhealthy control being exerted by the senior leader. At the same time boards and staff must understand what a healthy relationship is and what it is not and abide by those principles.
I often hear from staff members who work in an environment where health does not exist and they have no real recourse. I am sad for them because the very transformative ministry that the church proclaims it is about is not what they live internally. It is a problem in too many churches.
All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Nine ways that pastors create conflict in the church
Senior leaders are fully capable of creating unnecessary conflict in their churches. There is enough opportunity for conflict in the church without pastors contributing to it. Here are some ways that pastors contribute to conflict and therefor ways we can avoid doing so.
One: Being defensive with staff and boards. Defensiveness shuts down discussion which inevitably creates conflict as real issues cannot be openly discussed and resolved. When pastors are insecure and therefore not open to robust dialogue, conflict becomes inevitable. The more open we are the less opportunity there is for conflict to germinate.
Two: Making unilateral decisions without the input of stakeholders. Nobody likes surprises - not boards, not staff or congregations.When pastors do not engage stakeholders, whoever they are, they create the seeds of conflict. Key decisions need to be processed with those who are impacted.
Three: Being inflexible. We may be clear where we want to go but flexibility is usually necessary in order to get there. Often we cannot get everything we desire to get at once. Wise leaders are flexible in how they get to where they are going so that those we lead will actually go with us.
Four: Not running process. This is related to the above. All change requires a process in order to help those we lead go with us. When leaders make decisions that surprise stakeholders and do not run adequate process to explain their rationale for change, conflict inevitably occurs. Often we are too impatient to go where we want to go rather than take the time to run process and it results in conflict.
Five: Not being clear on where we are going and how we are going to get there. Ambiguity over direction and strategy creates insecurity and questions among those we lead. Clarity over both are critical to a healthy congregation. Often when these are absent dysfunction is the result.
Six: Marginalizing those who disagree with us. This is always a sign of poor EQ and insecurity but it is not uncommon among senior pastors. We too often equate loyalty with agreeing with us and when someone disagrees there is a tendency to see them as bad or disloyal or even "agents of the evil one." Disagreement is not bad but our response to it can be. When we marginalize those who disagree with us we naturally create conflict because we now have those who are "in" and those who are "out."
Seven: Using the pulpit to take shots at our detractors. All pastors have detractors - it is the nature of the job. But when we start using the pulpit (which is a powerful platform) we naturally create an us and them mentality. The pulpit is for the untainted truth of God from Scripture, not a platform for us to take shots at our detractors. They deserve our love and maybe our candid thoughts but not from the pulpit.
Eight: Dividing the board from the staff. I call this "leadership default." Pastors never play their board against their staff for it inevitably creates an "us/them" mentality and creates distrust between two groups which must work in coordination with one another. The senior team the pastor is on is always his board and it is his responsibility to create partnership rather than tension between his staff and his board.
Nine: Using the church for one's own agenda rather than for a corporate agenda that is agreed to by staff and board. Churches can be a platform for our personal agendas in leadership or they can be a platform for God's agenda which is agreed to by leadership, staff and ultimately the congregation. When we use it for our own agenda without the agreement of others who make up our leadership team and the congregation as a whole (remember the priesthood of believers) we will inevitably create conflict.
As leaders, we often are critical of those who create conflict in the local church. We need to remember that we can do the same - and often do if we are not careful.
One: Being defensive with staff and boards. Defensiveness shuts down discussion which inevitably creates conflict as real issues cannot be openly discussed and resolved. When pastors are insecure and therefore not open to robust dialogue, conflict becomes inevitable. The more open we are the less opportunity there is for conflict to germinate.
Two: Making unilateral decisions without the input of stakeholders. Nobody likes surprises - not boards, not staff or congregations.When pastors do not engage stakeholders, whoever they are, they create the seeds of conflict. Key decisions need to be processed with those who are impacted.
Three: Being inflexible. We may be clear where we want to go but flexibility is usually necessary in order to get there. Often we cannot get everything we desire to get at once. Wise leaders are flexible in how they get to where they are going so that those we lead will actually go with us.
Four: Not running process. This is related to the above. All change requires a process in order to help those we lead go with us. When leaders make decisions that surprise stakeholders and do not run adequate process to explain their rationale for change, conflict inevitably occurs. Often we are too impatient to go where we want to go rather than take the time to run process and it results in conflict.
Five: Not being clear on where we are going and how we are going to get there. Ambiguity over direction and strategy creates insecurity and questions among those we lead. Clarity over both are critical to a healthy congregation. Often when these are absent dysfunction is the result.
Six: Marginalizing those who disagree with us. This is always a sign of poor EQ and insecurity but it is not uncommon among senior pastors. We too often equate loyalty with agreeing with us and when someone disagrees there is a tendency to see them as bad or disloyal or even "agents of the evil one." Disagreement is not bad but our response to it can be. When we marginalize those who disagree with us we naturally create conflict because we now have those who are "in" and those who are "out."
Seven: Using the pulpit to take shots at our detractors. All pastors have detractors - it is the nature of the job. But when we start using the pulpit (which is a powerful platform) we naturally create an us and them mentality. The pulpit is for the untainted truth of God from Scripture, not a platform for us to take shots at our detractors. They deserve our love and maybe our candid thoughts but not from the pulpit.
Eight: Dividing the board from the staff. I call this "leadership default." Pastors never play their board against their staff for it inevitably creates an "us/them" mentality and creates distrust between two groups which must work in coordination with one another. The senior team the pastor is on is always his board and it is his responsibility to create partnership rather than tension between his staff and his board.
Nine: Using the church for one's own agenda rather than for a corporate agenda that is agreed to by staff and board. Churches can be a platform for our personal agendas in leadership or they can be a platform for God's agenda which is agreed to by leadership, staff and ultimately the congregation. When we use it for our own agenda without the agreement of others who make up our leadership team and the congregation as a whole (remember the priesthood of believers) we will inevitably create conflict.
As leaders, we often are critical of those who create conflict in the local church. We need to remember that we can do the same - and often do if we are not careful.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Looking forward by looking backward
Why the celebration every New Year's Eve? Is it not that we are celebrating the possibilities that every new year brings? As we celebrate, we also should consider the many mercies, blessings and moments of grace that God showered on us this year.
Mercy is unmerited favor - what we don't deserve. Think of God's mercy in our lives this year. How many times this year did we need his forgiveness, his empowerment, his help or his intervention? Every day of the past year has exhibited God's mercy in our lives. As Jeremiah said, His mercies are new every morning.
Grace is God's favor and good will. Every day of our lives is a day of grace. When Paul asked God to remove his "thorn in the flesh," God replied, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9). Those who have walked through tough times this year understand grace for sometimes the greatest gift we have is the grace to make it through another day. Yet, God always gives it. We live in the grace of God every day.
Blessings are all the ways that God provides for us. We cannot count the ways that God has blessed us in any given year but it is worth considering and recording some of them so that we do not forget. I was blessed this year with a fabulous staff, a wonderful job, great friends, God's provision for our needs, healing, my family, the publication of a new book and I could go on. They are all blessings from a gracious and generous God.
We can look forward to a year of possibilities because we can look back on a year of God's faithfulness. That is why it is always worth considering His goodness. Living with faith and thanksgiving is a product of remembering His amazing goodness in our lives. The more often we take stock of His grace, mercy and blessings in our lives the more we recognize them and live with the optimism that comes from living in His presence.
This is a good time to take stock in God's goodness. By looking backward we are able to look forward.
All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.
Mercy is unmerited favor - what we don't deserve. Think of God's mercy in our lives this year. How many times this year did we need his forgiveness, his empowerment, his help or his intervention? Every day of the past year has exhibited God's mercy in our lives. As Jeremiah said, His mercies are new every morning.
Grace is God's favor and good will. Every day of our lives is a day of grace. When Paul asked God to remove his "thorn in the flesh," God replied, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9). Those who have walked through tough times this year understand grace for sometimes the greatest gift we have is the grace to make it through another day. Yet, God always gives it. We live in the grace of God every day.
Blessings are all the ways that God provides for us. We cannot count the ways that God has blessed us in any given year but it is worth considering and recording some of them so that we do not forget. I was blessed this year with a fabulous staff, a wonderful job, great friends, God's provision for our needs, healing, my family, the publication of a new book and I could go on. They are all blessings from a gracious and generous God.
We can look forward to a year of possibilities because we can look back on a year of God's faithfulness. That is why it is always worth considering His goodness. Living with faith and thanksgiving is a product of remembering His amazing goodness in our lives. The more often we take stock of His grace, mercy and blessings in our lives the more we recognize them and live with the optimism that comes from living in His presence.
This is a good time to take stock in God's goodness. By looking backward we are able to look forward.
All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
"Why I want to live"
Life is precious and severe illness, such as my friend Phil is facing clarify the issues of life like nothing else can. Phil leads one of the most critical ministry teams in ReachGlobal - The Global Equipping Team that equips movement leaders internationally for the multiplication of the church and the training of healthy pastors and leaders. He was recently diagnosed with a deadly brain tumor and I along with many are praying for a total miracle - God's full healing.
In the meantime, Phil and Peggy must deal with the reality of the diagnosis and the upcoming radiation and Chemo. Phil's latest blog entry puts life in perspective so I asked permission to share it. The blog entry speaks for itself. Would you join me in praying that Jesus would heal Phil? Each of us should answer the question of whether we have clarity regarding how we are using the precious days God grants to us on this earth.
To follow Phil's journey you can access their blog, Good Things from the Hand of God. Here is his latest entry.
To follow Phil's journey you can access their blog, Good Things from the Hand of God. Here is his latest entry.
Posted: 29 Dec 2014 09:43 AM PST
Brokenness that comes from dire circumstances can do one of two
things. It can shelve me, or it can bring about greater clarity and make me
more passionate about accomplishing what I’m called to do.
This past weekend, Peggy and I were able to get away
together—enjoying nice meals, crunching through the snow on the Centennial
Trail that borders the Spokane River, and sharing some tough and very
meaningful conversations. These two days have been just what we’ve needed to
gain fresh perspective.
Around the world, millions have yet to hear the name of Jesus even
once. Their lives are broken and lost. I was also broken and lost the first 19
years of my life. God’s transforming work in me over the past 40 years compels
me to help as many others as possible discover Him.
I do not merely want extended length and quality of life for
myself and my family. I long to live so that, together with the ministry team I
lead, I can equip national leaders to fruitfully reach their own people in the
hard places of the world. This will happen with or without me. So whether I
have a few months or a few years, this is why I want to live.
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