It is ironic but there are many ways to seek to avoid conflict that actually create it. Think about this:
One: When we try to please others by not telling them what we really think in an attempt to keep peace we often unintentionally create later conflict since our words do not match our true thoughts. Our true convictions come out at some point and the lack of honesty on the front end creates conflict on the back end.
Two: When we tell one person one thing and another a different thing in order to keep the peace we eventually create conflict because the two versions don't match up. One of the signs of good EQ is the ability to be defining with what we believe no matter what the response might be. And to stay in relationship with those who might disagree with us at the same time.
Three: When we simply avoid the issues and pretend that they are not there the end result is far deeper conflict than we could have wished for. Sweeping issues under the rug only leave them for another day when the number of undressed issues is now larger and the potential conflict equally larger.
Four: When we engage in passive aggressive behavior, hiding our true thoughts and allowing them to emerge in other ways creates even greater conflict because it is disingenuous. This strategy is all too common and it creates relational chaos since one thing is said but another thing is lived out.
There are many ways to create conflict by avoiding it. There is no upside by not putting issues on the table. We may think there is but our strategies to avoid conflict actually make even deeper conflict inevitable. Boards and staff teams are guilty of this all the time and it does not yield healthy results.
Posted from Oakdale, MN
Monday, May 18, 2015
Sunday, May 17, 2015
Three key questions about priorities that apply to everyone
Priorities are an interesting thing. We know we have them, we know they are important but we often don't think about them much - ironically because we are often too distracted by non-priorities. The best sacrificed by the urgent.
There are three key questions about priorities that we ought to consider on a regular basis. The first is do we know what our priorities are? Can we name them? Have we spent time determining what they should be? The reason this is so important is that either we determine what they are or others and life will do it for us. This is true in our personal lives and in our professional lives. Many people live with only a general idea of what their priorities are which is by definition a life unconsidered.
The second question is whether our stated priorities are the right ones. On the personal side, we know that our priorities revolve around God, our marriage (if married), family and our personal ministry. While these can easily become pushed aside they are not hard to determine.
On the professional side, however, it is not necessarily so easy. We need to start by asking what we want to accomplish and then our priorities follow from our goals. But that is not even the final issue because how we go about the pursuit of our goals can be the difference between moderate impact and significant impact. It takes focused, evaluative thinking to determine what really should be the focus of my time on the ministry or professional side. The end results of our ministries will largely be determined by whether we focused on the right things.
The third question regarding priorities is whether my stated priorities are reflected in my calendar. That is, whether I have connected the compass (my priorities) with the clock (my calendar). If our checkbook reflects our financial priorities, our calendar reflects our time priorities. Anyone who examines our calendars can tell what our actual priorities are and whether they reflect our stated priorities.
Connecting the compass with the clock is easier said than done because of all the demands and expectations that come our way. But, it is the priorities themselves that help us say yes or no so that we stay on track with our calling and our lives.
If you are challenged by answering these three questions, you are in good company. But the more we ask them and pay attention to them the more we will focus on the things that really matter.
Posted from Milwaukee
There are three key questions about priorities that we ought to consider on a regular basis. The first is do we know what our priorities are? Can we name them? Have we spent time determining what they should be? The reason this is so important is that either we determine what they are or others and life will do it for us. This is true in our personal lives and in our professional lives. Many people live with only a general idea of what their priorities are which is by definition a life unconsidered.
The second question is whether our stated priorities are the right ones. On the personal side, we know that our priorities revolve around God, our marriage (if married), family and our personal ministry. While these can easily become pushed aside they are not hard to determine.
On the professional side, however, it is not necessarily so easy. We need to start by asking what we want to accomplish and then our priorities follow from our goals. But that is not even the final issue because how we go about the pursuit of our goals can be the difference between moderate impact and significant impact. It takes focused, evaluative thinking to determine what really should be the focus of my time on the ministry or professional side. The end results of our ministries will largely be determined by whether we focused on the right things.
The third question regarding priorities is whether my stated priorities are reflected in my calendar. That is, whether I have connected the compass (my priorities) with the clock (my calendar). If our checkbook reflects our financial priorities, our calendar reflects our time priorities. Anyone who examines our calendars can tell what our actual priorities are and whether they reflect our stated priorities.
Connecting the compass with the clock is easier said than done because of all the demands and expectations that come our way. But, it is the priorities themselves that help us say yes or no so that we stay on track with our calling and our lives.
If you are challenged by answering these three questions, you are in good company. But the more we ask them and pay attention to them the more we will focus on the things that really matter.
Posted from Milwaukee
Saturday, May 16, 2015
What drains the energy and momentum from your ministry?
Often we don't realize that a tremendous amount of energy is wasted and drained from issues that we choose not to address. The failure to address known issues can steal amazing time, anxiety or joy from what should be productive ministry.
Take a staff member who is out of sync with the rest of the staff or leadership. Their lack of alignment is like a huge anchor the rest of the organization must drag along behind them. Yet we let it happen all too often.
Or consider governance that no longer fits a church's size that keeps decisions from being made in a timely fashion, requires permission from multiple sources and just makes it hard to lead. In many cases poor governance models also create confusion as to who is responsible for what leading to frustration or conflict. It is a huge an unnecessary drain on multiple people.
Unresolved conflict between key members of a team or board also create tension and an emotional drain on those involved and those who are on the fringes. So do unresolved issues that come up time and again.
Ask yourself this question. Is there something that is draining you or your ministry team or organization of time, energy or emotional health? Is there something that causes ongoing frustration and is a drag on the forward momentum? Is there an individual who is at the center of ongoing controversy or conflict?
If you can identify those frustrating drains on the energy of your ministry deal with them. It may cause short term pain but it will bring long term health. Once you deal with the issue(s) you will be amazed at the freedom you feel and the new energy you have.
Posted from Milwaukee
Take a staff member who is out of sync with the rest of the staff or leadership. Their lack of alignment is like a huge anchor the rest of the organization must drag along behind them. Yet we let it happen all too often.
Or consider governance that no longer fits a church's size that keeps decisions from being made in a timely fashion, requires permission from multiple sources and just makes it hard to lead. In many cases poor governance models also create confusion as to who is responsible for what leading to frustration or conflict. It is a huge an unnecessary drain on multiple people.
Unresolved conflict between key members of a team or board also create tension and an emotional drain on those involved and those who are on the fringes. So do unresolved issues that come up time and again.
Ask yourself this question. Is there something that is draining you or your ministry team or organization of time, energy or emotional health? Is there something that causes ongoing frustration and is a drag on the forward momentum? Is there an individual who is at the center of ongoing controversy or conflict?
If you can identify those frustrating drains on the energy of your ministry deal with them. It may cause short term pain but it will bring long term health. Once you deal with the issue(s) you will be amazed at the freedom you feel and the new energy you have.
Posted from Milwaukee
Friday, May 15, 2015
Five things to remember about all emails you send.
I just saw an email that caused me to say "Oh my!" and it reminded me of the dangers that emails present. I suspect that if it could be recalled it would be but that is not possible and now it is being circulated to places and people the author probably does not desire.
Five things to remember about all emails we send:
First: Do not assume they will not be made public. The more controversial the conversation the greater the chances there are that whatever you write will find its way into the hands of others. All it takes is one click. Do not write anything that you don't want others to see and that you cannot substantiate. Our tone, our words, our attitudes and our assumptions matter in print and they can easily be wrong or badly misunderstood.
Second: Do not question the motives of others. In the first place you may well be wrong. In the main we cannot know what those motives really are. Conversations may unearth them but emails rarely will and you run the risk that you have it wrong - but now in print.
Third: Do not make accusations you cannot prove and even if you can that will not be understood by others who might read the email. Emails are not the place to make accusations. I am reluctant to do so in person let alone by email. And remember that even if you are right, those who are friends of the one you are writing to will rarely agree with you and it probably will come back to bite you. Why pick fights that you don't need to pick?
Fourth: Do not use inflammatory language. The harsher the language the tougher it is going to be to resolve whatever issue needs resolution. Inflammatory language raises the level of conflict, can be accusatory by its very nature and is unnecessary in an email. Even if everything you say is true, third parties who may see the email will inevitably take exception to you and what you wrote - and you will lose coinage.
Five: Don't make a threat by email. There may be consequences to someone's actions but rarely is it helpful to threaten them in a way that could go public, or that will be misunderstood by third parties.
If one is tempted to send an email that violates any of these five principles it is a smart practice to first wait 24 hours before sending it and second to have a colleague you trust read it. If it has implications for your organization or ministry, show it to your supervisor before sending because if it comes back to haunt you it will also haunt them.
Posted from Guatemala
Five things to remember about all emails we send:
First: Do not assume they will not be made public. The more controversial the conversation the greater the chances there are that whatever you write will find its way into the hands of others. All it takes is one click. Do not write anything that you don't want others to see and that you cannot substantiate. Our tone, our words, our attitudes and our assumptions matter in print and they can easily be wrong or badly misunderstood.
Second: Do not question the motives of others. In the first place you may well be wrong. In the main we cannot know what those motives really are. Conversations may unearth them but emails rarely will and you run the risk that you have it wrong - but now in print.
Third: Do not make accusations you cannot prove and even if you can that will not be understood by others who might read the email. Emails are not the place to make accusations. I am reluctant to do so in person let alone by email. And remember that even if you are right, those who are friends of the one you are writing to will rarely agree with you and it probably will come back to bite you. Why pick fights that you don't need to pick?
Fourth: Do not use inflammatory language. The harsher the language the tougher it is going to be to resolve whatever issue needs resolution. Inflammatory language raises the level of conflict, can be accusatory by its very nature and is unnecessary in an email. Even if everything you say is true, third parties who may see the email will inevitably take exception to you and what you wrote - and you will lose coinage.
Five: Don't make a threat by email. There may be consequences to someone's actions but rarely is it helpful to threaten them in a way that could go public, or that will be misunderstood by third parties.
If one is tempted to send an email that violates any of these five principles it is a smart practice to first wait 24 hours before sending it and second to have a colleague you trust read it. If it has implications for your organization or ministry, show it to your supervisor before sending because if it comes back to haunt you it will also haunt them.
Posted from Guatemala
Thursday, May 14, 2015
When leaders stop learning they also stop leading
Leaders often inadvertently stop leading even though they think they are leading. After all they have the title and the responsibility. And authority. But, Leadership is not about those three things. It is helping the ministry move forward in clarity toward a defined goal and meet the new challenges of the day.
None of that happens without the leader continually growing personally and professionally all the time. When leaders stop learning and growing they also stop leading.
Consider:
The environment around us changes continuously and unless we respond to those changes we quickly become irrelevant in our methodology. Our theology does not change but our methods of ministry need to. Not only does our environment change but the needs of an organization change at different seasons and phases of growth. Moving through those times of transition takes new thinking and new skills that if not learned plateau the ministry.
In addition, those who report to us take their cues from us. If leaders are not always pushing forward to learn new things others probably will not either. So stagnation at the top leads to stagnation throughout the organization. This leads to the best people leaving (staff or in the church congregants) and over time it leads to decline.
What keeps leaders from growing? Often our busyness keeps us from focusing on what is most important. Thus we can live with the illusion we are leading (we are doing things) but we are not actually helping the ministry move forward but are rather managing the status quo.
I believe another reason is often laziness. It is easier to manage the status quo than to figure out what comes next and how to get there.
Finally, pride can keep us from seeking help from others. But none of us grow without the help of others. Often leaders need help to grow but do not ask or take the initiative. Pride makes us believe we are better than we are. Humility leads us to seek growth as we realize how much we don't know.
Pride, laziness and busyness all conspire to keep us from learning new things. If we are going to go the distance it is a lifelong process with great intentionality and purpose. Pursue growth and the organization will grow. When we don't we actually stop leading.
Posted from Guatemala
None of that happens without the leader continually growing personally and professionally all the time. When leaders stop learning and growing they also stop leading.
Consider:
The environment around us changes continuously and unless we respond to those changes we quickly become irrelevant in our methodology. Our theology does not change but our methods of ministry need to. Not only does our environment change but the needs of an organization change at different seasons and phases of growth. Moving through those times of transition takes new thinking and new skills that if not learned plateau the ministry.
In addition, those who report to us take their cues from us. If leaders are not always pushing forward to learn new things others probably will not either. So stagnation at the top leads to stagnation throughout the organization. This leads to the best people leaving (staff or in the church congregants) and over time it leads to decline.
What keeps leaders from growing? Often our busyness keeps us from focusing on what is most important. Thus we can live with the illusion we are leading (we are doing things) but we are not actually helping the ministry move forward but are rather managing the status quo.
I believe another reason is often laziness. It is easier to manage the status quo than to figure out what comes next and how to get there.
Finally, pride can keep us from seeking help from others. But none of us grow without the help of others. Often leaders need help to grow but do not ask or take the initiative. Pride makes us believe we are better than we are. Humility leads us to seek growth as we realize how much we don't know.
Pride, laziness and busyness all conspire to keep us from learning new things. If we are going to go the distance it is a lifelong process with great intentionality and purpose. Pursue growth and the organization will grow. When we don't we actually stop leading.
Posted from Guatemala
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Monday, May 11, 2015
A must read for all those interested in Latin American Christianity
If you support mission efforts in Latin America or serve there I would encourage you to pick up this book which gives an excellent overview of where the church is today and how it got there. It is part of an Oxford series on Christianity and is a fascinating and helpful read.
Amazon link
Posted from Guatemala
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