Best friends or colleagues

A good friend of mine whom I hired a decade ago to serve as the director of a ministry I had started confided to me his excitement when he came to our organization that "we would do life together." The reality was that as he gave more of his time to this ministry, I gave less of my time to it and ultimately handed it over completely. While he is satisfied with his role and has built his own team, he was initially disappointed that 'we' did not remain 'we' as the ministry grew.

All of us have social and emotional needs that need to be met. The deepest of these will be met with family and friends. Some may be met by those we serve with but it is not a given. Our role on a team is a 'functional' one designed to achieve a specific mission. We may or may not be with our team long term.

The team may change. Our responsibilities may change. Teams are not designed to meet our primary social and emotional needs and if we try to make them do so we will be disappointed when our needs are not met or when roles change.

When individuals see team as primarily about friendship it makes it difficult for them to be honest with co-workers about issues that need to be addressed. We don't want candor to interfere with friendship.

I love working with the senior team I am on which was forged years ago. We have been through incredible times together, endured many great highs and more than a few low lows. We know each other exceedingly well, protect each other, love to be with each other and are committed to one another. We have seen one another through individual challenges, have prayed for family situations, and have sharpened each other to become better people and leaders. I cannot imagine a better team.

But: each of us understands that we are ultimately together because of the mission we serve of "Glorifying God by multiplying transformational churches among all people." Each of us has our own set of friends outside of work that meet our personal, social and emotional needs. Seldom do we socialize outside of work. We are deeply fortunate to work with people we love, respect, know, trust and value. However, we understand that our team is not built on our emotional or social needs but on the mission that we serve together. This is a critical distinction of a healthy team.

Who gets the praise?

To be a good leader one must intentionally take on a servant role and prioritize the health and results of the team, not the status or power of the leader. Commitment to team means that we no longer take credit but give credit away for accomplishments to those on the team. We intentionally platform and hold up team members, allowing our influence to flow through them so they have the moral authority to do what they must do in the organization.

One of the tests of leadership is whether a leader needs the spotlight, adulation, praise or credit for the results of the team's work. Great leaders point all of this toward the team because it was the team that accomplished the work. Insecure or narcissist leaders require that they be the center, essentially stealing credit from those who were actually responsible. And don't be fooled, people notice, especially the team who made it happen.

Power, status, spotlight and praise are a deadly aphrodisiac for unhealthy leaders who think it is all about them. They are often charismatic and visionary but they are seldom able to build a strong, unified, results- oriented team because ultimately, it is always about them. Eventually they implode, causing pain for those around them. Unfortunately too many of these addicts find their way into ministry: stay away from them. When it comes apart it is ugly.

Every organization has levels and lines of authority. In healthy teams, however, there is an egalitarian ethos where the leader is a coach and a cheerleader for the team - and all sit at the table as peers with the ability to make an equal contribution. After all, this is NOT about the leader. It is about team that, when working together, can see results that are a quantum leap from what any one individual could produce. Leaders who dominate meetings don't get it and send the message that the team is about 'me' not 'us.'

The job of the team leader is to ensure the success of others, to empower them to do what they can do better than them, to be their coach and cheerleader, and to allow them to see the fruits of their work. When praise comes to the leader, it is wisdom to hold up others because they are responsible for the vast majority of good things that happen. Status and power are not important to good leaders: influence and results are. Good leaders give others praise for successes and take personal responsibilty for failures.

Self disclosure

You see them on television, calmly smoking cigars, wearing sunglasses as they play for high stakes in poker tournaments. The one thing that is true for all of them is that you cannot tell what they are thinking. There they are, stoic, hiding their emotions and their intentions. Which is why we call people who hold their cards close to their vest good poker players. Many of us can do it well if we choose.

There is a place and a time for keeping our cards close to our vest. But, people with good emotional intelligence, especially leaders do that only rarely. The truth is that it is very frustrating to work for someone or with someone who does not disclose what they are thinking and in appropriate ways, what they are feeling.

One of the key elements of emotional intelligence is that of being self disclosing. That is, being up front and clear as to what we are thinking so that others know where we are coming from, what our expectations are, where we are going, and what our intentions are.

The poker player mentality is that of secrecy and non-self disclosure. If you know someone like that or report to someone like that you know how frustrating that is. It is frustrating and it is unfair to others because it does not allow for honest and transparent dialogue or give others the information they need to work with or for someone who does not disclose their thoughts, emotions or intentions.

This does not come naturally to everyone but it can be learned. If you wonder how well you do on that score, ask those around you if you give them the kind of feedback and information you need as to what you are thinking or intending. And then be intentional in expressing your opinions, thoughts, observations and intentions. In the vast majority of cases, clear self disclosure is far better than holding your cards closely.

Self disclosure is closely tied to the ability of others to trust us. If I do not know what someone else is thinking and cannot seem to get that out of them, it will be very hard for me to trust them with responsibility because I don't know what I am working with. Holding your cards closely works well in poker but not in real life.

Who God honors: You might be surprised

We often feel as if our contributions to God's work are insignificant. We are "ordinary" people who don't often have the opportunity to do "extraordinary" things. In fact, I believe that is the feeling of most believers. Yet, as I read the gospels a different picture emerges. A picture of ordinary people not only honored by God but immortalized for all of time as examples of people who please him.

• A woman who gave her last two pennies in the temple.
• A woman who spent all she had and poured oil on Jesus feet to bless him.
• A woman who chose to put aside her busyness and sit at His feet.
• A woman who was sick and came to touch his robe.
• A woman who came to his grave the day of his resurrection.
• A mother who faithfully pondered God's word in her heart.
• Men who let their paralyzed friend down through a roof.
• A woman at he well who believed and told her friends about Jesus.
• A good Samaritan who cared for someone in need.

I could go on. These were by in large simple people who did simple things that pleased the heart of God. Oh, yes, I noticed how many were women. In any other context, these acts would not be noticed, valued or recorded. But in God's kingdom, any movement of any heart toward Him is noticed, valued and even recorded in His eternal records.

As you think about today, remember God honors the little things we do on His behalf: a kind word, a helping hand, a loving gesture, a financial gift, or just sitting for a while with our savior in His presence.

Who does God honor? Those whose hearts are turned toward Him. It is never unnoticed. Even a cup of cold water to parched lips in His name!

The power of focus

Those of us who lead others have a special responsibility to keep those they lead focused on the most important missional activities - those activities and priorities which will help accomplish your mission.

Mission drift often occurs because our attention is diverted from the most important to ancillary issues. Or, because we are too busy with all of the stuff that comes our way - email, phone calls, meetings, problems that need solving - we simply lose focus on what is most important.

The leader of a church of 7,000+ told me not long ago that he realized that their church had been on "auto pilot" for the past year because his attention had been diverted to other things. He owned the issue and again took the helm to lead but it he acknowledged that when he went on auto pilot so did everyone else and significant momentum was lost by the diffusion of purpose.

If leaders do not stay focused those they lead will not either. Because this is often the case, many ministries settle for OK results instead of great results.

Don't get me wrong. It is not that we are not busy. It is that we are so busy that we are not focused on what is most important.

I asked some senior leaders recently how they stay focused on what is most important for their organization. One of them has a white board in their office that reminds him of the most important things he needs to pay attention to. Another said that regular dialogue with a colleague on missional issues was the most helpful to keep him focused. One indicated that he took one day a month to think through his Key Result Areas and remind himself of his priorities.

Staying focused on the big rocks is a challenge even for the most competent leaders because of the incessant demands that divert that focus. What is necessary is developing a strategy to refocus on a regular basis.

Of course this assumes that leaders have clearly defined the priorities of their organization or team and have a clear picture of their priorities and direction.

Imagination

Imagination is a powerful and wonderful gift from a creative God. Lack of imagination is one of the great sins of Christian ministry.

God has a great imagination and sense of humor. If you doubt that, check out these strange animals! You have to wonder if God wasn't just having a lot of fun when he created the dinosaur, the octopus or the blow fish or the caterpillar turned butterfly. Can you tell me why that one? If God had tear ducts, would he have been laughing to tears among himself?
And, then, in making men and woman in His image he passed on the ability to imagine and dream and create new possibilities - but how often do we simply settle for the paradigms that are rather than consider what could be? Failure of imagination is a failure of living out the full potential of God's image in our lives and ministries.

Innovative churches and innovative ministries become that because they take the time to dream and imagine what could be. They ask the question, what could we do differently if we really wanted to catch the attention of people and challenge their thinking? They are like Apple or Google who keep reinventing themselves to catch the attention of consumers - only for ministries, the stakes are much higher.

When we simply settle for how things have always been done, without asking the question, is there a better way, we have shelved our imagination. When we start to dream and imagine what God has in store for us we are living more fully who He made us to be for He is an imaginative and creative God.

In our organization, ReachGlobal, we are praying and believing that God would allow us to influence one hundred million people for the Gospel in the decade that started in 2007. Many would consider that a crazy dream. But, that dream has caused us to think much more creatively about how we do what we do in missions, how we partner, how we multiply our efforts and how we leverage kingdom opportunities.

Without that dream and goal we would have settled for what was instead of asking what could be. It has caused us to bring the best thinking and strategy to the table. It has forced us to be creative and think differently.

What is your dream and are you using all the creative energy God gave to your ministry? Do you take the time to dream and imagine and create new ideas and paradigms? Imagination is a God given gift to be used for His purposes.

Are we focused on what we can control or do we spend too much time worrying about what we cannot control?

There are times and seasons in our lives where we waste a great deal of emotional energy worrying about situations or circumstances that we have no control over. It is a mistake! What we ought to focus on are those things that we can control and do something about and leave the other to God - who is in control of all things.

Here is the irony: While we can spend a great deal of time worrying about things that are beyond our control - or complaining about them - there is nothing we can do about them. At the same time there are so very many things that we can control and do something about.

Try this simple exercise. Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the left hand side write down all those things that are beyond your control but that you worry about. Then on the right hand side make a list of all the things you can control and actions you can take. The point is that there are many things we can do to affect our lives and that needs to be the focus of our time and energy. 

This exercise can be helpful in our marriages, our jobs and our ministries. Too often our attention is focused on the wrong side of the page. The left hand side of the page is God's business and the right hand side is our business. Focus on that and leave the rest to God - who is in control of all things.