Curiosity and hard questions create discomfort but are the path to becoming better

 

In my recent blog on asking the right questions, I make this statement: Those who ask the best questions are often the target of criticism for asking irritating questions. In contrast, the answers to those questions often go unaddressed. Rather than focusing on the question, the organization often focuses on the one who asked it.

This raises a related question: Why are we not more curious about what is happening in our organizations? In fact, we often resist good questions and target those who ask them because it makes us uncomfortable.

In her excellent book Atlas of the Heart, Brene Brown suggests, "Choosing to be curious is choosing to be vulnerable because it requires us to surrender to uncertainty. We have to ask questions, admit to not knowing, risk being told that we shouldn't be asking, and, sometimes, make discoveries that lead to discomfort."

That is a profound statement. The truth is that those discoveries lead to discomfort that causes us to learn, grow, and get better. Comfort is not what drives us to get better. Discomfort is. 

It follows that the best leaders are not those who choose comfort but those who are willing to be uncomfortable and, in that discomfort, discover and dialogue about things they would not otherwise dialogue about.

Here is the truth about organizations. They always gravitate toward comfort. They just do! The best leaders create discomfort. They make waves without sinking the ship to discover new answers and confront the uncomfortable. 

This is also why organizations move from being missional to being institutional. In the former, there is discomfort, but in the latter, the rule becomes, "Don't rock the boat." Those who do rock the boat are often labeled as troublemakers when, in fact, they are one of your most valuable assets. They are usually long gone when you discover that truth because their curiosity and questions were unwelcome.

Church and non-profit boards are notorious for not asking the right questions and guarding the status quo rather than choosing the vulnerability of curiosity and the attending discomfort. A great exercise is a whiteboard session where everyone is invited to ask the most challenging questions about their organization. Not to criticize but to challenge the status quo, create discomfort, and see if we are satisfied with our answers. 

I recently worked with a non-profit where the interviews with constituents raised significant questions around common themes. The discomfort of the senior leader and board caused the results to be put on ice, and the conversation stopped. There was no curiosity or honest conversation. Just defensiveness and a desire to keep the status quo. And the organization will pay the price for that response. 

In choosing to be curious, Brene Brown says, we make discoveries that lead to discomfort. And it is there that we can get better. But you must be open to curiosity and hard questions to get there.

The words of a leader

The two boys God gave me were highly sensitive growing up to the words and reactions of their parents. I remember one time giving one of them my "look" and he responded "Don't yell at me!" Actually I had not said anything but I had communicated with my body language and he had felt the message! 

Leaders are not parents to those they lead but like parents, their words have extra weight than the words of others.

Leaders often do not appreciate how their words can hurt, wound, lift up or encourage those in their organization. Because they are leaders their words have extra weight which means that what they say and how they say it impacts people deeply, positively or negatively in significant ways. Their words carry more weight because people don't want to let them down and staff feel it deeply when words spoken carelessly come their way.

This means that leaders have a higher responsibility than others to filter and control their words (yes emails) and reactions so that they do not negatively impact others or send messages they don't want to send. While everyone has a responsibility to watch their words, this is absolutely true for leaders who set culture by their words. Their words have the power to uplift, help or wound and bring down,

Leaders should remember:

• Words of affirmation are huge.
• Careless passing words that construe disappointment or cynical can hurt.
• You can say a lot with body language. Be aware and careful.
• Measure your responses to control your emotions so that your emotions don't get in the way of the message.
• Think before one speaks: both about the message and the way it is delivered.
• If you are going to say hard things because you must, think carefully about how you do it and focus on behaviors rather than on motives. Your words carry extra weight so use them carefully!

Great leadership in 22 simple words

HUMILITY

Leadership is not about me but about stewarding a trust on behalf of others and a mission that makes the world a better place,

SERVICE

Leadership is always about service: to those we lead; to those we serve through our organization; and to those that the organization interacts with.

INTEGRITY

Leaders model high standards of integrity and live with accountability as they expect the same from others in the organization. 

VISION

The ability to see the future and what could be is the mark of a great leader. Vision always believes there is a better way and a better future.

IMPLEMENTATION

Vision without a strategy is an illusion. Leaders are able to take concrete steps toward their vision on an ongoing basis.

CLARITY

The best leaders are able to articulate the mission of the organization with crystal clarity, build alignment around that clarity and ensure that the main thing is kept the main thing all the time.

RESULTS

Leadership should always have results that are consistent with organizational mission and clarity. Great leaders always keep the missional agenda of the organization front and center and can measure results and progress with precision.

ENCOURAGEMENT

Leaders lift others up and help them see what they can be and the contribution they can make. To be around a good leader is to be challenged to live up to one's potential.

EMPOWERMENT

Leaders give opportunity and authority away all the time. They don't control but empower within boundaries to the level appropriate for staff.

SELF AWARENESS

Leaders are life long students of themselves, how they are wired, who they need around them to be successful and how others perceive them. Good EQ is a priority for leaders. 

TEAM

Great leaders lead with and through others. They understand that there is wisdom in diversity of views and practice robust dialogue and cooperation.

RESPECT

Leaders always treat others with respect and dignity regardless of the situation. They set the standard for how individuals are valued in their organization.

  RESOLVE

Leaders are undeterred by barriers or problems. They will find a way around, over, under or through any barrier to achieve the mission.

RESILIENCE

Leaders must make choices that make others unhappy. They are not deterred by criticism or personal attacks but display remarkable resilience in the face of opposition.

CONTRARIAN

Leaders understand that conventional wisdom is often conventional and often not wisdom. Thinking like a contrarian helps uncover novel and new solutions to old problems.

LEARNING

Leaders are learners. They ask great and frequent questions, listen carefully and are naturally inquisitive. This posture provides them with unusual insight.

THINKERS

Thinking time is a standard part of a leader's life and schedule. They understand that busyness is not the goal but wise solutions and strategies. Thinking time is a high priority.

SIMPLICITY

Leaders are able to take complex issues and frame them in simple and understandable ways. They know that business is complex, complexity is confusing and their job is to simplify complexity.

REALITY

Leaders are always looking under the shiny hood to see what is really there. They value reality over rose colored glasses. They know that you cannot advance if you don't acknowledge what is actually present.

TRANSFORMATION

The best leaders are transformational in their leadership. They want to see individuals become who they were meant to be, a culture that is healthy and vibrant and an organization that brings transformation to their constituency.

MENTOR/COACH

Developing the current and future leaders of the organization is a high priority and time commitment of good leaders. They want to leave the organization  stronger and better when they leave and that is dependent on their coaching and mentoring of others. 

CULTURE

Good leaders do not settle for the culture that is but handcraft a culture that will help individuals flourish and ensure that the culture will help the organization reach its mission. They guard the values and commitments of culture rigorously.

Leaders who hurt others and the organization they lead

It is unfortunate but common to encounter leaders who hurt those who work for them and actually cause damage to the organization they lead. What is even more unfortunate is that these leaders don't realize what they are doing and often do not listen to feedback that could help them. If it is a business they generally will end up hurting the bottom line. If it is a non-profit they will hurt the very constituency that they are meant to serve.

What are the behaviors that end up hurting those we lead? They include a lack of empathy, an inability to listen, micromanagement, grabbing credit and blaming others for failure, seemingly capricious actions and changing of direction, unrealistic demands, dictating strategies without the input of those who must carry them out, putting subordinates down and a lack of encouragement. 

These behaviors do not necessarily come from a bad heart. Sometimes they come from poor leadership training, family of origin issues or wiring. But they do have a negative impact on the organization and their staff. 

How do these behaviors hurt the organization? First, it creates a toxic and unhealthy work environment. Second, it eventually drives out the best leaders who come to a point where they are unwilling to put up with unhealthy behaviors. That has a direct ripple affect on the rest of the staff and the mission of the organization. Both the people and the organization's mission suffer under this kind of leadership.

Team leaders straddle two worlds

Team leaders live and operate in two worlds and how well they do this will determine their effectiveness. Team leaders who do not understand the two worlds they straddle usually get themselves into trouble so understanding the two worlds is critical to leading well.

World one is the team they belong to and where their primary loyalty lies. This is not the team they lead. It is the team they belong to. Many team leaders do not understand this principle: Their loyalty is not primarily to their own team but to the higher team they are on. 

Let me illustrate. For many years I served as the leader of an international mission. But the senior team I belonged to was the senior team of the denomination. Thus my primary loyalty was to the team I was on and it was my responsibility to ensure that the team I led was always in alignment with the team I was on. 

On that senior team my job was not to advocate for the organization I led but to represent the whole organization - its mission and not "my slice of the pie." 

World two is the team that we lead. Every team has a unique mission that must exist in alignment with both the organizational mission as well as the other teams that make up the whole. That the team does this is the responsibility of the team leader. In this scenario, there is no place for politics, turf wars, silos or competition although this often exists and causes dysfunction within the organization.

Team leaders have the following responsibilities that impact both worlds.

• They must represent the ministry as a whole on the senior team they are on
• They must ensure that the team they lead is always in alignment with the organization's mission
• They cannot allow politics, turf wars, silos or competition to divide their team from the organization as a whole or from other teams
• The cannot engage in Leadership Default 

This last point is critical. Many team leaders want to be seen as one of the team. It is easy when decisions are made at the organizational level for a team leader to blame those above them for decisions because they don't want to take responsibility for those decisions. 

I call this Leadership Default because in blaming those above them, the team leader has introduced an us/them mentality to the organization and chosen to cause division between their team and the organization. This is a dysfunctional way to straddle the two worlds of a team leader. 

Team leaders have responsibility to the team they lead and the team they are on. Which one comes first matters and how they navigate those two relationships brings either alignment or division.

Two key factors that can predict whether your ministry moves forward or maintains the status quo

There are two key factors that can directly influence whether your ministry moves forward or remains static. These two factors will not be new to you. Nor will anyone argue that they are not important. The real issue is that most leadership teams and boards do not choose to live these two commitments out. To their detriment.

If you want to change the status quo and find meaningful momentum two things are necessary: Time devoted to prayer and time devoted to thinking about the future. Few would argue with this but most do not practice these in a meaningful way.


Prayer is "time exposure to God." That is why prayer changes us - as it reorients our hearts and plans around His has for us. And if the Spirit is our counselor, prayer is that opportune time for Him to give us His wisdom rather than simply asking Him to bless our wisdom. 

Think about the difference of asking Jesus to give us His wisdom versus blessing our wisdom!

The second game changer for boards and leadership teams is not a new idea either. But executing it is less common than it should be. It is that of thinking and planning for the future. Why is it so uncommon? Because managing a current crisis or managing the day to day operations sucks the needed time and energy to focus on the future. What suffers is what could be at the expense of what already is.

What is already is - but what could be will not be realized without an investment of time, energy and careful thought.

This discussion comes out of carefully thinking about questions like the following:

• Where is God doing something already that we ought to be paying attention to?
• What opportunities has God put across our path that we can use for His Kingdom purposes?
• How can we take what we currently do to the next level in order to see more believers and better believers?
• Is God impressing something new on our hearts that we ought to be considering?
• How well are we doing on a discipleship pathway?

These and other questions are the kinds of questions we long to grapple with as leaders. The only thing needed is time. 

How does one find the time? By recalibrating meetings around what is most important rather than what looks in the immediate time frame the most urgent. There will always be urgent matters but time lost to think about the future cannot be regained.

The one practice that will set you apart from other leaders

Most leaders are over-committed and run with very little margin. We say yes too often, no too seldom and don't evaluate our commitments against our true calling and purpose. 

The net effect is that many of the most important things don't get done on time or well. We are too busy working in our business (and pleasing others) and don't have time to work on our business. There is not time to reflect, think clearly and allow our minds to roam freely where creativity flourishes. 

Ironically, we are so busy leading that we often don't lead nearly as well as we should. The key term here is busy. That busyness depletes our minds, energy and spirits. And, it keeps us from leading well. Many leaders don't even have time to go on vacation!

It need not be this way. There is a practice that can bring life to your spirit, renewed energy to your calling and set you apart from other leaders who are caught in the leadership treadmill. 

Most leaders will say they cannot afford the time to commit to this practice. However, if we cleared our calendars of all the things that were not truly mission critical or focused on what we need to do as leaders, we would have time for this practice. And that is simply a matter of discipline!

What is the practice I am referring to? It is to take one hour a day focused solely on your own development, thinking time, blue sky time and personal development. That is about one tenth of the hours most leaders work each day. Think of it as a tithe on your time.

Use this time to:

• Evaluate all your commitments (before you agree to them) and ruthlessly eliminate any that don't fit directly in your leadership purpose (that one discipline will save you many hours a month)
• Think strategically about your leadership, looking for how you can focus your efforts in the most important areas and how your team can develop a lazer like focus around their purpose and work.
• Study the changing marketplace or ministry space you are in to understanding changing dynamics and trends. Better to be on the front of the wave than on the backside.
• Think deeply about what could give your organization or team greater momentum toward its mission. Not all strategies are equal but only those who think deeply will figure that out.
• Read widely. Often our greatest insights come from those who are not in our work space but one crucial insight can change everything for you.
• Evaluate your staff and how they are doing. What do they need from you and how can you increase their effectiveness.

All of these items and there are many more that could be added are about working on the business and on yourself so that the business or ministry you lead can go to the next level. Ironically, you will find margin for yourself as you evaluate your own commitments, will lead better and more wisely and ensure that the investment you are making in your leadership role is the very best it can be. 

It is a matter of continual focus!

When leaders take the risk to release control, staff flourish

Many leaders do not understand the power of moving from high control and a hierarchical structure to a light touch where staff feels empowered rather than controlled. 

Before you say to yourself, "I release staff rather than control them," you might want to check with your staff because, in a majority of cases where leaders believe they empower and release staff, their staff says just the opposite. In fact, when I do culture audits of staff and report back to the senior leader, he/she is almost always surprised when they hear that their staff perceives the culture to be controlling rather than empowering. 

If you want to find out what the staff thinks, consider asking your staff to answer the following three questions: 

"Would you describe the staff culture as controlling - where you need permission to do something, or empowered where you have the freedom to do what you need to do to accomplish your job? Why? How does it make you feel?"

This is a standard question I ask in staff audits, and the responses are revealing and often discouraging, as the majority of staff often report that it is a controlling culture. 

The third question, "How does it make you feel" is an important one. I will often hear responses like:

• "The organization hired me for my ability and expertise, but I cannot do anything without permission. I wish they would trust me rather than to doubt me."
• "I am seriously considering looking for a different job because I feel that my expertise and gifts are not being used here. If I don't do something the way my boss would, I hear about it and often have to back up and do it his/her way."
• "I cannot even spend small amounts of money without permission. That holds things up and is frankly demeaning. If I screw up, OK, tell me, but give me what I need to do the job without having to ask permission."
• "In our organization, decisions need to be made at least twice. First, by me and my team, then I have to go through the same stuff with my supervisor, who feels free to override what our team has worked on. You end up feeling disempowered and wonder why you put all the time and effort into a plan when you are often told to do things differently."

Because I often guide organizations through culture change, I also see the amazing transformation when staff is released from control, trusted to make good decisions, and don't have to ask permission for most of what they do. That transformation is nothing less than amazing - and transformational to the culture.

I hear staff saying, "I cannot believe it. I don't need to ask permission anymore." "I feel much more valued and trusted than I did before." "I feel like I have been let out of my cage, and my self-confidence has increased exponentially." "My happiness factor in my job has gone way up, and I'm not looking to move anymore." "I am waiting to see if the freedom we have will last or if our leaders will try to control us again."

This is all about moving from a permission-withholding organization where you cannot act without permission to a permission-granting organization where there is the freedom to act within established boundaries.

There is another significant advantage to a permission-granting culture. In a permission-withholding culture, staff doesn't have to take ownership of their work. After all, their supervisor is the one who allows or disallows, or modifies their work. If it doesn't work, that is the supervisor's issue since the staff just carried out his/her directives.

But when you move to a permission-granting culture. Staff develops the plan to achieve the objectives, and therefore they must take responsibility for the success or failure of the effort. In permission-granting cultures, there is far more corporate buy-in and ownership than there is in a permission-withholding culture. Which do you want for your organization?

Here is the great irony. We control staff so that nothing goes wrong. In the process, we disempower staff and create low morale, which translates into less ownership - the exact opposite of what we really need and want from staff. When we release control of staff (within established boundaries), they flourish, are engaged, and take ownership which is what we need and want. 

Those who control loose! Those who empower win!

The top ten traits of Christian leaders

Leaders come with many different kinds of wiring and lead with varied styles. I celebrate those differences. When hiring or promoting, I care much about how a person leads but I care even more about what lies behind their leadership. There are ten traits that I look for in leaders that are for the most part personal traits that spill over into how they lead.

A Kingdom heart
In ministry settings a kingdom heart is crucial. Our leadership is not about ourselves but about Jesus and what He wants to accomplish on this earth. A kingdom heart is one that understands we are not building something for ourselves but for Him.

Humble
Humble leaders can focus on others and the mission because they are not building a kingdom for themselves. Humble leaders have the capacity to live and lead with personal transparency and have a "nothing to prove and nothing to lose" attitude. They are open and non-defensive when challenged.

Intentional
There are two ways one can live: intentionally or accidentally. The best leaders understand how God has wired them, what He has called them to do (and not do) and organize their lives around the most important rather than simply responding to life. Everything about their priorities and time management is intentional and focused.

Clarity
Clarity is required for intentional living. Clarity about how God has gifted and wired us, clarity in our leadership priorities and organizational clarity all contribute to the ability to be deeply intentional. 

Accountable
Those who lead others and expect them to be accountable must be accountable themselves. To lead one must be willing to follow! Lack of accountability is about hubris while accountability is about humility and a healthy commitment to health. This includes accountability for results

Reflective
The best leaders are deeply reflective people: about themselves, others, the organization, methodology and life in general. They are thinkers rather than simply doers. Their actions come out of thinking and reflection rather than simply responding to events around them. They are thinking, reflective practitioners.

Inquisitive
The best leaders are deeply inquisitive, always asking questions, probing people in their organization and in others, desirous of learning and growing. They ask the question "why" often and don't assume that conventional wisdom is always wisdom. 

Team focused
Healthy organizations are formed around teams that work synergistically together under good leadership with accountability for results. Thus leaders must be willing to work with and through team rather than working independently.

Generous
Leaders give themselves away to help others be successful and the organization reach its objectives. They are servants to those they lead and understand that it is as others succeed that they succeed. Thus they mentor, coach and help others grow with a generous spirit.

Healthy EQ
Unhealthy EQ is the greatest killer of leadership as it creates relational chaos in its wake. No matter how brilliant an individual is, if there are EQ issues, they will not end up on one of our teams. Healthy EQ, on the other hand builds healthy relationships which leads to healthy collaboration and the building of healthy teams.

Creating cultures of excellence
AddingtonConsulting.org

Leaders and the affirmation of staff

Leaders often forget that one of the greatest gifts they can give their staff is affirmation and appreciation. So simple and yet often overlooked. Genuine affirmation for work well done is one of the highest motivators for staff and engenders significant loyalty. They know they matter! 

If you have staff who report to you, remember this:

They make you look good and make your work possible. You could not do it without them. Thank them often.

They could be working for someone else. All employees today are volunteers in that they can choose who they work for. That they are willing to put up with you is a blessing. Affirm them.

They don't have the perks you probably do and don't make what you make. So, don't take them for granted. They probably care as much about their work as you do yours. Maybe more. Make sure they know that their work is noticed and appreciated.

Taking a few moments to single them out, focus on them and thank them goes a long way. They know you noticed. They know they are appreciated and valued. They know they are not invisible to you.

Never underestimate the power of simple words of affirmation. Your staff will remember them for a long time. That goes for the janitor, the mail delivery individual, the front office phone operator and those higher staff members. 

The critical role that deep friendships play in the lives of healthy leaders

One of the key indicators of a leader's success is the depth of the friendships they have.  While not always true, one of the observations I have made in dealing with healthy leaders is that they have a set of deep friendships. On the other hand, many leaders who burnout or flameout do not have those deep friendships. 

I think there is a correlation here and it centers around a leader's willingness to be transparent and truly authentic with other trusted individuals. Those who resist authenticity often resist deep friendships because those relationships are based on authenticity and a willingness to reveal the true us. This is why putting leaders (any leader) on a pedestal is dangerous. Pedestals keep others at a distance and allow a leader to live without true authenticity. 

It is in the context of deep friendships that we allow others to see all of us because we also know that they love us and our shadow side (we all have one) will not deter their love. In fact, the more authentic we are with others, the more respect we gain. Those friendships are also critical in our own spiritual journey because it allows others to speak into our lives on issues that we might otherwise ignore. And all of us have issues we want to ignore.

The authenticity of deep relationships invites counsel, insight, a shared spiritual journey and ultimately the accountability that comes from having friends who love us and will tell us the truth. Those who are afraid of this tend to keep others at a distance while those who value this intentionally develop deep friendships. 

Deep friendships are an anchor in our lives to honesty, growth, the accountability that comes from relationship and the truth about ourselves. Healthy leaders know that they vulnerable due to their leadership position and the fact that their staff will not always tell them the truth. In addition, success can go to our head and it often does. Key friendships are anchors to reality that every leader needs.

Posted from Oakdale, MN

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Can you disagree with me as your leader?

As a leader of others I always want to know that those who join my senior team or cabinet are able and willing to disagree with me. Too many leaders define loyalty as agreeing with their position and therefore surround themselves with "yes" people. In my mind this is not loyalty - but disloyalty to the good of the organization. Thus I will not put someone on my senior team who does not have the courage and willingness to disagree with me as their senior leader.

It surprises many people to find out that I do not make unilateral decisions for ReachGlobal. Rather, we say we are team led and team driven and all issues that impact staff go through the ReachGlobal cabinet or the Directional team. People ask, "Do you always get your way?" I say "no." They ask, "Do you care?" I say "no." Then they ask "Why." My answer is that I believe the very best decisions are made when you have the right people in the room and are able to think through the decisions together. It is in the multiplicity of gifts that the best decisions are made.

I find that many senior leaders are threatened when people disagree with them and I find that sad. It is a reflection of their own insecurities and need to prove something rather than truly wanting the very best for the organization. One of our values is that we engage in Robust Dialogue, where "Any issue can be put on the table for discussion with the exception of personal attacks or hidden agendas." It makes for a culture of freedom where together we can work toward what is best for the organization.

This is all done in a collegial atmosphere where are differences are not personal and do not become personal. Rather we have learned how to stay in relationship while differing in our perspectives, to have candid dialogue and then to support the decision with one voice once it is made. The fact that I submit to this process as a leader also means that when I do feel strongly on an issue, it is taken seriously by the team. Leaders actually gain influence when they bring others into the decision making process. I know that when the decision is made that all support it and key people have had the chance to speak into it.

So the actual question is: Can you disagree with me as your leader and stay in relationship with me?

Posted from Oakdale, MN

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Leaders who do not allow free expression of ideas are operating out of insecurity and fear

I run into them from time to time: leaders who demand that their staff think like they do. They are intimidated and fearful of those who freely express their opinions rather than simply agree with their views. Often, they try to find ways to ensure that independent thought is stifled or discouraged whether through intimidation, policies or signed documents (you must agree with me to be in leadership or on staff).

Whenever leaders must try to enforce agreement with their views, they are not only losing a valuable asset (diversity of views and opinions) but are displaying their own insecurities and fears. Let's be real: healthy leaders not only invite their staff to be honest and candid but value their opinions while unhealthy leaders are afraid of views that disagree with theirs. The end result is that leaders who insist that staff agree with them lose both the value of robust dialogue and the best staff who will not stay in a (dysfunctional) culture that demands conformity.

The more coercive the culture (you must agree with me), the more dysfunctional that culture is. Healthy leaders lead out of influence and persuasion, not out of control and policies. When a leader must turn to control and policies to ensure agreement with them it is always a sign to beware!

This is why we (in ReachGlobal) have a policy that any issue can be put on the table - we call it robust dialogue. The only exceptions are hidden agendas or personal attacks. We value the free exchange of ideas and we value the opinions of good leaders. We agree on the philosophic boundaries of our ministry but in strategy we encourage candid and honest dialogue. Does your church or ministry encourage robust dialogue or do you live in a culture of control and fear where leaders insist you agree with them? It says much about the health or dishealth of your leaders.

When leaders start being coercive in insisting that others agree with them they are operating out of insecurity and fear, rather than out of health. The best leaders listen closely to a variety of views and never insist that staff agree with their views.   

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

Pastors and their dreams

Most pastors have dreams for their congregation and ministry. After all, they are leaders, they have a vision of what the church should or could be and they have a powerful platform from which to share those dreams - the pulpit.

The question, is not whether we have dreams for our ministry but whether we have a shared vision of what God wants to do in and through us. When my dream is only my dream, it is about me. When we are able to develop a shared dream and vision it is about us - together. As leaders we can use our leadership capital to build something for ourselves or we can build something together and which comes from a group of leaders seeking God's agenda together.

Corporate dreams have far more lasting power than individual dreams. God may well use a leader (think Nehemiah) to spark a vision of what could be but that then needs to be shared by those who must make it happen. Good leaders inspire others to action but they also help others gain ownership of a common vision.

And ultimately it should be God's vision for what He wants from our ministries. God calls us to things that are on His heart and when we discern that together, the conviction of the Holy Spirit binds good leaders together to move in a common direction.

All leaders have dreams. Ask yourself this question if you are a leader. Is this my agenda and vision or a shared agenda and vision. And, does that agenda and vision come from me, us or from God?

Three distinct kinds of leaders that every organization needs

Most organizations - including churches - have three kinds of leaders: project leaders; influence leaders; and organizational leaders. Knowing what kind of leader you need to move your mission forward is critical. Knowing what kind of leaders you have is equally critical. When each of these types of leaders are in the right leadership spot they lead well. When they are misplaced they cause frustration, and are frustrated.

None of us are "pure" anything but most of us as leaders have a predominant leadership style. It is not unusual for organizational leaders to be able to play the other two roles when needed. But generally one will find that leaders will fit into one of these three categories.

Project leaders love to work with initiatives that have defined outcomes and timeframes. They are wired to move key actions toward results. Usually they focus on tactics and implementation rather than strategy and philosophy. They are often concrete in their thinking and approach as this is what projects need. A good project leader is able to mobilize and work with people to accomplish a specific goal. Their satisfaction comes with the completion of a project. 

Project leaders do not want to manage something long term. Rather, once the project is completed they are ready to move on to the next project. Often they are wired to solve problems and once the problem is resolved the challenge is gone and they are ready for the next. While they can manage people, their motivation for doing so is to accomplish the project, not manage for the sake of managing. In fact, long term management of people and programs will frustrate a project leader.

Then there are influence leaders who lead not from positional authority (often) but they work with people and ideas to motivate growth, change, initiate thinking and new angles of approaching issues. Their focus is on insight and learning and they use their influence within a system or organization to bring change. Usually they work with or for others to impact and support results.

Influence leaders usually are not motivated to manage other but to influence others. They don't want to manage programs but to influence healthy results. They are thinkers and use their analysis, ideas and relational skills to move others in a key direction. A good consultant is often an influence leader as can be trainers. Ironically, many of the most influential people in any organization do not have positional authority but lead out of influence. This is often true in the local church. 

The third category, organizational leaders also lead for the most part out of influencing others but they have the added ability and desire to bring people, opportunities and structure together in an aligned system to accomplish the overall mission of the organization. They have the ability to connect disparate parts into a whole, move multiple agendas with an overall focus on strategy and outcomes. They enjoy ongoing oversight (not control but empowering others) and primarily work through others to achieve results. Thus they have the capacity to lead a team.

The best organizational leaders are organizers, strategists and architects of overall strategy in order to achieve a mission. They are conceptual thinkers, have the ability to hold different options and ideas in tension and are highly flexible. Their satisfaction comes from getting all the puzzle pieces together so that the mission is accomplished and they understand that they must work through others in order to accomplish their goals.

If you are a leader, which of these descriptions is most like you? If you lead others, can you identify what kind of leaders you lead and are they in their proper lane?  

(Posted from Milwaukee)

A leadership perspective of growth

Quality and depth of leadership takes time. Many leaders mistake short term successes for long term effectiveness. They are so concerned about their success in the moment and in proving their leadership ability that they don’t think long term toward becoming a leader of deep influence.

This is a principle young leaders need to understand: God wants to bless your leadership. But He wants you to press into Him and into those practices that will make your leadership successful and deep over the long run. The most important thing young leaders can do is to pursue the heart connection with God, building into their lives the reservoir of faith, health, grace, and skill that will carry them for the long term.

Where did the depth of Moses leadership come from? As a young leader he was impetuous and careless and ended up having to flee Egypt even though he had been raised in the royal household. God gave Moses forty years to develop his leadership heart and soul before He drafted him for one on of the decisive moments in Israelite history!

Here is something else to note. Moses looked like a leadership failure early on. Many of us do as well. But not to God. God used that failure to build into Moses a dependence on Him rather than on his own wisdom. It took time but a shallow leader became one of the greatest, deepest, wisest leaders in the history of God’s people.

Where did David’s depth come from? It came from the time he had as a shepherd as a young boy out with the sheep – where he was developing his relationship with God. Then it came through the pain of being anointed king, serving Saul well but becoming the object of Saul’s wrath, having to live like a pariah, constantly on the run, having to rely on the only help he had – God. David’s depth was forged in pain!

Or consider Joseph who was sold into slavery at about 17 and spent ten years in God’s waiting room (most of it in prison) before he emerged ready for God’s leadership assignment at about age 27. And not because he didn’t love and trust God. In fact, it was his followership of God that gave him a position of huge responsibility in Potiphar’s household, and then in the prison where he found himself after being framed. Clearly, however, God was using the prison years to build into Joseph’s leadership exactly what would be needed for his real assignment – a depth that could not be forged in any other way than through hard times.

God is more concerned about the depth of our heart and resulting leadership than the outward success of our leadership and depth takes time. Early in my leadership career I faced what I considered a great failure. God did not! He used that episode to humble me, teach me reliance on Him, press into his grace and that “failure” has informed the last twenty five years of my leadership. Depth does not usually come from success but from failure and pain! It is in the tough times that we are forced, like Moses and David to go deep with God. What looks like failure to us is often just part of God’s plan to develop us as leaders.

My own conviction is that when we neglect building depth into our lives in an intentional way, God will provide us with the opportunity by giving us Moses or Joseph wilderness experiences to encourage us to force into Him. He knows that our long term ministry effectiveness is dependent on it so it is one of his strategies for our leadership development.

As I reflect on my leadership career I can attest that the greatest lessons and growth have come from periods of the greatest pain. I believe there is no other way to develop a leadership of deep influence. That quality of leadership does not come from easy success but hard success along with plenty of tough failure. And remember, early failure does not mean long term failure. Often it is the early failures that actually make it possible for us to be successful in the long run – if we use that failure to develop depth.

Take a moment and reflect on the times in your leadership where you have faced the most difficult moments and how God used those moments to make you a better, deeper leader.

Four characteristics of dysfunctional leaders who create chaos in their organizations

Ministry leaders often bring significant chaos to an organization when their own EQ (Emotional Intelligence) becomes a barrier to their leadership. It may not manifest itself in the beginning but over time these dysfunctions become issues for their staff, the direction of the organization and the ability of the organization to move to a new level

Defensiveness
Defensive leaders face a dilemma. It is not easy for their staff to address issues that need to be addressed, especially if the leader feels that it involves him/her. That inability often creates crisis situations where things finally blow up and then need to be massaged because the feelings of the leader have been hurt. 

The upshot is that issues are never really resolved but often move in a cycle of a blow up, some sort of peacemaking and then another blow up and the cycle goes on. Eventually good people get tired of the drama and choose to move on.

Ego needs
Leaders who confuse their identity with their ministry are usually unable to let go, empower others and allow other voices to speak into situations. Their need for approval, for being at the center of the ministry and a need to control coupled with defensiveness puts staff in a difficult situation. Everything ultimately revolves around the leader and their needs. Ego also needs make it hard for such leaders to see issues in an objective manner because criticism even when constructive is seen as a threat. 

Because of their defensiveness, staff members may regularly play to the ego of their leader in order to get things done which feeds an unhealthy addiction all the while preventing candid, honest dialogue around real organizational issues. The result is a significant amount of drama around the leader and their relationships along with an inability of staff to make independent decisions.

Lack of self definition
The first two dysfunctions feed a third which is the inability of leaders to stake a position that is consistent. Because defensiveness prevents true dialogue and because ego needs drive their leadership, these leaders often move from one position to another - often in the direction of the last individual who stroked their ego. It is why such leaders change their minds often which causes all kinds of issues for staff or volunteers.

Triangulation
Leaders who suffer from these dysfunctions often prefer private conversations with staff or board members rather than laying all the cards on the table in a group setting where they cannot control the outcome as easily. It is a divide and conquer strategy which allows the leader to bond with another individual on issues but not allow the give and take of opinions and options that takes place in a group setting. It comes out of their need to control rather than to allow robust dialogue.

These dysfunctions create a fair amount of chaos, relational issues and drama. Whenever those characteristics are present it pays to look more closely at the EQ of the leader. They set the stage for either a healthy or dysfunctional organization. More importantly these dysfunctions keep the organization from becoming all that it can be. It is literally held hostage by the EQ issues of the leader.

Three questions every leader should ask - in this order

Every leader should be able to answer three questions regarding the team or organization they lead. They are not always easy questions to answer but they will spell the difference between success or non-success in their leadership.

One: Am I absolutely clear on what the outcome of our ministry needs to be? Why start with this question? Because the target drives the next two questions and without clarity on the goal one is simply doing nice things not focused work.

Two: Do we know what activities best support the results we are after? Not all activity is equally effective. The work of a team or organization should be specifically designed to reach the stated goals. Often they are not. So simple but often ignored. How does the activity you have support the goal you are after? And is it the best activity (strategy) to achieve what you are after? Are you satisfied with the answer?

Three: Do I have the right people in the right seat in order to focus on the strategies need to achieve the intended result? This is a hard one because we get stuck in our organizational paradigms and often don't realize that either we are not structured to get the result we want or that we don't have the right people to do so. That requires some hard decisions.

We often start at the beginning when often we need to start at the end (what are we after) and then back up to (what will get us to what we are after) and finally to evaluate whether we have the right people positioned in the right way to get us there.

TJ Addington of Addington Consulting has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

The ten top traits I look for in leaders

Leaders come with many different kinds of wiring and lead with varied styles. I celebrate those differences. When hiring or promoting, I care much about how a person leads but I care even more about what lies behind their leadership. There are ten traits that I look for in leaders that are for the most part personal traits that spill over into how they lead.

A Kingdom heart
In ministry settings a kingdom heart is crucial. Our leadership is not about ourselves but about Jesus and what He wants to accomplish on this earth. A kingdom heart is one that understands we are not building something for ourselves but for Him.

Humble
Humble leaders can focus on others and the mission because they are not building a kingdom for themselves. Humble leaders have the capacity to live and lead with personal transparency and have a "nothing to prove and nothing to lose" attitude. They are open and non-defensive when challenged.

Intentional
There are two ways one can live: intentionally or accidentally. The best leaders understand how God has wired them, what He has called them to do (and not do) and organize their lives around the most important rather than simply responding to life. Everything about their priorities and time management is intentional and focused.

Clarity
Clarity is required for intentional living. Clarity about how God has gifted and wired us, clarity in our leadership priorities and organizational clarity all contribute to the ability to be deeply intentional. 

Accountable
Those who lead others and expect them to be accountable must be accountable themselves. To lead one must be willing to follow! Lack of accountability is about hubris while accountability is about humility and a healthy commitment to health. This includes accountability for results

Reflective
The best leaders are deeply reflective people: about themselves, others, the organization, methodology and life in general. They are thinkers rather than simply doers. Their actions come out of thinking and reflection rather than simply responding to events around them. They are thinking, reflective practitioners.

Inquisitive
The best leaders are deeply inquisitive, always asking questions, probing people in their organization and in others, desirous of learning and growing. They ask the question "why" often and don't assume that conventional wisdom is always wisdom. 

Team focused
Healthy organizations are formed around teams that work synergistically together under good leadership with accountability for results. Thus leaders must be willing to work with and through team rather than working independently.

Generous
Leaders give themselves away to help others be successful and the organization reach its objectives. They are servants to those they lead and understand that it is as others succeed that they succeed. Thus they mentor, coach and help others grow with a generous spirit.

Healthy EQ
Unhealthy EQ is the greatest killer of leadership as it creates relational chaos in its wake. No matter how brilliant an individual is, if there are EQ issues, they will not end up on one of our teams. Healthy EQ, on the other hand builds healthy relationships which leads to healthy collaboration and the building of healthy teams.

TJ Addington of Addington Consulting has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

Leaders and their relationships

In many ways, the quality of our relationships is the acid test of God’s transformative work in our lives. As the Apostle John wrote, “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers” (1 John 3:16). The same Apostle in His Gospel records Jesus as saying, “I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me” (John 17:22-23). In other words, people will know we are Christians by our extraordinary and unselfish love for one another.


Transformation of our hearts is directly connected to the transformation of our relationships. It is a full understanding of God’s grace in our lives which becomes the ground for us to extend that grace to others on a regular basis and it is grace that allows us to love and it is love that transforms relationships. When I fully grasp how Christ loved me when I was unlovable, forgave me when I did not deserve forgiveness, is patient with me when I don’t deserve his patience, continues to forgive me when I blow it – when I fully grasp the unconditional love of Christ to me – it is then that I can extend that same love to others. My ability to extend grace to others is directly connected to my understanding of the grace God has extended to me.

Transformed relationships are about treating people as God treats us, seeing them as God sees us – as individuals made in His image and of infinite worth, wanting for them what God would want for them – to reach their full potential - and extending the same value and honor to others that God does to us. While the culture of the world is to use others for our benefit, Christ followers see relationships as an extension of our relationship with Him which always wants the best for others.

This is an especially critical issue for leaders who have authority over others and whose words, actions and decisions impact others. Because leaders have an agenda – and all leaders do and must - and because leaders are result oriented – and good leaders are, there is always the temptation to use people to achieve that agenda rather than to develop a common mission and together get there through serving people and helping them flourish in the role they play.

This is always a balancing act because leadership means that we must achieve results, resources are always in short supply and getting the right people in the right seat on the bus is part of leadership. Relational stewardship in leadership is all about finding the right gifting for positions, building healthy teams and then developing people into the best they can be. Rather than using people, this is all about developing people and helping them become the person God designed them to be.

Leadership is all about relational equity. We regularly make deposits and withdrawals to that equity: Withdrawals when we disempower or in some way break trust and deposits when we treat people well and empower them. Thus transformation of our relationships is a key component not only to the love we are called to live out but to our leadership and the influence we have with others. Without healthy relationships, influence is deeply compromised.