The challenge of forgiving ourselves

The lack of self forgiveness often has devastating results on our relationship with the Father and our own involvement in ministry. We have become convinced that He cannot truly forgive our sin. It was too egregious, too serious. And so we live our lives in silent confession, hoping that He can forgive but never really feeling forgiven. This directly involves our involvement in any kind of Christian service because we don’t feel that God could, should or would use us. So we live quietly in the shadows, never being all in and always feeling inadequate and unworthy.

If this applies to you, I want you to listen very carefully to several truths. First, God’s grace always exceeds our sin. You cannot out sin God’s ability to forgive. Paul makes this clear when he says that, “where sin increased, grace increased all the more.” (Romans 5:20) There is no sin that God cannot or will not forgive. He sent His one and only son that, “whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16) God is in the business of forgiving because of the death and resurrection of Christ on the cross.

Second, you cannot separate yourselves from God’s love. Again Paul says, “If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all- how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died - more than that who was raised to life - is at the right hand of God, and he is also interceding for us.” - Romans 8: 31 - 34

Third, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)

For many of us, one of the greatest struggles of our lives is to forgive ourselves for choices we have made, actions we have taken or perhaps words we have said. The thing about past sins is that they can be as real to us today as they were then. Often they are secret sins, but the problem is that we know and, in spite of confessing them to God many times over, we cannot forgive ourselves. 

Fourth, who are we to deny God’s work of forgiveness by refusing to forgive ourselves? If He has forgiven us, we must do the same. Satan will always sow seeds of doubt in our mind regarding our sin but 1 John 1:9 makes it clear that when we confess, He purifies us from all unrighteousness. All of it! Every last bit of it. 

If you have a hard time forgiving yourself, ask God for His help. Sometimes it helps to do something to intentionally experience what God has already done for you. Take a piece of paper and write on it those sins that continue to bother you. Then as you thank God for  His forgiveness, put that paper in your fireplace or burn it in your sink (don’t burn down the house). As you clean the sink of the ashes, you are reenacting what God has done with your heart. Thank Him, and every time you remember that sin again, think of the ashes in the sink that you cleaned up. Whatever you do, don’t live in guilt when God designed you for freedom, and don’t live in the shadows when God designed you for the light.