Why is it that some leaders leave staff and colleagues drained and tired after a conversation, while others leave them uplifted and encouraged? In the first case, meetings with your supervisor or colleagues can be a dreaded exercise, whereas in the second case, something one looks forward to. What leaders often overlook is that their approach to interactions with staff and colleagues either builds or diminishes their trust and influence. You may have a title and a position as a leader, but neither of those makes up for a deficit of trust and influence with those you lead.
There are five attitudes and practices of a leader that contribute to high trust and maximum influence with those you work with.
If one desires influence, it starts with a posture of humility. This means that I don't have to be the smartest person in the room. I don't have to have the answers to every problem, and I don't have to have my way in every situation. Here is the truth: If you are the smartest person in the room, you hired very poorly. If you have the answers to every problem, you are deluded, and if you need to have your way, you will be limited by your own abilities.
Humility is the attitude that there is a great deal I don't know, that I don't have the answers, but can find good answers with others who have greater expertise than I do. Humility leads to the second practice, which is dialogue with others, along with asking good questions rather than making pronouncements and handing down decisions.
Dialogue and questions bring others into a productive conversation around issues that need to be resolved. Pronouncements about what should be done often shut down conversation. It is the crucial difference between arrogance and humility. Leaders frequently fail to realize how little they actually know compared to those who work closely with the issues at hand. Engaging others to share their perspectives opens up solutions that will not be found otherwise.
Both of these attitudes are augmented if the leader approaches staff and colleagues with a non-critical spirit. Critical spirits and words shut down good conversation and are indicators of a lack of humility. If I am critical by nature, it means that I have decided my evaluation is the best. That is arrogance. If I approach issues openly and non-critically, it sends a message that together we can find a good solution. It does not elevate my perspectives over those of others (arrogance), but instead levels the playing field to find the best solutions.
Add to these three a gracious spirit that truly appreciates the efforts of those around you or below you and assumes the best rather than the worst when it comes to motives and effort. Graciousness is the opposite of a critical spirit. A gracious attitude invites conversation while a critical spirit shuts it down. Even when I don't understand the actions or decisions of others, they can be addressed with a gracious and non-critical spirit, and I may well learn something that contributed to decisions others made that I am unaware of.
All of these are the building blocks of trust with both colleagues and staff who report to us. Remember that arrogance, critical spirits, pronouncements rather than dialogue, and a lack of graciousness rob you of trust and influence. They take tokens out of your leadership bank account while consistently displaying the practices and attitudes above add to your leadership bank account. The key here is consistency. Your staff and colleagues need to know that they will get the same from you in any conversation, and if you display these attitudes, they will learn to relax in your presence. They will see you as an ally rather than a threat. And you will have their trust, which leads to greater leadership influence.
