Four keys to restoring trust when it has been broken by leaders

All leaders make mistakes and sometimes those errors in judgement significantly erode their leadership capital - as well as the leadership capital of those around them. I often work with churches where leaders (pastoral or boards) have either neglected issues they should have paid attention to, allowed staff toxicity to exist, made decisions that were widely unpopular, let a staff member go without due process and the list could go on. No leader is exempt from actions, decisions or words that causes a break in trust with those they lead. The question is, how does one restore trust when it has been broken?

The answer is fairly simple but not easy. Not easy because it requires us as leaders to humble ourselves, admit we missed the mark and are willing to make it right. That is a tough thing for a leader to do. We want to be seen as strong and right. And this requires us to admit that we are often weak and wrong. It is a humbling process but without that process trust will not be rebuilt. Nor will we grow. Here are the four keys.

One. We must admit our error - personally. If we screwed up, it is not a secret among those we lead.   No matter what we do in the aftermath of broken trust, unless and until we personally say we were wrong and want to make it right we will not even begin to rebuild trust. I have seen leaders change course in the midst of pressure but until they admit they were wrong (a hard thing to do) they continue to lose points with those they lead. A heartfelt apology, however, goes a long way.

Two. We need to listen to hard feedback. I remember a situation in my own leadership where I had to take responsibility for something that became a mess. Not only did I need to take responsibility but I then had to listen to some hard things from people who were upset by decisions that had been made. These were not easy conversations and I had to listen with a humble heart. What it did, however, was to begin to rebuild trust with people who were extremely unhappy and it made a huge difference. Leaders are not exempt from hearing hard things and until we are willing to do that it is very difficult to rebuild trust.

Three. We need to tell the truth. It can be exceptionally hard for leaders to simply say, "I was wrong," "this is what I was thinking," "this is why I did what I did," and simply explain why they did what they did. All too often in Christian circles we try to spin the story so that we look OK or better than we are. Here is the truth, our people know that we were wrong and they don't buy the spin. In fact, spinning the truth in any way causes us to lose additional points rather than to rebuild trust. Spin may help us to feel better but it erodes rather than rebuilds trust. 

Let's be honest here. Spin is an attempt to protect our reputations but it is both dishonest and untruthful. God is a God of truth, not lies and the sad thing is that when we try to spin we are not only lying to others but to ourselves. We deplore it when it happens in Washington DC and we ought to deplore it when it happens in Christian ministries. The way forward is to be truthful and candid and honest even when it is a humbling experience to us.

Four. When we have messed up we need to take a posture of humility. It is what we teach and preach to others and it applies to us as leaders as well. People respond well to humility and they spot pride a mile away. All three of the previous keys to restoring trust require true humility. There is no other way to restore broken trust. It is a "nothing to prove and nothing to lose" attitude that models what we want other to live. When we are wrong, we need to live that humility ourselves.

Trust can be rebuilt when it is broken but it will not be without these four practices.

Character in the hard times of ministry

Displaying true Jesus character is not too hard when times are good. It is, however, on display when times are bad or hard or from our perspective unfair. For Christian leaders it is tested when we don't get our own way, when we are under attack or when we are asked to leave a ministry. None of those are easy things and each one tests what is truly inside of our hearts.

It amazes and saddens me even though I have seen it many times when Christian leaders get angry and strike back when they are asked to leave their ministry. Many years ago, I had to make a choice when I resigned a ministry under adverse conditions whether I would strike back, denigrate others or try to guard my reputation which was being put through the ringer. The best decision I made was to leave it all in the hands of God and allow Him to sort it out. I have come to a principle that one never hurts the Bride, and when we do we will be held accountable for doing so.

The same is true when we don't get our way. That can be hard and sometimes can be painful. Yet, the test is not the actual decision that is made but our reaction to it. Do we truly trust God or do we need to rely on ourselves? How does our anger when it erupts serve His purposes? When I am unwilling to reconcile with a brother, how does that serve the Kingdom of God? 

Personal attacks where our motives or reputations are sullied are perhaps one of the hardest areas to deal with. King David experienced this and he concluded that he had to leave his reputation in God's hands rather than take it into his own hands. God does have a way of sorting things out and even if it does not happen in this life, He can vindicate in the next. Our responsibility is to not do damage to His reputation when our reputation is under attack. 

In all of this there are really two issues at stake. The first is our character - Godly or ungodly, Higher nature driven or lower nature driven. But the second issue is more significant yet - the reputation of Jesus and the Father as evidenced by our behavior. Here is the bottom line: When we display poor character in the crucible of pain, we ultimately hurt His reputation. In trying to protect our reputation, in biting back in anger, in refusing the path of peace we may have the satisfaction of some measure of revenge in hurting those who we perceive have hurt us but in doing so we hurt something far more precious - the reputation of God.

Trust busters and builders

There are practices that contribute to cultures of trust and those which contribute to cultures of mistrust. Leaders of others set the pace by choosing practices that support cultures of trust.

Trust Builder: Choosing to trust.

Trust Buster: Starting from mistrust

You can count on me to trust you unless you give me a reason not to do so. In the event that trust is broken, I will clarify how trust can be re-established.  I will always start from a position of trust rather than a position of mistrust

Trust Builder: Being candid and up-front.

Trust Buster: Being vague and fuzzy

You can count on me to tell you what I am thinking, what my expectations are, how I perceive your strengths and weaknesses and if there is a performance issue, what you need to do to solve it. You may not always agree with me but you can count on me to be clear a bout what I am thinking and why.

Trust Builder: Keeping my promises

Trust Buster: Breaking my promises

I will commit to those things that I can commit to and you can count on me to follow through with my commitment. If for some reason I find myself unable to carry through on a promise, I will tell you. I will not commit to those things that I know I cannot deliver on.

Trust Builder: Acting consistently

Trust Buster : Acting inconsistently

My life will match my words and you can count on me to be consistent in how I treat those who report to me, in the pattern of my life and in living out the commitments of the organization. Inconsistency will be an exception rather than the rule.

Trust Builder: Listening carefully

Trust Buster: Not engaging in real dialogue

I will respectfully listen to and dialogue with you and will be candid in my responses. This means that there is always opportunity for dialogue, questions, clarification and my commitment is to carefully consider your opinions and suggestions even if in the end I choose a different path.

Trust Builder: Being fair and equitable

Trust Buster: Giving preferential treatment

You can expect me to act with your best interests in mind and to always seek to be fair and equitable in decisions that impact you.

Trust Builder: Caring for people

Trust Buster: Using people

You can expect me to genuinely care about you as a whole person and never simply use you for my or the organization's purpose. This means that I will also seek to engage you in your sweet spot where there is convergence between your gifts and our needs.

Trust Builder: Self disclosing 

Trust Buster: Secretive or unable to 'read'

You can expect me to be appropriately self disclosing about who I am, what I am thinking, where I am going and my own challenges.

Trust Builder: Empowering

Trust Buster: Controlling

Where you are given responsibility I will empower you to carry it out within clearly articulated boundaries rather than micromanage you or control you.

Trust Builder: Clarifying

Trust Buster: Making assumptions

If it appears to me that you have violated my trust or acted inappropriately, I will ask you for clarification on what happened and why rather than assume that you deliverately chose to do something unwise or inappropriate.

Church leadership and trust

Inherent in the American system of government is a basic mistrust of people who hold authority or responsibility. This mistrust runs deep through our psyche as a people. Once, I did a consultation for a church of 2,000 in Madison, Wisconsin that was changing its bylaws. The senior pastor offered some perspective on the culture surrounding his church: "What you have to understand is that in this community, there is huge mistrust of anyone in authority. Everyone here wants to be in on decisions because they don't trust leaders."

Unfortunately, those attitudes often carry over into our churches. But the church is not the local government, and healthy leaders in the church are to be trustworthy and followed. The writer of Hebrews goes so far as to say, "Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you (Hebrews 13:17)."

The New Testament clearly vests the senior leadership of the church with authority and responsibility in the context of a leadership for which they are ultimately accountable to God.

Ironically, when church governance is established as a checks-and-balances system, mistrust is not only built-in but is also actively fostered. The very basis of the governance system of checks and balances implies that we should question and limit one another. When authority is meted out to different groups, in the best-case scenario there is the opportunity for misunderstanding; in the worst-case scenario there is outright conflict. Here, you not only have tollbooths that decisions must pass through, but you also have the added frustration of dealing with mistrusting tollkeepers!

The church needs to see a new renaissance of trust among its people. Trust between paid staff members and boards, between boards and congregations, and between congregations and staff teams. We need to teach our people that trust is a biblical concept unless it has been violated. When violated, we need to work hard to restore it.

A mistrust of each other may reflect our society, but it does not reflect our theology.

The upside of crisis situations

I don't relish dealing with crises. As an organizational leader, however, I must do so from time to time and as a ministry consultant it is not unusual to be asked to help ministries in crisis. One of the things I have learned in the process is that while all crises must be managed and many are painful, if handled well there are also positive opportunities. My advice to other leaders is never to miss the opportunities inherent in crisis. Let me explain.

When I think of crises I am thinking of a broad variety of issues with significantly impact an organization. It can be financial, the death of a key leader, the failure of a leader, a bad choice by a leader that impacts staff or partners or constituency, mass resignations over morale issues, major discontent on staff or other situations that force leaders to go into damage control to deal with a significant crisis. All of us in leadership can point to crises we have had to deal with: the list can be long.

But think about this:

Crisis situations can be a great clarifier. More than once in my long tenure with the EFCA we have faced major financial crises. Some because we overspent and had not controled budgets, other times because of the economy. Every time, however, we have been forced to ask the question, what is really important to us? What is central and core to our mission? What are we doing that is ancillary and needs to be set aside in order to focus on the core. These are not easy situations because they impact wonderful people but they are necessary conversations for ministries to have on a periodic basis.

Crisis situations can build greater trust between leaders and staff and constituencies. 
When crisis happens, the one thing staff and others often do not expect is that their leaders will be open, transparent and honest with them. There is so much spin in our world that we are not used to being trusted with the truth. Leaders who choose to tell the truth about the situation gain great trust from staff. Candid answers go a long ways in building greater trust.

Crisis situations allow you to refocus and change paradigms.
Change is often difficult when there is a perception that all is going well. In a crisis, everyone knows that this is not the case and it is often possible to make changes and to refocus with the crisis as the presenting reason. 

Crisis often flushes out other issues that need to be addressed.
Take for example, a financial crisis. The presenting issue is that there is a shortage of funds. But there may be other issues involved that you can and must now look at including: Are we focused on the right things; are there areas we could be consolidating for savings; do we have a clearly defined mission that causes our constituency to support us well; do we have staff who are under performing? Thus the presenting issue simply brings to the surface other issues that need addressing.

Crisis tests the mettle of leaders in a good way.
The test of leadership is not what happens when all is well but when it seemingly comes apart. Do they fact he issues squarely and honestly? Do they tell the truth or spin? Do they take corrective actions with courage? Do they convey hope or despair? Everyone reads their leadership carefully in crisis and watches their reactions and actions with equal care. 

Crisis builds faith and can unify.
If handled well, crisis can be a faith builder and unifier as leadership pulls the organization together to pray and to work with them to resolve hard issues. Here is a principle: healthy organizations unite in crisis while unhealthy organizations come apart. The difference is in the culture that exists and the kind of leadership the organization has. Our staff and constituency are our best help in crisis situations in a healthy organization. If disunity occurs, it is simply an indication that there are deeper underlying health issues that need to be addressed.

Never waste a crisis!

Game changing attitudes

I often encourage ministries that I consult with to look for the game changers that bring major ministry breakthroughs rather than a tweak to the system. We are constantly on the lookout for those in our ministry. What we often don't think about are the game changers we can initiate ourselves - in our attitudes - which can change the whole equation of our lives and impact the people around us. These game changing attitudes come right out of our relationship with God, the work of the Holy Spirit and us.


The game changer of living in God's sovereignty.
All of us face challenges that bring anxiety, uncertainty, and sometimes fear. The reason that they are so threatening to us is that unlike other circumstances, there is nothing we can do about these ones. They are beyond our control and therefor our ability to sway their outcome.


Unless....we choose to live with the dynamic truth that as His children, God is sovereign over all the events of our lives and He can be trusted to meet our needs, intervene on our behalf and be present in the midst of our circumstances. Read Romans 8 for confirmation on this. Those who choose to live in the reality of God's sovereignty over our lives and circumstances experience great peace because they have chosen to leave in God's hands what belongs in God's hands.


The game changer of choosing to live with joy.
One of the fruits of the Spirit, Joy is a powerful antidote to all of the pessimistic talk we encounter, the complaints that so many have and the tendency to look at life from a human rather than a divine perspective. 


As one of the signature traits of the Holy Spirit, joy is accessible to all of God's people in spite of their circumstances. It is rooted in the sovereignty and goodness of God who promises to meet our needs and to be present in all of our circumstances. Joy comes from faith in our God. The harder it is for us to choose joy over sadness, the greater its impact on our hearts for we have chosen the route of faith and trust rather than that of doubt and discouragement.


The game changer of choosing to live with kindness.
Another one of the Spirit's signature traits and one that touches every relationship that we encounter on a daily basis. We live in a harsh world where people dismiss others easily, treat them according to their mood, speak words that diminish and wound and perhaps worst of all, use people rather than love people.


When we choose to live with an attitude of kindness we produce all sorts of ripples because we are bringing God's love and kindness into each interaction. It changes everything. Kind people are purveyors of God's love and grace and magnets to those who come into contact with them, craving the acceptance inherent in kindness.


All of the fruit of the Spirit are game changing attitudes: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, goodness and self control (Galatians 5:22-23). Each one changes our outlook on life in a major way and impacts how we interact with every individual during our day. They are truly game changers that we can choose in the power of the Holy Spirit to appropriate and live out every day in every situation. They don't tweak anything. They change everything.

13 Leadership secrets from TJ

Clarity
The first job of leaders is to provide maximum clarity to those they lead about what their organization is about and how they will do what they do. The second job of leaders is to ensure that there is alignment around that clarity. The third job of leaders is to ensure that there are results based on that clarity. Leaders are the chief evangelists for the clarity they have defined for the organization.


Simplicity
Ministry is complex. Complexity is confusing. The job of leaders is to simplify complexity. Leaders simplify, simplify and simplify until all important issues can be explained on one sheet of paper.


Altitude
Leaders understand the altitude that they need to fly at in order to lead well and resist the temptation to dip down to fly at an altitude others are supposed to be flying at. Leaders do not disempower others in the organization by dipping down and doing what others are tasked with.


Empowerment
Leaders empower those who work for them within agreed upon boundaries. They neither delegate without accountability or micro manage and second guess. Leaders empower good people and hold them accountable for results.


Team
A group of missionally aligned and healthy individuals working strategically together under good leadership toward common objectives with accountability for results. Leaders build teams carefully and lead them intentionally.

Resolve

Leaders must have the resolve to follow through consistently with the clarity they have established. Clarity means nothing without the consistency of disciplined execution in a same direction. Leaders have staff who learn never to question their resolve.


Trust
Trust is a function of clarity + consistency + fairness + keeping one's word + authenticity + serving those on one's staff. Leaders always keep coinage in their trust account.


Failure
If one never fails one is living and leading too cautiously. Where there is not permission to fail there is no entrepreneurial thinking and where there is no entrepreneurial thinking there is no significant progress. When failure occurs, leaders practice autopsy without blame.


Evaluation
The mantra is plan, do, check, adjust. Leaders evaluate constantly.


Wisdom
Common wisdom is very common and rarely wisdom. Leaders think like contrarians, always asking why and why not? Leaders do not automatically go with the flow. Rather, they question the flow and look for new and better ways to do what they do. Leaders question conventional wisdom frequently.


Change
Tweaking is fear based change and one cannot tweak one's way to a new future. Leaders look for the game changers that change everything. A few truly significant decisions each year are more powerful than many insignificant decisions.


Results
Leaders never mistake activity for results. Everyone is busy but not everyone sees the same results. Leaders distinguish between activity and activity that yields intended results.


Intentionality
Leaders are deeply intentional in how they live and lead. They never settle for accidental living. Leaders know what they are about, what their priorities are and what they should say no to.

Things are not always what they appear to be!

One of the lessons of Good Friday is that what appears to be true is not always true. On this day the cosmic battle between Satan and God culminated in what Satan thought was his greatest victory. That battle had been waged from the time of the fall (Genesis 3:15) where God made it clear that one day Satan would be defeated. But on this day, Satan knew he had won. The Son of God is on the cross, alone, abandoned even by His Father who didn't seem able to rescue Him. Thirty pieces of silver was all it had taken, the best deal ever in the history of evil.

The disciples knew it was over. Jesus' friends knew it was over. The Jewish authorities knew it was over - their problem solved, a rival gone. Not only that but for those who cared, evil had won over good and righteousness. For the followers of Christ, this was the ultimate sadness. They had expected righteousness to triumph and instead, evil had prevailed. The one who had called Himself the Son of God, dead on a bitter cross. 



Little did they know that what appeared to be the final chapter was only the beginning of a new chapter because out of the jaws of apparent defeat, Christ would not only be resurrected but in that resurrection he sealed the fate of Satan and evil and unrighteousness for all time and made it possible for the created to have a relationship with the creator. Apparent defeat was only the prelude to total victory! 

Not for one moment had the events of Good Friday been out of the control of the heavenly Father even though it looked like the Father had lost all control. He is sovereign and nothing under His control can ever be out of control. The world learned that on Easter Sunday.


Think about your own life for a moment. Where are the areas that seem to be out of control? Where does it feel like evil has won? Where are the apparent areas where you feel defeat, discouragement, sadness or pain? It is easy to see the Good Friday moments in our lives when it is clear that God has not acted and we need His help. It is harder to wait for the resurrection moments when God shows up as He always does and redeems what we thought was unredeemable - often in surprising and unique ways.


Whatever your circumstance you can be sure that Easter is coming and that things are not always what they appear to be. In the end, nothing that is in His control can ever be out of control and God always prevails. Our job is to walk by faith in the Good Friday moments of life when life is hard and hope is scarce, waiting for our Easter to arrive when He shows up and redeems our situation. The fun thing about Easter was that it was such a surprise. Invite Jesus to surprise you in your situation today.

Got a situation? Try being candid.

It is an interesting phenomenon. Leadership spin.  Communications or answers to questions that are designed to equivocate or put the best face on something when in reality everyone knows it is not an accurate picture. 


Why cannot leaders simply be candid? Sure there are times when one would not reveal everything because it would hurt others but why not try simple honesty. The irony is that people appreciate transparency and don't appreciate spin. They know and when we choose spin, we lose. 


I suppose we do it for image control but it does not work. We watch public figures spin embarrassing situations and dig deeper and deeper holes until they are forced to come clean. If they had simply been honest in the first place, people would have been forgiving. Image control is pride. Truth is humble. People get the difference between the two.


Scriptures have a lot to say about truth. When Christian leaders are not honest about a situation with their constituents it is not just spin but it is dishonest. And it breeds mistrust. Jesus was refreshingly candid. I have found that the more candid I am as a leader the more trust I get. 


Got a situation? Try being candid. It is what it is and trying to make it something else does not work in the long run. Transparency works a whole lot better than the alternative.

Positional and personal authority

Authority is an interesting concept. There are really two kinds of authority: positional and personal. Positional authority is based on one's position and responsibility in the workplace. Personal authority is the standing I have with others because of my behavior, values, treatment of others and morality. 

What is interesting is that it is possible to have positional authority without personal authority. Here, someone above us has title and position but does not have credibility or respect in our eyes. They think they have authority but it is actually a weak authority because they lack the trust of those they lead.

This is true of leaders at all levels whose personal lives, treatment of others, competencies, attitudes, or behaviors are not worthy of respect. Those under them may cooperate because they must but it is not a cooperation or followership based on respect or trust. And a leader who does not earn the respect and trust of those they lead is a leader who cannot truly lead. 

It is precisely these leaders who often make it clear to those they lead that they have positional authority over them ("I am the boss"). This is a sign of a lack of personal authority, a result of their lack of personal influence. Because they lack personal influence they are forced to use the positional authority card. Interestingly, those who must lead from primarily positional authority usually see those they lead as serving them, rather than them serving those they lead. 

This raises the question of which kind of authority is the most powerful. Without a doubt it is personal authority where people listen, respect, follow and cooperate based on who we are rather than position or titles we have. It is a life that has authority based on its authenticity, care for others, moral fiber and consistency. There are many who have personal authority but not positional authority. Personal authority is all about the influence one has with others and it can be very powerful indeed. 

Through personal authority, anyone in any position in an organization can have significant influence. In fact, in many cases, people who are not in positions of positional authority have more influence than those who are.

Healthy leaders lead from personal authority first and positional authority second. They are truly servants of those they lead which gives them huge credibility. Their lives and commitments give them influence with others and the respect of others.

All of us can develop personal authority and influence regardless of the position we hold or the titles we have. In fact, in healthy organizations only those who have personal authority are put in roles of positional authority.

TJ Addington of Addington Consulting has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness in both the for profit and non profit sectors. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com

Power and information

How candid leaders are with the sharing of information is a measure of their desire to empower or need to control. Information is power. Withholding information from those who either need it or desire it is a means of control while sharing it freely with those who should have access to it is a measure of our desire to empower others. The issue comes down to whether we desire retain power or empower.


What some leaders do not understand is that in withholding information they actually lose the trust of those they lead. Take a ministry that is in financial distress. The leader does not want to divulge the issues while the staff know the issues are there. By not being candid about the actual situation the leader loses the trust of those he/she leads because the staff suspect that the leader is hiding something. If the leader had simply been candid and honest the opposite reaction would occur: trust and a desire to help solve the dilemma. Information, even difficult information builds trust while withholding information undermines trust.


Leaders who control or withhold information are really saying, "I can't trust you with this information." And, that is exactly what their staff hears and that message undermines their ability to lead and leads to cynicism and mistrust on the part of those they lead. In an attempt to control, leaders actually lose the very thing they need the most with their staff, trust. 


Good information is the foundation of good dialogue and decision making. Secretive leaders therefore undermine the ability of other leaders to make informed decisions while candid leaders who share what they know readily are able to build collaborative teams that get to good solutions. 


I often ask staff in churches or ministries for certain statistics or information when working with them. When I hear them say, "We are never told that" or "We are not able to get that information" I know that there is a senior leader who is either controlling, secretive, or threatened by others knowing what they know. None of these are good signs of healthy leadership.


Related to this is the ability to have "real" information. Ministries are notorious for using hyperbole in talking about their ministry results. A pastor might say from the pulpit, "Eighty percent of our adults are in small groups" as he seeks to convince new people to join a group. When a staff member raises an eyebrow (knowing it is like 40%), the response is "that is our pastor's math." Not accurate or helpful information.


There is power in information. Power to control or empower. Which are you using it for?

Failures and disappointments are often God's redirection

Our ability to see the full scope of our lives and God's plan is amazingly limited. As Paul says, we see through a glass darkly but will one day see Him face to face. Because of our limited view, we often do not see that the failures and disappointments we face are nothing other than God's redirection of our lives to those places where He can use us the most.

Consider Moses who failed at being an Egyptian prince so God could use him to lead the people out of bondage. Or, Joseph who failed at being a brother so that he could save his whole family from famine. My greatest perceived failure brought me to where I am today, and right where I believe God wants me to be. As the book of Proverbs says, "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps (Proverbs 16:9)." How often God has redirected my steps in ways that I did not understand at the time but in retrospect have more clarity.


This ought to cause us to ask in failure and disappointment, "Is God up to something?" "Does He have something in mind that is greater than our disappointment?" Since He establishes our steps and has our best interests in mind, chances are He does. 


This allows us to change our prayer from "why?" to "What?" Obviously God has something different for us than we expected, the question is "what is it?" Asking why keeps us focused on our disappointment while asking what focuses on God's intentions and what He has for us next. Two very different perspectives that lead to two very different attitudes.


Here is something we know for sure: God is always up to something, even in our failures and disappointments. We are never abandoned or left alone so even in the worst place we can look with anticipation at what He has for us. This truth gives us the courage to move forward even in dark days. We know He is up to something, we just don't know what - yet!

Robust dialog: Creative conflict that raises the level of missional discourse

Over and over again I run into teams, organizations and groups that do not know how to have candid, honest, robust discussion. As a result there are many elephants in the room that cannot be discussed and which create an underlying mistrust within the group - that is what elephants do. 

Lets define robust dialogue. It is the ability to address any issue in the  team or organization as long as there are not hidden agendas or personal attacks. No personal attacks keeps the discussion at the strategic or organizational level. No hidden agendas means that we are upfront with why we are asking the question or pushing into an issue. Hidden agendas create mistrust while being honest and direct creates trust. 

Unfortunately there are plenty of people who agree with robust dialogue but who are operating with hidden agendas - behind the scenes maneuvering and politics hidden behind a facade of wanting to solve a problem or address an issue. In reality they have an agenda as to where the discussion ends up and they are maneuvering the end result toward their intended ends. This is neither fair nor helpful.

The very concept of robust dialogue where any issue can be put on the table as long as there are no hidden agendas or personal attacks is that it is in the strong discourse of different ideas and options that we actually get to solutions that are better than any of us would have come up with individually. But - there must be an ethos on the team, modeled by the leader that it is not only OK but it is valued to put issues on the table (graciously) that need to be addressed.

What prevents robust dialogue? First, leaders who are threatened by anything negative being said - and they perceive any potential criticism as negative. Frankly, that is poor leadership and I would never again work for a leader who was threatened by robust dialogue.

Second, elephants that everyone knows cannot be addressed because the group cannot handle talking about the issue. I was recently with a board that told me there were many elephants in the room that they have not been able to talk about for years and it was those elephants that were keeping them from moving forward. I asked what they were and we proceeded to name them. Once named, elephants are no longer elephants but issues that need to be resolved. Wherever elephants exist, there is not true robust dialogue.

Third, fear keeps some groups from engaging in honest dialogue. The fear is around what it might do to the dynamics of the group. Feeling good about one another and about the ministry takes precedence over honest evaluation of where things really are. Feeling comfortable trumps missional fulfillment. This is where many groups need to grow (up) and put mission before comfort and press into missional health and fulfillment.

Why is robust dialogue so important? Because it is in the conflict of ideas that we come to new solutions and ways of thinking. Those new solutions would never have emerged without the intellectual capital and clash of ideas. That is why ministries that invite and encourage robust dialogue are those who are on the cutting edge of change and effectiveness.

His mercies are new every morning

In every situation we face in life, we have two choices: to focus on our issues and problems or to focus on God's mercy and faithfulness. Which we focus on determines our attitude, response and faith. 


We often sing the great hymn, Great is Thy Faithfulness but many do not know the origins of that hymn. The year was about 586 BC and the Babylonians had just conquered Judah, destroyed the city, torn down the wall, decimated the temple and carried most of the population into captivity. 


The prophet Jeremiah is wandering through the wreckage of what had been Jerusalem, now a burned, destroyed hulk of a city. There was nothing to be joyful about. The sin of the people had brought the judgement of God after many warnings. So distraught was Jeremiah that the short book he wrote is called Lamentations meaning sorrows.


But in the middle of that song of sorrow, Jeremiah makes this profound statement:

Yet, this I call to mind

and therefore I have hope:

Because of the Lord's great love

we are not consumed, 

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

Great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion,

therefore I will wait for him."

(Lamentations 3:21-24)

There is a reason the hymn, Great is Thy Faithfulness, is sung at funerals and in seasons of turmoil. Like Jeremiah this is when we most need to remember and trust in the faithfulness of God. 

Whatever our situation today. However discouraging it may be. However great our anxiety or sorrow we can say with Jeremiah, "Great is your faithfulness" and allow that to be the basis of our hope, our trust, and a better future. Not only that but "His compassions never fail and are new every morning." There is no new day we face where we do not experience the mercies and compassions of our faithful father.

Accountability, transparency and calendars

One of the interesting issues in ministry is that there is often very little accountability for how pastors and others in ministry use their time. I have often been in conversations with church staff who are frustrated that they don't know where the pastors they support are or what they are doing when out of the office. Thus for many hours during the week there is no known schedule for the pastoral staff. In one case, the senior pastor was in the office two days a week and the support staff person has no idea what he does the rest of the week. In another case, staff do not have the permission to contact the senior leader when he is out.


On a personal level, lack of accountability is dangerous. On a professional level it is a terrible example to others regarding how accountable we choose to to be. In the professional world such lack of transparency is rarely accepted and where it is, no better an example. 


The more transparent we are regarding how we spend our time, the more trust we elicit. When our staff does not know where we are or what we are doing they can legitimately make all kinds of assumptions. When leaders are not accountable for their time, it sends a message to others as to how accountable they should be. When our staff knows how and where we spend out time (and the hours put in) it creates a culture of accountability and transparency.


Transparency and accountability make for high trust. That is why my schedule is available to all my key staff via electronic calendar sharing. I am also always available if someone needs to reach me. I can also view the calendars of the other members of my team. One can even color code their calendars by activity to understand where the key categories of time is spent. 


Of course that raises a simple question: Do we even have a calendar or are we just doing life by the seat of our pants? Just like our check books reveal the priorities of our spending, so our calendars reveal the priorities of how we choose to spend our time. If there is no calendar it reveals a low view of how one spends his/her time while a detailed calendar reveals a careful view of time spent.   


Time is one of those things that one cannot get back. Our stewardship of how we use that time is an indicator of our desire to live intentionally rather than accidentally. Our transparency with our team regarding our calendar reinforces trust and models healthy accountability.

Fear and Faith

Fear and faith are two sides of the same coin, the first driven by Satan and the second driven by the Holy Spirit. Our world is driven by fear: fear that we will not have enough, of illness, of losing our job, of people who intimidate us and the list could go on and on. Each of us has our vulnerabilities where we carry our own personal fears. Fear can keep us from stepping into all that God made us to be, can keep us from pressing into areas of our lives that need attention, and can cause us to to lie and bend the truth. Fear is the currency of our world and is the driving force behind much advertising (consider the ads for gold and silver).


In a twist of irony, much of our drive for more and more is driven by our fears that we will not have enough. However, the more we have the more we have to worry about losing. I am always sad when those who have plenty cannot let go of it out of fear that they won't have enough. They often live with more fear than those who have little.


In a radically different sense, faith is the currency of God's kingdom. Faith in God's ability to redeem, to provide, to deal with the fears we have and to provide for us our basic needs. The writer of Hebrews says that "without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that the exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him (Hebrews 11:6)." All of the heroes of Hebrews 11 did what they did by faith. Faith that they could trust God, faith that they could follow God and faith in the sovereignty of God.


Think of a typical week. How many times during a week do we make unconscious choices between fear and worry (another word for fear) and faith? Our lives are full of those choices. In fact, think about this: Every worry or fear is a potential faith builder if we choose to simply pray and trust God in that situation. When we get to heaven we are going to be astonished when we think back about our petty worries in the face of the almighty God whose power is unlimited, love unrivaled and storehouse of provision so massive. 


Because faith is the currency of God's kingdom, our faith brings God's favor. Hebrews 11:6 above says that "he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Jesus said, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear...who by worrying can add a single hour to his life...So do not worry saying, what shall we eat? or what shall we wear? For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well (Matthew 6:25-34)."


The command "fear not," is the most often repeated command in Scripture. Faith is the currency of the kingdom. The almighty, sovereign God who owns the entire universe says to us, "Trust Me." I know your needs. "Trust Me." Try that with your current worries and remember that every fear and worry is an opportunity to grow your faith and trust. It is that faith and trust that gives us the peace of mind that God promises. It is a direct result of living in  faith rather than in fear. We make the choice. God calls us to faith.

Dissappointment with God

The longer we live the more disappointments we incur in life: some major and life changing, some less so but disappointments nonetheless. They come in the form of illness, injustices, things beyond our control and some change our lives forever. It is the nature of life. All of us experience them, none of us are exempt. At 55, I have a long list of them.

The question is not whether disappointments will come but how we will choose to deal with them. There are three common responses, the first being bitterness toward God. We would not label it as such but it is there, lying just below the surface for many people. That bitterness distances them from God because if He is responsible for our pain, what can be said about His goodness, His love, His reliability and His care for us? 

But think about this: "It is easy to blame God for bad things that happen in this world. The truth is that in blaming Him we are doing something even more terrible. We are blaming the perfect and holy God who created a perfect and holy creation for the sin that we as humans brought into the world in rebellion against Him. In essence, He created a perfect world, but we rebelled and now blame Him for the imperfect world. We ask why He allows bad things to happen, why He tolerates injustice and evil and sorrow and pain. Blame is heaped on the One who sought the very best for men and women made in His image who instead chose to rebel and go their own way. That is the greatest possible transfer of responsibility ever (When Life Comes Undone, p. 52)."


Bitterness toward God is exactly what the evil one wants for our lives for he is in the business of stealing, killing and destroying (John 10:10). His lie is that God is responsible for the evil in our world while the truth is that we are responsible for that evil along with the evil one. Blaming the creator and therefore alienating ourselves from Him is one of the classic lies of Satan who uses that lie to destroy our relationship with God. 


A second response to the disappointments we incur is to simply decided to settle for a diminished life. To allow a profound sadness to permeate our lives, steal our joy, rob our passion and hold us hostage to our pain. Again, the evil one has won because he has stolen from us what God intended for us (John 10:10). In that same verse, Jesus says, "I have come that they may have life and have it to the full." Jesus said this knowing all the issues we would face living in a fallen world and still He promises that He will give us life and life to the full. 


A third response is to press into our loving Savior, with faith that He is who He says He is, Has our lives in His hands, redeems pain for His purposes, and turns our human scars into divine scars if we will allow Him to. And that, He is with us in our pain for He experienced the same kind of pain when he walked our earth so that we can "approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need (Hebrews 5:16)."


Choosing to trust God in the disappointments of life is the essence of faith. It is choosing to trust when we don't see the end and cannot understand the rationale. It is trusting God when we cannot see the answers we seek or the end we desire. Read again that great definition of faith in Hebrews 11:1. "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for."


In the disappointments of life we cling to what we hope for in Jesus and we believe in what we do not presently see - knowing that He has provided the hope and that He sees what we do not see. And in that choice, we choose life, we choose trust, we choose faith, we choose Him and the fullness of life which He promises despite our circumstances or pain.


All of us suffer from disappointments in life. Which choice are we making today?

Relational Equity

The strongest currency we have with those around us is relational equity. The greater that equity the greater the trust and influence. The lower the equity the less the trust and influence. Relational equity is something that is carefully cultivated and preserved by those who desire to influence others. It is an intentional investment in relationships over time that causes others to trust, count on, value, and appreciate our relationship - whether it is a close one or from a distance.

Relational equity is not built quickly. One of the advantages of long term friendships in the personal arena and long term ministry in the ministry arena is the opportunity to build strong equity over many years. The longer we have a healthy relationship with others, the greater the trust that is developed and the more we can mutually count on one another, help one another and influence one another.

This relational equity is important if we want to speak into the lives of others or allow them to speak into our lives. We listen to those we trust and who we know has our best interests in mind. On the other hand where such equity does not exist we often resent or discount counsel from others who try to push into our lives: not surprising since we don't know their motivations or know whether we cant trust their intentions.

What are the factors in building this kind of relational equity? First it is built over time because time validates our intentions and builds trust. Second, it is clear to others that we have their best interests in mind - all the time by our actions and service to them. Third, we have not stepped over appropriate boundaries in the relationship or taken advantage of others. Fourth, our interactions are respectful, honoring and have the effect of building others up. Fifth, we can be counted on, are faithful friends and show up when needed. All of these qualities over time build significant equity in the relationship. When any of them are violated we lose equity.

There are no investments more worthwhile or important than relational ones. Those investments are the currency of influence and growth as we interact with people with whom we have mutual trust. They are to be guarded carefully because once violated, they can be hard to rebuild. Those with great relational equity are wealthy people in the best sense of the word.

Disappointments are Opportunities

We all have them. In fact I had one yesterday: disappointments! They are a part of life and no on is exempt. The Apostle Paul had people who let him down, places he wanted to bring the Gospel but was prevented from doing so, physical ailments that God did not take away. Just go down the list of Biblical characters and you will find a trail of disappointments behind them. It is part of the human condition. Some of those disappointments are irritations and some are deeply painful.

But all disappointments are also opportunities because God is the only one who can redeem any and all disappointments for His glory in our lives. Humanly, disappointments are just that. Spiritually, they are an opportunity to see what God intends to do either in the situation, in the lives of others or in our lives through them. That fact does not necessarily make them any easier to endure but it does give us hope that God can take what looks messed up to us and use it in ways we never dreamed of. God is not just in the business of redeeming hearts but in redeeming circumstances as well. And no one is more creative in how He does it than Him.


Consider this: how many ministries on this globe were started by someone who had walked through great disappointment and pain and because of it channeled their energies to helping others in similar situations. That is disappointment turned inside out for God's glory! Ask people passionate about some unique ministry how they got there and you will often find the beginning of the trail at disappointment! 


In fact, ask yourself this question. "What were the greatest disappointments of my life and how did God use those disappointments to make me who I am today?" Most of the major ministry themes in my life can be traced back to disappointments that God turned into opportunities to minister to others. Can you see any of the same trails in your life?


Dealing with disappointments is influenced by how deeply we understand and believe in and trust God's sovereignty over our lives. This understanding does not lesson the pain of disappointments but it does give us a foundation for how we deal with them. I am convinced that nothing happens in our lives, good or bad that does not first pass by the hands of God and which He does not use for his purposes in our lives. That knowledge does not lesson the pain of disappointment. It does give me a reference point of faith in dealing with them. I can say in my heart, "God is up to something in this and He will redeem it for His glory if I let him and trust Him."

Moses had forty years to deal with his disappointment of being a fugitive on the run and then a simple shepherd before God redeemed his situation to lead his people out of bondage. Joseph had disappointments with betrayal from family and employers before God redeemed his situation for His purposes. David was anointed king and then chased for years by Saul and you hear the despair in his voice through the Psalms. The list goes on. I am on the list. You are on the list. God is in the business of redeeming our situation for His glory and our growth.


Yesterday I received one of those nice "no thank you letters" from a publisher who had previously said they would publish what I consider my best book. Disappointment. But then, I began to think "I wonder what God has in mind" because what to me is a disappointment is to Him an opportunity to demonstrate His creativity, His sovereignty and in the end His glory. What it takes from us is to turn our disappointments over to Him and ask Him to take them, redeem them and use them in a way that honors Him. We will often be surprised with what He does.

The cancer of mistrust

Mistrust is one of the most common dangers that organizations face whether it is mistrust of leaders or mistrust of others on the team. It is like a cancer in the organization and by its very nature, when not addressed it becomes larger rather than smaller as the attitudes rub off on other members. In addition, where mistrust flourishes, good ministry diminishes because the emotional energy needed to deal with mistrust issues takes away from healthy energy that could be focused in productive ways. Mistrust is always a lose/lose proposition.

What causes mistrust? It is not what one usually thinks. Often it starts with a perception about another person and rather than going to that person to determine whether the perception is accurate, which means taking responsibility, it is easier to simply believe that the perception is correct and allow that to color their attitude toward that individual. And, as that "perception" is shared as truth with others, the cancer spreads.

Then there are people who intentionally plant seeds of mistrust toward those they don't like or a leadership philosophy they take umbrage to. In both of these cases, the conversations that take place are behind the scenes, often couched in spiritual language (we are ministries after all). Because the conversation is not out in the open, you see the impact of the cancer but it is often difficult to pin point who is responsible.

In both these scenarios, others get sucked into the mistrust when they unwisely take up the offenses of others. So here you have people who have no first hand knowledge of issues that are shared with them, or even their veracity but they pick up the offense and make it theirs. This is not only unbiblical  but it is harder to fix because there was no offense, real or perceived, committed that involves them. How do you solve mistrust issues where one has not  done anything to cause it?

Healthy organizations and leaders always walk toward the barking dog when it comes to attitudes of mistrust because of the terrible damage it has in the organization. In fact, the longer one ignores pockets of mistrust, the more damage to the organization. Just as we would not think of ignoring a diagnosis of cancer, we cannot think of ignoring a diagnosis of mistrust.

Pockets of mistrust usually have a common source so one of your strategies is to watch and listen and seek to determine who is behind the distrustful attitudes and who has simply taken up that attitude and made theirs. Given time and attention, you can usually identify the source of the problem.

When one knows the source, enter into a defining dialogue with that individual putting the elephants on the table and indicating that unless the mistrust can be resolved it will not work for them to be a part of your organization. Dialogue about the real or imagined offenses that the individual has and seek resolution. Part of that resolution is that in the future when there are issues they must go to the one they have an issue with and seek to resolve it rather than going to others and talking. What mistrust makers need to know is that their behavior is not compatible with the ethos of your organization so you are going to hold them accountable for how they deal with issues they have. Every time there is a violation of that agreement, a direct discussion takes place.

What about others who have taken up offenses? In our organization we go to every one of them that we know, and in dialogue seek to get to the bottom of the issue. Usually their information is either incomplete or not accurate and their assumptions are not correct. After all, these are not their issues, they have simply taken up the offense of others. Once issues have been clarified and questions answered we ask that in the future they don't take up the offenses of others and always go to the person involved first and try to resolve their real or perceived issues. Because we know how damaging attitudes of mistrust are we will not ignore them ever.

Not everyone wants to be accountable for attitudes or be held to biblical standards of conflict resolution. Where we cannot make progress on resolving trust issues we will take the step of indicating that unless it is resolved, the individual cannot stay with the organization. That calls the question since no one can be productive in a ministry organization where there is a lack of trust in leaders or others. In these cases, some choose to leave and some choose to resolve their attitudes. What is not acceptable is living with mistrust because of its high and negative cost.

Leaders who don't have the courage to deal with pockets of mistrust in an upfront way see the health of their organization or team deteriorate. It is a cancer and needs to be dealt with.