Three distinct ways to plan your life and one that actually works

 

It is always interesting to ask people how they actually live their lives. Most of us assume that we live by our stated priorities, but when I ask individuals how they translate what they say is important to them into their weekly and monthly schedule, I am often met with silence or a request for suggestions.

There are three primary ways that people plan their lives.

The first strategy is to live by your options.

All of us have an unlimited number of options available to us. I might say no to someone asking me out for an evening dinner but yes to a more attractive option. When I asked a friend recently about his strategy for planning his week, he said, "I don't have one." When I asked how he made decisions about what he did outside of work, he said, "It depends on the options." In other words, on any given day, the best option wins the prize for how he spends his time.

The problem with living by your options is that it does not consider what is essential to you and does not necessarily contribute to a well-lived life. It is a common strategy but not one designed to help you accomplish what you want to achieve in life. On the upside, it takes little planning or effort.

The second strategy is to live by the expectations of others.

This strategy is a trap that many fall into, especially those who are prone to please others. Everyone has some sort of agenda for our lives: Family, friends, employer, colleagues, church....you name them. These are things that others think should be important to us. They are not things we feel are important to us, but we have a hard time saying no and living our lives by the rules of others rather than our values. 

This strategy is obviously not planned. It is reacting. Further, it usually causes an underlying frustration, if not anger, when we realize we do not control our destiny. One of the most liberating skills is the ability to say no and feel good about it. Not to be contrary but to ensure that we live according to what we believe to be most important. To live by the expectations of others is to give others the ability to determine what is essential for us to do - an abdication of our own responsibility.

The third strategy is to live by a planned calendar based on what we believe our priorities are.

There are two caveats here. The first is that we have done the hard work to determine the priorities of our lives. There is no well-lived life that has not first determined what is important and what one wants to accomplish. 

This is because all priorities take time, and time is the most precious commodity we have as individuals. Money comes and goes, but time only goes, and you cannot get it back. Every obligation we choose or agree to has a time check attached. Just as we write financial checks, we also write time checks. They are ultimately more important than how we spend our money because they determine what we accomplish in life. 

There is a second caveat. You must connect your priorities to your calendar in a proactive way to live them out. If your priorities are the compass for your life, your calendar is the clock. Unless the compass is connected to the clock, those things you value will not have the attention you desire. Thus, your priorities go on your monthly calendar before anything else. This is the only way to plan your life that ultimately works (if you believe in your values and priorities). What one does not reserve time for usually does not get done.

If you look at your calendar today, does it reflect what is truly important to you? Are those essential things actually on the calendar?

Five ways a calendar can revolutionize your life

A critical principle each of us must learn is the value of time. Time is far more valuable than money because you can never get it back. Money comes and goes, but time just goes. Every time we place an obligation on our calendar, we write a "time check" that we cash on the day and time it is written for. What we often forget is that our calendar is a fabulous tool to help us use our time most wisely.

Here is something to think about. A calendar is not just a "time to do list" to remind us of everything we have committed to. But that is how we often use it. We dutifully put our obligations on our calendars so that we don't forget them, but that is not the primary purpose of a calendar. That is simply a to-do list with a time and place attached to it.

A Calendar, rightly used, is far more than this. It can be a fabulous tool to help us achieve our calling in life, our responsibilities at work, our marriage and family commitments, and all of those things that are of importance to us. It is not a "time to-do list." It is a sophisticated tool to help us achieve our goals in life. Let me explain.

Organizing our time
At its most simple, calendars help us organize the elements of our lives that are all time-constrained. Like the filing system for our email, a calendar helps us to organize our time because we believe that time is valuable. Anything of value is handled with care and stewarded. If time is valuable, we need to handle it with care and organization.

Prioritizing our activities
Not all activities are of equal value. But how do we ensure that we are focused on those activities of the greatest value? Here is a simple principle: Those things that are most important always go on our calendar before other things are added. This is true in our work, our family, our marriage or any other part of our life. This is far different than a "time to-do list." It actually helps us schedule our priorities first because we want to live intentionally rather than accidentally.

Evaluating our spending
Not monetary spending but "time" spending. Think of your financial decisions. An analysis of our bank statement can tell us not only where our money is going but also whether we are using our finances to achieve our financial priorities. If retirement is important, but we are putting only a small amount into our fund, our spending does not reflect our priorities. In the same way, our calendars tell us in real-time if we are actually spending time in a way that reflects our priorities. Thus, our calendar helps us to evaluate our lives and commitments.

One way to use your calendar to determine your "time" spending is to color code your commitments so that you have a visual picture of where you are spending your time. It is visual management for your life.

Aligning our time with our values
Values represent what is important to us. My marriage, for instance, is important to me. That means that my time commitments to my wife and the health of my marriage should be reflected on my calendar. If it is not, I need to realign my time priorities to align with my values.

Because our time commitments should reflect our values, wise people read their calendars often, and as they do, they ask themselves the question, "Am I spending my time in ways that reflect my values?" And "Where do I need to realign my "time" spending? It is helpful to take scheduled time each month to examine one's calendar and ask these important questions.

Choosing to say yes or no
How often do we have a problem saying no? When we should! Your calendar can help you determine whether you ought to say yes or no to commitments that come your way. A great way to do this is to develop the habit of saying, "Let me check my calendar and see if it fits" when asked to add something to your calendar. Don't answer on the fly. Rather, take a day or two, look at the time commitments you have, and give yourself the freedom to agree or say no on the basis of how it fits into your priorities. Don't cash time checks you don't want to!

One final thought. There is a video from Bill Gates making the rounds entitled "Busyness is the new stupid." I agree. Yet we fill our schedules to overflowing and, in the end, get too little rest, think time family time, and live with fatigue and frustration. Use your calendar to manage your time so that you don't live in the tyranny of the urgent - at least most of the time!

What our calendars say about us

Whether we are an organizational leader or team member there is a very telling tool about our priorities and what is really important to us. It is not what we say. It is not what we communicate to our teams or one another. It is not the mission or priorities of our organization.

It is our calendar.

Nancy Ortberg in her book, Unleashing the Power of Rubber bands: Lessons in non-linear Leadership writes something that is all too true: "There is often an enormous disconnect between the vision of an organization and the events that make up the daily calendar pages of the organization's leaders."

Don't get me wrong. There is always great activity on a calendar. But the focus of that activity for too many does not match up with the vision or mission of the organization or the stated priorities of leaders (or team members). All of us can easily fall into the trap of mistaking activity for the results we say we are committed to.

I have only five priorities - Key Result Areas (KRA's). The are:

1. Personal development


2. Strategic leadership


3. Strong team


4. Leadership development


5. Mobilizing resources

Those are the big rocks of my work. Given those priorities, the proof of whether those are in reality my priorities is whether my calendar reflects those priorities. Do the majority of my appointments, obligations, and time allocations reflect those five areas, or does my calendar actually reflect a scattered and accidental approach to my work. The calendar tells the story!

If you are committed to a life of intentionality I would challenge you to identify the big rocks of your work and then compare the obligations of your calendar with your priorities. Do they line up? Are you intentional in scheduling your priorities? Can you say no to those things that distract from what you are called to do? Are you willing for your colleagues to see your calendar? Would they say it reflects your big rocks?

Our calendars tell the story of our true priorities. And they are a powerful tool in ensuring that we achieve those priorities when we allocate our limited resource of time according to those things that we know are most important.