What the Gospels teach us about how we should relate to and treat others

 

I am convinced that an understanding of how Jesus related to people is critical to our own interactions - at least as believers. There are four Gospels which is maybe a sign that we were to pay attention to them.

It is intriguing that we read in John 1:14 that Jesus came full of grace and truth: in that order. My observation is that those who claim to be Christ-followers love "truth." Just read social media and listen to those who share their thoughts in social media spaces. There are plenty of our versions of the truth. I say versions because not everything we call truth is actually God's truth. But absent all too often is grace.

Unless he was speaking to the Pharisees who were serial grace killers and legalists, Jesus negotiated conversations with amazing grace. Take the woman at the well in John 4. She was an individual with a broken life, living in immorality and deeply in need of truth. Jesus engages her without judgment and with amazing grace. He acknowledges her brokenness but did so in a way that did not scare her off or shame her. 

In fact, even though he acknowledged her brokenness, she promptly went and called her village to come and meet this man. She said  “Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Messiah?” They came out of the town and made their way toward him." Now she would never have done this if Jesus had not led with grace rather than a harsh truth.

Truth without grace is not Jesus yet we practice it all the time. We judge others for their sin, we say things that lack the fruit of the Holy Spirit, we treat people poorly as if we have the moral right to do so and we do it in the name of God. I suspect that when we do so we are not speaking for God, and certainly not like God. Those of us who know Jesus only know Him because He showed us grace - amazing grace and invited us to Himself.

The lack of grace and the focus on truth and our requisite judgmental attitudes is a large reason that people are not attracted to us, to our congregations, and ultimately to Jesus. He came to us full of grace and truth. People may listen to truth but generally only when that truth is full of grace. As Gandhi famously said, I like Jesus but I just don't like Christians. He did not see them as nice people.

I have been the recipient of harsh truth as well as amazing grace by others. Which of those do you think healed my heart? Which of those do you think encouraged me to look again at Jesus? I would guess that you have had the same experience. I would also guess that you can name those who treated you like Jesus did and those who didn't.

Growing up in an evangelical tradition that majored in truth at the expense of grace, I have been more and more attracted to Jesus and His example in the Gospels of speaking truth saturated with grace. Remember, He came full of grace and truth - in that order.

How are you doing in relating to others on the basis of grace before truth?

TJ Addington is the lead at Addington Consulting. We solve dysfunctional cultures and teams and help you build healthy, scalable organizations of clarity, alignment, and results. If the pain is high, you need Addington Consulting. tjaddington@gmail.com

Becoming practitioners of grace

 

There seems to be a dichotomy between how Jesus practiced truth and treated people and how believers practice truth and treat people. I am always fascinated by the interactions that Jesus had with people whose lives were far from Him. That is until they met Him. Think of the Rich Young Ruler exchange or the conversation with Nicodemus, or the conversation with the woman at the well or the many people He healed. 

Here are some observations. First, Jesus was a magnet for people who needed grace. Second, Jesus had a way of sharing truth that was not offensive to those who heard it. Third, Jesus was infinitely gracious toward those He interacted with.

Now I contrast that with what I see in many Christian circles today where we lead with our truth and the Bible and judgements around the lifestyle choices and situations of those we come into contact with. Gandhi put his finger on the issue when he wrote “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” Even though I don’t want to admit it, I believe Gandhi is right. I speak for myself, and many I know, and admit that we often don’t look like Jesus.

What are many Christians known for? We are known for all the things we are against. We fight culture wars and target sins we think are the most egregious (which usually means they are not our sins, which are many). We can be critical, judgemental, and even harsh in our words. And we cloak it all in Scripture, using the Bible as a hammer to prove our point. I find this really interesting because this is not how Jesus engaged those who didn’t know God. He didn’t use Scripture as a hammer. He entered into relationships and dialogue and did so in an amazingly grace filled way. He connected with people. He was for the people He connected with. Rather than condemn those who were in sinful lifestyles he had empathy and compassion for their situation and engaged with them. 

Jesus especially loved dinner parties where he mingled with whoever wanted to show up. In fact, the very people that we often won’t hang with because their lifestyle is sinful. And then we wonder why they don’t show up for church. I wonder if we have not been more conditioned by the church experience we grew up with than we have the Gospels and the example of Jesus. We have prioritized truth over grace and acceptance and relationships and love. 

There is a foundational verse in John 1:14. This verse ought to inform our understanding of how we approach those around us. “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.”

Where the text says that He made his dwelling among us, the literal translation is something like He came and pup-tented with us. He came and camped with us. This fascinates me because there is so much emphasis among some Christians of being very separate from the world. That was not Jesus’s style. He came to live among us. That is why He was able to identify with people. He was the most approachable individual who ever lived and I want to be that way. He was a magnet for people and I want to be that way. 

John further says that Jesus came full of Grace and Truth. So let's talk about the order of those two words. Grace comes before truth. That is because truth without grace is harsh and hard. Yet many believers try to lead with truth (this is what the Bible says) and in the process they push unbelievers away. And even fellow believers. Think of the many moralistic messages that are posted on social media. It may be truth, but it is often lacking in grace and usually not understood at all by unbelievers. In the process we lose the very people that many of us would like to reach.

The grace that Jesus exhibited was magnetic. It drew people to Him and He didn’t lead with social media (OK I know there was none in the day) but He led with relationships. This was in contrast to the teachers of the law who were usually in the business of condemnation rather than  grace, acceptance and love. The teachers of the law were known for all the things they were against, for calling out sin and judgmental attitudes. In contrast, Jesus was known for His love of people, compassion for their brokenness, and great tenderness in how He dealt with them. It was always grace and truth in that order.

As I read the Gospels I am more convinced than ever that we need a new movement of grace in our day that is for people and that is like Jesus. The more grace we possess, the more people will gravitate toward us and Jesus. The less grace we possess, the more we repel people and we become the barrier to them finding Jesus. 

At the heart of being a practitioner of grace is the practice of accepting others rather than judging others. It is easy to judge. Especially because it makes us feel better about ourselves. If I can judge others I can ignore my own ubiquitous shortcomings. Yet, the only reason we have a relationship with Jesus is because He accepted us with grace. He didn’t tell us all the things that were wrong in our life but invited us into relationship knowing that, over time, His Spirit would change us. He didn’t try to fix us but brought us into a relationship. Rather than judging, He loved and rather than condemning He showed mercy and compassion. I want to look like Jesus and I bet you do too. 

I have a vision of a people of God who are so gracious and loving and full of grace that we are magnets for both believers and unbelievers. I have a vision of a people who look and act with the grace and love of Jesus. In this Lenten season, as we celebrate the resurrection of Christ, let's live that resurrection life out with His grace and love. 

Father. Save me from judgmentalism and harshness and give me a vision of a life so characterized by your grace that people are attracted to me and then to you. For you are the source of grace. Amen

In the balance between grace and truth why does a "hard truth" prevail in so many evangelical churches?

Most evangelical churches are not safe places for people to honestly share their struggles because those struggles are met with an attitude of judgement by fellow believers who ironically struggle with their own undisclosed demons. Just as many "dress up" to go to church, looking their best, we tend to hide behind a mask of righteousness, pretending all is well when in fact we struggle regularly. Is it any wonder why so many personal issues go unresolved that could and should be resolved among God's people?

This also goes to our preaching where truth is proclaimed with vigor but grace is not nearly as present. We should celebrate truth and obedience to Jesus. It is what we are called to. The problem is that we are also still sinners who struggle and are not without sin (1 John 1, Romans 7). And thus in desperate need of God's grace and encouragement. When we call people to obedience but do not acknowledge common struggles with sin and when we do not offer solutions and help for that sin, we create the illusion that those around us must not struggle with the issues we struggle with - when in reality they do. 

Empathy toward others in the church is a large part of the grace equation. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It includes compassion, sympathy, concern, tender heartedness, mercy, gentleness, affection and love. These are all part of the grace equation for God as we see in the example of Christ in the Gospel's. 

God's truth is most powerful and transformative when His grace is also present. It is because of His grace that we are able to deal with His truth. These characteristics are also the very pieces of church culture that make it a safe place to reveal our true selves and live in authentic community. Is it any coincidence that Jesus came in grace and truth in that order to live among us (John 1:17)?

I am saddened by how often I see Christians castigating other Christians with harshness and a lack of grace. One movement does it to another. We do it to each other in the church. We often do it from the pulpit. Truth proclaimed in harshness may be truth but it does not reflect Jesus. The harder the truth (and there are many in the Gospel) the more grace must be present. To those who proclaim that they are bearers of truth I say this: Unless you exhibit the grace in equal measure to the truth you proclaim you do not reflect Jesus. 

TJ Addington of Addington Consulting has a passion to help individuals and organizations go to the next level. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.