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Showing posts with label spiritual abuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spiritual abuse. Show all posts

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Bill Gothard and how his Basic Youth Conflicts led to Scriptural abuse and people abuse

Yes I attended one of the Basic Youth Conflict seminars as a teenager, one of millions that did. In a day when the church was not talking about practical issues, he certainly did. And it drew many adherents, and many cult like followers who believed his every word. Bill Gothard has finally resigned after decades of allegations, problems and abuse of people in his organization.

The problem was how Bill Gothard used the Word. For every issue there was a several step process to resolve them. It was a mechanical approach to solving those "basic youth conflicts" and you didn't need much of the Holy Spirit to do so. Further, his proof texting approach led to some egregious theological errors including the infamous "chain of command" from God to parents to children and of course from husbands to wives to children. 

It was a theology of control that led Bill and his brother to controlling people who worked in his ministry in amazing ways. Words like manipulation, abuse, bondage, legalism, guilt, threats, manipulative God speak and sexual abuse all fit. It was legalism through and through with enough "truth" thrown in to make it sound and seem biblical. But it was far from Biblical in many respects.

One of the interesting byproducts of the black and white approach to every issue by Bill was that his disciples tended to marginalize those who disagreed with them. Churches split over Gothard theology, families were hurt, women were put down and used. When theology causes division (not over orthodox tenets of the faith) you know something is very wrong and it was a regular trait of both Gothard and his followers.

It also allowed the abuse of people using the veneer of God and the Bible. Grace was hard to find and as noted the Holy Spirit and His direction in our lives downplayed for the direction of the "spiritual authority" above us.

What is truly sad is that the bad theology and terrible treatment of people goes back to the sixties and yet he has been able to carry on largely unimpeded all these years. Until now when the weight of the years of abuse finally brought about his resignation. Many, many people have been scarred by his legalism and proof-texting. Many live with great guilt because they violated his "dress code" or "definition of Christian music." Many know they don't measure up to God because of what God "requires" (by Gothard's definition).

Some lessons from all this?

  1. We should be disciples of no man or woman but Jesus alone.
  2. If anyone has all the answers they don't have the answers.
  3. When theology divides beware.
  4. When theology is used to control people it is not from Jesus.
  5. When legalism rather than grace is the focus, it is not from Jesus.
  6. When rules not found in Scripture are propagated, it is rarely from Jesus.
  7. Check out the texts being used by yourself. Many of Gothard's proof texts do not say what he says they do.
  8. When many evangelical scholars take exception to someone's teaching, pay attention (many did).
  9. When there are hints of immorality and money misuse or poor board oversight of a ministry - stay away (there were).
  10. When there is a mechanistic answer to every problem, forget it. It is not how God works. 
  11. When a ministry's workplace is toxic something is very, very wrong.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

When the church hurts people

A friend asked recently, do you have a book on Christ's love for the church? She is a pastor's spouse who is feeling deep ambivalence about her husband's ministry having experienced deep pain - inflicted by - yes - churches they have served.

She was looking for some reinforcement that Christ does in fact love His bride because her experience with the bride has been very painful and there are days that her love for the bride borders on something less than love.

It is deeply ironic that all to often the church which is here only because of the pure, unrelenting, grace filled and mercy bathed love of Jesus is a place of pain, hurt, dysfunction and sometimes actual abuse of those who are a part of it. Explaining this away with a casual "we live in a fallen world," while true, is a poor excuse since the body of Christ is a redeemed people who are supposed to look like Christ - exuding like him that pure, unrelenting, grace filled and mercy bathed love toward one another.

In his high priestly prayer of John 17, Jesus prays that those who believe in Him "may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me." "May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me, and have loved them even as you have love me."

Our love and unity, according to Christ is the proof of His divinity. That is what He says. If that is true, then the corollary is also true: our disunity and our lack of love communicates that He is not indeed God. Love and unity in the church breeds faith in those who see it. Lack of love and disunity in the church breed atheism in those who see it. One is proof of His divinity, the other effectively denies his divinity. One reflects Christ and the other denies Christ.

How many churches reflect Christ? How many deny Him?

I have the privilege and opportunity to visit many churches. When I walk into some of them the welcoming, grace filled and loving culture is evident from the time I enter till the time I leave. There is a transparency among people, a felt unity and a highly engaged worship service - which happens when there is unity.

Others are cold, sterile, formal, non-transparent, filled with politics and congregations that are unresponsive when I speak (OK, maybe it is my preaching). Which of these kinds of churches is likely to attract people? Which is likely to be on that causes people pain? It is not hard to figure out.

I am not down on the church. Those that act like the Bride that they are are wonderful communities to be a part of because they reflect the grace, love and relationships of the who died for her. Those that don't act like the bride - they hurt people and they hurt Christ and they give His Bride a bad name.

I wish my friend did not need to find a book on Christ's love for the church. I wish the church so demonstrated His love, mercy, grace and character that it would be enough proof of His divine presence and power.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Signs of spiritual abuse

There are church leaders who engage in spiritual abuse to keep people in line with their culture, ethos and expectations. It is wrong, violates Biblical teaching and is deeply dysfunctional. This behavior has a cult like feel to it because it elevates spiritual leaders as those who we need to listen to and obey on issues of personal preference, conscience or decision making.

 Here are some signs of spiritual abuse to be sensitive to.

1. When there is a personal disagreement and church leadership ask for repentance on the part of the individual who disagreed. Repentance is called for when we have wronged another or committed an offense against another. Disagreeing with someone else does not constitute sin. It is simply exercising our right to be self defined and a healthy individual. When one is pressured to repent over a disagreement, beware.

2. When you feel pressured to take an action because a church leader or someone else is is telling you should do so based on what "God told them." If God wants to talk to us he is perfectly able to do so. It is fair for others to talk to us about issues they might be concerned about but it is not OK for them to pressure us to take action they think we should take. Using the God card to force others to take action violates individual freedom to listen to their conscience and be sensitive to God themselves.

3. When you are told you are likely in sin because you made a decision that others disagree with. Unless that sin is obvious and clearly in violation of Biblical principles, this is blatent manipulation but of a powerful kind when it comes from a church leader. The mantra is, "I fear you have some deep hidden sin in your life because of the decisions you are making." Don't fall for it.

4. When a church leader tells you what you should do with your life. No one can tell us what to do with our lives except for God and our own desire to follow Him. Many people have a plan for our lives but only we can discern what God wants for our lives.

5. When there is an inordinate focus on "church unity" as a theme that stifles dissenting voices or the ability to speak one's opinion freely. Church unity should never be used to stifle discussions, dialogue or opinions that might differ from those of a church leader or pastor. 

The priesthood of all believers means that the Holy Spirit and truth are not the exclusive purview of church leadership. Of course, we need to be respectful and loving when sharing our views but in the absence of truly causing division or heretical teaching, we should be able to do so without recrimination. 

Independent thought is a threat in dysfunctional churches because it encourages others to think for themselves. When one takes an alternate view from leaders or the common line, it is a threat to the control of those leaders and is often resisted.

6. When church discipline is threatened for non ongoing egregiousness sin - beware!  Church discipline should be a rare event, and the last in a series of steps where there is heresy, division or ongoing egregiousness sin.  It should never be threatened or used to bring people into line.

7. When you are pressured to remain in the church if you start to pull away and desire a different fellowship. Cult like organizations like to control and they don't like it when people leave. It is a threat to them because they fear others will take note and consider the same thing. They will do everything they can to bring one back into the fold and may use both woo and threat in the process.

Here is the bottom line. If you feel that your leaders seek to control, to stifle honest dialogue, to manipulate with the God card or make you agree with their point of view, beware. Spiritual abuse is subtle but it is real. Just as abused spouses are duped into thinking the abuser is right so are those abused by those in church leadership positions. The book of Galatians is a good one to read if you feel others are trying to force you into their mold and to live by their rules. There are cults inside the church as well as outside the church.