For all who are disillusioned with the church today

 

There is always a good reason to be disillusioned with the church. Congregations can be judgmental, uninviting, selfish, inward-looking, self-righteous, and the most unsafe places to be transparent with one’s own struggles. In many congregations, you are not welcome until you meet the standards they have set up for themselves, which is antithetical to Jesus, who welcomed anyone and everyone into His presence no matter how broken they were. In fact, the gospels say that He was a friend of sinners, something not many congregations can say today. 

Let's be clear that this is not a new problem but one that has confronted the church from the very beginning of its existence. Churches are made up of “saints” who are deeply flawed, sinful, and at various levels of spiritual maturity. The journey from brokenness to spiritual maturity is often messy. I have no further to look than that of my own life, and I am sure that is true for you if you are honest. In fact, many of the letters that Paul wrote to churches, whether in Rome, Corinth, or Galatia, were letters to rebuke or rectify dishealth in those churches. 

The Galatians had allowed legalism to crowd out grace in their teaching and practice. In Corinth, there were power players who wanted people to follow them even as they overlooked egregious sin in their ranks. They were also darn proud of themselves as an educated, cosmopolitan church. In Rome, there were racial tensions between Jews and Gentiles. Such racial tensions have been true from that day to this.

None of these examples nullify the church or the need for a community of believers to grow in grace together. We grow in a community, and it is always a flawed community because we are there. But together, we learn and grow and are challenged by the believers around us to either go to the next level or, in some cases, resist attitudes and actions that don’t please Jesus. Everyone has a right to be disappointed with a church because all of us are in the messiness of moving from the sinful place of our past to greater maturity in Christ.

And here is something to consider. There is no more powerful example than when people see us move to places that are healthy. When we extend forgiveness to those who have hurt us. When we trust God, when the chips are against us. When we choose the hard but obedient road over the easy and expedient road. When we choose to be friends of sinners rather than stay in the comfort of the believing community. Whenever we choose to follow Jesus personally, we challenge those around us to do the same. And that is how the body as a whole matures and becomes like Jesus. Each of us plays a part in that.

There is a short book in the New Testament called Ephesians. It is only six chapters long and is the book where the church is called the Bride of Christ. Take a few minutes this week to read those six chapters, and you will see what God’s vision for the church is. Then, ask yourself how you can live out that vision. You will never be the same, and your church will not remain the same.

If you are a church leader, study Ephesians and read A Church called Tov. While all of us are responsible for healthy churches, no one is more responsible than church leaders. You shepherd under the leadership of the Good Shepherd, the Chief Shepherd, and unless our leadership and congregational culture reflect that of the Chief Shepherd, we are abdicating our leadership.

While there are many reasons to be disillusioned with the church, we should not be contributors to those disillusions. What is amazing is that Jesus Himself does not give up on His church. It is His bride, and He continues to work in our lives and the world through His church - and will till He returns. We may abandon the church, but He never will.

10 Signs that you attend an unhealthy and spiritually abusive church in the wake of Harvest Bible Chapel

As I have been thinking about the events at Harvest Bible Chapel, Mars Hill, Willow Creek, and several other large congregations walking down the same path, I have been reflecting on some common traits of dishealth and spiritual abuse. The sad thing is that these behaviors are antithetical to what a healthy church looks like (think the book of Ephesians) and the fruit of the Spirit. Sometimes, this spiritual abuse is found mainly on staff; other times, like Harvest Bible Chapel and Mars Hill, it is or was pervasive. These afflictions are not confined to any church size but rather a mindset among leaders, usually led by the senior leader. If you observe several of the following characteristics in your church, be wary!

A strong leader who others cannot question
The pastors of the above congregations and those like them have leaders who are a "force of nature" that others, even elders and staff, find hard, if not impossible, to challenge. In fact, these individuals often have a very black-and-white mentality toward people: If you agree with them, you are a friend. When you disagree with them, you become an enemy. This is how they see people: Friends or enemies with no grey in the middle. Staff, elders, and those who are close learn quickly that if you cross a particular line, you are done, and your job or ministry is in jeopardy.

Use of a board to manipulate and legitimize behavior
Boards are used in these churches not to evaluate issues or guard the health of the church (on the last score, firing the dysfunctional leader would be in order) but to legitimize the wishes of the senior leader and provide a kind of "spiritual cover" to them where they can hide behind the decisions of the board. Ironically, while these individuals talk as if the board has absolute authority and power, the reality is that they don't. It is the senior leader who has the authority and power. Even now, at Harvest Bible Chapel, it is clear that the board still does not have the freedom to act as a board even though James MacDonald is physically gone.

An inordinate degree of secrecy
Decisions are made with secrecy in many of these situations. When people ask questions about budgets, ministry decisions, or things like discipline and resignations, they are told, "Trust your leaders," "There are many things you don't know," "These are Godly men (or women) with the implication that you, therefore, should not question them. In fact, the Godliness of the board and pastor is often way overblown, as it is simply a cover for their decisions. After all, who can question them if they spent all this time in prayer and Scripture study? The truth is that in these boards, there is no time given to Scripture study or prayer beyond the formal necessities. It is far more about self-preservation, politics, and scheming than it is about a spiritual group.

Lack of truth
Secrecy is not the only issue. There is a consistent lack of truth in these situations. Decisions are spun to fit the leadership narrative, whether it has any relation to truth. Even here, those in the know don't dare speak out, making them complicit in the lies being told. The thinking is that the "little people" can't handle the reasons for the decision, so just like in Washington, there is a lot of fake news from church leaders.

Disparagement of critics or those who ask questions
Remember that those who disagree are seen as enemies, especially if they cannot be brought around to the party line. The groupthink in these situations is massive, and it is challenging from a relational standpoint to buck the party line or to question what everyone else seems to agree with. In reality, many may not agree, but they are unwilling to speak up as it disrupts the unspoken code that we should agree with the party line. Why else are so many former staff members or board members from Harvest Bible Chapel only now speaking out when they have left their positions or the church. The same can be said for Willow.

These dynamics extend to the congregation as well. When congregants ask legitimate questions, they are told that the Godly elders have looked at the situation, and after a great deal of prayer and deliberation (usually a falsity), they have chosen the best path. In other words, don't question our decisions. Unfortunately, in many cases, financial transparency is not present as well. At its worst, this is nothing less than manipulation and intimidation, a shutting down of legitimate discussion, and an attempt to evade any kind of accountability as the pastor, senior staff, and board of Harvest Bible Chapel did for decades. Congregants learn quickly that they want to avoid creating waves and choose to simply follow. Those who insist on asking questions are eventually driven out of their staff, board position, or church.

The liberal use of charges, church discipline, public rebuke, and shunning behaviors
Here is the cost of speaking up, disagreeing, asking questions, and not going away. These churches will ensure that you go away, but with your reputation in tatters, your character impugned, and your joy destroyed. Spiritual-sounding charges with lots of scripture and long letters or phone calls are designed to bring people back into the party line. When that does not work, church discipline is applied and made public as a rebuke and manipulation tactic to get people back to the fold with their "repentance." When these tactics don't work, people are shunned, and other church members are told not to speak to them as they have been given "over to Satan" because of their sin.

This is done with maximum public exposure through announcements from the pulpit, video messages to the church, emails, or letters, all designed to impugn the reputation of the "guilty" and to justify their indefensible behaviors. This is not only politics at its worst, but the use of spiritual language is designed to justify and intimidate the whole congregation to toe the party line. The more people are scared, the more cover the senior leader has (and the board) because people will not challenge them. In the case of Harvest Bible Chapel, dissidents whose information is now proven to be true wrote a blog called "The Elephants Debt" because of the massive financial mismanagement of the church. James actually sued them to shut them down until he discovered belatedly that there was this thing called "discovery," which would force him to open his books. That caused him to drop the lawsuit.

Frequent use of language like submission, obedience, and trust
When words like this are often used in a church, it signifies that leadership seeks to shut down discussion. Congregants are told to "submit" to the church's leadership. While Scripture says that, it says a lot more about the character and behavior of leaders, which, in these cases, is ignored. Trust us, obey us, submit to us, and if you don't, you are in violation of Scripture and subject to discipline and action by the board. Congregants are never to submit to lies or dysfunction.

A culture of fear on staff and on the board
Fear is the end product of these behaviors and is a spiritually abusive system. That fear is a tactic by leaders to intimidate staff into doing what they want to be done. Years ago, someone who attended an annual event at Willow told me that staff members had to get up in front of Bill and other staff and share their ministry results and goals. Bill harshly criticized many in public, which was devastating to them. My friend, a church leader from another church, was impressed. He learned much from Bill! I remember saying, "I would never work for a leader like that." Angry, manipulative, coercive, and verbally abusive leaders are not fit to lead. None of these behaviors exhibit the Fruit of the Spirit. In these systems, a spirit of fear prevails and serves the leader's purpose.

Bodies pile up
When many people are left in the wake of a ministry and good people at that, one needs to ask why? I once did a conflict intervention with a church of a thousand and interviewed nine individuals who had left staff in the past 18 months. All their stories were the same and revolved around the senior pastor. The board had never asked any questions! When the bodies pile up, it is a sign that something may be amiss and that it is time to ask some questions.

A closed system
This describes a closed system that does not allow anyone but the senior leader to honestly think for themselves. It is rotten to the core as a system designed to eliminate accountability, force compliance, and allow the senior leader to get their way. People only realize how sick the system is once the senior leader has been gone for some time.

Don't ignore symptoms like this in your church if you should see them. They are warning signs that something is amiss, and many people will be hurt if not addressed.

Closed ministry systems that are deeply dysfunctional

I spoke recently with a ministry leader who had resigned from his church staff position (a large church) because of the dysfunctional culture that he sensed. Having left the "system," he now realizes that it was a great deal more dysfunctional than he thought, and he is so glad to be out of it. When we are in a "closed" system that is dysfunctional or toxic, we may sense that not all is right, but it is when we get out that we realize how dysfunctional it was. This applies to staff systems as well as whole congregations where there is significant dishealth. Such dysfunction can be part of the historic DNA of the church, a dysfunctional board, a dysfunctional leader, or a "church boss" who wields unhealthy power and has a personal agenda.

What are some of the signs of a closed and dysfunctional ministry system?

One: There is great pressure for people to think in similar ways and not to have independent voices. In closed systems, independent opinions that go against the "group think" are a threat and are not valued. Often, independent thinkers in ministries are either labeled as troublemakers or spiritually immature. Certainly, it is not safe to disagree significantly.

Two: Questions to the status quo are seen as disloyalty. This is especially true for senior leaders who are insecure and do not like their paradigms or opinions to be questioned. As long as one keeps the party line you are "in." If you ask hard questions, you are marginalized.

Three: Candid dialogue is not allowed. Usually, it is the senior leader who sets the tone here. In closed systems, candid dialogue is a threat rather than a valued part of the culture. The reason is that such dialogue will inevitably challenge the standard line.

Four: In closed systems, senior leaders often protect themselves from accountability or questions. They hide behind a spiritual veil that sounds good but keeps people from getting too close. And they surround themselves with people who will agree with them and those who don't usually don't stay: either because they know how dysfunctional it is or they are marginalized or let go. 

Five: When independent voices appear or when someone steps out of the prevailing culture, there is great pressure put on them to get in line and conform to standard opinions. It is a family system thing, and any threat to the prevailing culture brings pressure for conformity. This is why, in dysfunctional staff situations and congregations, independent thinkers often leave. They see the system for what it is and know it is not healthy.

Six: The most telling moment for those who get out of such systems is how free they feel once they are out of it. And even though they knew it was not healthy, they realized once out how unhealthy it was. Those who leave are also a threat to those who stay, who, at some level, feel that those leaving are not loyal. They have violated the family system.

If any of these characteristics are true of your staff or the ministry you are in, consider the possibility that you are caught in a closed and dysfunctional system.

When the church hurts people

A friend asked recently, do you have a book on Christ's love for the church? She is a pastor's spouse who is feeling deep ambivalence about her husband's ministry having experienced deep pain - inflicted by - yes - churches they have served.

She was looking for some reinforcement that Christ does in fact love His bride because her experience with the bride has been very painful and there are days that her love for the bride borders on something less than love.

It is deeply ironic that all to often the church which is here only because of the pure, unrelenting, grace filled and mercy bathed love of Jesus is a place of pain, hurt, dysfunction and sometimes actual abuse of those who are a part of it. Explaining this away with a casual "we live in a fallen world," while true, is a poor excuse since the body of Christ is a redeemed people who are supposed to look like Christ - exuding like him that pure, unrelenting, grace filled and mercy bathed love toward one another.

In his high priestly prayer of John 17, Jesus prays that those who believe in Him "may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me." "May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me, and have loved them even as you have love me."

Our love and unity, according to Christ is the proof of His divinity. That is what He says. If that is true, then the corollary is also true: our disunity and our lack of love communicates that He is not indeed God. Love and unity in the church breeds faith in those who see it. Lack of love and disunity in the church breed atheism in those who see it. One is proof of His divinity, the other effectively denies his divinity. One reflects Christ and the other denies Christ.

How many churches reflect Christ? How many deny Him?

I have the privilege and opportunity to visit many churches. When I walk into some of them the welcoming, grace filled and loving culture is evident from the time I enter till the time I leave. There is a transparency among people, a felt unity and a highly engaged worship service - which happens when there is unity.

Others are cold, sterile, formal, non-transparent, filled with politics and congregations that are unresponsive when I speak (OK, maybe it is my preaching). Which of these kinds of churches is likely to attract people? Which is likely to be on that causes people pain? It is not hard to figure out.

I am not down on the church. Those that act like the Bride that they are are wonderful communities to be a part of because they reflect the grace, love and relationships of the who died for her. Those that don't act like the bride - they hurt people and they hurt Christ and they give His Bride a bad name.

I wish my friend did not need to find a book on Christ's love for the church. I wish the church so demonstrated His love, mercy, grace and character that it would be enough proof of His divine presence and power.

Churches and group think

I have recently run into a number of situations where pastors of churches got into trouble with their boards and senior pastor when they disagreed with them or spoke their minds (in appropriate ways). 

In both cases, at least at the leadership level there was a high degree of group think with any deviation from the specified allowed thinking patterns labeled as disloyal, sinful and in fact grounds for punitive action. In both cases, the punitive action was to be kept "secret" and the staff members were not allowed to talk to anyone about the issues at hand. Nor were they given a proper hearing by leaders who demanded absolute loyalty.

These are obviously highly dysfunctional churches and border on cult like practices. In cults there is an absolute mandate to take the party line, no place for either dissent or independent thinking and when someone starts to think independently they are strictly warned of the consequences. There are also "secrets" because these are not open systems, secrets and lack of transparency are high. 

Paul obviously felt free to disagree with Peter in the early church. Unity in the church (a word that gets bandied about often in group think churches) does not mean that we all agree on everything. It does mean that we agree to work together - and the best working together happens when there is honesty, grace, transparency and the ability to speak one's mind. It never happens when these elements are missing.

Interestingly, in the latest example, the church in question is moving significantly downward in its attendance, there are secret board meetings taking place regularly, absolute loyalty being asked for, dissent being punished and and secrecy of all these issues from the congregation. My prediction is that the church will continue its downward spiral until it's leaders either get out of the way or choose a different leadership culture. 

Group think in the church is never healthy. Or in any organization and in some churches it comes very close to if not over the line into cult like practices.