Curiosity and hard questions create discomfort but are the path to becoming better

 

In my recent blog on asking the right questions, I make this statement: Those who ask the best questions are often the target of criticism for asking irritating questions. In contrast, the answers to those questions often go unaddressed. Rather than focusing on the question, the organization often focuses on the one who asked it.

This raises a related question: Why are we not more curious about what is happening in our organizations? In fact, we often resist good questions and target those who ask them because it makes us uncomfortable.

In her excellent book Atlas of the Heart, Brene Brown suggests, "Choosing to be curious is choosing to be vulnerable because it requires us to surrender to uncertainty. We have to ask questions, admit to not knowing, risk being told that we shouldn't be asking, and, sometimes, make discoveries that lead to discomfort."

That is a profound statement. The truth is that those discoveries lead to discomfort that causes us to learn, grow, and get better. Comfort is not what drives us to get better. Discomfort is. 

It follows that the best leaders are not those who choose comfort but those who are willing to be uncomfortable and, in that discomfort, discover and dialogue about things they would not otherwise dialogue about.

Here is the truth about organizations. They always gravitate toward comfort. They just do! The best leaders create discomfort. They make waves without sinking the ship to discover new answers and confront the uncomfortable. 

This is also why organizations move from being missional to being institutional. In the former, there is discomfort, but in the latter, the rule becomes, "Don't rock the boat." Those who do rock the boat are often labeled as troublemakers when, in fact, they are one of your most valuable assets. They are usually long gone when you discover that truth because their curiosity and questions were unwelcome.

Church and non-profit boards are notorious for not asking the right questions and guarding the status quo rather than choosing the vulnerability of curiosity and the attending discomfort. A great exercise is a whiteboard session where everyone is invited to ask the most challenging questions about their organization. Not to criticize but to challenge the status quo, create discomfort, and see if we are satisfied with our answers. 

I recently worked with a non-profit where the interviews with constituents raised significant questions around common themes. The discomfort of the senior leader and board caused the results to be put on ice, and the conversation stopped. There was no curiosity or honest conversation. Just defensiveness and a desire to keep the status quo. And the organization will pay the price for that response. 

In choosing to be curious, Brene Brown says, we make discoveries that lead to discomfort. And it is there that we can get better. But you must be open to curiosity and hard questions to get there.

In many organizations, those who ask the best questions become the object of criticism while the questions remain unanswered

 

Here is something I have observed on numerous occasions with organizations I have worked with. 

Those who ask the best questions are often the target of criticism for asking what are considered irritating questions, while the answers often go unaddressed. Rather than focusing on the question, the organization often focuses on the one who asked it.

Why would this be? Organizations can be very protective of the status quo because the status quo is comfortable. It is what we are used to, and challenging the status quo with a hard question is often an unwelcome intrusion to the group's comfort. 

There is another phenomenon at work. Many of the paradigms of the organization were decided on by senior leaders, and they may feel that questioning the paradigm is a criticism of them. The resulting defensiveness can be a powerful message not to question their decisions.

In both instances, it is often the one who asks the questions who becomes the target of criticism while the issues they asked about are left undiscussed.

Here is the thing. Organizations that ask the best questions become the best organizations. No organization gets better without the probing questions of good people who want the best for the organization. Yet, in many instances, the pride of the group or the leader shut down the questions because they are considered irritating. This is especially true in religious institutions where we can claim "God's direction" in our actions. 

Great questions are a means of getting to the truth and better practices. I once consulted with a church board where 15 staff had left over a five-year period. I asked the obvious question as to whether exit interviews had been conducted. The answer was no. I asked why not, and the board members hung their heads. So I interviewed the fifteen and discovered similar stories of why these staff had left. In every case, it revolved around their senior leader. Why had no one asked this question? Because it would have been inconvenient and made some uncomfortable. Yet, in not asking the question, dysfunction was allowed to continue for years. 

Good questions should not be seen as threats but as a means of honing strategies, practices, and assumptions that may need reconsidering. This does not mean the current practices are ineffective, but there may be more effective ways. You get there with questions. In fact, good questions are disruptive to the organization in a great way.

So, going back to my prior observation. We ought to celebrate those who ask the best and most prescient questions rather than see those individuals as troublemakers and irritants. Your culture will either celebrate great questions or shut them down. The result will either be a better organization or one that resists true progress. 

My one caveat would be this. Any question should be invited, with the exception of a hidden agenda or a personal attack. With those two exceptions, any question should be welcomed.

Does your organization invite and encourage hard questions, or does it seek to shut those questions down? In fact, here is a question you might consider asking: What questions do we resist asking because we are not sure we want to know the answer? Start with those.

Proud organizations and leaders with egos resist good questions. Humble organizations and humble leaders welcome them because it is not about them but about the mission.