Curiosity and hard questions create discomfort but are the path to becoming better

 

In my recent blog on asking the right questions, I make this statement: Those who ask the best questions are often the target of criticism for asking irritating questions. In contrast, the answers to those questions often go unaddressed. Rather than focusing on the question, the organization often focuses on the one who asked it.

This raises a related question: Why are we not more curious about what is happening in our organizations? In fact, we often resist good questions and target those who ask them because it makes us uncomfortable.

In her excellent book Atlas of the Heart, Brene Brown suggests, "Choosing to be curious is choosing to be vulnerable because it requires us to surrender to uncertainty. We have to ask questions, admit to not knowing, risk being told that we shouldn't be asking, and, sometimes, make discoveries that lead to discomfort."

That is a profound statement. The truth is that those discoveries lead to discomfort that causes us to learn, grow, and get better. Comfort is not what drives us to get better. Discomfort is. 

It follows that the best leaders are not those who choose comfort but those who are willing to be uncomfortable and, in that discomfort, discover and dialogue about things they would not otherwise dialogue about.

Here is the truth about organizations. They always gravitate toward comfort. They just do! The best leaders create discomfort. They make waves without sinking the ship to discover new answers and confront the uncomfortable. 

This is also why organizations move from being missional to being institutional. In the former, there is discomfort, but in the latter, the rule becomes, "Don't rock the boat." Those who do rock the boat are often labeled as troublemakers when, in fact, they are one of your most valuable assets. They are usually long gone when you discover that truth because their curiosity and questions were unwelcome.

Church and non-profit boards are notorious for not asking the right questions and guarding the status quo rather than choosing the vulnerability of curiosity and the attending discomfort. A great exercise is a whiteboard session where everyone is invited to ask the most challenging questions about their organization. Not to criticize but to challenge the status quo, create discomfort, and see if we are satisfied with our answers. 

I recently worked with a non-profit where the interviews with constituents raised significant questions around common themes. The discomfort of the senior leader and board caused the results to be put on ice, and the conversation stopped. There was no curiosity or honest conversation. Just defensiveness and a desire to keep the status quo. And the organization will pay the price for that response. 

In choosing to be curious, Brene Brown says, we make discoveries that lead to discomfort. And it is there that we can get better. But you must be open to curiosity and hard questions to get there.

In many organizations, those who ask the best questions become the object of criticism while the questions remain unanswered

 

Here is something I have observed on numerous occasions with organizations I have worked with. 

Those who ask the best questions are often the target of criticism for asking what are considered irritating questions, while the answers often go unaddressed. Rather than focusing on the question, the organization often focuses on the one who asked it.

Why would this be? Organizations can be very protective of the status quo because the status quo is comfortable. It is what we are used to, and challenging the status quo with a hard question is often an unwelcome intrusion to the group's comfort. 

There is another phenomenon at work. Many of the paradigms of the organization were decided on by senior leaders, and they may feel that questioning the paradigm is a criticism of them. The resulting defensiveness can be a powerful message not to question their decisions.

In both instances, it is often the one who asks the questions who becomes the target of criticism while the issues they asked about are left undiscussed.

Here is the thing. Organizations that ask the best questions become the best organizations. No organization gets better without the probing questions of good people who want the best for the organization. Yet, in many instances, the pride of the group or the leader shut down the questions because they are considered irritating. This is especially true in religious institutions where we can claim "God's direction" in our actions. 

Great questions are a means of getting to the truth and better practices. I once consulted with a church board where 15 staff had left over a five-year period. I asked the obvious question as to whether exit interviews had been conducted. The answer was no. I asked why not, and the board members hung their heads. So I interviewed the fifteen and discovered similar stories of why these staff had left. In every case, it revolved around their senior leader. Why had no one asked this question? Because it would have been inconvenient and made some uncomfortable. Yet, in not asking the question, dysfunction was allowed to continue for years. 

Good questions should not be seen as threats but as a means of honing strategies, practices, and assumptions that may need reconsidering. This does not mean the current practices are ineffective, but there may be more effective ways. You get there with questions. In fact, good questions are disruptive to the organization in a great way.

So, going back to my prior observation. We ought to celebrate those who ask the best and most prescient questions rather than see those individuals as troublemakers and irritants. Your culture will either celebrate great questions or shut them down. The result will either be a better organization or one that resists true progress. 

My one caveat would be this. Any question should be invited, with the exception of a hidden agenda or a personal attack. With those two exceptions, any question should be welcomed.

Does your organization invite and encourage hard questions, or does it seek to shut those questions down? In fact, here is a question you might consider asking: What questions do we resist asking because we are not sure we want to know the answer? Start with those.

Proud organizations and leaders with egos resist good questions. Humble organizations and humble leaders welcome them because it is not about them but about the mission.

Why self evaluation by church boards is so critical

 It is an interesting thing that church boards are quick to evaluate what is happening in the ministry of the church, their pastor and staff but slow to evaluate themselves. This lack of self evaluation is ironic given the expectation of a healthy staff while they do not apply the same expectations to themselves. I am speaking of how the board deals with one another, the issues they face, the intentionality of their leadership and their own effectiveness.

Some of the dysfunctions of church board internal dynamics include:

• An inability to deal with known issues in the church because raising the issues would cause controversy. Thus elephants are allowed to linger on the board, sometimes for years.
• In the interests of "harmony" board members are unable to candidly evaluate their senior leader or other issues in the church.
• Board members have distinct skill sets but are often unwilling or unable to tell a board member that they are "out of their lane" of effectiveness. 
• A lack of periodic discussions as to the overall effectiveness of the board and the contribution that each board member is or is not making.
• Ineffective conflict resolution and unresolved tensions.
• Board members who take disagreement personally and allow their ego to become bruised.
• An unwillingness to submit to the will of the board as a whole.
• A lack of candid, truthful but loving dialogue with one another.
• Passivity toward ministry issues.
• An inability to speak the last 10%.
• Not fully resolving issues because of an avoidance of conflict.
• Avoidance of learning and growing as a board and in their leadership assignment.

If you have served on a church board for any length of time you undoubtedly could contribute to this list. All of these dysfunctions are avoidable if boards would adopt the following practices.

One: Set aside a board meeting annually or twice a year to specifically ask how the board itself is doing. This might include ways to measure health from board development materials. One set of questions you may find helpful are these 15 questions. White- board areas where the board is doing well. And, where the board has challenges and can become better. For those areas that you need improvement, list concrete steps that will help you improve.

Two: Do not gloss over relational difficulties on the board. Usually where these exist, no-one wants to take the risk of speaking about it. It is often the elephant in the room: We know it exists but don't talk about it. That is a mistake because if a church board cannot biblically resolve conflict one cannot expect the congregation to do so. The health of the board does spill over into the congregation as a whole.

Three: Understand that ego is the enemy to healthy boards. Ego pushes us to want to get our way, to put down others or their ideas, to be slow to resolve conflict (I am right after all) and often those with ego issues work the back room with politics to achieve their goals. Jesus blesses humility but hates pride. Many relational issues are related to pride. 

Four: The better the board, the better their work. Ongoing continuing education in how a healthy board functions is just as important as it is for the staff of the church. Often boards don't do their ongoing learning but the best boards do so on a regular basis.

Five: Learn to evaluate issues in the church honestly. One of the barriers to honest evaluation is that board members don't want to speak ill of anyone. There is a difference, however between speaking ill of a person and honestly evaluating their performance. When we are not honest about what is truly happening, boards do a disservice to the church that they are responsible for leading. Allowing issues to exist without honest discussion contributes to elephants in the room and elephants always hurt a board and a church.

Six: At the end of every board meeting take three minutes and ask how you did in the following areas:

• Did members listen well?
• Was their disagreement (a good sign)
• Was everyone able to share their views honestly?
• Did we make decisions?
• Did we follow the agenda well?
• What did we discuss that we left unresolved?
• Did everyone come prepared?
• Did we start and end on time?
• Did we allow the Holy Spirit room to interrupt us at any point?

Healthy boards do not just happen. They are crafted through hard work, good relationships, honest dialogue, egos that are checked at the door and intentional leadership. 

Eight issues that can be confusing for church boards

 Church board leadership is always a challenge. And, often boards or individual members are confused on the role of the board. If these areas of confusion can be resolved, the work of the board becomes far easier. Here are eight issues that often cause confusion on a board.

1. What are we actually trying to accomplish?
This sounds like a simple question but the truth is that a majority of church boards cannot answer the question with any specificity. They have a mission but apart from that general statement which generally reflects the Great Commission (more believers and better believers), there is often no objective target that the church is pursuing and without a target there are no metrics to gauge one's progress. 

It is the board's responsibility, working in conjunction with staff to clearly determine what the church is trying to accomplish and then to assign metrics to the target so that it can evaluate its progress.

2. Who is responsible for what?
When there is ambiguity between the responsibilities of the senior pastor (and other staff) and the board there is in the worst case scenario conflict and in the best case confusion. If there is not a written document clearly delineating the responsibilities of both there will be issues that create frustration for both parties. The role of a board is governance while the role of the staff is the day to day ministry. Wherever you draw those lines, be sure you draw them so that there is both clarity and accountability.

3. How does the board interact with the church staff?
The short answer is that boards interact with staff only through the senior pastor. Staff can have only one supervisor and boards are not in a position to supervise or tell staff (apart from the senior leader) what they should or should not be doing. This does not mean that board members cannot have relationships with staff members but it does mean that they cannot direct the work of staff.

4. What is the senior pastor empowered to do on their own and in what areas do they need board approval?
None of us like micro management but this is what happens with many senior pastors who are never sure what they are empowered to do and what decisions they can make and alternatively what issues they need to bring to the board for approval. Constantly needing board approval is demeaning and demotivating for leaders. 

It is incumbent on the board to make clear the leadership parameters of the senior leader so that they are free to lead but are still aware of the boundaries that the board has established. It is the difference between a permission withholding culture and a permission granting culture.

5. What is the board's job description?
In the absence of a clearly written description of the responsibilities of the board every board member has their own definition of their role. That means there are multiple definitions of the board's role. And, it creates confusion and even conflict on the board. Furthermore, it is not possible for the board to evaluate its own work in the absence of a clear job description. 

That role description should include the fiduciary and legal pieces of their responsibility along with the responsibilities delineated in the New Testament for leaders. If you are not clear on these Biblical requirements ask me for the PDF to my book High Impact Church Boards and I will gladly share it.  

6. What are the board's rules of engagement?
In other words, how does the board operate? How does it make decisions? What happens if a board member disagrees with the majority? Does the board always speak with one voice? How does it deal with rogue board members? Is there a board covenant that spells out how the board operates together?

Because many board do not have that clarity, there is a great deal of dysfunction on church boards. This need not be the case but the board must clarify its roles (number 5 above) and how it operates. Without clearly defined guidelines, confusion and conflict will emerge.

7. Who does the board represent?
Many board members believe that they represent their particular ministry interest or constituency in the church. This can easily lead to divided boards especially if there are factions within the congregation that board members see as their job to represent. This view of church leadership has more to do with how we think about American political polity than it does a Biblical theology of leadership. 

Board member do not represent any constituency in the church. Rather they are called Under-Shepherds of the Chief Shepherd - Jesus Christ. Jesus is the head of the church and church leaders lead on His behalf (1 Peter 5:1-4). This does not mean that board members ignore the concerns of the congregation but their leadership is a sacred trust given by the Chief Shepherd. Church leaders lead the congregation where they believe Jesus wants them to go.

8. How do your choose and engage new board members?
Too many congregations do not have a process in bringing new board members on that is designed to set the board up for healthy leadership. Furthermore, in the absence of clarity on 1-7 above, there is no objective way to acclimate new board members to their role as it has not been clarified. 

The most powerful group in most churches is not the board but the committee or group that chooses board members. For a healthy board it is critical to guard the gate of leadership. Only healthy board members can contribute to a healthy board. 

All of this comes down to good clarity. A lack of clarity in these eight areas create confusion. Clarity allows you to move forward in greater health. If you desire help in any of these areas, contact me at my email below. 

Twelve characteristics of healthy church leaders

 

If we desire healthy church boards, we need to ask: "What are the characteristics of an effective church leader?" The fact that 80% of churches are plateaued or in decline would indicate that this is an important issue. When I consult with troubled churches is it not unusual to find that those in leadership are poorly equipped to lead. Consider some of the ways churches have traditionally filled leadership roles:

• We look for Godly individuals.
• People who have 'power' in the church get the nod.
• We try to balance 'power blocks' in the church by making sure there is representation of the various blocks on the board. This is one of the most destructive strategies as it sets the board and the church up for ongoing conflict. 
• There is an unofficial system that rotates key leaders through the leadership spots.
• We choose those who have been in the church a long time.
• Congregations simply nominate people; if they have the votes, they end up on the board regardless of gifting or qualifications.
• Leadership slots are filled even when there is a lack of qualified candidates. Priority is given to filling slots rather than ensuring leadership 'fit.'
• In many instances there is no job description or list of competencies for prospective board members.

Clearly, none of these methods is likely to result in a board of great effectiveness or impact. Nor are these methods likely to be 'leadership friendly' - motivating those with true leadership skills to serve.

The way we choose leaders and our understanding of what good leadership looks like goes to the heart of church health and ministry impact. Who you choose to lead will determine the impact of your congregation.

I would suggest that the New Testament implicitly or explicitly describes the kind of individuals who we should place in church leadership.

Exhibits godly character and lifestyle
This is the most critical, non-negotiable characteristic of a church leader. We are called to lead on behalf of Jesus Christ, as shepherds accountable to the Chief Shepherd (1 Peter 5:4). Paul made it clear in First Timothy and Titus that, above all else, a leader's life must be in the process of being transformed into the likeness of Christ. Only those deeply committed to personal transformation and authenticity can lead others in that direction.

Has a deep passion for Jesus
The church is about Jesus! He is its leader. We serve as leaders under Him. Thus, only those with a passion for Him are qualified to lead His people. Those we lead will be influenced by whatever passions drive us. It is painfully obvious when church leaders are more interested in power, ego or their own agendas than in leading Christ's people where He wants them to go. Remember, few congregations rise above the spiritual level of their leaders.

Displays personal humility
Leadership in the church differs in two significant respects from how it is practiced in other arenas. First, it is a leadership of service rather than power. As Peter wrote, "Overseers should be 'eager to serve: not lording it over those entrusted to you.'" Second, this leadership already has its agenda set by the Lord of the church. Our agenda has been set, and our leadership priorities are Christ's not our own. Without humility people are unlikely to bow to the will of the majority and far more likely to push for their agenda rather than God's agenda. 

Genuinely loves people
Ego-driven individuals love themselves, not others. Humble godly individuals love others as Christ loves them, and their leadership is fueled by genuine spiritual concern. The driving characteristic of God's pursuit of us has been unexplainable, powerful, unrelenting love, bathed in mercy, compassion, forgiveness and grace.

Is a lifelong learner
Leaders are learners. They are hungry to understand the leadership task. They are driven to lead well to become more effective. Nowhere is it more important for leaders to be lifelong learners than in the context of the local church. Healthy leaders are learners of God, of effective ministry options and methods and of leadership. Once leaders give up learning as a high value, their effective leadership days are over. Learners are flexible and teachable. They are willing to change their methodology to meet their mission as long as it is healthy and Biblical.

Understands and agrees with God's leadership assignment
I often ask leadership boards if they can clearly articulate their responsibilities. Invariably the answer is no, apart from generalities. It is my belief that God has given leaders specific responsibilities and every leadership board should be able to define its responsibilities. If you cannot define those responsibilities for your board you have a problem as it becomes every leader's opinion against another's rather than a shared understanding of God's leadership assignment.

Grapples with the future
To lead is to be out in front of others. True leadership is primarily about the future and secondarily about the present. While this may seem obvious, most leadership boards spend the majority of their time dealing with present-day rather than future issues. Healthy leaders are always looking toward the future. You can lead the status quo, you can lead crisis or you can lead into the future.

Focuses on the team
Warning: Never elect or appoint to leadership an individual who cannot graciously work in a team setting - and publicly and privately support decisions that the team has made. Leadership teams require team players. Those who cannot function as a healthy member of a team will destroy the unity necessary for a leadership team to lead (remember humility). Mature, healthy leaders choose to subordinate their egos to the will of the group and deeply value the perspectives and input of others and the collective decisions of the board.

Leads willingly
Good leaders are willing leaders (remember 1 Peter 5). Willing leaders are ready to make the sacrifices necessary to lead, without inner resentment and frustration. It is a mistake to coerce individuals to serve in leadership positions. When we push people to serve before they are mature enough to handle the difficulties of leadership (such as conflict), they often have experiences that cause them to avoid future leadership. In addition, unwilling leaders can often lead harshly without patience and grace. 

Positively influences others
Real leaders have influence over others, whether they are in positions of leadership or not. This is the key: When considering individuals for leadership, ask the following questions: "Do they already have a positive influence over others? Do people look to them for leadership? Do they lead people closer to Christ and in positive ministry directions?"

Has an action bias
Leaders do things. They have a bias toward action and away from the status quo. They don't always know what to do but they will try things and see what sticks, what works. Leaders are never content with how things are but dream of how they could be - continually looking for ways to accomplish mission more effectively. Their focus is not the status quo but the future.

Is a purveyor of hope
Leaders are optimistic about the future and convey that optimism and hope to those they lead. They believe that positive things can and will happen because they understand that it is God who empowers and it is He who has promised to be with the Church until the end of the age. Pessimists are not leaders! Pessimists telegraph caution and see all the reasons why things cannot happen. Just read the epistles of the Apostle Paul. Always optimistic based on the power of God. Always expecting the power of God to prevail.

Rarely will a church rise above the personal, spiritual and missional health of its leaders. Who you select is a key either to mediocrity or to health. No one has all of these characteristics in equal measure but they are key questions to ask about those whom you put into leadership.

This one practice will set you apart from other leaders

Most leaders are over-committed and run with very little margin. We say yes too often, no too seldom and don't evaluate our commitments against our true calling and purpose. 

The net effect is that many of the most important things don't get done on time or well. We are too busy working in our business (and pleasing others) and don't have time to work on our business. There is not time to reflect, think clearly and allow our minds to roam freely where creativity flourishes. 

Ironically, we are so busy leading that we often don't lead nearly as well as we should. The key term here is busy. That busyness depletes our minds, energy and spirits. And, it keeps us from leading well. Many leaders don't even have time to go on vacation!

It need not be this way. There is a practice that can bring life to your spirit, renewed energy to your calling and set you apart from other leaders who are caught in the leadership treadmill. 

Most leaders will say they cannot afford the time to commit to this practice. However, if we cleared our calendars of all the things that were not truly mission critical or focused on what we need to do as leaders, we would have time for this practice. And that is simply a matter of discipline!

What is the practice I am referring to? It is to take one hour a day focused solely on your own development, thinking time, blue sky time and personal development. That is about one tenth of the hours most leaders work each day. Think of it as a tithe on your time. This has always been critical but it is even more critical in the post Covid world where all the rules have changed and it is going to take the best of our thinking to move our organizations forward.

Use this time to:

• Evaluate all your commitments (before you agree to them) and ruthlessly eliminate any that don't fit directly in your leadership purpose (that one discipline will save you many hours a month)
• Think strategically about your leadership, looking for how you can focus your efforts in the most important areas and how your team can develop a laser like focus around their purpose and work.
• Study the changing marketplace or ministry space you are in to understanding changing dynamics and trends. Better to be on the front of the wave than on the backside.
• Think deeply about what could give your organization or team greater momentum toward its mission. Not all strategies are equal but only those who think deeply will figure that out.
• Read widely. Often our greatest insights come from those who are not in our work space but one crucial insight can change everything for you.
• Evaluate your staff and how they are doing. What do they need from you and how can you increase their effectiveness.

All of these items and there are many more that could be added are about working on the business and on yourself so that the business or ministry you lead can go to the next level. Ironically, you will find margin for yourself as you evaluate your own commitments, will lead better and more wisely and ensure that the investment you are making in your leadership role is the very best it can be. 

It is a matter of continual focus!

It only takes one person to hurt a team

 One of the realities of teams is that it takes only one individual who is not in alignment with the rest of the team to significantly impact the unity of the team. This can be a result of any number of issues. For instance, they:

• may not be in agreement with the direction of the team or organization
• do not pull their own weight in terms of productivity and results
• may have attitudes that are counterproductive to a healthy team: cynicism, sarcasm, lack of trust, or some other unhelpful attitude
• may like to do their own thing and are not committed to working as a productive team member
• may have Emotional Intelligence (EQ) issues that disrupt the health of the team
• may not be teachable or coachable
• may be very smart and successful but will not cooperate with others
• may be a team leader who does not know how to lead

Here is the reality. It takes only one member of the team (paid or volunteer) to pull down the rest of the team and take a huge emotional toll on the other team members.  All of this hurts the overall missional effectiveness of the organization and creates discouragement among team members.

Ministries often ignore these situations in the name of "grace." We hope they will go away, but they rarely do without intentional and direct intervention. When we do not resolve these negative behaviors, we unfairly punish the rest of the team, who must live with the unhealth of one member, and we hurt the missional effectiveness of the organization.

If you have a situation where a team member is not in sync and is hurting the team, consider these options.

Provide very direct and immediate feedback in person and follow up in writing indicating the problems and the necessary changes that are necessary if they are to continue to play a role on the team and in the ministry. Be direct, honest, and defining. Indirect communication is unlikely to work in these situations.

Establish time parameters in which the issues must be resolved, or they will be placed on a probationary status. If they need additional coaching during this time, provide it and always give honest, direct feedback verbally and in writing.

If there is not adequate progress, place the individual on a probationary status (in writing - always document) with the understanding that if there is no appropriate resolution, they will not be able to continue on the team or with the organization.

Be willing to let them go and transition them out of the organization if they do not meet the requirements of the probationary period.

Your willingness as a leader to take appropriate steps in cases like this sends a powerful message to the rest of your team that you care about their health and the health of the organization. When one does not take these steps, the opposite message is sent - and clearly read that our organization does not take health seriously. Other staff have reason to be unhappy if unhealthy, emotionally unwell, or unproductive team members are left in place. What it says to the rest of the team is that they are not valued. Lack of action also fuels cynicism toward leadership and their unwillingness to deal with situations that are at odds with organizational values.

The emotional and energy toll that is paid for allowing an unhealthy team member to continue is higher than we realize until the issue has been resolved and we finally realize the price we paid. Don't allow one individual to pull the rest of the team down.

responses to change

 Many are familiar with the bell curve that describes how people respond to change: innovators; early adapters; middle adapters; late adopters, and laggards. In my experience in the change process, I have another set of suggested categories to watch for. Where individuals are on this continuum from change resistors to evangelists for change makes a great difference when you are considering them for leadership positions either on staff or a board.

Resisters. Like the laggards on the bell curve, these are people who will actively resist change because they are simply wired that way. This is the individual who told me, "T.J., you can bring whatever change you want to the organization but don't expect me to do anything different." No rationale is going to change the mind of a resister. This does not mean they are bad people. It does mean that they don't do change, and you cannot have them in a place of leadership - ever!

Protectors. The protector is also highly resistant to change but for another reason. They believe in the status quo, the way things have been done in the past, and they will actively try to protect "what is" rather than embrace "what could be." This was the individual who told me and many others that the changes I was bringing to the organization I was leading at the time that I was destroying the organization. 

Cynics. This group is simply cynical about change unless the proposed change is their idea. They tend to view change as "the flavor of the month" and are often vocal about their opinion. Cynics generally don't trust leaders, so proposals brought by leaders are quickly discounted.

Loyal followers. These individuals have a deep commitment to the organization and team. They accept change if there is a good rationale for it. These staff say, "Just tell me which direction we are going, and I will go with you." 

Idealists. This is an interesting group with an upside and a downside regarding change. When creating change, one inevitably creates a gap between what is and what should be. Idealists are highly impatient to get to what should be and believe we should be there now. On the upside, they want the change. On the downside, they can become highly critical that we have not arrived. Thus on any given day, they can be either an ally or a critic.

Realists. This group is supportive of change, realizes that it will take time and process, and is generally comfortable with that process. They are helpful in realistically figuring out how to get there and can live with the tension of what is and what should be.

Change agents. These individuals not only support proposed changes but will be active agents in helping the organization get there. They are your front lines in speaking a new language, setting a new course, and helping redesign philosophy and strategy.

Evangelists. These are the champions of change who publicly and privately live the change out, help others understand and get there and advocate for the new direction.

In my experience, it is the realists, change agents, and evangelists who will help drive change, while the resisters, protectors, and cynics will actively undermine change. Loyal followers and idealists will go with you but will not drive change. 

Think about the implications of these eight ways that people respond to change regarding who you hire, who you put into leadership, and who you ask to serve on a board. One church leader, after hearing these descriptions, aptly commented, "no wonder so many boards are stuck." He is right. Resisters, protectors, and cynics must be managed but beware of allowing them into leadership positions and influence! 

Further, when you are considering someone for a leadership position, it will be the realists, change agents, and evangelists who will help you get to where you need to go. Don't put someone in leadership who will not actively help you move forward and who is not change-friendly.

Nine things I wish I had known as a young leader

 

I have done some reflection recently on things I wish I had known as a young leader. Here are some of the thoughts.

One: You can relax in the journey. Young leaders are out to take territory and can do so in an aggressive manner. However, important endeavors are rarely rushed endeavors and when we move too fast, we leave people behind. Jesus never seemed to be in a particular hurry - to the consternation of the disciples and others. Nor do we need to be.

Two: You don't need to have the answers. It's OK to say, "I don't know, what do you think?" Our job is not to have all the answers but it is to find the answers and that is usually with other people who think well. It is highly freeing not to need to be the answer person.

Three: It's OK if some folks don't like how you lead. Now it is always a good thing to listen as we might learn something. But, you won't be able to please everyone so stop trying. If as a leader, someone is not happy with you you are not leading.

Four: You will never meet everyone's expectations so don't try. Needing to meet all the expectations of those around us is a trap and it hurts our leadership because it dilutes our focus. Leaders need to focus and in doing so they say no to many options to say yes to the best options. Be gracious but don't fall into the expectation trap.

Five: Don't try to lead by yourself. The best thing I ever did was to find a partner that I could lead with who had skills I didn't have and then to build a team of leaders. When I tried to do it myself I wasn't very successful. With partners I was.

Six: Failure can be a blessing. When you try something and it doesn't work it isn't a ding against you. It means you are trying new things and willing to take risks. Innovation and risk are dancing partners and failure is simply a measure of a willingness to take a risk. Some of your risks will pay off handsomely.

Seven: Always be gracious. Ditch defensiveness and be gracious in as many situations as you can be. You may not agree and don't have to agree but being gracious saves a lot of relational heartaches. 

Eight: When you can, prioritize relationships over expediency. You are on a mission and the mission matters but don't sacrifice the relational component in the process. People matter. In fact, it is the people around you who can help you get important things done. 

Nine: Pay attention to your EQ. Emotional Intelligence and growing in our EQ is key to present and future success. Keep seeking to grow your EQ and have people around you who can give you real time feedback on things you don't see.

The most important items on a board's agendas are the ones that no one wants to talk about

 Here is an ironic truth: The most important things that most boards need to discuss are the very things that no one desires to put on the table because it is too controversial, will open a can of worms or be pushed aside because it is a political or personal hot topic. 

Here is a principle: If a board doesn't want to talk about a certain subject, that is the very subject that they ought to be talking about. First and foremost.

Why? Because those unspoken discussions are the real issues that are impacting your ministry. Everyone knows it but no one has the courage to put it on the table. It is an elephant in the room. But here is the thing about elephants:

Principle: Elephants are only elephants when they remain unspoken issues. Once you name an elephant, it is no longer an elephant. Rather, it is an issue and issues can be discussed.

But since these are often awkward conversations which is why no one wants to raise them, how does one raise those issues in a sensitive manner? The answer is simple: Ask permission.

Principle: When you have a sensitive subject on a board to raise, ask for permission to raise it! It is unlikely to be turned down and it gives people a chance to understand that something sensitive is coming.

For instance, "Folks, I have something I would like to put on the table that I think we all know is there but it is awkward for us to discuss so we leave it alone. Yet it has significant implications for our congregation. Do I have your permission to candidly share my concern?" The answer is almost always "yes, of course, please share." With that permission you have the opportunity to name the elephant which then becomes and issue that can be discussed. Do it gently and honestly and you will have a hearing.

Principle: When there are elephants in the room, most board members want a way to put it on the table but they don't know how. If one courageous and kind board member will put it on the table, others will almost always start to interact and relief takes place that we can at least start a conversation on an important subject.

If there are elephants in your boardroom, be the courageous one who asks permission to put it on the table and starts a conversation. Remember, the elephants that you don't want to discuss are in fact the most important things for you to discuss.

Truths for life from Psalm 23: This weeks devotionals

Who is your Shepherd?

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall lack nothing.” We read this in times of need: Psalm 23. We read it at funerals when our hearts need hope. To those who are sick and need encouragement. When we are walking through the toughest of times it becomes our prayer. It is easily the most recognized Psalm in Scripture. In this week’s Devos we will look at this amazing Psalm, which starts with a remarkable statement if you stop and think about it. Another translation has it this way: "The Lord is my shepherd; I have everything I need.”

Think for a moment on that first statement, “The Lord is my shepherd.” The God of the universe is my shepherd. I don’t know if you have ever been around a shepherd with his or her sheep. The thing about shepherds is that they would live with their sheep. You can still find shepherds caring for their sheep in many parts of the world. 

And what do these shepherds do? They protect their sheep, find the lost ones when they wander away, set bones when they break, bring them to places where the food is good and the water is fresh. They literally look after all the needs that the sheep have because by themselves, sheep very quickly wander off and get themselves lost and in trouble. To be honest that sounds a lot like me left to my own devices. Maybe you.

Sheep come to the shepherd because they recognize the shepherd's voice and know that with the shepherd they have security. They trust the shepherd to take them to the right places and when lost, they look for the shepherd. There is a deep relationship between a shepherd and their sheep. In historic times, the shepherd will sleep with the sheep to protect them even at night.  Thus the shepherd knows the sheep and the sheep know their shepherd. 

Against that backdrop, think of the implications of David’s statement that the Lord is my Shepherd. The God of the universe, the creator of all things, the high and lifted up and holy and all powerful, all knowing and all present God is my personal shepherd. He is the one who walks with me through life and even through the valley of death - those very tough times when hope is scarce and life is hard. He and no other is my shepherd who provides, protects, and gives me all that I need. The Lord is my shepherd, and yours, if you have made Him the Lord of your life.

That is why David can confidently say, “I shall lack nothing.” If my creator and the God of the universe is my personal shepherd, what can I lack? Or what can I be afraid of? So why do we worry like we do? Why do we live with fear and doubt and anxiety when the Lord is our Shepherd. There is no power or love greater than His. And we are His sheep. His!

Father, help me meditate on this simple and powerful truth today. “The Lord is my Shepherd. I shall lack nothing.” Thank you Jesus. Thank you! Amen.

The Ultimate Soulcare

My observation is that many of us have weary souls today. The pace of life, the stresses of our lives, the burdens we carry and the innumerable things we worry about. Add to that the 24 hour news cycles that would have us believe that the world is on the brink, every day and we are reminded over and over and over. Our souls easily become weary with the pace and stress of our lives. 

Into that reality steps another reality. “The Lord is our Shepherd, I shall lack nothing. In fact, “He, our Shepherd, makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.” Think of the contrast between what David writes about the Shepherd of our lives and how we experience our lives. Why the disconnect? The closest we seem to get to green pastures or quiet, still waters are in pictures on Pinterest. It looks like some place I would love to visit but I live in the real world.

The writer of Psalm 23, David, was a shepherd and he knew that God does for us what he did for his sheep: Mainly to lead them to green pastures where they could rest in peace and beside still waters that were refreshing to drink. In fact, God offers that kind of peace and rest for us every single day if we would simply stop long enough to spend some time in His presence and experience His peace.

You see, it is not that Jesus cannot lead us to places of peace and rest. He can, even in the middle of our frenetic lives. The issue is not Him but us. Because He Himself is the source of that peace we long for. He is the source of the rest our souls need. But we have to find time to stop, take moments in His presence in prayer, meditation, worship or Scripture and allow Him to fill up our empty hearts and bring peace to our stressed minds. 

But remember, He Himself is the source of that peace so unless we go to the source and spend time there we will not experience it. Ironically we look for all kinds of ways to find rest and peace in our daily lives when all we need to do is go to the source and spend time with Him. God says elsewhere through the prophets, “Be still and know that I am God.” Be still and experience the green pastures and quiet waters that God desires to lead us to. And it is there that we find restoration for our souls. 

If your soul needs restoring today, take some time away from the noise and distractions around you and spend time with Jesus. He is your shepherd. He will lead you to green pastures and quiet waters and you will find rest for your soul. Try doing that every day and your life will look different and it will be more peaceful and your soul will no longer be tired.

Father, forgive me for not coming to you when I so desperately need what only you can offer. Help me find time today to experience the peace and restoration that my mind, heart and soul so desperately needs. And thank you that you offer it to me each and every day. Amen.

God will never give you bad advice

One of the challenges of the information age is that there is too much information out there. Take financial planning for instance. How do you plow through the plethora of advice, information, experts, would-be experts, financial strategists that all claim to have the best strategy for your retirement account. Many of us have learned the hard way that the advice was not always what it was advertised to be.

In Psalm 23:3 we read this promise from the Lord who is our Shepherd. “He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.” Or as Eugene Peterson puts it in The Message, “you send me in the right direction.” In our complicated world with competing worldviews what we need to know is the “right direction.” And David says God will never let us down in that regard.

What is interesting about God’s direction is that it is often the opposite of what we are told we should do. For instance, God says that by being generous with Him and others we gain true wealth. He says that to become great we must become small. To experience real life we must die to ourselves. To get ahead in His kingdom we must act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with our God. All of these are counter intuitive and counter to the practices and advice of our day.

In all the mumbo jumbo of our day, there is only one guide who will not steer us wrong and it is our shepherd. In fact, his says are paths of righteousness which are the paths that He himself has laid out for us. Just as a good shepherd would never steer his sheep along unsafe paths that would lead the flock in the wrong or dangerous direction, our shepherd will never do that. 

The key, though, is that sheep need to trust their shepherd. Sheep wander. So do we. The classic definition of sin is found in Isaiah 53:6,  “We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way.” That is the ultimate problem we have. We like to go our own way, do our own thing and make our own rules but ultimately it comes back to hurt us.

As we pay attention to our shepherd and His teaching, we will learn to walk in paths of righteousness which will never hurt us and always protect us - even from ourselves. That is a great promise. He will only lead us in paths of righteousness that benefit us and keep us off the wrong paths. It is also why he says that he brings peace to our souls. That peace is found not in our own wisdom but in God’s wisdom. By ourselves we bring chaos to our souls. He brings peace.

Father. Thank you that I can trust you to lead me in paths that are best for me because they are your paths of righteousness. Remind me each day to look for your paths and not my own. Amen.

When life is hard and hope is scarce

If Psalm 23 is the most famous Psalm, verse 4 of that Psalm is perhaps quoted more than any other verse. “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”

I have walked through some very hard times in my life. One of the hardest was a hospital stay of 45 days, 30 of which were in the Intensive Care Unit and on a ventilator. The list of complications was long including MRSA pneumonia, multiple system failure, a failed mitral valve in my heart, heart rates of 200 plus beats per minute, Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome where you literally start to drown in your own fluids and I could go on. Hard, tough times are part of our lot in life. In fact, in the aftermath of that event which took me more than a year to recover from, I wrote a book called, When Life Comes Undone, walking by faith when life is hard and hope is scarce.

Think of those times in your life when life came undone, when life was hard and hope was scarce. I call these tsunami shifts in our lives when we realize life will never be the same. These are real and they test our faith. Notice that David acknowledges that we will face these times. He says, Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. It will happen, he says, but it does not need to be a place where we surrender to fear. Because you are with me. We never walk through tough times alone as Christians. The Good Shepherd is always there as our unseen but present guest. We are never alone. Ever.

One year after I was discharged from the hospital I was admitted to another. This time in Thailand with virtually the same issues. But this time I was awake on a ventilator knowing my odds were small of surviving. The one thing I could ask of God was that He would be with me and as I meditated and prayed for his presence He gave me a deep peace even if I did not survive. It would be fourteen days where every hour seemed like 24 hours but He was there with me the whole time.

David goes on to say, “your rod and your staff, they comfort me ” in these times of trouble. The rod and staff are one and the same. On one end, the walking stick end, the shepherd can defend the sheep from wild animals as well as prod the sheep in a certain direction. The other end of the rod has a staff which is a rounded portion that extends the reach of the shepherd to rescue a sheep that is in trouble. He can even lift it out of a crevice by its neck in the staff. In other words, the watchcare of the shepherd in the moments when life is hard and hope is scarce gives us confidence and hope that He will be and is with us. Our Shepherd is not a passive onlooker but there to help and protect and care for us. We are never alone. That, says David, comforts me. And it should us.

Father, thank you that we are never alone. No matter how dire our circumstances may seem, you are there with us and will protect and comfort us. Even today with the issues I face, I ask for your protection, presence and peace. Amen.

The goodness and love of God that chases after us relentlessly

If you ever want to understand the posture of God toward His children, it is found in the last two verses of Psalm 23, verses five and six. It is a truly extraordinary statement. “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

Those who follow God will have detractors. Yes, even enemies. Those who choose to live in the light, who choose to follow the paths of righteousness, verse 3 are a threat to those who choose to live in darkness and follow their own paths. Those who stand up for justice for instance become a threat to those who prefer to ignore those issues. Those who won’t fudge the ethical boundaries at work can be a threat to those who do so regularly. Those who speak up for the underdog, or speak out against racial injustice incur the wrath of those for whom these are not priorities.

How does God respond to those who follow the paths of righteousness. He spreads a banquet table and anoints our heads with oil, a sign of respect and honor. The allusion to the banquet table is quite colorful because in the ancient world when a party was thrown those who were not invited would gather to watch those who were invited eat and drink and party. That is why in the Gospels the Pharisees criticized Jesus for hanging around with sinners. They were there watching the festivities. So here, what David is saying is that those who follow God, who have God as their shepherd will be honored by God in front of their detractors. It is who God is. He honors His people.

But the coup de gras is found in the statement, “Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” The Hebrew here is colorful. First, the word love is the Hebrew word, “Hesed.” It is virtually untranslatable into English. Contained in that word Hesed are the concepts of love, mercy, grace, compassion, and goodness. It is a powerful word of God’s great and amazing grace toward us.

But notice that we read that goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life. A literal translation is that God’s Hesed will chase after us like bees to honey all the days of our lives. It is who He is and how much He loves us. Even today, God is chasing after you with His amazing grace and love and goodness. And that lasts not only in this life but for eternity. 

This is our God. A shepherd, one who gives peace and rest for our souls, one who walks through the hard times with us, one who leads us in righteousness. One who honors us in front of our detractors and enemies and one who chases after us all the days our lives with his goodness, love and mercy. That is our shepherd!

Father, all I can say is thank you for being this kind of shepherd to me. Thank you. Amen.