When Life Comes Undone: Walking by Faith when Life is Hard and Hope is Scarce

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The new book is out. Copies can be ordered from Next Step Resources.

The book is written:

• For those going through hard times
• For small group discussion around suffering and pain in our lives
• As a resource that churches can provide for those whose lives have come undone.

Life comes undone for all of us and when it does, we live with the pain, uncertainty and questions that come with it. Using a biblical perspective When Life Comes Undone can help you navigate those times when life is hard and hope is scarce.  The book is written out of deep, personal experiences with catastrophic illnesses, and speaks to the question of suffering with the candor and honesty that comes from grappling with pain firsthand.

Table of Contents

1.   Life Undone (When Life Changes Forever)

2.   The Unlikely Gift (Learning to Walk in Faith)

3.   Divine Scars (The Fellowship of His Sufferings)

4.   Creation Interrupted (Why Bad Things Happen)

5.   God's Amazing Heart (Understanding God's Love for Us)

6.   High Ropes and Waterfalls (Where Faith and Grace Collide)

7.   Storming Heaven's Gates (Bold Prayer)

8.   Offensive Plays (Taking Life Back)

9.   Life Redone (New Perspectives Forged in Fire)

10. Freedom (Reshaped Hearts)

The book will help you understand how you can turn your human scars into divine scars

• Understand why bad things happen to God's people
• Develop bold faith and understand God's grace and love
• Pray boldly
• Take life back
• Experience the freedom that pain can bring
• See how God takes the pain in our lives and turns it into something good and meaningful.

Distraction management

Our lives are full of them. They include the many ways we can spend our time, great ideas that will take us nowhere, other peoples agendas for our lives. They are all the distractions that pull at us for our time and attention and if we are not careful can pull us away from those things that are most core and central to our lives and our calling.

Some of the most spectacular and tragic air crashes have been a result of distractions in the cockpit where pilots fiddled with some unimportant issue, ignoring the fact that the plane itself was going to crash. One of the most notorious was a crew fiddling with a broken light (a minor issue) as the plane proceeded to crash in a swamp (a major issue).

That is the irony of distractions. They are often little things, innocuous things that steal our attention from the most important priorities of our lives: relationships; ministry calling; using our God given gifts; investment in others; and the big rocks of our lives. It is the good robbing us of the best. 

This is why it is so important to take time periodically to take stock of our activities, priorities, focus and relationships and determine whether they are in sync with what we believe God has for our lives. It is also where the power of NO comes in. The only way to deal with distractions is to say no to them and to those who offer them to us - graciously of course.

Here are three questions that it is worth asking on a regular basis. I do so monthly: What is core to my life and calling?; What distractions are getting in the way of my life and calling?; and What am I going to do about it?

All wise people practice "distraction management."

Your church board is unhealthy but you are not on it and don't know what to do about it

It is not unusual that I receive emails or calls from individuals who want to know what to do about an unhealthy church board - in their church. They see that the board does not have its act together, they see the results of that dysfunction (including pastors whom they love leaving) but they feel impotent to affect real change. I have found myself in that situation at times and I am sure many others have as well.

In some cases, it is even worse for the fact that they know that the board has sought help but has rejected the advice they received and they muddle on in their dysfunction and that dysfunction is negatively impacting the church body as it always does. The consequence of sick boards is inevitably a sick church - but what do you do about it if you are in the church watching? 


Before I suggest a course of action, we need to recognize that there is a deeper problem to a sick board and that is that the congregation does not have a good way to vet potential leaders. Good leaders don't allow their board to get sick. Poor choices of church leaders and poor board leadership result in sick boards.


That being said, what does one do? The first thing we need to do is to make this a matter of prayer. This is a deeply spiritual issue for a congregation and for us as well. Unless our own attitude is right, we will add to the already problematic situation with our own anger which adds fuel to the fire. The evil one love sick boards and church fights. Don't give him that joy.


Second, commit to yourself that you will never intentionally "hurt the bride of Christ." Your local congregation is a local representation of Christ's bride, no matter how dysfunctional. Your board, through their lack of healthy leadership may already be hurting the church. You don't want to contribute to that hurt. I would rather quietly leave a church (and I have) rather than to contribute to church conflict.


Third, be honest with what you see with board members you can speak to.Give them your observations about what you see happening and how it is impacting the church. Ask questions, speak for yourself (not others) and clearly state your concerns.


If matters continue, I would consider doing the same thing in a congregational meeting if I believed it might make a difference - carefully. I would state my personal concerns, making it clear again that I speak for myself and not others doing so without a personal attack or hidden agenda. If I thought that saying something would not make a difference I would refrain and keep my own counsel.


Some will disagree with this and that is fine. If I thought that there was little chance that the dysfunction could be solved, I would leave the church and look for a healthy one. Unhealthy churches produce unhealthy disciples, muddle along without direction and are a magnet for people who like conflict. Do you want to be a part of that and do you want to bring your friends to a place with that ethos? It can be painful to leave a church but fortunately most of us have other expressions of the bride that are available to us. Obviously we need God's direction in such issues but we are often naive in believing that things will change.


Congregations, like families often have dysfunctional "family systems" which support that dysfunction. They make it hard to voice differing opinions or even to leave. In other words, the very church culture prevents the dysfunction from being dealt with. It is  a closed circle that does not allow outside views (taken to an extreme one has a cult). Sometimes you don't realize how unhealthy the culture is until you are out of that culture and experience the freedom of a healthy church. Closed systems rarely change and trying to affect change to a closed system will generally end up with you on the outside for trying. Even pastors have limited ability to impact a closed system which is why they often end up resigning when they find themselves in one (unless they are a part of it).


I often say that churches get what they deserve. Elect poor leadership and you get dysfunctional boards and congregations. Often such churches manage to repeat their same dysfunctions over and over again. I have met boards that did not want advice, did not want to own up to their own issues and proudly continued in their awful leadership. I feel for those in their church! I don't want to be a part of such a church. 

Church board best practices

There are certain practices which reflect a healthy church board. If you are on a board, I would encourage you to measure your board against these practices.

1. Define clearly how the board operates through a board covenant or policy governance. You can only hold people accountable to what they have agreed to. Define your rules of engagement and then hold every board member accountable for those healthy practices.

2. Deal only with the big rocks of ministry and delegate to staff or others the small rocks and pebbles. You should be able to do your normal board work in two hours per month, leaving a second two hour meeting for discussion, prayer, learning and dialogue.

3. Never ignore spiritual issues in the church including gossip, critical spirits, division, ongoing egregious sin or heresy. Hoping they will go away will not make them go away.

4. Always keep the main thing the main thing: evangelism and disciplemaking. Churches don't drift into missionality, they drift into diffusion of purpose and unsafe waters. 

5. Have a well defined mission, set of guiding principles and the culture you want to build. Lack of clarity around what is important will keep you from being missional. 

6. Guard the gate of the board. Choose board members with great care. Every board is one board member away from disunity and one board away from church trouble and decline.

7. Do the work of elders together: pray, study God's purposes for the church, pray for your congregation. Don't allow administration and business to crowd out the most important.

8. Do honest evaluation against the clarity you have defined. Don't allow "church nice" to keep you from honest discussion regarding your effectiveness.

9. Focus on the Gospel and not on programs. Every church board should study the implications of the gospel for believers and congregations. It is very easy to focus on numbers and programs rather than the transformation of lives, communities and institutions that the gospel brings.

10. Ensure that you are developing robust followers of Jesus, not simply "nice churchgoing Christians." That starts with board members as congregations are unlikely to rise above the spiritual commitments of its leaders.

11. Love and care for your congregation like Jesus does. You are undershepherds of the Good Shepherd. The gospel is about people and churches are about people.

12. Release people into active ministry to use their gifts in the marketplace, the neighborhood, among the poor and disadvantaged and in the church. Make that an expectation, not optional.

Spirits of criticism and negativity

If there is an attitude akin to cancer in a congregation it is a spirit of criticism and negativity. Few things are more disheartening to pastoral staff and few things are more divisive and dangerous to the life of a ministry than this. One church has just lost its pastor because of the criticism and negativity on the part of some congregants and some board members. Another church is probably going to lose their pastor. In both cases the congregation is far worse off for it. A ministry I know well has this spirit running through its entire office (not the one I work for which is a great blessing). 

Words and attitudes matter. They either build or tear down. They encourage or they discourage. I would go so far as to say that where such a spirit is pervasive it is not the spirit of the Father but of the evil one - even when wrapped in spiritual language.

This does not preclude honest dialogue. In our organization, robust dialogue is a huge value and anything can be put on the table that does not include a personal attack or a hidden agenda. The problem with critical and negative attitudes is that in many cases they are indeed personal attacks and there are personal agendas. There is a huge difference between critical and negative spirits and robust dialogue. It lies in the attitude and motivations behind it.


The truth is that we ought to treat one another as our Father treats us and as Jesus treated people in the gospels. Our attitudes and words are deeply spiritual issues for Jesus said in Matthew 7 that what comes out of us comes from what is inside us. Critical and negative people have a spiritual issue (and don't we all from time to time in this arena). It is sin and it comes from our lower nature.


In my view, church leaders ought to directly and boldly deal with pockets of critical spirits and negativity in their congregation because, like cancer they will eat away at the very core of your congregational health and it usually spreads. It is also one of the reasons I encourage churches to define the culture they want to see embedded in their church (see the book, Leading From the Sandbox). Once you have defined your culture you can hold individuals accountable for keeping the culture.

In the two churches I referenced above, I would not personally recommend that any pastor take them until the church has dealt with the insidious infection that is destroying them from within. And the pastor who left? I agreed with his decision to resign. The church and leadership were so unhealthy that it was destroying him as well. Don't ignore criticism and negativity when it pops up. It will hurt you and the cause of Jesus.

Please pray for Southern Sudan!

I received this from one of our ReachGlobal staff today. This impacts many believers in Southern Sudan.

I just received this horrific string of emails from one of our Pastors and President of the EFCS William Laku. The conflict in the Northern part of Southern Sudan continues to escalate! As we near the July 9^thindependence day and birth of the world’s newest country “Southern Sudan” the country of Northern Sudan continues to bomb and plant land mines in Southern Sudan’s Unity State, Abyei and Southern Kordofan which has been a disputed area since the South’s almost unanimous vote for secession took place in January. 

The disputed areas are wanted by Northern Sudan because of their rich oil fields. These areas were promised, by the Government of Northern Sudan, that they would also have the opportunity to vote for secession from the North or to unify with the North. After realizing that these areas were most likely going to vote for secession, the North refused to allow them to vote and decided to take the land. This is the same scenario that took place before the 25 year war that ended in 2005. 

As with many disasters there is great opportunity to share the gospel and bring much needed help to these people. 

Please join me in prayer for the people of Southern Sudan and that these attacks from the North would stop. They have waited so long for their much deserved independence and to have peace in their lives. Many lives have been lost and many families devastated by the atrocities committed by the North. 

The following accounts are from Christians on the scene.

    

 From the 17Th -18Th June 2011, I was in Khartoum to attend the Board of Trustees of the Sudan Council of Churches (SCC). During the meeting, we had two people who managed to escape from Kadugli. The lady who gave us her testimony painted an extremely bad picture of the killings of the Nuba people by forces of the SAF in Kadugli. She saw 360 dead bodies as she and her tree children were trying to escape killings. Hers was a rela miracle as women, children and men were being slaughtered.

Nuba youth have been targeted apart from  the aerial bombardments. After listening to their disturbing and lengthy testimonies, the meeting issued two statements to the International community and the other statement was directed to our ecumenical partners in form of an appeal, if they could begin to mobilise relief items; food, water, clothing, shelter and medicines as a matter of urgency to the 73,000 displaced of Southern Kordofan. Kindly share the info with as many people as you can.

At moment I am in Nuba Mountains. I am writing this email from Kauda . I want to tell you it is really Genocide. We are bombed daily by Northern government, even just few minutes before writing this email we were frighten by one of them and we runned away before writing this email. What I want you do is to pass this information on behalf of me and my people. Here is a link to the latest news if you are interested.     http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43535068

Can you legislate morality?

In a recent address, the president of Trinity Law School in California made the point that most evangelicals would answer no, you cannot legislate morality since morality is a matter of the heart. However, morality is being legislated every day.

When the state of New York made gay marriage legal yesterday, putting it on par with the marriage of a man and a woman they were in effect legislating morality.  A generation from now few will question that this is as life should be (I have gay friends whom I love dearly but I cannot find justification for the redefinition of marriage). When the Netherlands made it legal to euthanize infants with serious abnormalities it is legislating morality – just as Germany did in the days of Hitler. Countries that have made abortion legal – and even promote it as a means of birth control,  have made immorality legal and largely accepted. 

When people try to take Christianity out of any and all public discourse, they are legislating morality – their morality. Indeed, little by little, chip by chip, the underpinnings of Judeo-Christian ethics are being intentionally legislated out of the law both in the United States and elsewhere.

It was William Wilberforce who through his undaunting opposition to the slave trade and the institution of slaver who led the passage of the abolition of both in England leading to its eventual abolition in the United Sates. Wilberforce was a politician who rightly brought his biblical convictions to bear on one of the most insidious institutions in modern history. Through law, a grossly immoral practice was outlawed. When Lyndon Johnson signed the Civil Rights Act, congress through law, outlawed racist practices embedded in American society.

Certainly one cannot legislate the condition of the human heart. But, the laws that we pass and the court decisions that are made impact the morality or lack of morality of whole nations by their consequences. In effect, the law can move a nation either toward or away from biblical morality: issues of justice and poverty included.

I thank God for men and women in the public arena who are willing to bring their biblical convictions to bear in bold ways from all parties.  The liberal elite, after all have been bringing their version of morality to the public square for a long time. They have an agenda for our society that is in large part antithetical to morality as defined by Scripture. While the law and courts are not the answer to all evils, their laws and decisions impact the moral behavior of entire nations. Both morality immorality can be legislated.