The sin of faux relationships in the church

 

faux

/fō/

Learn to pronounce

adjective

1. made in imitation; artificial.

   "a string of faux pearls"

   • not genuine; fake or false.

     "their faux concern for the well-being of the voters didn't fool many"

Congregations are supposed to be friendly, warm, kind, and welcoming spaces. In fact, if your church is indicative, it probably has a "first impressions" ministry to ensure that new folks are welcomed and feel at home. This is as it should be because it can be daunting to walk into a new space and feel genuinely at home.

The problem is that, in many cases, church relationships are not genuine. They are a lie. They are faux relationships that exist as long as you fit into the faux community that pretends it is a genuine community. It is a Potemkin village where it looks beautiful, but the beauty is a facade. 

Here are indicators that what you think is real is false and faux. If you leave a church for whatever reason, do people quit talking to you? Are the relationships over? It happens all the time because in leaving, you have violated the rules that we are together - a community. The truth is that in those situations, you were not a real community but a pseudo-community that exists as long as you are on the inside. Once on the outside, those relationships simply disappear. 

If you ask hard questions and irritate leaders or staff and they stop talking to you, you know that the relationships you thought you had were not genuine. They were false and faux. You have been effectively shunned and sent outside the camp, and you realize that what you thought was community was only community when you conformed to the group. 

The indicator of faux relationships is how quickly one can go from being on the inside to finding oneself on the outside. It is disorienting and crazymaking. How did you go from being a valued community member to a pariah in such a short time? And you ask yourself, was what I had real? And you conclude that it was not. All of a sudden, people don't talk to you, don't care for you, and you know that you have been put outside the "loving circle" of that congregation. In fact, you are no longer wanted!

Why does this matter? It matters because faux relationships are relationships of convenience - but they are not genuine relationships. They do not express the love that Jesus has for us and that we are to have for one another, which emanate deeply from the heart and persist in good and bad times, in times of agreement and disagreement. Real love is not easily destroyed or walked away from. Yet we do this in the church all the time. You are either on the inside or the outside!

I know people who have abandoned church altogether after experiencing faux relationships. The realization that they were loved and appreciated only when they toed the party line was a bitter pill to swallow. They realize that they were not loved at all.

There is a pragmatism that drives faux relationships. We won't find and retain new people if we are not a welcoming church. But we will not invest in those relationships because that takes time and effort. We want the community without the effort to actually build community. "Life Together," as Dietrich Bonhoeffer writes in his classic volume, is way too deep a commitment. So, in many churches, relationships look real but are not.

In an irony, Bonhoeffer says this about Christian community. "The person who loves their dream of community will destroy community, but the person who loves those around them will create community." Here lies the reason there are so many faux relationships in the church. We have a dream of a community. We have slogans for that dream. We idolize that dream, but we don't actually choose to love those around us, and our dream destroys the very concept of a real community.

I have experienced this phenomenon at times in my own church experience. It is painful, sad and disorienting. The good news is that it convinced me that what I had was fake and that what I wanted was genuine. But it was deeply painful nonetheless. I invested that period of my life in a dream of community rather than in a real community. I, for one, want the real thing.

Don't settle for faux relationships in the church. They are fake, won't stand the test of time, and don't reflect the real love Jesus calls us to have for one another. 

If you are a church leader, I don't care what your dream for community is. Remember the words of Bonhoeffer, "The person who loves their dream of community will destroy community, but the person who loves those around them will create community." 

How would your staff and board actually describe your church and why it matters

 

Here is an instructive exercise if you want to think about what your church is about. Ask your staff and board this question: How would you describe our church? Forget about vision and mission statements and focus on how you would actually describe the church. For real!

In fact, take this one step further and describe the positive pieces of your church culture, the problematic pieces and the negative pieces. Put those in three columns on a white board and have a discussion around all three columns. 

Think about these questions;

• How can we capitalize on the positive pieces of our culture and continue to encourage those pieces?
• What can we do about the problematic pieces of our culture?
• How do we address and change the negative pieces of our culture and where do those influences come from?
• How do these three columns impact new people who come into the congregation?
• What impact do the three columns have on the spiritual health of our congregation?
• Do we have the courage to address the negative pieces of our culture?

My guess is that such a conversation will open up some honest and candid dialogue among your staff and leaders. The problematic and negative pieces of a congregation's culture are often ignored or left as elephants in the room. Don't ignore them because they impact the spiritual lives of your people for good or bad. In fact, at some point, in some way, it is necessary to address those negative pieces of your culture and that takes courage and a long term plan.

It starts with a conversation. 

Five things that Jesus may want the church to learn in the age of the coronavirus

I have a conviction that nothing happens in our world, good or bad, that does not first pass by the hands of God and which He doesn't use to build His church. 

Having travelled the world for many years I have yet to find a place where Jesus is not working in the midst of suffering and hardship. In fact, church history would tell us that God does His greatest work in times of hardship because in those times He has our greatest attention. 

I believe that God is going to use this time in the church to strengthen and build it. Specifically, it is my conviction that He may use this time to help us grow in the following areas.

Faith
The American church has the resources, expertise and knowledge to do all kinds of things without much of God's power. Prayer is often perfunctory and an "add on" to our work. In the age of the caronavirus we are realizing that we actually need God desperately. That is a very good thing and a much needed course correction for the church.

Being the church
The average church attender believes that the church is the building that they worship in. It is not. Buildings are buildings. The church is made up of the people of God. We are the church and we take the gospel with us wherever we go. In a time when the church cannot meet, God is reminding us that the church is not a place but a people. This is a time to remind people that they are the church we we need to act like the church.

Sacrificial service
From the beginning of the church it has been the people of God who ministered to those in need, especially in times of crisis. This is such a time. The world is living in fear but the church has the hope of Jesus. For the church, crisis calls for engagement and service to those who need it. We may need to be creative but Jesus wants to remind us of the mandate and mission we have outside the walls of the building we meet in (or don't in this season).

From fear to trust and hope
Our world is driven by fear. Fear that I won't have enough, fear that I might get sick, fear that the stock market will wipe out my retirement account, fear that the world is coming undone. Jesus says "The righteous will live by His faith!" In these days we can learn again that Jesus invites us to a simple, child like faith in the loving, sovereign, all powerful Savior who never leaves us or forsakes us. It is a great gift to come to the place where all we have to trust in is God. He is enough!

True connections
Community is one of the key ways that we learn how to follow Jesus. Life together is about relationship, transparency, encouragement diving into God's word and a level of accountability that comes from loving relationships. In these days we need one another even more. We might not be able to gather in groups but we can certainly do life together via online tools. Perhaps God wants us to learn the value of relationships in a new way!

If you are a church leader, ask yourself what you believe God wants to do within your congregation in these troubled days. Point your people in those directions. God has everyone's attention. Let's pay attention to what He is up to behind this chaos. Remember, nothing happens in our world, good or bad, that does not first pass by the hands of God and which He does not use to build His church.

The Coronavirus and its potential implications for churches

We ought not operate from fear although the 24 hour news cycle is certainly driving fear deep into our national consciousness. I choose not to live in fear but to be appropriately prudent personally and in a leadership role. For any group that gathers large numbers of people together there is some risk - if the virus is resident in the local community. And of course, the church gathers weekly along with other events during the week.

Situations like this are opportunities for people to learn to live by faith, trust God (no matter what happens) and reach out to those who are living in fear. Like all issues we face in society and our world this is a spiritual issue as well as a health issue and we need to address it as such. God is up to something even in the most difficult of situations.

Best practices
The place to start is with some best practices that the church can practice:

1. Ensure that your staff and volunteers are regularly washing their hands. This is important for everyone but especially for those who deal with kids. Teaching kids to do the same will help mitigate the spread of the virus. 
2. Place hand sanitizer outside your gathering place, in the lobby and in easily accesible locations.
3. Ask those who have symptoms of a cold or flu to stay home until they are well. These can be signs of the virus or can be benign but one does not know. In childrens ministries this may mean telling parents that they cannot accept kids who have these symptoms - gently and kindly.
4. Use individual communion cups rather than a common cup.
5. Encourage congregants to greet one another with fist bumps or elbow bumps.
6. Encourage people to keep an appropriate distance from others.
7. Staff may be reticent to stay home if they have a cold or are not feeling well because of using up their sick days. This is a time to ensure them that you will cover such days as necessary regardless of their sick day quota. Ask them to work from home rather than coming in.

Questions to ponder before the situation arises

1. What do your childrens or youth ministries do if the local governament shuts down schools. Do you continue to meet or do you supend group events?
2. If you are in the unfortunate situation that large gatherings are either not allowed in a community or strongly discouraged, how does the church respond in terms of services?
3. If services are cancelled do you have a means of sharing a service via the web?
4. Do your staff have the ability to work from home and keep in touch with congregants?
5. How do you encourage the congregation in this situation where fear is the currency of the day?
6. If much of your giving is via the offering (which you will not be taking) how can you encourage your congregation to continue to give when they are not regularly meeting? Do you have an easy electronic means for them to use?
7. How can you use your small group leaders to stay in touch with members of their groups and can those groups meet using Skype, Zoom or some other platform?
8. Think about how you can mobilize a prayer effort so that people are focused on Jesus rather than their fear.
9. How can the church reach out to those who are affected, whether in the church or in the community during this time? Every crisis is an opportunity for ministry as people's attention is at an all time high and they are looking for divine help.

If you have suggestions to add to these best practices or questions for a church to ponder, please leave a response to the blog.

Disturbing trends for Christianity in China

As China's president Xi Jinping continues to consolidate his power there are very troubling signs of the repression of the church. In recent days major house church movements have been banned, Churches have been told to replace pictures of Jesus with pictures of Xi Jinping, there is a plan to prevent on line ministries and China is seeking to restrict Christian activities with 26 new rules.

For an overview of these developments, read this article from Christianity Today

How many hospitality hotspots does your church have?

It is common for a congregation to have an information booth where new folks can get information on what is happening and where to go. All good. But what would happen if every major ministry was a hospitality hotspot with trained hosts whose job it is to make people comfortable and ensure that people are engaged and have the information they need. 

A hospitality hotspot is one where there is an individual or individuals who:

• Look for new people and engage them
• Ensure that you get their name and them yours
• Introduce them to several others in the vicinity
• Re-welcome by name the following week
• Help get them connected
• Get their story as you can

One of key reasons people do not come back to a church is that no one engaged them when they came. Having multiple hospitality hotspots would solve that issue. It would also train a greater number of people in your congregation to engage with new folks.

Posted from Oakdale, MN

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

A fairly nutty article on Mars Hill Governance

After reading this three part series all I wanted to do was to ask, "How well did this work for you?"

Church Governance: Local Elders or Outside Board?ResultSource Part 3

Posted from Oakdale, MN

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Seven reasons why I refuse to become cynical about the church and always remain hopeful.

Because I often consult with hurting churches (and fortunately some very healthy ones) I am often asked why I remain optimistic about the church. The truth is that I have seen the good, bad and the ugly but there are seven reasons that I never lose hope, refuse to become cynical and will always value the local church, domestically and internationally. 

First, the church is the Bride of Jesus. That is what He calls it (Ephesians 5) and it is the bride that will be reunited with the Bridegroom at the Wedding Feast of the Lamb. The local church is God's hope of the world, and His local strategy for making disciples of His. How can I be cynical if He, knowing the best and the worst of the church still calls it His bride?

Second, wherever the people of God are gathered, the Holy Spirit is present. Perhaps this is why it is so hard to kill off a church! Where His followers are present, He is present and where He is present, He does His work whether we think He should or not. 

Third, lives are changed through the relationships of a local church. We might wonder how given some of the obvious dysfunctions but it is the presence of the Holy Spirit that makes this possible. This is why even a bad sermon can make a huge difference in the listener as the Holy Spirit works in their hearts in spite of our deficiencies (Romans 8). 

Fourth, even in the midst of great church dysfunction (and I have seen my share) many of God's people continue to live out their particular calling (Ephesians 2:10) in spite of what they see around them. In one particularly dysfunctional church many people said to me, "I wish the leaders would get their act together but in the meantime I am just doing what God has called me to do. And so real and effective ministry went on despite the dysfunction of the leaders.

Fifth, my own spiritual growth is not held hostage by church dysfunction. I am responsible for my growth and ministry and frankly I have left dysfunctional churches without any guilt. I cannot speak for others but I am not willing to give my life long term to a congregation that I cannot bring my neighbors to. It is not sacrilege to leave a church. At times it is the only thing that will get the attention of church leaders.

Sixth, churches can be revitalized. I can attest to that after working with many hurting churches. It is the will of good leaders and the Holy Spirit that makes this possible. Where leaders and pastors are unwilling to face truth, churches should frankly die and let something new grow.  But if the will is there it is possible for churches to become renewed and missional once again.

Seventh, Jesus is not unaware of the challenges of local churches and in spite of the challenges He continues to bless those who are committed to His plan for great fruit (John 15). He will bless the efforts of those who are committed to being the bride of His. However imperfect we are. 

It is my prayer that I will always be hopeful for the church and never succumb to cynicism which Jesus never has. However imperfect it is His bride and it is His joy and we will celebrate His family when we arrive in heaven at the second coming.

Posted from Oakdale, MN

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Humble and collaborative church leadership

I just returned from Santiago Chile and saw firsthand a rare phenomenon. A senior church team that displays huge humility and collaboration. The senior leader is 67, another is 35, and another 49. Together they lead a church of 500+. Rarely have I seen a team that is as non-competitive, open to one another's counsel and opinions and the ability to work collaboratively for kingdom objectives. They are an example in a country that is full of authoritarian leadership and an example to many in our own country where hubris, power and a need to get our own way is all too common.

The senior leader has deeply empowered the other two. He knows his paradigms are different from theirs and is unfazed by it. He knows that transition must come and is unfazed by that. He is a great leader who cares more about the kingdom than his kingdom. The other two senior leaders have very different gifts and yet they are noncompetitive (even about who takes over if it is one of them), understand their own gifting and how much they need one another. Nor are they anxious to lose their senior leader although they know his role will change in the future. In addition their spouses have the same attitudes. 

It is a church that has a history of conflict as many do. Yet that is now absent in their close teamwork. Their example is infecting other churches in Santiago where such a model is rare. Yet it is the model that Jesus would endorse. 

One of my greatest joys is to meet and get to know leaders who display the mind and attitude of Jesus. I long for this to be the case in the church at large. I wish there were more of this in the United States. We have a lot to learn from others. Especially humble and collaborative leadership in the church.

Posted from Oakdale, MN

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Pastoral and leadership transitions are a precarious thing

Pastoral transitions are a precarious thing especially at the end of a career when pastors often don't want to let go and boards or congregations wish they would. And, nobody wants to talk about the elephant in the room so the issue simmers under the surface often causing conflict in subtle ways.

It is unfortunate and often hurts the congregation who may start to feel that the church is adrift losing its way and it seems that leaders do not have the courage to figure out a plan. These issues in themselves often cause other tensions to come to the surface that never would have caused problems if the underlying issue had been addressed.

Here are some observations.

First, there is a time to for everyone to leave a leadership position. That does not mean that ministry is over but leadership is a tough job and age does take its toll. Leadership in the church is one of the toughest leadership roles coupled with preaching regularly and all the issues churches face. When we start to lose our energy, enthusiasm or edge it is time to step aside from leading - perhaps into a less demanding position.

Two, most of us are not fully aware that it may be time. This is why discussions with our church board (or ministry board) is so important. It seems to me that this ought to be a conversation each year when we move into our sixties to ensure that we are receiving the feedback that we need. We may not like the feedback but it is better than being surprised at some point.

Third, if pastors don't raise the issues it is incumbent on the board to do so. Once we hit our sixties it is foolish to pretend that transition is not coming. The question is whether it will be a healthy one or not. This is not putting an age on when the transition should come but it is recognizing that it is coming and we need a plan. I have seen some great examples of a planned transition because pastors and boards worked together to make it healthy. All too often that is not the case.

Fourth, planned transitions allow the one leaving to be honored and the church to move through an emotionally hard time in a healthy manner. Conflictual transitions do not. Conflictual transitions are often the result of pastors not willing to let go and the board having to force the issue leaving both parties with a bitter taste. Sometimes this is because the two parties have not been talking candidly and sometimes because pastors are not listening. When leaders are hired they and the hiring party negotiate what is needed for the relationship to work. The same should be true in leaving. There needs to be give and take but most of all there must be a plan and a strategy.

I fully realize that boards are often very poor at handling transitions with their pastors but it cuts both ways. Often pastors don't want to leave even in the face of boards trying to get their attention. Both parties need to be able to talk like adults and come to a plan that protects the church and honors all parties involved.

It is the avoidance of these conversations that creates unhealthy transitions. All of us leave sometime. The question is whether we leave well or not. It is sad to see pastors or leaders leave  poorly as that becomes part of their legacy. Healthy leadership includes a healthy leaving. Starting well, leading well and leaving well are all part of the healthy leadership package. 

Posted from Santiago, Chile

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Do you attend a rigid, graceless or mean church?

They do exist, and the three descriptors of rigid, graceless, and mean go together pretty well. They play out in several key ways that all contribute to a dysfunctional (church) family system.  Here are some symptoms.

Legalism: There are a lot of rules about what is acceptable and unacceptable, which come not from Scripture (or a proper reading of it) but from tradition or someone's strong preference. Legalism stifles freedom, creates false guilt, and can be used to control people. 

Control: Usually, this comes from leaders who have a need to control the thinking and especially the opinions of people in the congregation. It usually shows up when an independent voice asks uncomfortable questions, and there is a direct effort made by leaders to cause them to back off. Words like "uncooperative," "causing dissent," or "disunity" may be used to seek to bring them into line. Groupthink is groupthink and not healthy. There should be plenty of room for differing opinions within a church body.

Lack of grace: This flows directly from legalism and control. This usually shows itself in gossip, caustic comments, and even prayer requests that are directed at the decisions or character of others. It is a judgmental attitude that tries to play the role of the Holy Spirit in the lives of others, but in a way, the Holy Spirit would never do it.

Meanness: This is often directed at independent voices when those individuals do not toe the party line. Again it can be gossip, it can be charges leveled against individuals, or even asking people to leave the church - not because they have sinned - but because they have challenged the system and someone does not like it. Those who are authoritarian leaders often use their position to impose their views on others through plain unkind words and conduct. It is wrong!

Why is this so toxic? Because it does not look like Jesus, and the church is all about Jesus. Toxic churches create toxic Christians who, in turn, create other toxic followers. It is antithetical to the kind of church culture described in the book of Ephesians. Whenever you feel controlled or made to feel guilty or are intentionally hurt by church leaders, be aware that you may be in an unhealthy system. Healthy churches do not act this way. Unhealthy churches do.

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An article on who the unchurched really are

If you are part of a middle class or upper class evangelical church (as I am) this article will challenge your thinking - and should.

9 traits of Church Bullies from Thom Rainer

Deal with the bullies in the church and recognize their traits

See also my blog on church bullies

Abuse in the church: When the Pastor is the Bully

How to spot a bully in the church

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

An important article from BradBridges.net on 9 characteristics of a leaderless church

9 Characteristics of a Leaderless Church

Closed ministry systems that are deeply dysfunctional

I spoke recently with a ministry leader who had resigned from his church staff position (a large church) because of the dysfunctional culture that he sensed. Having left the "system," he now realizes that it was a great deal more dysfunctional than he thought, and he is so glad to be out of it. When we are in a "closed" system that is dysfunctional or toxic, we may sense that not all is right, but it is when we get out that we realize how dysfunctional it was. This applies to staff systems as well as whole congregations where there is significant dishealth. Such dysfunction can be part of the historic DNA of the church, a dysfunctional board, a dysfunctional leader, or a "church boss" who wields unhealthy power and has a personal agenda.

What are some of the signs of a closed and dysfunctional ministry system?

One: There is great pressure for people to think in similar ways and not to have independent voices. In closed systems, independent opinions that go against the "group think" are a threat and are not valued. Often, independent thinkers in ministries are either labeled as troublemakers or spiritually immature. Certainly, it is not safe to disagree significantly.

Two: Questions to the status quo are seen as disloyalty. This is especially true for senior leaders who are insecure and do not like their paradigms or opinions to be questioned. As long as one keeps the party line you are "in." If you ask hard questions, you are marginalized.

Three: Candid dialogue is not allowed. Usually, it is the senior leader who sets the tone here. In closed systems, candid dialogue is a threat rather than a valued part of the culture. The reason is that such dialogue will inevitably challenge the standard line.

Four: In closed systems, senior leaders often protect themselves from accountability or questions. They hide behind a spiritual veil that sounds good but keeps people from getting too close. And they surround themselves with people who will agree with them and those who don't usually don't stay: either because they know how dysfunctional it is or they are marginalized or let go. 

Five: When independent voices appear or when someone steps out of the prevailing culture, there is great pressure put on them to get in line and conform to standard opinions. It is a family system thing, and any threat to the prevailing culture brings pressure for conformity. This is why, in dysfunctional staff situations and congregations, independent thinkers often leave. They see the system for what it is and know it is not healthy.

Six: The most telling moment for those who get out of such systems is how free they feel once they are out of it. And even though they knew it was not healthy, they realized once out how unhealthy it was. Those who leave are also a threat to those who stay, who, at some level, feel that those leaving are not loyal. They have violated the family system.

If any of these characteristics are true of your staff or the ministry you are in, consider the possibility that you are caught in a closed and dysfunctional system.

The religious states of America, in 22 maps from the Washington Post

The religious states of America, in 22 maps

Conversation with Hugh Halter on bi-vocational church planting

Interesting conversation today about bi-vocational church planting of small kingdom communities in the United States as a means of multiplying the church, doing evangelism among friends and forming relational communities that are connected. It costs almost nothing, allows those driven for evangelism and ministry to use their gifts and multiplies the church.

This is not the answer for all church planting but it is a lane that needs to be far more visible and honored in the United States. Interestingly this is exactly what we do internationally. The three largest inhibitors to the multiplication of the church globally - including the United States is the belief that you need to have real estate, a building and a full time pastor. Forming Kingdom communities costs almost nothing, releases God's people and is all about relationships. It is similar to what happened in the early church.

We use this approach in the developed and undeveloped world but it is not an honored model in the United States but I predict it is coming. Many young leaders are not interested in the traditional model but are interested in an evangelistically and discipleship model based on relationships, community, releasing everyone in ministry and keeping expenses low. These Kingdom communities can multiply in relationship together and form a larger community.

What gets in the way of seeing this as a viable model in the US? It is our metrics of success which focus on numbers, buildings, budgets and staffing. But often to the exclusion of relationships with unbelievers, evangelism (rather than church transfer) and releasing everyone in ministry within close community. 

Unfortunately in the large church model we often pay people to do ministry rather than open opportunities for the congregants to do significant ministry. Kingdom communities open doors for far more significant ministry for ministry driven professionals and congregants. 

This is not an either or but a both and. Those denominations that open a lane and honor those who plant Kingdom communities will lead those who only use the traditional model where it is not unusual to invest $250,000 in a church plant - many of which fail.

Check out Hugh's book. We do it internationally. Why not domestically?

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

The 10 most influential churches of the last century - Ed Stetzer in CT

The 10 Most Influential Churches of the Last Century

There is much to learn from some key trends in the last 100 years of church history. |

Ed Stetzer

The genius of the great creeds of the church

Why the church creeds? They came out of a need in the early church to clarify the essential doctrines of the faith, combat error and teach new believers the great and indisputable truths of true faith. In addition, they unify the church around what is truly central and core rather than allowing the many peripheral doctrines of the faith that are not as clear to divide us.

Not all points of doctrine in Scripture are equally clear. I remember one of my beloved seminary professors who when speaking on issues he believed but which were not clearly spelled out would get louder and louder. We knew that the thinner the ice, the louder he was. There are simply some things that we believe that are not all that clearly spelled out - which is why there are various interpretations. An example is the teaching and beliefs around the second coming of Christ. The creeds remind us that Jesus is going to return physically to judge the living and the dead. That is what we do know. Many of the other details are a bit fuzzy. 

I appreciate those who study doctrine to better understand the Scriptures, the nature of God, our own nature and all those topics that find there way into systematic theology. I don't appreciate when believers elevate their particular non essential elements of the faith to the place of dividing believers from one another. If all points of doctrine were equally clear we would not have differences but those differences should not divide believers who can subscribe to the great creeds of the faith - the grand outlines of what we know to be true - and which unify us.

It strikes me that in a world in which there are many more illiterate believers, that the creeds of the church ought to be taught more often or recited together as a congregation. I fear not only that we divide over non-essentials but that many don't understand the essentials. We can argue over the wrong things and we can be ignorant of the right things.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

What does it take to preserve congregational unity?

Congregational unity is a very precious commodity. In Ephesians 4:1-6, Paul pleads with the Ephesians to "make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." The phrase "make every effort" is from a Greek word that is hard to translate into English because it has a strong sense of urgency to it. It is vital, important, urgent and critical in Paul's words. 

Who is responsible for church unity? Everyone: Church leaders, senior pastors and the congregation as a whole. No one is exempt and no one can expect others to make the effort if they do not. For pastors it means that we don't move too quickly and cause division in the body and that we listen carefully and respond as we can. For church leaders it means that we ensure that we are all moving in the same direction together and for everyone it means that we are willing to work together and care about one another.

In fact, Paul gives us four relational and character non-negotiables to living in unity and again it applies to pastors, congregations and leaders in Ephesians 4:1-6.

One: Humility. Pride wants our way and it splits congregations. Humility is willing to subjugate our personal preferences for the common good and the mission of the church. Whenever there is conflict in a church you can bet that there is a lack of humility and an excess of pride. I am always bemused when I say to a congregation in conflict that they have a problem with pride. The push-back is immediate and it says a lot. We don't like to hear it but when we protest too much it is probably true. 

Two: Gentleness. Harshness leads to wounds, hurt, conflict and division. It may be harsh words, harsh attitudes, harsh actions or harsh spirits - all of them contribute to division and none of them contribute to peace and unity. And harshness never expresses the way of Jesus who does not break the bruised reed and who exercises such great tenderness toward us. Is it not ironic that the Jesus we worship and follow is never harsh with us while we find it easy to be harsh toward others? Gentleness leads to peace and unity while harshness leads to conflict and disunity.

Three: Patience. Think of how patient Jesus is with us and how impatient we are with others. Critical spirits, complaints and bad attitudes are often symptoms of impatience. Grace is all about patience. Do others deserve it? We often think not. Do we deserve it? Not at all but God graciously gives it. Patience is the character of Jesus and it must become ours. Without patience with one another there cannot be unity and peace in our relationships.

Four: Bearing with one another in love. This is about being willing to look beyond the faults and deficiencies of others and see what can be and should be in their lives. It is substituting love for judgement and seeing people as those made in the image of God regardless of their faults, issues or idiosyncrasies. It is giving grace to others and loving them unconditionally.

Unity does not come easily just as the cross of Jesus that is the reason we can be united with him and with one another did not come easily. But if he was willing to give his life for us, why are we not willing to seek the unity of the Spirit with one another?  In fact, Paul starts this section with the words, "As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received." Paul was in jail for his calling. He exhorts the Ephesians and us to pay the price for the unity of the body just as he is paying the price for his calling as an apostle. 

Guard the unity of the church: As pastors; as leaders; and as congregants.