Those we ride with

Mary Ann and I are deeply blessed with a set of "friends for life" with whom we share life! Some of these friendships date back some 20 years or longer and all of them are deeply significant to Mary Ann and me. No words can adequately express the love and appreciation we have for these friends who share our lives and we theirs.

These friends for life have molded us, prayed for us, shared their lives with us and who we are today is directly influenced by who they are. They have left an indelible mark on our lives and hearts and we are better for them.

The New Testament has much to say about "one another." There is nothing superficial about the relationships it describes. I think of those who shared the life of Paul through his travels, trials and difficulties. They were his encouragement through many dark days and their friendship held up one of the most remarkable ministries in Christian history. They share His reward in heaven.

Those who ride alone in life - with superficial relationships - are poorer for it. Not only can I not ride alone, I am deeply in need of my life long fellow pilgrims and will do what ever it takes to stay connected with them. They are are huge priority because they are deeply important in our lives.

Who are you riding with? Do you make your fellow riders a priority? Are you a good fellow traveller as you minister to them as they minister to you? Never take them for granted!

Passive aggressive behavior is a prime form of dishonesty

Passive aggressive behavior is something all of us should be conscious of and ensure that we don't engage in it. Unfortunately it is all too common and is in my view a prime form of dishonesty.

It is dishonesty because the one engaging in this behavior says one thing to your face - usually indicating assent and agreement or cordiality while in reality they don't mean it. And, to others they may express just the opposite or simply do exactly what they indicated to you they would not do. That is dishonesty. It is also cowardice because they are unwilling to simply tell yo that they don't agree - which could lead to a constructive dialogue and some level of understanding. Instead they essentially lie about what they actually feel and undermine you behind your back.

What is crazy making about passive aggressive behavior is that it is duplicity but a duplicity that is very hard to address because the problematic behaviors are engaged in with others or when you are not present. This is particularly sad among Christians in ministry whose yes should be yes and whose no should be no. It is no less dishonesty than stealing from one's employer or lying on one's tax return. It is dishonest - period.

It may take courage but stating one's position openly and honestly (hopefully with diplomacy) is critical to healthy relationships. The ability to state what one thinks even when it goes against the grain is a sign of healthy EQ. At least at that point there is the possibility of a discussion even if agreement cannot be reached. Not stating it and acting passive aggressively leaves no room for discussion but creates chaos in relationships which is what dishonesty by definition does. The irony is that after a season, the fact that one does not agree (even if one will not admit it) becomes evident in their behaviors.

As a leader I respect those who state their opinions diplomatically even when they disagree with mine. I have no respect for those who lie to me and then engage in passive aggressive behaviors. It is not honest and it is duplicitous. 

In the Image

I remember how proud and excited I was the day I brought my oldest son, Jon, home from the hospital. Everything had changed. I drove more carefully, I was protective of my baby and Mary Ann, a new sense of responsibility enveloped me.

As he began to grow and develop I started to recognize some of me in Him and it warmed my heart. Jon is a combination of Mary Ann and me, in many ways he is our image even though he is a unique individual in his own right

Any mother knows the awesome miracle of a child that has come from her womb. Here is “flesh from my flesh.” The bond between mother and child is a deep and profound one.

There is a mystery in creation that will remain a mystery until we see God face to face. When He chose to create men and women, why did He choose to create them after His own image? Here is God, the one who has no beginning and no end, who is three persons in one, living in perfect unity and fellowship (God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit), who is divine, holy (morally pure), transcendent (above all things), sovereign (has all power), and yet he chooses to make men and women in His image! None of the rest of creation was made in His image – just men and women.

In making us in His image, God gave to us a dignity, an importantance, a kinship with Him that is unique and unparalleled. Just as Jon has “me” in Him, God planted something of “Him” in us that made us unique, important, precious to Him.

We are not random creatures here by fate to be buffeted by the capricious winds of history. We are men and women, precious to God, known by God, and made in His very image.

What does it mean that we were made in His image?

First it meant that we could have intimate relationship and fellowship with the eternal God of the universe and more astonishingly He desired (and still does) that relationship. Just as the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit have fellowship with each other, we can have fellowship with one another and with Him.

Second, we were created with a moral dimension unlike the rest of creation. We were created with the ability to choose holy and moral actions over immoral and evil actions. That is why, even after the fall, we sense guilt and shame when we do something we know to be wrong. We have a built in moral compass, affected by the fall but whose residue remains.

Third, we have a desire to connect with God. You see that desire wherever you travel in the world whether it is Buddhists trying to achieve a higher level of consciousness, Hindu’s seeking to please or appease one of the forty million plus Gods of Hinduism, some capricious and some good, the world is Islam seeking to achieve paradise, animists trying to appease the spirits in the rocks, hills and trees or even new age varieties where some kind of connection with the divine and eternal is the goal.

That desire to connect is nothing other than the residue of a perfect creation, now marred by sin but where the dim perfection of the original creation still echoes down through humanity in a yearning for relationship with the transcendent.

All of this can be summed up by a certain majesty and glory that God created when he created men and women. Which is why the fall and the destruction brought by sin is so sad. The thief came to destroy all that God created and we are infected and affected by sin and the fall.

What we cannot lose sight of is the amazing dignity that God created in men and women in his original creation and his still undying love for his creation that would motivate him never to abandon even sinful creatures.

There is nothing God will not do to win his creatures back – those made in his image – including the death of His own son on the cross to pay our penalty and restore our relationship.

That is what we mean to Him. That is why there is no sin He will not willingly forgive, no guilt He will not willingly remove, no life he will not gladly redeem. He wants us back. We were meant for Him and He love you and me with an undying, amazing and eternal love.

If you are a parent you know something about that kind of love. What would you not do for your son or daughter, made in your image? Even when they go their own way, do their own thing, inflict pain on parents, we want them back, we love them dearly – they are ours.

We are God’s and he loves us with that same parental, undying love, even when we stray and cause His heart pain. Why does God love us? Why will God intervene on our behalf? Why does He welcome even prodigals back and welcome them warmly? He made us for fellowship with Himself. He made us in His image. He loves us with an undying love.

It only takes a few bad leaders to destroy the vision of many

The story of numbers 13 is deeply instructive for any ministry organization. As you remember, the spies were sent into the promised land to survey it prior to the Isrealites taking it. On return, two of the spies gave a favorable report while ten did not. Those ten said it was an impossible job to take the land. The people were too big, the cities too fortified and the land to vast. Never mind that God had promised it to them and said that He would go before them as he had so many times before already.

What is scary is that it took only ten individuals to sway the vast majority of the people who then refused to follow God and ended up causing everyone to wander in the desert for 40 years. Hundreds of thousands of people suffered because of ten individuals who refused to follow God or believe his promises, and these were leaders no less.

Ministry success always depends on leaders who are willing to courageously follow Christ and believe that He will take them to the places He wants them to go. Negative leaders, scared leaders, tentative leaders, easily swayed leaders, leaders of little faith - none of these should be leaders in God's Kingdom. Like the leaders in Moses day they will hurt rather than help those whom they lead.

Ministries do way too little to guard the leadership door against those who do not belong. Who you have in leadership matters a lot. The wrong leaders exact a spiritual price on those they lead while good leaders do the opposite. It only takes a few bad leaders to derail an organization.

In almost every ministry meltdown or church conflict I have watched it was the failure of a few leaders to act with wisdom and vision that caused the problems. Who paid the price of their bad leadership? Everyone else!

When Christian leaders get angry

Few things are more destructive to God's work than angry Christian leaders. First, when God's leaders get angry, they often lose all the grace, wisdom and principles they have taught for decades.

I remember one such angry leader when he realized that he had lost the confidence of the board of his church, blew up and threatened not to leave (he had a zero confidence vote) and said he was willing to see the church of 500 go down to 150 if necessary - with him there. This from someone who had taught in that congregation Biblical principles for over a decade. Everyone around him is shaking their heads (except those he roped into his cause) wondering what snapped in his thinking to even consider such a scenario.

The same can be said for pastors who get into conflict in their churches and choose to plant another church in the community knowing full well that they will split the church they are leaving. Somehow the "ill treatment" they experienced gives them the rationale for now splitting the Bride of Christ and believing it is OK. It is as if a key spiritual discernment fuse blew in his anger and what would have been wrong a year ago is now not only right but the spiritual thing to do. Contrast this with the response of Jesus when he was treated unfairly!

I heard recently of a leader who has left his large church after a disagreement with his leaders - he didn't want to be under their authority anymore - who is telling folks that he is going to start a rival church in town and take a large portion of those who were in his prior church. If one of his own leaders had suggested such a thing in  the past this leader would have immediately put them under church discipline but somehow in his "righteous" anger he is now willing to violate everything he had said was wrong previously - and spiritualize and justify it.

Anger in spiritual leaders can easily lead to irrational, sinful, destructive behaviors where spiritual discernment and wisdom are thrown off and behaviors they once considered abhorrent are now OK for them. Frankly it is scary to watch. It is like watching King Saul implode after he chose to go his own way rather than follow God in the Old Testament. I have recently watched such an implosion and watched a friend who for years exhibited spiritual discernment go in the absolute opposite direction like one making a right turn. It makes me wary of my own spiritual health and the need to stay current with God and not allow my own flesh to decide the rules no longer apply to me.

One other observation. When this happens it seems that spiritual leaders have stopped listening to those who gave them wise counsel in the past and now only listen to those who fuel their new irrational behaviors. It is scary to watch because it could be any one of us in Christian leadership who choose to walk down an angry and self righteous path. A path that the evil one seems to use to destroy much of the good that they had accomplished in the past.

When dreams are shattered

It is a great gift to come to the place where we have nowhere else to turn than to God - because in the end He is what we really need and is the only One who can resolve many of the issues we face!

That is the gift that shattered dreams gives us. They force us back to the One who has our destiny in His hands, they give us the choice of turning either to bitterness or to faith, and call the question on where our security lies. Each of these is a great gift from God if we choose to respond by moving closer to God.

That is a big IF. I meet those who allow their disappointment to move them toward diminished dreams, bitterness toward God and others and a quiet resignation that this is all there will be.

Then I meet those who allow their need to build character, deepen their trust in God, re-group and rather than live with resignation, boldly fight back with the hope that comes from faith in God.

What makes the difference?

The difference comes back to how we see God. Is He truly trustworthy? Is He truly good? Can I really trust Him with my life and destiny? Do I believe that He has greater purposes for my life than I can always understand? Can He redeem pain for His glory and my benefit?

If I can say yes to those questions I will be on a path toward growth, maturity and healing that will profoundly change me. If I cannot say yes to those questions, confusion or bitterness will be the path.

The key is understanding God and that takes time in His word and in His presence. Those who make that investment have a stockpile of strength and understanding and faith that carry them through the dark days. Those who don't - don't.

Through a glass darkly

I am often intrigued by those who are so sure of themselves on all theological arguments and their application to our daily lives. I wish I could be one of them! However, I realize that my view of God and his ways are at best distant and fuzzy. He is so grand and His ways so far above mine that while I see, I see through a glass darkly - making out the outline but often not much more.

He is wonderfully and powerfully inscrutable!

As Job argued with his "friends" (who wants friends like he had), he thought that he had a pretty good idea of what God should be doing with his situation. Yet even after God demolished the "wisdom" of his friends, he too, endured the rebuke of God, for his views too, were deficient.

As the opening salvo of God to Job cogently said, "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?" (Job 38).

After four chapters of rebuke, Job replies to the Lord in chapter 42, "Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things to wonderful for me to know."

Nothing develops true humility faster than trying to understand the awesome, holy, transcendent God! What we think we know, we know only in part. What we think we understand is understood through a glass darkly. One day when it is clear the landscape will be so amazing we will never get over it. Today we live by simple faith, in humble relationship with our wonderful God.