Self disclosure

You see them on television, calmly smoking cigars, wearing sunglasses as they play for high stakes in poker tournaments. The one thing that is true for all of them is that you cannot tell what they are thinking. There they are, stoic, hiding their emotions and their intentions. Which is why we call people who hold their cards close to their vest good poker players. Many of us can do it well if we choose.

There is a place and a time for keeping our cards close to our vest. But, people with good emotional intelligence, especially leaders do that only rarely. The truth is that it is very frustrating to work for someone or with someone who does not disclose what they are thinking and in appropriate ways, what they are feeling.

One of the key elements of emotional intelligence is that of being self disclosing. That is, being up front and clear as to what we are thinking so that others know where we are coming from, what our expectations are, where we are going, and what our intentions are.

The poker player mentality is that of secrecy and non-self disclosure. If you know someone like that or report to someone like that you know how frustrating that is. It is frustrating and it is unfair to others because it does not allow for honest and transparent dialogue or give others the information they need to work with or for someone who does not disclose their thoughts, emotions or intentions.

This does not come naturally to everyone but it can be learned. If you wonder how well you do on that score, ask those around you if you give them the kind of feedback and information you need as to what you are thinking or intending. And then be intentional in expressing your opinions, thoughts, observations and intentions. In the vast majority of cases, clear self disclosure is far better than holding your cards closely.

Self disclosure is closely tied to the ability of others to trust us. If I do not know what someone else is thinking and cannot seem to get that out of them, it will be very hard for me to trust them with responsibility because I don't know what I am working with. Holding your cards closely works well in poker but not in real life.

Who God honors: You might be surprised

We often feel as if our contributions to God's work are insignificant. We are "ordinary" people who don't often have the opportunity to do "extraordinary" things. In fact, I believe that is the feeling of most believers. Yet, as I read the gospels a different picture emerges. A picture of ordinary people not only honored by God but immortalized for all of time as examples of people who please him.

• A woman who gave her last two pennies in the temple.
• A woman who spent all she had and poured oil on Jesus feet to bless him.
• A woman who chose to put aside her busyness and sit at His feet.
• A woman who was sick and came to touch his robe.
• A woman who came to his grave the day of his resurrection.
• A mother who faithfully pondered God's word in her heart.
• Men who let their paralyzed friend down through a roof.
• A woman at he well who believed and told her friends about Jesus.
• A good Samaritan who cared for someone in need.

I could go on. These were by in large simple people who did simple things that pleased the heart of God. Oh, yes, I noticed how many were women. In any other context, these acts would not be noticed, valued or recorded. But in God's kingdom, any movement of any heart toward Him is noticed, valued and even recorded in His eternal records.

As you think about today, remember God honors the little things we do on His behalf: a kind word, a helping hand, a loving gesture, a financial gift, or just sitting for a while with our savior in His presence.

Who does God honor? Those whose hearts are turned toward Him. It is never unnoticed. Even a cup of cold water to parched lips in His name!

The power of focus

Those of us who lead others have a special responsibility to keep those they lead focused on the most important missional activities - those activities and priorities which will help accomplish your mission.

Mission drift often occurs because our attention is diverted from the most important to ancillary issues. Or, because we are too busy with all of the stuff that comes our way - email, phone calls, meetings, problems that need solving - we simply lose focus on what is most important.

The leader of a church of 7,000+ told me not long ago that he realized that their church had been on "auto pilot" for the past year because his attention had been diverted to other things. He owned the issue and again took the helm to lead but it he acknowledged that when he went on auto pilot so did everyone else and significant momentum was lost by the diffusion of purpose.

If leaders do not stay focused those they lead will not either. Because this is often the case, many ministries settle for OK results instead of great results.

Don't get me wrong. It is not that we are not busy. It is that we are so busy that we are not focused on what is most important.

I asked some senior leaders recently how they stay focused on what is most important for their organization. One of them has a white board in their office that reminds him of the most important things he needs to pay attention to. Another said that regular dialogue with a colleague on missional issues was the most helpful to keep him focused. One indicated that he took one day a month to think through his Key Result Areas and remind himself of his priorities.

Staying focused on the big rocks is a challenge even for the most competent leaders because of the incessant demands that divert that focus. What is necessary is developing a strategy to refocus on a regular basis.

Of course this assumes that leaders have clearly defined the priorities of their organization or team and have a clear picture of their priorities and direction.

Imagination

Imagination is a powerful and wonderful gift from a creative God. Lack of imagination is one of the great sins of Christian ministry.

God has a great imagination and sense of humor. If you doubt that, check out these strange animals! You have to wonder if God wasn't just having a lot of fun when he created the dinosaur, the octopus or the blow fish or the caterpillar turned butterfly. Can you tell me why that one? If God had tear ducts, would he have been laughing to tears among himself?
And, then, in making men and woman in His image he passed on the ability to imagine and dream and create new possibilities - but how often do we simply settle for the paradigms that are rather than consider what could be? Failure of imagination is a failure of living out the full potential of God's image in our lives and ministries.

Innovative churches and innovative ministries become that because they take the time to dream and imagine what could be. They ask the question, what could we do differently if we really wanted to catch the attention of people and challenge their thinking? They are like Apple or Google who keep reinventing themselves to catch the attention of consumers - only for ministries, the stakes are much higher.

When we simply settle for how things have always been done, without asking the question, is there a better way, we have shelved our imagination. When we start to dream and imagine what God has in store for us we are living more fully who He made us to be for He is an imaginative and creative God.

In our organization, ReachGlobal, we are praying and believing that God would allow us to influence one hundred million people for the Gospel in the decade that started in 2007. Many would consider that a crazy dream. But, that dream has caused us to think much more creatively about how we do what we do in missions, how we partner, how we multiply our efforts and how we leverage kingdom opportunities.

Without that dream and goal we would have settled for what was instead of asking what could be. It has caused us to bring the best thinking and strategy to the table. It has forced us to be creative and think differently.

What is your dream and are you using all the creative energy God gave to your ministry? Do you take the time to dream and imagine and create new ideas and paradigms? Imagination is a God given gift to be used for His purposes.

Are we focused on what we can control or do we spend too much time worrying about what we cannot control?

There are times and seasons in our lives where we waste a great deal of emotional energy worrying about situations or circumstances that we have no control over. It is a mistake! What we ought to focus on are those things that we can control and do something about and leave the other to God - who is in control of all things.

Here is the irony: While we can spend a great deal of time worrying about things that are beyond our control - or complaining about them - there is nothing we can do about them. At the same time there are so very many things that we can control and do something about.

Try this simple exercise. Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the left hand side write down all those things that are beyond your control but that you worry about. Then on the right hand side make a list of all the things you can control and actions you can take. The point is that there are many things we can do to affect our lives and that needs to be the focus of our time and energy. 

This exercise can be helpful in our marriages, our jobs and our ministries. Too often our attention is focused on the wrong side of the page. The left hand side of the page is God's business and the right hand side is our business. Focus on that and leave the rest to God - who is in control of all things.

A homeless man, street walker, con guy and Mary Ann's former students

Thirty three years ago November was the first Thanksgiving that Mary Ann and I celebrated as a married couple. We had almost no furniture (although a bunch of books) and a little apartment that we paid $90 dollars a month rent for. We wanted to so something special so a few days before Thanksgiving we went down to Micky's Diner, a fixture in downtown St. Paul and told the waitress that we would be there at noon on Thanksgiving and would take anyone who showed up to our house for a Thanksgiving feast.

We will never forget that dinner. First, it was amazing how much these folks ate! Then there was the transparency about their lives. One of the woman was a streetwalker, another guy lived in a building basement downtown where he would warm his food on a radiator. One guy was obviously casing our house and the others warned us about him (there was nothing to take and I didn't think he would want our books). When we had a short devotional after dinner, the tears rolled down faces as they sang songs they remembered from church as kids.

And then there was the con-man. His mother was in critical condition in Duluth, Minnesota and he had no money to get there. So I offered to buy him a Greyhound ticket. Thinking I was pretty smart, I took him to the station, bought the ticket and decided to wait till he got on the bus (If I was getting conned, he was at least going to Duluth). But I made the mistake of giving him the ticket and when I turned around he was gone! Oh well.

We will never forget that dinner. Or the individuals who joined us. Or the stories they told us. Or the sad circumstances that led to their situations.

Fast forward. Until a few years ago my wife worked as a school nurse in a middle class suburb of St. Paul with a student population of over 2,000 students. Every day she would come home with another story of kids in pain. Unplanned pregnancies, kids who had not eaten in days because their parents were on meth and all the money had gone to feed the addiction, kids who were shuttled from parent to parent, relative to relative, no one wanting them. Kids who were abused. No soap opera can compete with the stories Mary Ann heard.

Once Mary Ann threw a birthday party for a sixteen year old girl. She didn't know what to do. She had never had a birthday party in her life!

The kids called her their second mom! She always had food in her office for kids that were hungry. She would always listen and always tell them the truth. She loved them unconditionally and they know she was in their corner. She took parents to court to resolve issues and negotiated numerous "special plans" to help kids graduate. They loved their second mom!

Here is my point. We do not need to go to Mickey's diner to find hurting people. They are in our neighborhoods, our schools and our communities. Pain has no boundaries except those we erect because we "wall ourselves off" from the realities of our world, feeling much more comfortable in our Christian ghetto - commonly called the church!

Now that I think about it, the homeless guy, streetwalker, con-man and Mary Ann's hurting students sound like the folks Jesus intentionally went out of his way to meet and love. If we open our eyes, they are all around us, hopeless, hurting, alone, sad, and not knowing that there is One who loves them. When we choose to love the hurting - and the unlovable - they experience Christ's love. Messy work that will never leave us unchanged. That is the cool part. When we share the love of Jesus in tangible ways we become changed, we become a little bit more like Jesus. How cool.

Remember it was the pharisees who didn't want to engage the "sinners" of the world. Jesus engaged them all the time. He was hard on the pharisees because they were hypocrites. He was never hard on sinners, wooing them with his love, acceptance, grace and mercy. How are we doing? How is our church doing?

This is how Isaiah put it:
"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter -
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard."

Bold or timid church leadership

As one with leadership gifts, I can think of no arena more exciting to use them in than in the church of Jesus Christ. Amazingly. with all the ensuing challenges, difficulties and problems, Christ has chosen the local church as His means to reach the world with His good news. He has never given up on the church, and we can never give up on the church. Our challenge is to grow in our ability to lead well so that the leadership is a joy rather than a burden, and to lead in ways that allow Christ to fulfill His mission for our congregations in the expansion of His Kingdom.

Because many boards have not grappled with critical leadership issues, they live with a high degree of frustration. But there is hope. Over the past decade, I have watched many frustrated boards become energized, active and even high impact as they have made the choice to lead with greater boldness. This can be true for your board as well.

With many boards, there is a significant fear factor that prevents bold leadership. This is the church, after all. What if our decisions make some unhappy? Some probably will; leadership always gets 'pushback' of some kind. But consider the alternative!

Unfortunately, the local church, in general, is one of the most leaderless institutions in America. We have not learned to lead boldly, and we have paid too little attention to the selection of leaders. We have more fear than courage.  You may take issue with me. However, think about it: Why is it that despite all of our churches, we make so little impact on our communities in terms of the gospel? Satan must rejoice over this general condition. Timid leaders don't threaten him. Bold and healthy leaders keep him highly occupied.

Almost without exception, congregations that are truly making a difference in their community and experiencing real life change within their body are led by a godly, healthy, bold, energized leadership team - pastoral and volunteer. Leadership matters. It matters to God because the quality of our leadership has direct impact on the depth of His disciples and the effectiveness of His mission.

Many of us do not have training in leadership (and seminaries are not stepping up to the plate). This is often true of pastors. Even though much of a pastor's ministry relates to leadership, few have received leadership training or mentoring. The good news is: We can learn to lead! There are few natural-born leaders. Most of us are 'leaders in training' and will always be learning to lead more effectively. As Paul said, if you are going to lead, "govern diligently" (Romans 12:8). Lead Boldly.