Do you attend a rigid, graceless or mean church?

They do exist, and the three descriptors of rigid, graceless, and mean go together pretty well. They play out in several key ways that all contribute to a dysfunctional (church) family system.  Here are some symptoms.

Legalism: There are a lot of rules about what is acceptable and unacceptable, which come not from Scripture (or a proper reading of it) but from tradition or someone's strong preference. Legalism stifles freedom, creates false guilt, and can be used to control people. 

Control: Usually, this comes from leaders who have a need to control the thinking and especially the opinions of people in the congregation. It usually shows up when an independent voice asks uncomfortable questions, and there is a direct effort made by leaders to cause them to back off. Words like "uncooperative," "causing dissent," or "disunity" may be used to seek to bring them into line. Groupthink is groupthink and not healthy. There should be plenty of room for differing opinions within a church body.

Lack of grace: This flows directly from legalism and control. This usually shows itself in gossip, caustic comments, and even prayer requests that are directed at the decisions or character of others. It is a judgmental attitude that tries to play the role of the Holy Spirit in the lives of others, but in a way, the Holy Spirit would never do it.

Meanness: This is often directed at independent voices when those individuals do not toe the party line. Again it can be gossip, it can be charges leveled against individuals, or even asking people to leave the church - not because they have sinned - but because they have challenged the system and someone does not like it. Those who are authoritarian leaders often use their position to impose their views on others through plain unkind words and conduct. It is wrong!

Why is this so toxic? Because it does not look like Jesus, and the church is all about Jesus. Toxic churches create toxic Christians who, in turn, create other toxic followers. It is antithetical to the kind of church culture described in the book of Ephesians. Whenever you feel controlled or made to feel guilty or are intentionally hurt by church leaders, be aware that you may be in an unhealthy system. Healthy churches do not act this way. Unhealthy churches do.

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Just don't do it - benign neglect can be your friend

For many leaders there is the temptation to jump in and do what needs to be done when it appears to them that others are not going to take care of it. It is often a mistake and it trains people to passively allow the leader to do it for them. For a leader this is a non sustainable model because there will always be things that need to be done and often what we jump in and do takes us away from the most important things we do.

Benign neglect can be a friend. If certain things are not done and people notice it raises the question, "Who should do it?" If it should be done at all which is a good question. But when a leader defaults to doing it himself or herself they lost the opportunity to engage others in things they ought to be doing, not the leader. They also train people to expect that they will always take up the slack.

Pastors often fall into the trap of doing what others have not done. This is usually caused by anxiety over what people will think if something is not accomplished. But why should it fall to the pastor to plug the dike unless it is in their job description? If it is truly important then there should be a willingness on the part of the congregation to do it. Leaving it be raises the questions: Should we be doing this? Why do we do this? And, Who should do this? 

Sometimes your best action is no action.

Posted from Oakdale, MN

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

An article on who the unchurched really are

If you are part of a middle class or upper class evangelical church (as I am) this article will challenge your thinking - and should.

Five ways that a proper understanding of grace impacts leadership

There are few issues more important to us personally or in our leadership than a proper understanding of grace. Our understanding or lack of it has significant implications for how we lead and how we respond and interact with others. It is one of those areas where theology and practice intersect in important ways.

First, leaders who understand and live in grace do not have a need to prove anything to God or to others. If I live in grace, I do not need to worry about being wrong nor do I need to live with defensiveness. Many leaders in the Christian arena are more about proving they can be successful than they are about serving Jesus. Grace frees us from the need to prove anything to God or others and therefore allows us to live in freedom.

Second, leaders who understand and live in grace don't need to seek perfection which is really all about proving something to others. They can rest in the fact that God is in control and while we do the best we can we can leave the results to God. We sow and water but only God can bring the harvest. Without grace, leaders feel they need to produce results. Living in grace allows us to rest in Him, do the right things and trust Him for transformational results.

Third, leaders who understand and live in grace are able to extend grace and understanding to their staff. This is not an excuse for allowing shoddy work. It is a posture of wanting the very best for others and extending the same grace that Jesus extends to us. Harsh leaders simply don't understand grace. Think of the Fruit of the Spirit and you get the picture of what grace looks like in relationships. 

Fourth, leaders who understand and live in grace create cultures in their teams and organizations of grace. The culture of an organization is often a direct reflection of the leader's own spiritual and emotional health. Legalistic or harsh cultures simply reflect the ethos of its leadership. Where a leader understands and lives in grace he/she creates that culture in their organization.

Fifth, leaders who understand and live in grace create cultures where there is no fear of candid dialogue and diverse opinions because grace allows us to live with a Nothing to Prove and Nothing to Lose attitude. Without defensiveness, we can invite honest dialogue, deal with elephants and create a culture of grace and truth. Where that is not the case, I would argue that the leader (and or staff) are not living in grace.

I would guess there are many other implications of a life of grace. What I do know is that leaders who understand and live in grace create healthy cultures and those who don't won't.

Posted from Oakdale, MN

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

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If there had been no Good Friday or Easter Morning

We take much for granted. As you walk through this week, consider the gift of the death and resurrection of Christ. Because if there had been no Good Friday or Easter Sunday….

You would have no church

There would be no Holy Spirit resident in our hearts

Funerals would be the final farewell

Guilt would last forever

Good News would be absent for all

Life purpose would be absent

Prayer would be futile

Reconciliation with God would be impossible

The evil one would have the final say

Evil would not be mitigated by God’s love – anywhere

There would be no New Testament

The failures of our lives could never be redeemed for a greater good

Suffering would have no meaning

Future hope would be non-existent

The One Friend we can always count on would be absent

Love motivated by Jesus would be non-existent

There would be no final justice

It would be a life without Jesus

There would be no Easter

Take time this week to reflect. Good Friday and Easter Morning are the game changers in human history - and in our own history.

Posted from Oakdale, MN


All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.