Curiosity and hard questions create discomfort but are the path to becoming better

 

In my recent blog on asking the right questions, I make this statement: Those who ask the best questions are often the target of criticism for asking irritating questions. In contrast, the answers to those questions often go unaddressed. Rather than focusing on the question, the organization often focuses on the one who asked it.

This raises a related question: Why are we not more curious about what is happening in our organizations? In fact, we often resist good questions and target those who ask them because it makes us uncomfortable.

In her excellent book Atlas of the Heart, Brene Brown suggests, "Choosing to be curious is choosing to be vulnerable because it requires us to surrender to uncertainty. We have to ask questions, admit to not knowing, risk being told that we shouldn't be asking, and, sometimes, make discoveries that lead to discomfort."

That is a profound statement. The truth is that those discoveries lead to discomfort that causes us to learn, grow, and get better. Comfort is not what drives us to get better. Discomfort is. 

It follows that the best leaders are not those who choose comfort but those who are willing to be uncomfortable and, in that discomfort, discover and dialogue about things they would not otherwise dialogue about.

Here is the truth about organizations. They always gravitate toward comfort. They just do! The best leaders create discomfort. They make waves without sinking the ship to discover new answers and confront the uncomfortable. 

This is also why organizations move from being missional to being institutional. In the former, there is discomfort, but in the latter, the rule becomes, "Don't rock the boat." Those who do rock the boat are often labeled as troublemakers when, in fact, they are one of your most valuable assets. They are usually long gone when you discover that truth because their curiosity and questions were unwelcome.

Church and non-profit boards are notorious for not asking the right questions and guarding the status quo rather than choosing the vulnerability of curiosity and the attending discomfort. A great exercise is a whiteboard session where everyone is invited to ask the most challenging questions about their organization. Not to criticize but to challenge the status quo, create discomfort, and see if we are satisfied with our answers. 

I recently worked with a non-profit where the interviews with constituents raised significant questions around common themes. The discomfort of the senior leader and board caused the results to be put on ice, and the conversation stopped. There was no curiosity or honest conversation. Just defensiveness and a desire to keep the status quo. And the organization will pay the price for that response. 

In choosing to be curious, Brene Brown says, we make discoveries that lead to discomfort. And it is there that we can get better. But you must be open to curiosity and hard questions to get there.

In many organizations, those who ask the best questions become the object of criticism while the questions remain unanswered

 

Here is something I have observed on numerous occasions with organizations I have worked with. 

Those who ask the best questions are often the target of criticism for asking what are considered irritating questions, while the answers often go unaddressed. Rather than focusing on the question, the organization often focuses on the one who asked it.

Why would this be? Organizations can be very protective of the status quo because the status quo is comfortable. It is what we are used to, and challenging the status quo with a hard question is often an unwelcome intrusion to the group's comfort. 

There is another phenomenon at work. Many of the paradigms of the organization were decided on by senior leaders, and they may feel that questioning the paradigm is a criticism of them. The resulting defensiveness can be a powerful message not to question their decisions.

In both instances, it is often the one who asks the questions who becomes the target of criticism while the issues they asked about are left undiscussed.

Here is the thing. Organizations that ask the best questions become the best organizations. No organization gets better without the probing questions of good people who want the best for the organization. Yet, in many instances, the pride of the group or the leader shut down the questions because they are considered irritating. This is especially true in religious institutions where we can claim "God's direction" in our actions. 

Great questions are a means of getting to the truth and better practices. I once consulted with a church board where 15 staff had left over a five-year period. I asked the obvious question as to whether exit interviews had been conducted. The answer was no. I asked why not, and the board members hung their heads. So I interviewed the fifteen and discovered similar stories of why these staff had left. In every case, it revolved around their senior leader. Why had no one asked this question? Because it would have been inconvenient and made some uncomfortable. Yet, in not asking the question, dysfunction was allowed to continue for years. 

Good questions should not be seen as threats but as a means of honing strategies, practices, and assumptions that may need reconsidering. This does not mean the current practices are ineffective, but there may be more effective ways. You get there with questions. In fact, good questions are disruptive to the organization in a great way.

So, going back to my prior observation. We ought to celebrate those who ask the best and most prescient questions rather than see those individuals as troublemakers and irritants. Your culture will either celebrate great questions or shut them down. The result will either be a better organization or one that resists true progress. 

My one caveat would be this. Any question should be invited, with the exception of a hidden agenda or a personal attack. With those two exceptions, any question should be welcomed.

Does your organization invite and encourage hard questions, or does it seek to shut those questions down? In fact, here is a question you might consider asking: What questions do we resist asking because we are not sure we want to know the answer? Start with those.

Proud organizations and leaders with egos resist good questions. Humble organizations and humble leaders welcome them because it is not about them but about the mission.

Lessons from the Southwest Airline Meltdown: A Cautionary Tale

 

The recent debacle of Southwest Airlines and the cancellation of the majority of their flights leaving passengers stranded for days or a week or more is a cautionary tale. This is, after all, a highly successful airline with better-than-average service at a relatively low cost. Yet, earlier this week, the airline could not find cabin crews and pilots and literally had to ground the fleet to figure out who was where and match people and planes for a restart. In the meantime, hundreds of thousands of passengers were left stranded, at the peak of the Christmas season. The cost to SWA will be high financially, to their reputation, and in the sphere of public opinion. So the question is, how could this happen and what can it teach us in the organizations we work for?

Several lessons seem to stand out from what we know at the moment. These lessons are important because they apply to all organizations whether for profit or not for profit. 

One: Success can blind us to the need to pay attention to the basics. A winning formula will only keep you winning for a season. In the case of SWA, it has been a long season but undeniably, if you listen to the employees, the management was inured to some mounting and glaring deficiencies by the very success that they had. Success is both a blessing and a curse because while it brings profits or an impressive return on mission, it also gives one a false sense of security that all is well. Clearly, in the case of SWA, all was not well.

Two: Major failures are most often the result of incremental issues ignored. There were warning signs at SWA for years that all was not well, particularly in the investments made to the IT systems that brought the whole enterprise to a halt this past week. This was not a major failure caused by the weather or some catastrophic happening. Rather, it was the cumulation of issues not addressed along the way. If you listen to the management they are saying that the issues were discussed but clearly they were not addressed with any kind of urgency. Discussion and action are not the same things. Major failures are often the accumulation of small issues ignored over time until that accumulation builds up and the system cannot handle it.

Three: Investments in excellence are an ongoing priority at all times. Too often, organizations rely on past success and strategy to meet changing needs in the present and future rather than reinventing themselves to meet new challenges. As the saying goes, "What got you to here got you to here. It will not get you to there!" Every day, there must be investments in excellence and strategy to meet new needs and demands in a changing environment and marketplace. The moment that those investments cease to be a priority is the moment that the clock starts ticking toward a more significant failure. 

Four: Listening to your staff is one of the best early warning systems that you ignore to your own peril. There have been some very interesting comments from the pilots union and the crew union at SWA. Both say they have been warning management for years of issues that went unresolved and they would say unlistened to. Here is a key principle: Your staff often knows what is going on better than those in leadership and management so listening to your staff is one of the smartest things leaders can do. In this case, it seems that this did not happen to the detriment of the airline. 

I often call myself the "consultant of last resort." By the time an organization engages me, the pain in their system is high and often, it is because of these four issues. It can be a church, a non-profit, or a business but these four principles apply to any organization. Leaders and boards ignore these four principles at their own risk but they are, in my experience, often ignored. SWA's situation is a cautionary tale for any who lead organizations. It can happen to any of us.

Advent Series #17. A Story Stranger than Fiction. A Christmas Reading for your Family

 

A Story Stranger than Fiction

A Christmas Reading for your Family

No story is better known. No story better captures the heart of a child - small or grown - than the one we celebrate today. No matter how many times we hear the story it never grows old, it never disappoints, and never ceases to evoke deep emotions of wonder, awe, and comfort. An angel’s proclamation to illiterate shepherds, a teenage unwed mother, a loyal carpenter fiancée, the evil king Herod, and a cold, clear, Bethlehem night without a place to stay. A messy birth in an animal’s stall, alongside a dirty alley in the dark of night. Confused cows watching unknowingly as the Son of the universe stares back unknowingly at the very animals He had created eons before. A mother, a child, a carpenter, a few agitated animals, and the pungent smell of manure.

This is a story so absurd that it could only have been scripted by a Divine hand. No other writer would have attempted such a script. If they had they would not have claimed it to be true: fiction maybe, but not reality. This is not how the One whose voice had echoed off of a billion galaxies would make His entrance. Without CNN and Fox News, into a hovel known affectionately today as Bethlehem but then nothing more than a tiny village on the path to Jerusalem. 

His entrance was marked not by a proclamation to kings but to astonished herdsmen sleeping with sheep. The heavens opened with ten thousand voices – not over Jerusalem the ancient capital – but over a tiny grazing field for a handful of insignificant shepherds. They would be the only witnesses of the grand entrance of a King. No other writer would have written such a script. 

No other author would have taken such a chance. For behind this story, there are echoes of another story - equally incredulous. Centuries before in the vastness of eternity past – when infinity kissed infinity, The Master of Infinity spoke into being the universe in which we live - 3,000 of whose stars are visible to the careful eye, 30 billion visible from a large telescope, - the other 90% of the universe still hidden from our eyes. Its splendor is an eternal testimony to the Author of the story.

Immortal, invisible, God only wise,
In light inaccessible hid from our eyes,
Most blessed, most glorious, the Ancient of Days,
Almighty, victorious, Thy great name we praise.

Great Father of glory, pure Father of light,
Thine angels adore thee, all veiling their sight;
All praise we would render: O help us to see
Tis only the splendor of light hideth Thee.
(Walter Chalmers Smith)

The Author’s heart had love that could not be contained. A heart full of love is not easily satisfied. Transcendent goodness longed to give away infinite love. Again the Author spoke: A planet was expertly crafted. One among billions. A people wonderfully created – in the image of the Author. Free to love, free to experience the infinite goodness of the Author. Free to revel in His infinite Love. But above all free. Love cannot be forced and remain love.

We are not the sole owners of broken hearts. No heart suffered such sorrow as Infinite Love rejected. Image bearers rejected the Image Maker. The story’s characters fired the Author to write their own script. Unmatched, searing pain pierced the Author’s heart as the loved one jilted the Lover.

Chaos infiltrated beauty. A planet was hijacked and spun out of control. Poverty of spirit supplanted endless joy. Unfulfilled hearts realized the pain of lost love. Without the Author, individual storylines faltered – and failed. Sadness reigned. Darkness descended in seeming endless gloom.

Truth can be stranger than fiction. For in the pained heavens the grieving Author plotted love’s revenge. An awesome revenge that only Divinity could contrive – that only Divinity would contrive. Having lost His loved, the Lover would send His most loved to reclaim His heart’s desire. The rejected Creator would kiss the unfaithful created. Tender mercy in place of deserved destruction. An astonished heaven broke into unbelieving applause. Image bearers would be reclaimed by the Image Maker. Light would once again prevail over darkness. Brokenness would be made whole. Peace would triumph over chaos.

All was silent in the heavens on the chosen night. Angels held their corporate breath. For nine months the Son had been absent, resident in a young girl's womb, coming to us, not as a king but incognito, just one of the thousands of children that would be born on a lonely planet that night – into the darkness that our word had become. Placenta covered the Son of the universe arriving to claim back His beloved: this time, one by one, heart by heart. Tender mercy arriving in disguise: one of us, one like us. On that night, the Author personally entered our story. 

Such humility our world has never known. A stunning reversal for a world gone astray. A Heart full of love is not easily satisfied. Transcendent goodness longing to give away infinite love, arriving under cover of night in order to “shine on those living in darkness…to guide our feet into the path of peace.” (Luke 1:27).

When an author writes, each character is unique; each has his or her own story-line. We, each have a story – unique, unrepeated, singular. Each story has its own joy, its own pain, its own pathos and unmatched quality. But each shares one singular, astonishing feature. We are made in the Author’s image, and He will not rest until we have invited Him to join in our story. 

More astonishing than the script He has authored, the story we celebrate today is that He also wants to enter into your story. This is the most ancient of stories but it is also the most contemporary of stories. The Christmas story is but one chapter in the Author’s divine script. The Author is still writing. And every person who invites Him into their story becomes a separate and unique chapter in His unfinished book. And into each story, He brings His light and peace. 

“For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.” (John 3:16-17.)

Have you invited Him into your story? 

Father, my heart is amazed anew at your love. This Christmas, I thank you again for the greatest gift ever given of your Son. Amen

Advent Series #16. Silence, Chaos, Rejoicing, and Holy Awe

Silence, Chaos, Rejoicing, and Holy Awe

Silence

The heavens held their collective breath for the Son was gone. The unimaginable was unfolding. The One who had superintended creation was now ready to be born a creature. What could this mean? Majesty of heaven rejected for the poverty of a squalid earth and a people who had rejected truth too many times to count. They had traded the garden for a lie and now the creator traded majesty for obscurity. It was a silence of unbelief, awe, apprehension, and wonder!

Chaos

Nativity scenes are peaceful and neat but this night in Bethlehem was anything but. The tiny town was full of travelers, the inns and taverns were full and noisy and crowded and smelly. Desperately, a man tried to find a place for his wife, swollen with child, water about to break, a place where a child could be born in dignity but it was not to be. Instead, it was the to be with the animals, hay and manure, the sounds and smells of the adjacent Inn intruding on this holy moment.

Rejoicing

The silence of heaven gave way to song and praise and rejoicing penetrating the chasm between heaven and earth so that even poor shepherds heard the choir and angelic announcement. This first musical Christmas card came not to the mighty and powerful but to the poor and powerless: A symbol of the Kingdom that was coming - good news for those who needed the same. Good news of a great joy which shall be for all people. Even us, even today! A Savior, who is Christ the Lord. Now there was silence on earth as the shepherds tried to understand the import of the news. 

Holy Awe

There was one who knew that the universe had changed and that what was, was not what would be: Mary. Too young to be jaded, faith-filled, and in awe of the child that lay at her breast. For she knew that He was not of this earth though she did not know the price He would pay. She remembered the angel who had visited her upon her pregnancy. Now she heard the report of the shepherds who came to visit. All the people wondered at their report but Mary, treasured up these things pondering them in her heart. She knew, not fully, but she knew! 

We know fully for we know the rest of the story. Does it move us as it moved the heavens, the angels, the shepherds, the people of Bethlehem and Mary? This is a day to consider, to rejoice and to be awed at the love that drove a rejected Savior to save the broken, the needy, and each of us who have received Him in faith.

Father, I bow in reverence today thinking of your amazing love and grace. Thank you for the incarnation where you showed us who God is and made it possible for us to join Your family. Amen

Advent Series #15. When the fight between good and evil became personal

 

When the fight between good and evil became personal

The birth of Christ brought a whole new level of conflict between good and evil into our world. Specifically between God and the evil one. Many don't know that the first prediction of a coming messiah who would destroy Satan is found in Genesis 3:15 when Adam and Eve were evicted from the garden because of their rebellion against God. 

On that day of judgment for our original ancestors, there was also an amazing word of grace. Three key statements lay out that grace. First, God says that he would put enmity between the woman and the serpent (who had convinced her to eat the fruit of the forbidden tree). Second, he says that that enmity would extend to her offspring and his (speaking of those demons who accompanied him in rebellion against God. Third, God says there is coming one male offspring of the woman who would crush Satan's head although Satan would strike at His heel. That one male offspring would be the Messiah who would one day destroy Satan.

Satan knew on that day that his days were numbered. He knew there was one individual who would one day destroy him. He just didn't know who and when and where. What he did know was that this individual would come through the tribe of David. In fact, you will remember that when the wise men told Herod that they were looking for the King of the Jews who had been born that he had all the male boys under 2 years old killed. Who inspired Herod to do that? None other than Satan who wanted to cut off the threat.

When did Satan figure out who that One was? Most likely at the public baptism of Christ by John the Baptist and immediately afterward, he followed Jesus into the desert to tempt him. From this time on, the conflict between Jesus and Satan was intensely personal. Who would win?

But it became intensely personal for us as well. Satan cannot destroy God so he does the next best thing. He tries to kill God in effigy by hurting those made in His image. This is how Jesus frames that personal conflict that we have with the evil one. Jesus says in John 10:10, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." He is telling us that we have an enemy and we have a friend. One comes to diminish and one comes to bless. Thus the divine conflict now impacts us and has since our ancestors rebelled against God in the garden.

But, in the incarnation, Jesus shows us that His power is always able to bring life and defeat evil. When Jesus healed, forgave sin, called people to Himself, invited them to join Him in His work, welcomed them into His kingdom, gave the hopeless hope, the sad joy, the marginalized honor, the sinful, forgiveness, and those without any power, the power of His Holy Spirit that no one could diminish - He demonstrated that in a personal relationship with Him, the evil one has been defeated. That is the power of the incarnation and the power we have today.

In the incarnation, the fight between good and evil became intensely personal. But even more personal for us as the Good Shepherd came and lived among us, showed us His grace and His love, and demonstrated time and again that His love envelops us and His power protects us. In the incarnation the fight became good and evil became personal, but our Savior became even more personal as He showed us His character and invited us into His family. Jesus wins over Satan every time. His subsequent death and resurrection sealed Satan's fate forever. 

Remember today, you have an enemy. More importantly, you have a friend. The first wants to diminish your life. The second wants to bring ultimate fulfillment to you. And it is personal because the second invites you to join His family, His work, and His kingdom.

Father, thank you for taking the battle to the enemy for our sake. Thank you for personally defeating him and thank you for personally inviting us into Your family, Your work, and your Kingdom. Amen

Advent Series #14. Radical Proposals

 

Radical Proposals

Jesus was the great disrupter of the status quo. And He constantly made proposals to those around Him that were equally disruptive. Consider:

In a world that is focused on self, he said to people, "Come, follow me and I will make you fishers of men." And astonishingly, people immediately left what they were doing to follow Him.

In a world that is focused on ego and power, He said that the blessed are poor in spirit, those who mourn, the meek and humble, those who thirst for righteousness, the merciful, the pure in heart, peacemakers, and the persecuted. Who would say such a thing?

In a world focused on material possessions, He told His followers to store up treasures in heaven rather than on earth and that they could not serve both God and money. 

In a world focused on fear and anxiety, He said therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life but seek first my kingdom and righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.

In a world that loves to judge others, He said, "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"

In a world that is tired and weary, he said, "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." And He says that He, God, the Master of the universe, is gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls.

In a world that is fixated on getting ahead, He said that the Kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field and when a man found it, he went and sold all he had and bought that field - betting everything on that treasure.

In a world where people love to be first and great, He says, unless you become like little children and take the lowly position of a child you will not enter the Kingdom of heaven.

In a world that holds grudges and keeps score of wrongs, He told His followers to forgive again, and again and again. And then He forgave Peter His denial. And us - our sin.

In a world where death is final, He rose from the grave and said that we would as well.

Jesus is still the disrupter of the status quo and He desires to do so every day in our lives. His proposals are so far out as to be crazy if they were not true which is precisely why the incarnation changed everything and continues to do so as we respond to His teaching. Allow Him to disrupt your life today - and tomorrow. It is a disruption that will change the equation of your life. Accepting His proposals is truly the game changer.

Father. Thank you for disrupting my life and I invite you to do it again and again as I choose to follow You. Disrupt, change, empower and fulfill my heart's desires in ways that only you can. Amen

Advent Series #13. The Treasuring Practice

 The Treasuring Practice

Mary, the mother of Jesus is a fascinating woman who gets far too little appreciation at least in evangelical circles. She was a woman of great faith at a young age, was chosen by God to be the mother of Christ, and one can only imagine the difficult job she had trying to figure out what this was all about. The song, Mary Did You Know captures the mystery she was handed as the mother of Jesus brilliantly.

Mary, did you know that your baby boy

Would one day walk on water?

Mary, did you know that your baby boy

Would save our sons and daughters?

Did you know that your baby boy

Has come to make you new?

This child that you delivered, will soon deliver you

Mary, did you know that your baby boy

Will give sight to a blind man?

Mary, did you know that your baby boy

Will calm the storm with his hand?

Did you know that your baby boy

Has walked where angels trod?

When you kiss your little baby

You kiss the face of God

The blind will see, the deaf will hear

The dead will live again

The lame will leap, the dumb will speak

The praises of the Lamb

Mary, did you know that your baby boy

Is Lord of all creation?

Mary, did you know that your baby boy

Would one day rule the nations?

Did you know that your baby boy

Is heaven's perfect Lamb?

That sleeping child you're holding is the great, I Am

Of course, she didn't know although she had a glimpse from her encounters with the angel who told her she would be with child by the power of the Holy Spirit, her encounter with Elizabeth, her song given her by God, Zechariah's Song at the birth of John and then her encounter with the Shepherds and the angels at her son's birth as well as Anna and Simeon at the temple.

But here is what I love about Mary. As she encountered these events, and even though she did not fully understand them twice we read that "Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart" (Luke 2:19). Twelve years later when Jesus accompanied his parents to the temple in Jerusalem and he was found teaching the teachers we read again, "But his mother treasured all these things in her heart" (Luke 2:51).

Mary's secret was to thoughtfully ponder what she saw God doing or saying. She didn't look for ready answers but she was one to think and ponder and treasure what she was experiencing. She gave the Holy Spirit room to give her understanding and perspective. She took the time to think about, meditate on and treasure what she was seeing God do. She valued it and paid attention and allowed it to germinate in her heart and life. 

We run busy and hectic lives. We often don't have time to think let alone ponder and treasure what God has done and is doing in our lives. It is why I choose to journal. It makes me slow down as I put on paper my thoughts, prayers, and the deep questions of my heart. There is so much I don't understand but when I take the time to be still and think of God's work in my life, many things come into perspective. 

In these next days before Christmas and the New Year, take a lesson from Mary. It is the Treasuring Practice. What do you need to treasure in your heart?

Father. Help me to take the time to think more deeply and ponder more carefully so that I treasure your work in my life and pay attention to your love and work on my behalf. Thank you for the example of Mary. Amen