Closed ministry systems that are deeply dysfunctional

I spoke recently with a ministry leader who had resigned from his church staff position (a large church) because of the dysfunctional culture that he sensed. Having left the "system," he now realizes that it was a great deal more dysfunctional than he thought, and he is so glad to be out of it. When we are in a "closed" system that is dysfunctional or toxic, we may sense that not all is right, but it is when we get out that we realize how dysfunctional it was. This applies to staff systems as well as whole congregations where there is significant dishealth. Such dysfunction can be part of the historic DNA of the church, a dysfunctional board, a dysfunctional leader, or a "church boss" who wields unhealthy power and has a personal agenda.

What are some of the signs of a closed and dysfunctional ministry system?

One: There is great pressure for people to think in similar ways and not to have independent voices. In closed systems, independent opinions that go against the "group think" are a threat and are not valued. Often, independent thinkers in ministries are either labeled as troublemakers or spiritually immature. Certainly, it is not safe to disagree significantly.

Two: Questions to the status quo are seen as disloyalty. This is especially true for senior leaders who are insecure and do not like their paradigms or opinions to be questioned. As long as one keeps the party line you are "in." If you ask hard questions, you are marginalized.

Three: Candid dialogue is not allowed. Usually, it is the senior leader who sets the tone here. In closed systems, candid dialogue is a threat rather than a valued part of the culture. The reason is that such dialogue will inevitably challenge the standard line.

Four: In closed systems, senior leaders often protect themselves from accountability or questions. They hide behind a spiritual veil that sounds good but keeps people from getting too close. And they surround themselves with people who will agree with them and those who don't usually don't stay: either because they know how dysfunctional it is or they are marginalized or let go. 

Five: When independent voices appear or when someone steps out of the prevailing culture, there is great pressure put on them to get in line and conform to standard opinions. It is a family system thing, and any threat to the prevailing culture brings pressure for conformity. This is why, in dysfunctional staff situations and congregations, independent thinkers often leave. They see the system for what it is and know it is not healthy.

Six: The most telling moment for those who get out of such systems is how free they feel once they are out of it. And even though they knew it was not healthy, they realized once out how unhealthy it was. Those who leave are also a threat to those who stay, who, at some level, feel that those leaving are not loyal. They have violated the family system.

If any of these characteristics are true of your staff or the ministry you are in, consider the possibility that you are caught in a closed and dysfunctional system.

"I’ve loved Addington’s work for years, because it addresses the questions that keep me up at night as a leader."

"Awhile back, T.J. sought input on the manuscript of his now-released Deep Influence to fellow leaders in the EFCA (like me). What follows are some of the gems I gleaned (a combination of direct quotations and personalized applications)." - Jeff Cagwin

See Jeff Cagwin's take aways

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

The expectation trap for leaders

Those who lead inherit expectations from their team or organization. Some of those expectations are critical: Building healthy teams; serving one's staff; removing barriers; clarifying what is important and so on. As I wrote recently all supervisors and leaders have an unwritten contract with those they lead around these key issues.

Then there are what I call false or unrealistic expectations that simply come from history (what the previous leader did), personal preferences (this is what my leader should do) or my personal version of what a leader is and does. This is one of the primary issues pastors face because there are as many expectations of what a pastor should be and do as their are members of the congregation. It is these unrealistic or false expectations that cause issues for leaders unless they are personally clear as to what is important to them.

The expectations of others are a trap because no leader can ever fulfill all the expectations that others have, nor should they. There are simply too many. Leaders must be clear about what is important to them in leading well rather than trying to fulfill the expectations of others. Furthermore those expectations (other than the critical obligations every leader has) are often distractions to good leadership rather than contributors to the mission. 

If we are driven to please others by meeting their expectations we are more concerned that people like us than that we lead well and people respect us. There is a big difference between the two. The best leaders have great conviction as to what their priorities are and it does not include meeting all the expectations of others. 

There is another issue at play. The expectations of others usually come from how they would live or lead. But they are not us. "But our last pastor...." is not an uncommon phrase. Bless them for how they did what they did but we are not them. It is why in our organization while there are some non negotiable expectations of leaders, how they do what they do is highly flexible. Leaders are individuals with their unique gifting, personalities and even quirks (yes we all have them). This is why I write in Deep Influence that we must lead from who God made us to be. 

When we get caught in trying to meet the unrealistic or false expectations of others we inevitably get out of our best lane and it hurts our leadership. Ironically in trying to meet the expectations of others we often end up hurting our staff because we are no longer leading out of who we are or focused on the clarity that we ought to have.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Are you a leadership hoarder, lender or giver? Every leader is one of the three

Are you a Leadership Hoarder, Lender or Giver?
Excellent article by Scott Cochrane

What ISIS really wants - from The Atlantic

What ISIS really wants

How a life of grace makes humility possible and pride less likely

Pride is ubiquitous among leaders in the Christian world. The interesting thing about pride is that it is often rooted in insecurity. If I am insecure I don't want to be wrong and if I don't want to be wrong I will insist that I am right which leads directly away from humility and straight toward pride. 

But why do we live with needing to hide our insecurities and weaknesses and mask them with certainty and a need to be right? May I suggest that it is because we are trying to prove something about ourselves? That we are good enough? That we are not failures? That we are worthy people? That God will be happy with us? That we are successful? 

Is it possible that at the heart of our pride and fear of failure and therefore a need to be right and in charge is that we do not understand grace? What is grace about other than that God accepts us with all of our sin, weaknesses, dysfunctions, dark sides, and all the rest we can name. And if He accepts us and loves us and if we live in His grace, why do we need to pretend we are something we are not or fear our insecurities? After all, God knows everything about us fully and yet loves us fully. He loved us when we didn't know Him and even then extended grace. 

Understanding God's grace is necessary to give ourselves grace. And if I am living in grace I don't need to pretend, I don't need to be right, I don't need to prove myself to others and I can admit my insecurities, failures and other areas of struggle. And that is the key to a life of humility. Pride is all about a facade to protect ourselves. Understanding grace removes me from the necessity of the facade and allows me to be real - the real me - warts and all. And it allows me to be OK with the journey I am on toward greater likeness to Jesus but knowing it will remain imperfect until I see Him.

I suspect that humility and grace are deeply intertwined and that understanding, living in and extending to ourselves God's grace is a key to the ability to live humbly. Humility is a nothing to prove, nothing to lose attitude where we don't need pretense. It is an honest life. Honest about who we are, the gifts God has given us, the brokenness we have and the journey we are on. I am not sure that true humility is possible without a good understanding of God's grace.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

The religious states of America, in 22 maps from the Washington Post

The religious states of America, in 22 maps