The danger of a culture of consumerism over disciplemaking in the church today

 

There is no country where the church has the American church's resources. And yet, with all the advantages it has: wealth; technology; training; strategy, and Biblical knowledge, we are not doing well in many congregations. In fact, we inadvertently hurt ourselves by focusing on the wrong things, which causes us to miss the best things. We are often building a culture of consumerism over disciple-making and that is hurting us and God's people.  Here are some examples of how we inadvertently hurt ourselves in some quarters.

In our concern for "market share" (yes, that is a thing), we appeal to the consumer mentality of church members rather than to the Biblical Mandate of making disciples. In the city in which I live, the revolving door among the large churches particularly has been evident for the past several decades. A "cool" church will appear and make a splash, and its weekend experience is impressive, and migration takes place from other churches to the cool church. 

The problem is that we are training congregants to look for "what's in it for me" rather than focusing on helping them become disciples who love Jesus, and when another cool church appears that is cooler than the church I am attending, the migration happens again. If we train consumers, they will act like consumers. If we disciple people to follow Jesus, they will follow Him. The two are not the same. 

This goes to our marketing efforts as well. We develop programs and swag and the best stage presence because that is what will bring people in, and yet we miss the magnetic quality that actually builds a long-term family of believers - a congregation that loves Jesus and each other which is the greatest marketing tool a church could have. 

The consumer mentality of the church impacts our teaching. I am bemused that there are churches that won't even use the word preaching or teaching (two very Biblical words), but they talk on staff about who is doing the "presentation" that week. And the presentation must not be controversial (which Jesus and the Scriptures usually are), must not deal with the hard topics of the Bible (of which there are many), and must be uplifting, relevant, and non-controversial. It is a win, perhaps for market share, but how is it a win for helping people understand God and His Word?

Too often, we want people to love our church and be loyal to our church rather than wanting people to truly love Jesus and be loyal to Him. Think about the Gospels. Jesus did not try to be cool and hip. Rather He was authentic and spoke truth with amazing mercy and grace. He came full of Grace and Truth. 

The early church, likewise, had few of the advantages our contemporary churches do. But what they had was an infectious love for God and one another that was a magnet for those around them. As to the "teach," this is what Paul had to say about his preaching. "When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power" (1 Corinthians 2:1-5)." Paul would not be invited to speak in many of our cool, large churches today.

Nor, maybe Jesus because He talked about a "narrow gate" to God. He said that no one comes to the Father except through Him, and He spoke of heaven and, if you can believe it, hell and coming judgment. He did it with grace, but He spoke the truth - truths that we are often fearful of speaking ourselves. For those who want to be cool, Jesus said some very inconvenient things. 

And one last thing. Jesus championed humility over pride and ego. Yet many of our congregations today who live in the consumer space are driven by leaders with egos who have an agenda to grow their brand. Why do we brand? Because we are building a brand that is ours and that will set us apart from the rest. But Jesus talked about championing the Father, and Paul build a brand not around personalities (see 1 Corinthians) but around Jesus and the cross and following Him.

These are all contrasts between consumerism and discipleship. Which are you building in the church you attend? It is worth thinking about. 

Leaders are stewards: The question is what are you stewarding and for whom?

 

Most would acknowledge that leaders are stewards. By definition, stewardship means that we look after the interests of someone or something else rather than ourselves. However, what we are stewarding and for whom requires some deep thinking and regular realignment because it is easy to get this wrong. We can inadvertently steward the wrong thing! This is true whether you lead a team or an organization. 

At any one time, if we are not careful, we may be stewarding (and looking after the interests of) ourselves or others and a mission. 

Leaders have the power to set agendas and focus. They also have the opportunity to look out for their interests or the interests of others. They can guard or give away authority and power. In fact, when a leader guards their authority, rather than sharing it, it is a sign that their stewardship is more about them than it is about others. 

The more autonomous a leader is in their decision-making (rather than sharing that decision-making with other competent individuals), the more their stewardship is about their interests, their ego, and their power. Often, they do not see it, but those around them do.

In all of this, ego is the enemy. Ego is about me and my interests, and to the extent that we focus on retaining our power and authority or arranging things for our interests and agenda, we are stewarding ourselves, not a mission or on behalf of an organization and its staff. 

There are four characteristics of those who are true stewards rather than faux stewards.

One: they think mission and something greater than themselves, talk about that mission, and encourage the whole organization to align their work around the accomplishment of that mission. It is not about themselves but about something greater than themselves.

Two: they lead from a place of great humility. This means that they bring others into the decision-making process, don't need to get their own way, admit when they are wrong, are non-defensive, open, and take differing opinions easily. 

Three: They share decision-making, power, and authority in appropriate ways, giving these to other competent people rather than hoarding them for themselves.

Four: They genuinely care about people around them, and their words, interactions, and actions reflect that care. Ego-driven people care about themselves, while humble leaders care about others. 

If you lead others, take a moment to reflect on this issue of stewardship and the four markers of those who are true stewards. All of us can improve, and this is an issue that leaders need to be aware of on a regular basis. 

Key lessons I have learned about leadership along the way

 

Learning to lead well is learned the hard way over time. I took time recently to consider what I know today that I needed to understand better as a young leader. It is a long list that simply says how little I knew about good leadership as a young leader. The raw stuff was there, but there was and is much to learn. If you fit that young leader category, these may be things to consider.

• Many issues are not as urgent as I think they are. Relax, and don't equate all issues to having the same urgency. 

• Flexibility is critical for good leadership. Most of life is not black and white; compromise is essential to getting things done. 

• Necessary or desired changes do not need to take place immediately. As a leader, I can only move as fast as those I lead can follow. I need to be patient and sensitive in leading through change.

• I don't need to take differences personally. It is about the mission, not about me. Pushback and disagreements are healthy if we can come to healthy solutions.

• The key to everything is relationships. It pays to develop relationships even with those who disagree with me. Mutual respect and understanding come through relationships.

• Anxiety is wasted energy. Don't worry about things that one cannot control. The worst is unlikely to happen anyway.

• I can be wrong, and it does not hurt my leadership. Develop a "nothing to prove and nothing to lose attitude," and one gains freedom.

• Just be me. I cannot lead like anyone else. God made me who He made me; I need to lead from who He created me to be. Learn to be comfortable in one's own skin.

• Don't die on anthills! It is painful and unnecessary. There are some hills to die on, but only a few. Be wary of which one you take your stand on.

• Don't judge motives. We usually don't know what they are, and almost always, when we attribute poor motives to others, we are wrong.

• Relationships are everything. Influence comes through relationships, so press into those hard with those one needs to work with, even if they seem to be detractors. 

• I should never measure myself against others. That is a false measurement. I should measure my progress and whether I am better today than yesterday. 

• My own inner life must take precedence over all other things. The healthier I am emotionally, spiritually, and relationally, the better my leadership. The inner life always comes first.

• I don't need to change the world - and I cannot. What God does want me to do is influence my small corner of the world.

• God is sovereign. When I carry around great anxiety and worry, I try to do His job. I can relax knowing that He is always ultimately in control.

• Not all things get fixed on this side of heaven. God is always sovereign, but He does not force people, and there are situations and people issues that I will not be able to fix.

• Humility is at the core of all good leadership. Arrogance and thinking more of myself than I should get me into trouble. We all overestimate our gifts and importance and underestimate our faults and shadow side.

• Emotional intelligence matters a lot. The more I grow my EQ, my relationships, leadership, and personal health improve.

• God died for the Bride and not the brand. God wants me to focus on His kingdom, not my evangelical brand. I should appreciate all of his players and not just a few.

• I don't need to compete but to be faithful. I am not in competition with others but instead called to be faithful to what He wants me to do. 

• It is OK that not everyone likes me. In fact, if everyone likes me, I am probably not leading well. Popularity is not the end goal of leadership.

• I am only good at a few things. It is how God created me (Ephesians 2:10) and is why I need others around me. Their gifts make up for my many deficits.

• I can never give enough credit away. As a leader, I give credit to the team and take responsibility for the failures. It is what leaders do.

• God can guard my reputation. This means I don't need to - even when people are obnoxious or hurtful.

• If I am threatened by others, that is my problem, not theirs. The question is, "Why do they threaten me, and what does that say about my inner health?" To the extent that I lack personal security, I must press into those EQ issues.

• Perceived failures are usually just growth opportunities. What we define as a failure, God is simply using to grow us into who He wants us to be.

• God can superintend my ministry path. He knows where I will be most valuable and influential. I don't need to seek success but be faithful to where He has called me.

• Position does not equal influence. I can have as much influence as He wants me to have from whatever position or platform God' gives.

• Success must be measured from His rather than the world's perspective. God does not measure success the way the world does. My job is to use the gifts and opportunities He puts in front of me for maximum Kingdom advantage. 

Advent Series #10. What we can learn about Humility from the Advent

 

What we can learn about Humility from the Advent

Ego is one of our intractable enemies. Ego causes us to elevate ourselves at the expense of others. It keeps us from seeing our own issues even as it specializes in seeing the issues of others. It keeps us from apologizing when wrong, seeking reconciliation when estranged, and allows us to justify our sinful side and resist the correction of God and of others. Ego causes us to deal with others harshly rather than gently, to choose "truth" over "grace" in our interactions, and is at the root of all kinds of destructive behavior. Ego is truly the enemy.

What does ego have to do with Advent and what can we learn about humility from the incarnation? Think about this. Many of us will not walk across the street or make a phone call to apologize to someone we have wronged but the God of the universe left heaven and became a creature to bring reconciliation between God and man even though we were the ones who had created the chasm. 

To be humble, says Paul, is to be like God and to imitate what God did in the incarnation.

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross! (Philippians 2:1-8).

Now that puts humility and ego in perspective. In fact, it is our ego that keeps us from humility, and yet it is humility that mirrors God. Jesus himself says, "I am gentle and humble of heart." Wow. How often do I realize that I am neither! 

Here is the fundamental issue with pride and ego. They are about us and they cause us to disregard others and their issues or their humanity. It puts "me" before others. The incarnation is all about God choosing to put aside the prerogatives of the creator to rescue the created. Thus He came to live with us and teaches us to enter into the lives of those around us in His name. Ego and pride remove me from others while humility causes me to engage with others.

To think of Advent is to think deeply about the posture of my own heart and my willingness to live with humility. It is humility that allows me to minister as Jesus did and to enter into the humanity of others. Ego kills that. Humility nurtures a Jesus attitude.

Father. I confess that I am prone to pride and resist humility. Help me to be like you so that I value others above myself and look not just to my interests but to the interests of others. Amen.

The most important trait of a church leader

In the years that I have worked with church leaders I have come to the conclusion that the single most important prerequisite for serving in leadership is a deep level of humility. The immediate pushback on this is that clearly, church leadership requires someone who knows and loves Jesus. That is true. But here is something that is also true. There are many leaders who claim to know and love Jesus but who are not humble and they often destroy the work of a healthy board. All other factors aside, without humility one cannot lead well.

Consider:

Humility is the key to leading on behalf of Jesus, the Shepherd of the Church. Church leaders are under shepherds and their role is to lead the congregation on behalf of Jesus. He sets the agenda for the church, not us. Many church leaders have agendas for the church. It takes a humble, Christ centered leader to lead a people to where God wants them to go. 

Humility is the key to ensuring that a church is a "Church called TOV" to use the title of a recent book. TOV is the Greek word for goodness and too many churches are not places of goodness (amazingly enough). It is often the lack of humility among senior leaders and board members that prevent TOV from being the prevailing culture because other personal agendas get in the way of God's agenda. 

Humility is the key to treating others with dignity, respect, kindness, and to empower others to flourish in their God given lane with their God given gifts. Proud leaders control others. Humble leaders empower others. The need of a leader to get their way, control those around them and "use" people for their own purposes destroys a TOV culture.

Humility is the key to creating an open learning culture. Proud leaders don't listen to others. They listen primarily to themselves or the yes people they surround themselves with. It takes humility to create a culture of robust dialogue - where any issue can be put on the table with the exception of a hidden agenda or a personal attack. 

Humility is the key to making decisions because the best decision making is not by one person alone but by a group of called, gifted leaders. Which means that there are times that I must submit my preferences to the decision of others. That takes humility and a theology of the giftedness of the group.

Humility is the key to personal spiritual growth and ongoing transformation. Proud people think they have it all together while humble leaders are very aware of their need for ongoing growth and transformation. And, they are willing to go there because they are not stubbornly holding on to their pride. There is no true personal growth without a spirit of humility.

None of this should surprise us as Paul points out in Philippians 2 that humility is a core feature of Jesus himself. In fact, in Matthew 11:29, Jesus says, "I am gentle and humble in heart." How many of us can say that about ourselves? How many church leaders and pastors can claim the same? Without humility we cannot be like Jesus or lead like Jesus.

Twelve Traits of a Humble Leader

 

There is much discussion about humility in leadership. It's a good discussion for all leaders to have. However, it is the behaviors of humble leaders that are most important. Humility in leadership is seen in how a leader acts in very tangible ways. Here are some of the most important traits of a humble leader.

Humble leaders:

• Listen far more than they speak. They genuinely want to know what others think and they listen carefully.

• Seek a diversity of opinions rather than simply listening to those who agree with them. They want to know as much as they can and listen to a wide variety of advice.

• Ask many and good questions. They engage in dialogue and conversation rather than telling people what they think.

• Serve those who work for them rather than expecting others to serve them. Like Jesus they come to be served rather than to be served.

• Are non-defensive when challenged. 

• Engage in robust dialogue where any issue can be put on the table with the exception of a personal attack or hidden agenda.

• Do not ask staff to do what they are unwilling to do themselves.

• Are deeply introspective and understand their strengths, weaknesses and vulnerabilities.

• Live with an attitude that they have nothing to prove, nothing to lose and nothing to hide.

• Are appropriately transparent regarding their areas of growth and personal challenges.

• Are not easily angered and keep their emotions in check. 

• Treat all people with respect, dignity and kindness.

It is one thing to believe that we are humble. It is another to actually live with the traits of humility. 

The key to humility is personal security

The more secure I am in who God made me to be

 and who my Father in heaven is,

 the better I can lead with humility

 rather than pride. 

Proud people are often insecure people. Because of their personal insecurities, they need to be right, control others, get their way, have the approval of others, and have a need to prove something to the world and those around them. Those who have personal security, on the other hand, know who they are and have nothing to prove, nothing to lose, and nothing to hide. They can be humble!

Jesus illustrates this in John 13 when on the eve of His death He washes the feet of His disciples. "The evening meal was in progress and the devil had already prompted Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus. Jesus knew that the father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him" (John 13:2-5).

What Jesus did here was astonishing to His disciples. In fact, when Jesus got to Peter, he balked and told Jesus there was no way He could wash His feet. This job was for servants, not men of stature and dignity. Further, Jesus was the master, and masters didn't serve their disciples; it was the other way around. Jesus did what many leaders today will not or cannot do. He served His disciples and demonstrated that service with this humble act.

What struck me recently, however, are these words that precede his foot washing. "Jesus knew that the father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist."

These are not insignificant words! Jesus knew who He was in relation to His father. He was personally secure, even on the eve of His death. He knew who He was, and He knew who His father was and therefore was not at all embarrassed to wash His disciple's feet, although they were embarrassed that He would do so. 

Here is the truth. The more secure we are in ourselves, the less we must prove ourselves to others. The more secure we are in our Heavenly Father, the more we can serve others humbly rather than live with pride. At its root, pride comes from personal insecurities and our need to prove something. Humility comes from personal security and the lack of a need to prove anything to anyone. Security removes our need to position ourselves, prove ourselves or lift ourselves up. Security frees us to serve as Jesus served us and serves us still.

In leadership, humility is a key trait for lasting influence. To lead humbly, we need to understand that our leadership is a stewardship and not a right. The more secure I am in who God made me to be and who my Father in heaven is, the better I can lead with humility rather than pride. 

5 Practical Indicators of Spiritual Transformation

Spiritual transformation is the goal of our lives as Christ followers - something all healthy church leaders think about for the congregation they lead. I am often asked whether spiritual transformation can be measured. The answer is yes! In fact, there are some practical indicators of spiritual transformation in the life of a believer and corporately as a congregation. These five indicators, or their lack, speak directly to whether spiritual transformation is taking place.

The first indicator is kindness. This is about being friendly, generous, and considerate to others - those we naturally like and those we don't. Kindness is a trait of God and is often translated "loving kindness" in the Old Testament. It is God's posture toward us, and therefor as we become transformed by Him, we grow in our loving kindness toward others. It is an attitude that is reflected in our words and actions toward those around us.

Congregations characterized by kindness indicate a high level of spiritual transformation. They are generally peaceful and friendly and exhibit love for one another. They care about one another and show that care in practical ways. You cannot be kind and ignore the needs that those around you may have. Kindness and grace have much in common. 

The second indicator is forgiveness. Those who are quick to forgive - and willing to forgive even the hard things and hard people exhibit the character of God. This is not a human trait but a divine one. Untransformed people hang on to their grievances and bitterness, while transformed individuals choose to forgive, leave their bitterness and hurt behind and live in God's forgiving grace. 

Forgiveness is not easy and often must be done repeatedly, hence the words of Jesus that we must be willing to forgive many times. In forgiving, we shed our bitterness and choose to live in peace.

How many congregations are characterized by factions, gossip, harsh attitudes, and conflict? These are all indicators of a people in need of God's transformation. Churches can be mean places with mean people! Where forgiveness is the hallmark, however, none of the above are usually present because an attitude of forgiveness rules them out. Every time we forgive, we demonstrate the attitude of God toward us. And we choose His way over our way.

The third indicator is generosity. This is an unselfish attitude toward others characterized by generous attitudes where we think the best, generous actions where we help those in need - or those we simply desire to bless. If a selfish attitude is all about me, a generous spirit desires to bless others. It is an unselfish life. Generous people always want the very best for others.

Congregations marked by generosity are contagious because generosity is contagious. Generosity of spirit, time, encouragement, help and forgiveness. This is something you feel and experience from someone who has it and congregations who live it.

Then there is the indicator of humility. Not thinking too highly of ourselves. In fact, this is one of the most powerful traits of one who has been transformed because they understand that life is not about them. Humility indicates that we focus not primarily on ourselves but on Jesus and others. We don't need to fight for our own way or prove ourselves to others. It is a heart at peace because we have nothing to prove, nothing to lose, and nothing to hide.

Congregations marked by humility have very little conflict, look out for others, and are not pretentious but service oriented. Humble congregations are those that are focused on God, His will, and plans and serve others generously. Even other congregations in the community need help. Pride says life is about us. Humility says we are here to serve.

Finally, there is the mark of patience. Here is something to consider. Impatience is a sign that my needs were not met, that my agenda was not kept, that someone did not live up to my expectations, or that someone's spiritual life is not growing at the pace I want. The common word here is "my" and "I," which is not an indicator of transformation. It focuses on myself and what I want without appreciating others and their situations. Patience is a character trait of God, who is infinitely patient with us on a daily basis.

Congregations marked by patience are generally full of grace and give one another great latitude. They are understanding, kind, and not easily irritated. Oh, and they are patient with their leaders, and their leaders are patient with the congregation. What a joy that would be in many congregations.

Can spiritual transformation be measured? It can be! By the growth of these traits in ourselves and in our congregations. It is hard work, but with the help of the Holy Spirit, it is all about becoming more about Jesus.

TJ Addington is the lead at Addington Consulting. We solve dysfunctional cultures and teams and help you build healthy, scalable organizations of clarity, alignment, and results. If the pain is high, you need Addington Consulting. tjaddington@gmail.com

tjaddington@gmail.com

When it is finally time to lay the burden down

Most of us carry burdens that weigh us down and cripple us from being all that we can be. They are heavy, and they are exhausting. This is nowhere more true than when we have blown it, been grievously wrong, hurt someone, or been guilty of grave sin, and the load we carry is guilt, shame, and a desperate attempt to hang on to our dignity. Some carry this load for years, some for decades, some for most of their lives. And it only gets heavier.

And heavier.

What keeps us from laying it down? To admit our fault, take responsibility, and seek forgiveness? Only one thing: Our Ego or pride. To realize is to say, "I am the one." To take responsibility is to say, "I did it." To seek forgiveness is to say, "I was wrong; will you forgive me?" Our pride and ego keep us from all three of those actions. They are too hard, and yet the burden carried is far weightier.

And each time we deny our guilt, the weight gets heavier.

The greatest enemy to our burdens is our pride. We are not meant to carry this weight. It is why Jesus came and died. We don't have to pretend we are better than we are, as our goodness is that of Jesus living in us, not who we are by ourselves. The Apostle John says, "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us." We are sinners. It is who we are. It is why we do what we do. It is the human condition. Yet John says, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:8-9).

But it is hard, and we are used to carrying the weight.

But to lay it down, we must fight the battle with our egos and pride to get from "I am without sin" to "I need to confess my sin. I did it. I am guilty. I need forgiveness." It is the battle that says, "I must retain my dignity," so I cannot admit it. Ironically, our dignity has nothing to do with us and everything to do with Jesus who imputes his righteousness to us. Our dignity reflects Him and the fact that we are made in His image. We have inherent dignity in Jesus apart from our good works - or wrong. He gives us dignity. He gives us worth. He gives us love.

Wow. I don't have to worry about my dignity. Jesus gives me dignity.

Much of the Christian life is a journey from pride to humility. We all think we are humble and the more we believe that, the more pride we possess. We all think we are better than we are, and the more we believe that, the more deluded we become. Pride stands in the way of a life of followership because pride is about us, and followership is about Jesus. For many, humility comes hard. But the Father loves us enough to keep chipping at the façade of pride until the man or woman God made us to show up. Humble, unpretentious, and with a nothing-to-prove, nothing-to-lose, and nothing-to-hide attitude.

Jesus tells me to let go of my pride.

Ironically, when we let go of our pretense and pride, it is then that we can lay our burden down. Because then we can say, "I am the one, I did it, I was wrong, will you forgive me?" And with that, the burden can be laid down at the foot of the cross, paid for by Jesus, and we can stand upright again, purified of our unrighteousness. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30).

We can have rest for our souls. 

Is it time for you to lay a burden down? When we do, we go from weary and burdened to a place of rest and peace. And Jesus models the spirit that is necessary when He says, "For I am gentle and humble in heart."

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5 marks of humility among leaders

Leadership humility is easily lost as leaders see success and begin to believe that they have all the answers. That is not lost on those they lead. However, there are five practices that can help leaders stay humble and lead with humility. They will also help her/him lead better.

First: I don't have all the answers. We all know that people who think they have all the answers are self-deluded. One of the most humble attitudes leaders can model is that of communicating to their staff that "we have challenges we need to solve, and we need to figure out solutions together because I don't know the best way forward. I may have ideas but I am open to dialogue, discussion and other ideas."

This paves the way for the second practice: I want your input and I will listen to what you have to say. It is amazing what solutions emerge when we are willing to actively solicit opinions and ideas from those around us. And then actively listen to others, no matter where they are in the organization or team. Leaders who actively ask questions, listen well and show respect for the ideas of others lead better and have better information. They also know what their staff are thinking.

Third, if something goes wrong I will take the hit and protect my staff. This is a real test of humility. All of us want to blame others when things go wrong but the best leaders take the blame when there is a problem. Behind the scenes, they may need to have hard conversations but in public they are willing to take the blame for the team.

Fourth, when things go right they give the credit to the team. No leader sees success without the hard work of a team and the best leaders give that team the credit for success. Humble leaders do not call attention to themselves but to the team that did the work together. One of the quickest ways to lose the respect of others is to take credit for what the team did.

Which leads to the fifth practice. A culture where we "do things together."  Staff are not servants to a leader. A leader is an active member of the staff as together they tackle the problems and opportunities they face. "We are in this together" is a powerful ethos for leaders to cultivate with their staff.

Humility is not simply a matter of our heart but it is a matter of our practices in leadership.

How a life of grace makes humility possible and pride less likely

Pride is ubiquitous among leaders in the Christian world. The interesting thing about pride is that it is often rooted in insecurity. If I am insecure I don't want to be wrong and if I don't want to be wrong I will insist that I am right which leads directly away from humility and straight toward pride. 

But why do we live with needing to hide our insecurities and weaknesses and mask them with certainty and a need to be right? May I suggest that it is because we are trying to prove something about ourselves? That we are good enough? That we are not failures? That we are worthy people? That God will be happy with us? That we are successful? 

Is it possible that at the heart of our pride and fear of failure and therefore a need to be right and in charge is that we do not understand grace? What is grace about other than that God accepts us with all of our sin, weaknesses, dysfunctions, dark sides, and all the rest we can name. And if He accepts us and loves us and if we live in His grace, why do we need to pretend we are something we are not or fear our insecurities? After all, God knows everything about us fully and yet loves us fully. He loved us when we didn't know Him and even then extended grace. 

Understanding God's grace is necessary to give ourselves grace. And if I am living in grace I don't need to pretend, I don't need to be right, I don't need to prove myself to others and I can admit my insecurities, failures and other areas of struggle. And that is the key to a life of humility. Pride is all about a facade to protect ourselves. Understanding grace removes me from the necessity of the facade and allows me to be real - the real me - warts and all. And it allows me to be OK with the journey I am on toward greater likeness to Jesus but knowing it will remain imperfect until I see Him.

I suspect that humility and grace are deeply intertwined and that understanding, living in and extending to ourselves God's grace is a key to the ability to live humbly. Humility is a nothing to prove, nothing to lose attitude where we don't need pretense. It is an honest life. Honest about who we are, the gifts God has given us, the brokenness we have and the journey we are on. I am not sure that true humility is possible without a good understanding of God's grace.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

The secret to your future from The Leadership Freak - well worth reading

THE SECRET TO YOUR FUTURE

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Three keys to humility

Romans 12:3-8 gives us one of the best keys to understanding humility in our lives. This is especially critical for leaders whose leadership role can move them toward pride easily.

Humble Service in the Body of Christ

3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. 4 For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your[a] faith; 7 if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; 8 if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead,[b] do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

The first key is knowing who I am: "Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you." Sober judgment is an important phrase as we are often tempted to think more of ourselves than we should. When I was young I thought I was good at a lot of things. Today I know I am good at about three things and the rest of my portfolio are weaknesses.

The second key is knowing who I am not. This is actually as important as understanding who I am and what I am good at. Jesus chose to give each of us specific gifts and the fact that we have a few and not many should actually engender significant humility. I am always amazed at the things others can do that I cannot. It is a reminder that each of us play a limited role in the grand scheme of things. While I love the gifts God gave to me I also recognize how much I need others when I think of the gifting I do not have.

The third key is understanding who gave us our gifts and why. It is hard to be proud of myself when I realize that the abilities I have were given by God to be used for His purposes. If I take credit for gifts He gave I steal credit from Him. Rather than being proud, we can be deeply grateful that He gifted and wired us the way He did and that we can use all of that gifting for His purposes in the world.

We never need to trivialize the gifts God gave us which is false humility. I know that I am very good at three things. At the same time we cannot take credit for what He gave us. All of this ought to engender a deep sense of humility in our lives. 

12 signs of humility and arrogance in leaders

Indicators of Humility

• I have a proper view of who I am, who I am not and know the source of my strengths

• I am a secure individual and therefore unthreatened

• I know that I need others and treat them with honor and respect

• As a rule I am non-defensive

• I listen carefully to others and display flexibility

• I do not need to have my own way on most things

• I am willing to share authority and decision making with others

• I intentionally solicit feedback and am open to critique

• I pay great attention to my shadow side and manage it

• I give credit away in success and take responsibility in failure

• I surround myself with people who will tell me the truth

• I live under authority and accountability

• I realize that my leadership is not about me but about the mission

Indicators of Arrogance

• I am self involved and have an inflated view of my own importance

• I live with insecurity which impacts my actions

• I use others for my purposes and marginalize them if they disagree with me

• I display defensiveness and do not want to hear contrary opinions

• I do not listen carefully to others and am inflexible when others suggest modifications to my plans

• I am unwilling to share decision making with others

• I resist feedback or critique that is not in agreement with me

• I pay little attention to my shadow side and rarely if ever acknowledge it

• I take credit for success and blame others for failures

• I surround myself with “yes” people

• I resist accountability and chafe under authority

• The ministry is more about me than the mission

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

Appealing to our vanity

From time to time I receive "notice" that I have been chosen as an outstanding contributor in some field and that upon the acceptance of my application (and significant fee) I may be approved to be included in this exclusive list of names to be listed in a fancy volume so that I can purchase it and put it on my shelf. 

Of course, this is not about my great accomplishments but someone making money but the fact that they publish said volumes year after year is indication that there is no shortage of vanity to take advantage of. My latest accomplishments seem to be in the field of HR which my own HR office would find highly comic, and highly suspect.

Studies show that we consistently overrate our abilities and wisdom and underrate out weaknesses and mistakes. No matter, we know better and often think of ourselves more highly than we should.

Those in Christian service who see success often start to buy the press they (we) receive. It is a dangerous path to walk down. The leaders I admire the most are the most ordinary of people, real people, who have not allowed anyone to place them on a pedestal, who discount the adulation they receive because they both know themselves well and know who gave them any gifts they possess. It is their humility and humanity (and these two go together) that endear them to others. 

Pride is one of the most often named sins in Scripture because God hates the haughty but loves the humble. The humble, after all, reflect the character of Jesus (Philippians 2). The humble reflect the character of God who has no need to be humble in any sense. As the beatitudes say, "blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth." I have made it an "unseen practice" when people are praising me to inwardly say, "Jesus it is all yours and any praise that comes to me is your deserved praise." I cannot claim credit for gifts that God gave me to steward. He was the source and His is the praise. It is why I am always uncomfortable in that situation.

It is easy to think we are humble. It is a lifelong discipline to stay humble, especially for those who are in the limelight. I will always remember the funeral of my mother in law, one of the most humble people I ever met. The place was packed. Not because she was somebody in circles that "mattered." Rather because from behind the scenes, she lived out her faith in humble acts of kindness that endeared her to all who came to her service. I receive accolades in this life. She may receive more of them in heaven. 

Guarding ourselves against vanity and practicing humility is one of the more important disciplines for those who end up in the lime light. 

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

Don't get caught in the trap of those who want endless dialogue as a means of getting their way

There are people who must have their own way and when that is challenged they try to rope others into endless dialogue designed to wear people down until they give in. They use phrases like, "I am not being understood, can we talk?" or "I am confused by your position," and "I must not be making myself clear." If it is a group decision and their position is not being agreed with they may try to triangulate with others on the team to get their way.

Those who rope others into endless dialogue have a strategy. They have learned that they can wear others down by debate and eventually many will simply give in or give up. Often they have strong personalities and the dialogue becomes a method of intimidation until people basically surrender. 

I once observed a dialogue between two senior leaders. One of them was trying to convince the other to make a certain decision that he did not want to make. The aggressor kept coming back with different angles, never acknowledging that the other party kept saying no. It became so problematic that I finally asked them to take a time out so I could suggest to the aggressor that he needed to back off and leave it alone.  He was simply unwilling to take no for an answer and his MO was to keep pushing until someone gave in. This behavior is nothing other than bullying and intimidation under the guise of dialogue.

Healthy people don't keep pushing others when they have clearly indicated their preferences. Humble individuals do not try to force others to agree with their position. Don't allow aggressive and pushy individuals to rope you into endless dialogue. They know exactly what they are doing and it is not about "understanding each other." Rather it is simply about getting their way.

Signs of Humility

We care deeply about what God thinks and says.

Life is not about us!

We honor other people above ourselves.

It is not necessary for us to always get our way.

We can submit to the decisions of a team or board.

We are deeply aware of our shadow side and seek to manage it well.

We understand and are willing to live under authority.

When people disagree with us we listen respectfully.

We don't need to be right.

We are not self absorbed.

It is easy for us to admit when we are wrong and to apologize.

We are not quick to judge others.

When success comes we can give credit where it is due.

When others succeed we celebrate their success.

We love to serve others.

We have a balanced understanding our ourselves, our strengths and our weaknesses.

We keep our egos in check.

Humility is the key to long term success

There are many advantages to cultivating a heart of humility. Among them is the truth that it is a crucial key to long term success whether personally, in our ministry or business. Think about this:

Without humility we don't grow personally because we are not open to the feedback of others or even the necessary introspection of ourselves. If we don't want to hear what we need to hear we cannot grow, change and become a better version of us. Pride can even keep us from hearing what the Holy Spirit wants to tell us.

Without humility we are not open to seeing new ways of doing things (unless we come up with them ourselves). Pride says that we don't need the ideas of others while humility says that we know we don't know a lot and have much to learn.

Without humility we are unlikely to resolve conflict and live in relational health. After all, if I am fundamentally right, why would I need to ask forgiveness or admit that I was wrong? This is why proud individuals often leave relational wreckage in their wake. Their pride keeps them from resolving what needs to be resolved.

Without humility we are unlikely to see the spiritual transformation and renovation of our lives and hearts. After all, that very transformation depends on our understanding of our need for it and the turning from our own way to His way. To the extent that we allow pride to reign on our heart's throne we will resist admitting our need for change.

Without humility I am unlikely to treat others with the respect and consideration that they deserve. After all, if I am wrapped up in me - my needs, my desires, my issues, how can I be sensitive to those of others. Humility opens our hearts to others while pride closes our hearts to others.

Without humility I am unlikely to create a healthy staff and workplace ethos. After all, that is all about serving others and proud individuals think that others ought to serve them. Pride is a fundamental barrier to healthy workplace cultures while humility is a fundamental builder of healthy culture.

Humility is not just a nice biblical concept. It is fundamental to our personal growth and success. And, it mirrors the character of Jesus, Philippians 2.