Reflections on Father's Day

This morning I have been reflecting on how our fathers mold us for better or for worse. In my case for the better. None of us are perfect fathers or had perfect fathers but we were all molded by our fathers. Here are some of the lessons that my father left me.

It is all about Jesus. My dad knew that life was about God, not him. I remember his 4:00 am devotions and prayer before starting a long day at the hospital, and our family devotions (which I did not want to get up for). 

Character is everything. Dad was a man of utter honesty and integrity and did not cut any ethical corners. Nor did he allow us to either.

Go where Jesus wants you to go. Feeling called to missions and being told that the mission needed a doctor he went to medical school and then to Hong Kong where he co-founded a hospital (Evangel Hospital) with Bob Chapman. Needing a surgeon, he came home, did a surgical residency and went back. This on top of his engineering and theological degrees. In the mid seventies my folks had two sets of parents who needed care so they did not return to Hong Kong in order to care for their elderly parents. Dad was willing to do what was needed to follow Jesus where he felt Jesus was calling them. 

Share the gospel. My parents both had a compelling desire to share the gospel with others. People were always in our home, they had home Bible studies where I believe hundreds came to know Jesus and in his later years my dad wrote a book called Discovering the Bible for those who desired to read through the Word. Translated into Russian and Chinese it may turn out to be his greatest legacy in terms of sharing the Gospel. In the hospital in Hong Kong the staff shared the gospel with every patient.

Keep getting better. As my brother Tom said at my dad's funeral. "Dad was not a perfect man but he kept getting better." That is one of the greatest takeaways from my dad's life. He was not content and he did not settle. He kept seeking to become more like Jesus and he was a kinder, gentler and more grace filled man as the years went by. 

Like any son, I had my struggles with my father. At times - epic. But his imprint on my life in important areas will be his legacy to me and I hope to my children and grandchildren. It is why I dedicated my last book Deep Influence to him. Dad's have a deep influence on their kids, at least mine did on me.

In my dedication of Deep Influence to my father I wrote this:

To my father.

Engineer, theologian, church planter, evangelist

physician, surgeon, author, teacher and mentor to many.

Most importantly a man of deep Influence

Who met His Lord on November, 19, 2012.

Posted from San Diego

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Ministry burnout

Ministry burnout is one of the real risks any in ministry have. There are simply too many needs to be met, too many people who desire attention and the pressures can be intense. Early in my career I experienced this after dealing with dysfunctional leadership for a number of years. Every year ministry burnout takes good people out of the game and no one is exempt from the prospect unless we take precautions against it. 

The signs of burnout include fatigue, sometimes anger (at the very people we are here to serve), a desire to be somewhere else or doing something else, lack of interest in being with God (we are too tired) and emotional overload. It is often a sign that we have not put adequate boundaries around our schedules, what we agree to do and are carrying emotional loads God never intended us to carry. 

Looking back at my own situation I realize that I took too much personal ownership over things that were God's problems not mine. I also stayed too long in a dysfunctional system that I could not resolve. There are situations we cannot resolve and the longer we try to resolve them the more burnout we can experience. One of the things I learned was that some problems don't get resolved this side of heaven.

This is a dangerous place to be as there is a tipping point where our emotional, spiritual and physical resources become so exhausted that it can take years to recover. I have often counseled people to leave their ministries and seek another before the toll is so high that they must leave ministry in order to recover. It can be an arduous journey.

For those who are experiencing the symptoms of burnout in ministry I have these suggestions.

One: Guard your schedule so you have adequate time for rest, reflection and refreshment. If there was ever a time to do less it is at this juncture. We often think if we work harder we can push through the challenges but that is often the worst thing we could do.

Two: If you are in a dysfunctional workplace don't assume that you are the one who can make the breakthrough that is causing your situation. Sometimes we need to move on and leave the dysfunction to those who are causing it. This is not surrender but can be self preservation.

Three: Get good counsel from trusted friends to gain perspective. In the midst of burnout our own thinking is often faulty and not reliable. Listen to those who know you best and follow their advice. Often what keeps us from doing this is our pride - we think we ought to be able to figure our situation out but this is the time to put pride aside and seek help. Even professional help.

Four: Focus on things other than work as often as possible. Spend time doing those things that fill you and remember that ministry is not all there is. When our whole identity is wrapped up around ministry we contribute to the depletion of our emotional resources. Life is more than ministry. It is family, recreation, friends, and the joys of life. Develop ways to get emotional distance from your work situation. Spend time with those who love you and give you life when you are with them. Don't do this journey alone!

Five: Don't take on burdens that are God's. As Jesus said, "my burden is light." He did not intend for us to carry around burdens that are His to carry. We are to do our best and leave the rest to Him. Jesus came to save the world. We participate with Him in His work but we cannot save the world and often not even the situation we are dealing with.

Finally, press into Him and your identity in Christ. It is where we find rest for our souls and a divine perspective. Learn to give to Him what is His to carry.

Posted from San Diego

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Abrupt decisions and non-decisions

Both abrupt and non-decisions are dangerous. 

Abrupt decisions are those where we make a quick decision without thinking through the consequences or taking into account the advice of others. I see it play out all too often and it always saddens me because even if it is the right decision in the end it often circumvents process with others that would have been helpful.

In my own organization I see it play out where a decision to resign, for instance is announced and  no one in the organization had any clue it is coming. I have to wonder why there was not conversation with anyone when someone has been deeply invested in ministry for a long time. It is possible that if there were issues that could be resolved they could have been. It also feels like a violation of trust when it happens. It certainly sends a message that those they have been in relationship with don't count or matter. 

Then there are those who take forever to make decisions that are critical in nature. This is as unhealthy as abrupt decisions in my view as there is not an ability to take the prompting of God, the counsel of others and the information one has to choose one way or the other. This is a fatal flaw for leaders from whom decisions are needed. This is often the case with church boards who ignore issues for too long because they don't want to make a decision.  By the time a decision has been made it is too late. 

Wise individuals seek counsel, prayer and look at the information realistically and then make a decision. Both abrupt and non-decisions are unwise, and often do not reflect good judgement or wisdom.

Posted from San Diego

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Three questions to consider regarding what you do today

We are creatures of habit. Habits can be very helpful but they can also be counterproductive when we don't think through why we do what we do. I ask myself three questions regularly.

The first is "What do I need to do today?" Usually that it determined by what is on my calendar and to do list as this allows me to live out my priorities. In fact, if we are even asking the question of what we should do today it means that we didn't plan very well in our yesterdays. We should always know what we are up to long before we wake. But many don't!

The second question is just as important. "In what order should I do it?" Generally the right answer is that we should do the hardest thing first - the things we would put off if we could and may indeed already have done so. Whatever we are tempted to procrastinate on should get our first attention and then we can go on to do those things that give us life.

The third question is an interesting one: "Why am I doing it?" There are some things that we do by habit and never ask if we or someone else should be doing it, or for that matter, if we should be doing it at all! The things we do are not all equal and some things no one would notice if we just stopped doing them. 

We are all busy so being smart with our time is time well spent.

Posted from San Diego

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Using the hand we have been dealt for God's glory.

How often do we wish that life were different! 

We complain about what we don't have, sometimes wish we were like others, or see the glass half empty rather than half full. But here is the thing! Jesus has given us what we have and what He asks of us is that we use the hand we have been dealt, regardless of the hand, for his glory.

Right now the cards my wife has in her hand are not very exciting. She suffers from a great deal of joint pain, has a hard time standing and walking because of pain in her feet and is rarely pain free. We are praying for healing and following all the medical paths we can but ultimately God wants her to use the hand God has given her for His glory. He knows the limitations. He also knows that her perseverance is an example to others. And while she is less active physically by necessity, she is more active in prayer for others.

I think of my dear friend Phil who has brain cancer that is terminal unless the Great Physician touches his brain and heals the cancer. What does God ask of Phil? To use the cards in the hand he has been dealt for the glory of God. He does not complain, lives in trust, continues to work and lives with expectancy. He gets it!

All of us have things we wish were different. But here is where our theology needs to trump the things we wish were different. God is fully aware of our situation, he is sovereign over all things in our lives, His Spirit intercedes for us in areas where we struggle (Romans 8), and He does work all things for His own good (Romans 8:28). I don't say that lightly because what is for His ultimate good does not keep us from those things that cause us pain in a fallen world. Rather He is able to redeem all of our situations and use them for His glory.

There are days when all of us with that life were different. What we need to do on those days is ask, "What has God placed in my hand that I can use for Him today?" That takes the focus off of what we wish were different and places it in a totally new perspective. It is no longer about me but about Him and we realized that it is not about the deficits of life (from our perspective) but those things He has given us that we can use on His behalf. It can change our day.

Posted from San Diego

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

The source of a leader's identity directly impacts their leadership

Identity is a tricky thing. Who am I really? What gives me ultimate worth? Where do I find acceptance and a sense of purpose?

Those are profound questions for us. Let's assume for a moment that as the leader of a mission organization and a Senior Vice President in a denomination that my identity is a product of those responsibilities and titles. If that were to go away, who would I be? And if that is "who I am" what about the other parts of my life that have nothing to do with my job? Who am I there? 

In no way am I diminishing the part that calling and passion play in "who are are" and "who we become." But, if our identity is anywhere else than in who we are in Christ we have a problem. Everything else in life is ultimately temporary. Only He is permanent. Furthermore, only He can ultimately satisfy the deepest cravings and needs of the human heart because in the end we were made for Him.

Consider:
If my identity is found in my role, when that role disappears so does my identity.

If my identity is found in success, not only will I be driven to succeed but will drive others as well - and the goal line keeps changing so there is no crossing the goal.

If my identity is found in power, I will misuse that power and move deeper into hubris, hurting myself and everyone around me.

If my identity is in things, they eventually all go away. We leave the world as naked as when we arrived. 

If my identity is in fame, when my 15 minutes is over, so is my self worth. And then what?

Those leaders who are most grounded, most comfortable in their own skin, most healthy and most unflappable are those who have finally found their true identity in the one place where our truest identity is found. Jesus. They have focused their lives on Him first and understand the truths of Ephesians 1 and 2 relative to our position in Christ. They have found a profound settledness in Him.

What is the true ground of your identity? 

Posted from San Diego

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

12 Historical Speeches Nobody Ever Heard

Posted from San Diego

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

A YouTube video that illustrates much church leadership

TJ Addington of Addington Consulting has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

Check out this map of the world's largest languages

Proportional Map of the World's Largest Languages

TJ Addington of Addington Consulting has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

Congregational meetings and church health

The first congregational meeting I attended in a church I was a member of was a disaster. A staff member had been let go, and a delegation came to defend him and skewer the church leaders. In the heat of the moment, the church chairman told someone to call the police! It went downhill from there. 

The tone, behavior, and tenor of congregational meetings say a lot about the health of the church. If dysfunction exists in the congregation, it is likely to show itself here. Because it is here that leaders either choose to be properly transparent or to hide their agendas and where the congregation has a chance to say what it wants to say in whatever way they choose to do so. Here are some markers of congregational meetings and what they say about the health of the church.

One: Leaders have the opportunity to craft public meetings, which means that they have the ability to control the agenda in ways that are either healthy or unhealthy. When leaders surprise the congregation in public meetings in large ways, they have led poorly, as this is not the place to drop something large on the congregation, and expect that they will act on it quickly. Usually, surprising the congregation in a public meeting means that the leadership did not have the will or the courage to lay the groundwork ahead of time.

Two: How transparent leaders are on issues that they can be candid about says a lot about their leadership. When they are secretive, don't answer the concerns of the congregation or will not explain issues that deserve an explanation, they are usually working from defensive, fearful, or authoritarian positions. Where there are complicated issues to discuss, such as budgets or bi-law changes, good leaders will provide venues prior to the meeting so that all concerns can be addressed. However, in either case, their willingness to listen, respond and be honest is a key indicator of their health.

Three: The attitude of the congregation in public meetings says much about the health of the body as a whole. When public charges are made in a less than loving matter, when opinions are expressed with anger or where there are personal attacks or hidden agendas behind comments and questions, it does not come from Jesus! The fruit of the Spirit in all congregational deliberations is a sign of its health and the absence of its dishealth.

Four: This is one that many leaders don't get. When they don't provide adequate communication, don't listen to their congregation, or have an agenda that the congregation does not desire to follow and does not feel right about, they will be challenged where there is an opportunity, and this is one of those opportunities. When leaders will not address the concerns of many, there will be an eruption somewhere, and it is often in this venue. While I don't condone any eruptions that don't display the fruit of the Spirit on this one, I don't blame the congregation but insensitive leaders who have not done their job well. If you frustrate the congregation long enough, it will come out at some point.

Congregations are families. When families get along it is because they are operating out of health. When they don't get along they are operating from dishealth.

How do you know if your meetings are healthy? Ask yourself if you want to go to them. If you have anxiety over them or feel the tension in the room, there is dysfunction afoot. Leaders, especially, ought to be aware of those tensions and do what they need to do in order to lead well.

TJ Addington of Addington Consulting has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

The discipline of giving people the benefit of the doubt

Giving those around us the benefit of the doubt when their questions, words or actions irritate us is a discipline - because what we often want to do is to either judge their motives or respond in kind. As Paul says about the fruit of the Spirit: it is loving, peaceable, patient, kind, gentle and exhibits self control. Perhaps the last is the hardest. 

Why do we give the benefit of the doubt to others?

First, when we don't we run a real risk of being wrong about their motives. Why run that risk and complicate the relationship or make judgments about others that are in fact not true?

Second, the character of Jesus calls us to grace with others. I am so glad Jesus chooses to give me that grace on a daily basis?

Third, when others are irritating they are often acting out of frustration and the stresses of their own lives. A kind word and attitude in response can be a cup of cold water to a thirsty soul. Life is often not kind to people but we can be.

Fourth, we desire that others give us the benefit of the doubt so it is only right that we do the same. As a leader I am often privy to information that others don't have and cannot share. I am grateful when people realize this and are willing to trust me even when they don't have all the information. I have the same obligation to them.

Fifth, When we harbor anger, grudges and judgement in regards to others it is a burden on our own emotions. It robs us of our joy and colors our perspectives. Why live in that prison? 

Finally, as Jesus would remind us, the log in our own eye is more critical than the sliver in another's eye. 

TJ Addington of Addington Consulting has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

When my church doesn't grow!

With all the hype about church growth and large churches it can be a discouraging road when the church we pastor does not grow substantially. Of course we often forget that the average size church in the United States is well under 200 people. Yet the churches and pastors that get the greatest attention are in the thousands and are seen as the measure of success. 

How do I respond when I pastor a smaller church and over the years there is not appreciable numerical growth? Let's talk some perspective here.

Remember, a large church is not by definition a better or healthier church. I know because I have consulted with many churches of all sizes. Church size is not a measure in itself of success. The number of missionaries sent by small churches, for instance, far outnumbers the missionaries sent by large churches, as a percentage. 

No church grows forever. That is a myth. There are limits to an organizations size. Some leaders are able to grow a larger church than others simply because of their organizational skills but that does not mean that those in a smaller church are any less of a leader. Usually they have much greater shepherding gifts than those who pastor large churches.

Many people prefer a smaller church that is more like a family than the anonymity of a large church. Some people like to get lost in the crowd or have many programs at their disposal. Other love the relationships and family feel of a smaller church. I know many people who have moved from large churches to a smaller one - and loved it.

Our focus should not be on numbers which in the United States is usually transfer growth. It should be on developing the healthiest church we can, one that is full of grace and truth, that is Gospel and Jesus centered where people are always taking the next step in their relationship with God. That will naturally result in people coming to Jesus and growing to look like Him. A healthy church, large or small creates healthy disciples and disciplemakers. Whether one's church becomes large or mid-size or small what matters most is its health. At the same time we should remove barriers to growth so that the church can grow in numbers if God so blesses. 

Our goal should not be to compete with other churches or compare ourselves with them. It should be to be the healthiest congregation possible so that we look like the church of Ephesus: a unified, empowering, releasing, God honoring church where we become more like Jesus and reach out to those who don't know Him. God's smile on our congregation and our shepherding is not dependent on our size but on our desire to reflect Him.

Finally a note to church leaders who often pressure their pastor on the attendee numbers. Be careful. Yes, there are pastors who contribute to a congregation's plateauing and decline and need to do something about it. However, if those same leaders are not helping the church become a healthy and spiritually vibrant church - but are only focused on the numbers they are contributing to the dishealth of the congregation rather than to its health.

TJ Addington of Addington Consulting has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

Nine Church board mistakes I have been seeing lately - from Tony Morgan

See this short but insightful article on church boards. 

9 Church Board Mistakes I Have Been Seeing Lately

See my dialogue with Tony Morgan on church boards here

TJ Addington of Addington Consulting has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

Overcoming fear and choosing faith

I am convinced that one of the greatest barriers to living the life of faith is fear. Think of the spies that were sent out to spy out the promised land and apart from one said it was impossible to enter the land. The people were too big and fierce. Think of Moses who argued with God that he was not able to lead the Exodus. Think of the eleven disciples watching Peter get out of the boat in the storm while they quite contentedly stayed in the back of the boat. 

The currency of the kingdom is faith while the currency of our world is one of fear. Politics are driven by fear. How much of the advertising we see is driven by fear? Fear of not having enough to retire. Fear of illness. Fear of a lack of security. We have to ask ourselves, which currency do we traffic in: Fear or Faith?

Faith according to Hebrews 11 is irrational from a human point of view. Faith caused a whole line of Biblical heroes to do the irrational - leave their homes like Abraham - choose the death of martyrs - build an ark when there was no rain - hid a child like Moses knowing God would rescue him - walk around Jericho and see the walls collapse - be saved because Rahab believed and the list could go on. Why? "Because faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see (Hebrews 11:1)."

Following Jesus is a step of faith, one at a time. It chooses to traffic in faith rather than fear. It chooses to bet on the uncertainty of following Jesus rather than staying in the comfort zone. It is willing to step out of the boat like Peter rather than stay in the comfort zone like the other 11. It is not without accident that the most often repeated command in all of scripture is "Do not fear." God knows that we naturally choose fear over faith. He asks us to choose faith over fear.

Fear keeps us from giving generously as we will not have enough. It keeps us from taking steps of faith that God lays on our hearts because we are uncertain of the outcome. It keeps us from radical obedience because we love our security. It keeps us from saying yes to God because we are afraid of the outcome. Peter understood something that the other eleven did not when he got out of the boat and joined Jesus on the stormy water. He understood that being with Jesus and where He wanted him was the safest place he could ever be. 

What are you afraid of today and where do you need victory over fear? It is only solved by faith: one step at a time, one decision at a time, choosing to trust. And He is trustworthy. Remember, when Abraham left his home he had no GPS to follow or Google to find out where he was going. He simply chose by faith to follow God. And he became the paradigm for faith in the New Testament. By faith.... 

TJ Addington of Addington Consulting has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

When do you know it will not work with a staff member?

The organization I lead loves to be a place of grace and to maximize a staff member's gifts and wiring. However, there comes a time in all organizations or ministries when it is obvious that things are not going to work in the long term. Most of us in ministry are eternally optimistic that things will work out. It is the nature of ministry. But there are times when we need to recognize that it is not going to work. What are the signs that this is the case?

First, when we keep running into attitudes or behaviors that are counterproductive to the mission of the ministry or the team a staff member is on. I spoke to a leader recently who has a staff member whose behaviors indicate unteachability and a significant amount of hubris. 

He has coached and told the staff member that his behaviors are counterproductive. But nothing changes. I suggested that he is dealing with someone who does not listen or believe that what he is saying is true. Unteachable people are unlikely to succeed as they tend to sabotage themselves.

Second, when the staff member does not seem to value the mission or non-negotiables of the organization and want to do their own thing it is a warning sign. Teams and organizations only work well when everyone is in alignment with the rest of the group. Lone rangers don't work well on a team or within an organization.

Third, when there are significant EQ issues that keep popping up you know you have an issue. The question here is whether the individual can be coached toward greater EQ health. However, when there is significant pride or there is a teachability issue this becomes difficult, if not impossible.

Fourth, when you have tried to get someone a productive lane but there continue to be relational and emotional issues that keep getting in the way you know that it is probably not going to work. 

The bottom line is that when an enormous amount of time and energy has been expended in trying to make it work and it continues to remain problematic it is most likely not a good fit. Optimism needs at some point to be tempered by reality. It is amazing how the exit of one staff member can be the key to freedom, joy and productivity of the rest of the team. It is not always a conclusion we desire to come to but in these circumstances it is usually the right conclusion.

We cannot solve all the issues of staff members. It is not that they cannot find a place of effectiveness somewhere but sometimes it is not with our team or organization. Learning to be realistic as well as redemptive is a skill all leaders need to learn. After all, when it is not working for the leader it is usually not working for the rest of the team either. When we have done our best and it still does not work we need to take action - for our well being as well as for the well being of the organization.  Ironically it is usually the best for the staff member who does not fit as well. Run good process but don't prolong the pain.

TJ Addington of Addington Consulting has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

The relationally grounded pastor from Leadership Journal

The Relationally Grounded Pastor

An interview with Eugene Peterson

A Leadership Journal interview


TJ Addington of Addington Consulting has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

The use of church discipline to control people or shut down discussion in the church

This week another megachurch (pastored by Matt Chandler) had to apologize publicly for how they had exercised harsh and unfair discipline among its members. In this case it was over a wife's decision to divorce her husband who admitted to a long time addiction to child pornography which predated their marriage.

This comes on the heals of James MacDonald in Chicago (Harvest Bible Church) apologizing for discipline against three board members who had spoken out about practices in the church and of course the Mark Driscoll situation at Mar's Hill where the same issues were part of the demise of the church. See the original statement of the elders of Harvest Bible Church here.

These are examples of church discipline where boards and pastors, often out of a position of power or a desire to shut down legitimate discussion use church discipline as a lever to do so. When used this way it brings huge devastation to those who are the target and in the case of McDonald and Driscoll it had a significant impact on the church - which it should have had.

Harsh discipline for the wrong reasons and done in a spirit of control and authority is contrary to the teaching of Scripture and is on the extreme end of discipline - although it happens too often, and usually for the wrong reasons.

People speaking out about issues that are legitimate issues do not hurt the church. In fact if listened to they are a great help to the church. In these cases it is usually threatened leaders who turn to disciplinary action for their own purposes of control. Ironically when this happens it is the leaders themselves who ought to be disciplined! In addition, where leaders seek to control people (the Matt Chandler situation referenced above) in ways that are inappropriate is has a cultist feel rather than the feel of a culture of grace.  

Church discipline was never designed to control people or to shut down discussion. It was designed to be a process of grace and restoration in the lives of those who perpetuate heresy, who are living in ongoing egregious sin or who are intentionally bringing serious division to a congregation. It is also designed as a process (Matthew 18) and as a last resort. When used to shut down discussion or control people it has moved from its Biblical purpose to a power play on the part of leaders.

TJ Addington of Addington Consulting has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

What missionaries aren't telling you (and what they need from you). From a veteran missionary

What Missionaries Aren't Telling You (and What They Need From You)

TJ Addington of Addington Consulting has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

Some of the worst things leaders can do when there is controversy or conflict in the church

One of the most difficult jobs of a church leadership board in the local church is to deal with differences of opinion within the congregation especially when the issues are major, sides are being taken by parishioners and there may even be the possibility of a church split (whether that means many people leaving or the church literally splitting). 

Boards often respond to such situations just as a person does when attacked - with a defensive posture. Often it includes a circling of the wagons where there is a great deal of secrecy, the labeling of people who may disagree with their position as dissidents, an attempt to shut down discussion of the issues and even intimidation through threats of "church discipline." In other words, just as each of us operates in difficult circumstances with either good or bad EQ, there is a corporate board EQ that responds either in healthy or unhealthy ways to church related issues. 

Ironically, while boards can point the finger at what they may justifiably (or not) label behaviors of congregants as sinful or divisive, they can be equally guilty of the same behaviors. Of course they can use the "authority" card, even when their behaviors are not healthy!

I have several suggestions for boards who find themselves in this position.

One. Do not shut down legitimate discussion. Whenever we try to muzzle people we are operating out of fear rather than from a position of health. Whenever there cannot be a free discussion of differences - while staying connected with one another we are operating from fear. Healthy leaders both invite candid dialogue and work toward win/win solutions rather than a win/lose solution. They are non-defensive, open, listen carefully and work toward solutions that preserve the unity of the church. When boards circle the wagons free dialogue is over.

Two: Do not marginalize people who disagree with you. This is a common behavior when one feels under attack. Rarely is this about whether those who disagree with us are sinful or righteous, but rather that we disagree on process or solutions. Often division comes when one side or another takes a position that disenfranchises the other rather than looking for ways to address the concerns of both sides. 

Three: Don't do it alone. When issues become magnified and positions become stakes in the ground you often need an outside facilitator who can help moderate a discussion. A skilled outside facilitator does not have an agenda and therefore can speak to both sides and help them come together. Resisting an outside voice is usually an indicator that we want our way rather than a win/win solution. 

Four: Realize that the more you spin the issues and try to manage people who disagree with you the more dysfunctional the debate will become. People don't like to be manipulated and many boards who go on the defensive do just that with spiritual language, board "authority" and actions that put people in a corner. The more a board tries to "manage" the debate rather than allowing it to occur the more dysfunctional the debate will become. Ironically it is in trying to shut down discussion that the issues become even more problematic. When people don't feel heard, they will try all the harder to be heard. 

Five: Remember that you can split the church (the bride) simply by making it clear that "if you don't agree you should leave." Many will not fight a board and pastor but feel forced out nonetheless. When people start redirecting their giving, for instance, it is usually done because they feel no other way to send a message to leaders about the direction of the church. Leaders who don't pay attention to such signs are either in denial or foolish. I am always amazed by leaders (including pastors) who are willing to see large numbers of people leave who don't agree with them. They may get their way but there will be no end to the conflict as those who leave continue to have relationships back at the church they left. 

Six: You cannot move forward by marginalizing a segment of the church. Leaders need to honor the past as they build for the future. Being willing to sacrifice the past for the future is neither Biblical nor unifying. Yet it happens all too often. Ephesians 4:3ff is a good place to start in terms of how we see the folks in our congregations: 

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit - just as you were called to one hope when you were called - one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all."

Boards and other leaders who feel on the defensive need to live out the theology of unity. It takes wisdom and humility but it is possible.

Posted from Rockford, IL

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Ways that otherwise good leaders often sabotage their leadership

It is very possible to have significant leadership skills and still undermine one's own leadership. And this is not only a risk for young leaders for often for leaders that have seen significant success. 

Hubris. This should be obvious but it isn't always! Success breeds confidence and that confidence can cause us to overestimate our wisdom and underestimate our need for counsel. This can creep up on us over time without our realizing it until we are no longer open to the input of others which eventually comes back to bite us.

Schedule. Good leaders are in demand. That demand can cause us to say yes too often and no too seldom. Busyness wears us down, tires our bodies and minds, robs us of think time and even God. Schedule erosion eventually catches up to us in negative ways.

Entitlement. Successful leaders can start to believe that the rules don't apply to them as they apply to others. One of the ways this often plays out is in behaviors that they would not allow others to exhibit but which they feel they can. This may be carelessness in the treatment of others in words or attitudes or simply taking staff for granted. Because they have positional authority they often get away with behaviors that they shouldn't but by doing so they lose the respect of their staff.

Laziness. Many leaders who saw success in one period of life lose their edge in another because they no longer feel the need to stay sharp, learn new skills, and understand the changing environment around them. This can be the result of out of control schedules or hubris but whenever we stop being intentional in our own development we begin to lose our ability to lead well.

Health. This is one I understand and I have had to become deeply intentional about addressing my own health issues. When we don't those issues often compromise our energy and our ability to carry out our leadership roles. In the second half of life, this is one that leaders must become more intentional about if they are going to go the distance.

Transformation. It is what God wants to do in our hearts, thinking, priorities (lifestyle) and relationships and it is a life long process. I love the comment my brother made at my father's funeral service. "He was not a perfect man but he kept getting better." Cooperating with the Holy Spirit to become everything God made us to be and to become more and more like Jesus is one of prime responsibilities of leaders who model transformation for others. When we lose our intentionality here others notice and it sabotages our leadership.

Clarity. Lack of personal and leadership clarity leaves both us and our staff without focus. No matter how brilliant one is, a lack of focus creates confusion for those one leads and dissipates the energy that one expends. Life should be journey toward ever greater clarity about what God wants us to do (and alternatively not do), what our priorities should be (and there should be only a few) and what the target is for our work (without which our staff will lack direction). 

Discipline. No amount of brilliance makes up for a lack of discipline in our lives. Our personal discipline is a reflection of our understanding of God's call on our lives and our commitment to steward the gifts He has given for maximum impact. Lack of discipline communicates a carelessness about that stewardship. 

Jesus. Life is not about us but about Him. It is easy to forget that and to focus on our things rather than His things. Whenever we take our eyes off of Him we start to sink as Peter did when He left the boat to be with Him. To the extent that we lose that focus we hurt our leadership - and ourselves.

What sabotages your leadership? It can be one of these or it can be other things. Being sensitive to whatever it is will allow us to go the distance.

Posted from Rockford, Il

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

The worlds least religious countries - from the Washington Post

Map: These are the world’s least religious countries

Signs that leaders are leading from a posture of fear and insecurity

We often do not realize it when our leader is leading from a posture of fear but there are symptoms that give it away. It is dysfunctional and it feels bad but we often do not understand what is going on. Here are some of the symptoms of a leader who is leading from a place of fear. 

One: They demand loyalty to themselves rather than to the mission of the organization. Leaders who lack self confidence require their staff to be loyal to them - usually meaning that their staff agree with their views - rather than loyalty to the organization and its mission. They are intimidated by independent voices who speak their minds and if they perceive that the loyalty as they define it is not present they often marginalize those voices.

Two: They try to keep people from talking to others about issues they feel strongly about. When pastors, for instance tell staff that they cannot talk to board members or board members to staff or staff to congregants it is a sign of fear rather than a sign of confidence. Whenever leaders seek to limit the conversation of others (beyond appropriate channels) they are operating out of fear rather than health. Prohibiting open conversation is usually a precursor to an unraveling of leadership.

Three: They display an underlying anger that erupts in inappropriate language, statements, requirements or rules. People who live with fear or insecurity often try to control the environment around them with threats, anger, strong statements that intimidate or rules that are meant to keep their staff in line. When it does not feel good, it probably is not good. When it feels intimidating or coming from a place of fear, it probably is. When it does not feel healthy it probably is not healthy.

Four: Those who disagree are let go or marginalized and the reasons for departures, voluntary or involuntary are disguised. Truth is usually a victim to insecurity and fear. There is an inordinate desire to control the message and to spin the reasons for departures in the name of being graceful for those who are leaving but usually to protect the insecure leader responsible for the departure of the staff member. 

Five: There is a culture of fear on staff. Anytime, fear becomes the culture and people are not allowed to talk with one another or others it is a sign of an insecure leader. No secure leader creates an environment of fear or intimidation. None. Where there is fear among the staff in general there is a dysfunctional and usually a fearful leader. 

Six: Candid feedback to the leader is not allowed or appreciated. Only insecure or fearful leaders create an environment where candid and honest feedback is limited, controlled or not allowed/appreciated. It says more about the leader than it does about the staff. It comes from fear and insecurity rather than security and freedom.

Seven: A leader's board and senior staff must toe the line of the leader. Some years ago, our organization made a decision that irritated a senior pastor within the denomination. He forced his board (through intimidation) to agree with him and to withhold all support of our organization in the face of irrefutable evidence that we had reasons for our decision. But no pushback was allowed and he forced his board to go along with him. When a board or senior staff must toe the line of the leader, it is usually a sign of control, fear and insecurity.

My question is why such behaviors are not seen for what they are in the ministry arena and why staff and boards allow this kind of behavior? It demonstrates naivete on the part of boards and usually fear on the part of staff who are put in an impossible situation. Don't be fooled and don't get sucked into a dysfunctional leaders stuff. It is poison and it is foolishness. Too many board members get sucked into the dysfunction.

Posted from Knoxville, Tennessee

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

A dialogue between T.J. Addington and Tony Morgan from the Unstuck Group on church governance

It won't take you much time but if you are a pastor or a church leader, this conversation is for you.

Church Boards: An Interview with TJ Addington

Posted from Knoxville, Tennessee

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Living and leading with expectation rather than discouragement

It is very interesting to listen to people regarding their circumstances in life and whether they see their glass as half full or half empty. I suppose this can vary on any given day but I would argue that for believers we have reason every day to live with expectation rather than with fear and discouragement. 

I love Psalm 5:3 in this respect where David says:
"In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation."

David is suggesting that it is possible to walk through our days with expectation of what God will bring and do in answer to our prayer. This is not a life of fear and discouragement but one of faith, courage and expectation.

The word expectation has a sense of mystery to it. How will God answer? What will he do in response to our prayer? When will He act? It also has a sense of faith for in expecting Him to act we are conscious that He hears our prayers and answers them - in His wise and sovereign way. 

After many years of leadership I have learned that I don't  need to live with anxiety over challenges in the ministry I lead. What I do instead is give the issue to God and wait to see how He will show up and what it will look like. I always have a choice: I can see life as a glass half full or half empty. As believers we ought to see our glass as half full - in expectation of how and when He is going to fill up the other half. You never know, it might even overflow.

An attitude of expectation is contagious. As God gives it to us, we in turn can give it to others through our attitudes, faith, courage and expectation.

Posted from Knoxville, Tennessee

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Pastors, staff and board members who use inappropriate language, emotions and actions

I was once doing an intervention in a church where the pastor was in conflict with several associate pastors. During a "reconciliation meeting" the senior pastor acknowledged a whole lot of behavior that he termed was "below the belt" but his further comment was that "It was no different than what the associate had done to him." Really? 

I told them both that their behaviors would be a no brainier for termination in the ministry I lead and that foul language, anger, threats, shouting at one another and undermining each other was simply unacceptable behavior in ministry and would be cause for termination in the business sector. What I said to them was that they were like two year olds throwing sand at one another in a sandbox rather than grown ups who deal with one another with grace and the attitudes of the Fruit of the Spirit.

I am always amazed at the behaviors that are acceptable in the church but would be unacceptable in business where the standards presumably are lower than in the church. When the Fruit of the Spirit is not exhibited by those who are in church leadership - whether pastors or board members or volunteers there is a deep problem. When the scenes behind the scenes are not consistent with the public portrayal there is hypocrisy in the camp.  Yet boards and staff seem to ignore this all the time. Why? 

I suspect boards ignore such issues because when it is a fellow board member they don't have the courage to confront one of their own. I suspect they ignore these issues with a senior leader when that leader is "producing results," irregardless of the behaviors that should be deemed unacceptable. That is a pragmatic approach that ignores the inner dishealth of the leader. What they don't get is that the health of the leader will inevitably determine the health of the staff and the entire congregation. As goes the leader, so goes the church. When it all comes apart, I have often had boards acknowledge that they knew all was not well with their leader but chose to ignore it because the leader was bringing people in. The facade was good but the inner structure was unhealthy.

Paul told Timothy to watch both his life and his theology with diligence so that all would notice (1 Timothy 4:15-16). He also told him to "set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity (1 Timothy 4:12). Theology without a life that reflects that theology is unacceptable in the Kingdom of God. No one is perfect but there are boundaries to what is acceptable and if it not acceptable in public it is also not acceptable behind the scenes. 

If our behind the scenes leadership (language, actions, behaviors attitudes) do not reflect our up front leadership there is a dissonance that should be addressed because it will eventually cause deep problems. Our public lives should directly reflect our private lives and when that is not the case there is a discontinuity that will eventually hurt the organization - especially when it comes to leaders. In the case cited above it caused the explosion of a church which has taken several years to heal.

See also, Abuse in the church. When the bully is the pastor.

Posted from Bloomington - Normal, Illinois

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Giving space and giving grace

We, and I include myself in that, are all too prone to criticizing  then actions or words of another. Now there are clearly behaviors which are out of line and which are violations of our organizational cultures. But at the same time there are things that we might call "quirks" of another - and we all have them where we need to give both space and grace.

As uniquely created individuals there are places that we will differ with others. In addition, there are things that others do that may irritate us. I certainly experience this and I also irritate others at times. 

There is perhaps no scripture that challenges me more than this than that of the the fruit of the Spirit: Love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control (Galatians 5:22-23). These are the characteristics that the Spirit exercises to us and which we are to exercise toward others. 

Before I am critical of others I need to ask myself if I am living out the fruit of the Spirit in my actions and reactions. This is not an excuse to ignore inappropriate behavior but it is a reminder to us as to how we respond. 

Often, those things that irritate me the most in others are things that I struggle with myself. That is something that I need to think hard about. We all do! 

Before we react to the words or actions of others, lets give space and give grace. And if we need to address it lets do it with the combination of grace and truth and an awareness of our own vulnerabilities and struggles. It would make a great difference in our relationships. I am so glad for how the Holy Spirit gives me grace and space and for those who love me who do the same. I want to be one who gives it to others.

Posted from Bloomington - Normal, Illinois

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

America’s Changing Religious Landscape

Christians Decline Sharply as Share of Population; Unaffiliated and Other Faiths Continue to Grow

Posted from Oakdale, MN

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

The next time you think you don't have enough stuff check out these pictures

Photographer spends 11 years documenting families around China with all their belongings

Avoiding conflict by creating conflict

It is ironic but there are many ways to seek to avoid conflict that actually create it. Think about this:

One: When we try to please others by not telling them what we really think in an attempt to keep peace we often unintentionally create later conflict since our words do not match our true thoughts. Our true convictions come out at some point and the lack of honesty on the front end creates conflict on the back end.

Two: When we tell one person one thing and another a different thing in order to keep the peace we eventually create conflict because the two versions don't match up. One of the signs of good EQ is the ability to be defining with what we believe no matter what the response might be. And to stay in relationship with those who might disagree with us at the same time. 

Three: When we simply avoid the issues and pretend that they are not there the end result is far deeper conflict than we could have wished for. Sweeping issues under the rug only leave them for another day when the number of undressed issues is now larger and the potential conflict equally larger.

Four: When we engage in passive aggressive behavior, hiding our true thoughts and allowing them to emerge in other ways creates even greater conflict because it is disingenuous. This strategy is all too common and it creates relational chaos since one thing is said but another thing is lived out. 

There are many ways to create conflict by avoiding it. There is no upside by not putting issues on the table. We may think there is but our strategies to avoid conflict actually make even deeper conflict inevitable. Boards and staff teams are guilty of this all the time and it does not yield healthy results.

Posted from Oakdale, MN

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Three key questions about priorities that apply to everyone

Priorities are an interesting thing. We know we have them, we know they are important but we often don't think about them much - ironically because we are often too distracted by non-priorities. The best sacrificed by the urgent. 

There are three key questions about priorities that we ought to consider on a regular basis. The first is do we know what our priorities are? Can we name them? Have we spent time determining what they should be? The reason this is so important is that either we determine what they are or others and life will do it for us. This is true in our personal lives and in our professional lives. Many people live with only a general idea of what their priorities are which is by definition a life unconsidered.

The second question is whether our stated priorities are the right ones. On the personal side, we know that our priorities revolve around God, our marriage (if married), family and our personal ministry. While these can easily become pushed aside they are not hard to determine.

On the professional side, however, it is not necessarily so easy. We need to start by asking what we want to accomplish and then our priorities follow from our goals. But that is not even the final issue because how we go about the pursuit of our goals can be the difference between moderate impact and significant impact. It takes focused, evaluative thinking to determine what really should be the focus of my time on the ministry or professional side. The end results of our ministries will largely be determined by whether we focused on the right things.

The third question regarding priorities is whether my stated priorities are reflected in my calendar. That is, whether I have connected the compass (my priorities) with the clock (my calendar). If our checkbook reflects our financial priorities, our calendar reflects our time priorities. Anyone who examines our calendars can tell what our actual priorities are and whether they reflect our stated priorities. 

Connecting the compass with the clock is easier said than done because of all the demands and expectations that come our way. But, it is the priorities themselves that help us say yes or no so that we stay on track with our calling and our lives. 

If you are challenged by answering these three questions, you are in good company. But the more we ask them and pay attention to them the more we will focus on the things that really matter.

Posted from Milwaukee

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

What drains the energy and momentum from your ministry?

Often we don't realize that a tremendous amount of energy is wasted and drained from issues that we choose not to address. The failure to address known issues can steal amazing time, anxiety or joy from what should be productive ministry.

Take a staff member who is out of sync with the rest of the staff or leadership. Their lack of alignment is like a huge anchor the rest of the organization must drag along behind them. Yet we let it happen all too often.

Or consider governance that no longer fits a church's size that keeps decisions from being made in a timely fashion, requires permission from multiple sources and just makes it hard to lead. In many cases poor governance models also create confusion as to who is responsible for what leading to frustration or conflict. It is a huge an unnecessary drain on multiple people.

Unresolved conflict between key members of a team or board also create tension and an emotional drain on those involved and those who are on the fringes. So do unresolved issues that come up time and again.

Ask yourself this question. Is there something that is draining you or your ministry team or organization of time, energy or emotional health? Is there something that causes ongoing frustration and is a drag on the forward momentum? Is there an individual who is at the center of ongoing controversy or conflict? 

If you can identify those frustrating drains on the energy of your ministry deal with them. It may cause short term pain but it will bring long term health. Once you deal with the issue(s) you will be amazed at the freedom you feel and the new energy you have. 

Posted from Milwaukee

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Five things to remember about all emails you send.

I just saw an email that caused me to say "Oh my!" and it reminded me of the dangers that emails present. I suspect that if it could be recalled it would be but that is not possible and now it is being circulated to places and people the author probably does not desire.

Five things to remember about all emails we send:

First: Do not assume they will not be made public. The more controversial the conversation the greater the chances there are that whatever you write will find its way into the hands of others. All it takes is one click. Do not write anything that you don't want others to see and that you cannot substantiate. Our tone, our words, our attitudes and our assumptions matter in print and they can easily be wrong or badly misunderstood.

Second: Do not question the motives of others. In the first place you may well be wrong. In the main we cannot know what those motives really are. Conversations may unearth them but emails rarely will and you run the risk that you have it wrong - but now in print.

Third: Do not make accusations you cannot prove and even if you can that will not be understood by others who might read the email. Emails are not the place to make accusations. I am reluctant to do so in person let alone by email. And remember that even if you are right, those who are friends of the one you are writing to will rarely agree with you and it probably will come back to bite you. Why pick fights that you don't need to pick?

Fourth: Do not use inflammatory language. The harsher the language the tougher it is going to be to resolve whatever issue needs resolution. Inflammatory language raises the level of conflict, can be accusatory by its very nature and is unnecessary in an email. Even if everything you say is true, third parties who may see the email will inevitably take exception to you and what you wrote - and you will lose coinage.

Five: Don't make a threat by email. There may be consequences to someone's actions but rarely is it helpful to threaten them in a way that could go public, or that will be misunderstood by third parties.

If one is tempted to send an email that violates any of these five principles it is a smart practice to first wait 24 hours before sending it and second to have a colleague you trust read it. If it has implications for your organization or ministry, show it to your supervisor before sending because if it comes back to haunt you it will also haunt them. 

Posted from Guatemala

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

When leaders stop learning they also stop leading

Leaders often inadvertently stop leading even though they think they are leading. After all they have the title and the responsibility. And authority. But, Leadership is not about those three things. It is helping the ministry move forward in clarity toward a defined goal and meet the new challenges of the day. 

None of that happens without the leader continually growing personally and professionally all the time. When leaders stop learning and growing they also stop leading. 

Consider:

The environment around us changes continuously and unless we respond to those changes we quickly become irrelevant in our methodology. Our theology does not change but our methods of ministry need to. Not only does our environment change but the needs of an organization change at different seasons and phases of growth. Moving through those times of transition takes new thinking and new skills that if not learned plateau the ministry.

In addition, those who report to us take their cues from us. If leaders are not always pushing forward to learn new things others probably will not either. So stagnation at the top leads to stagnation throughout the organization. This leads to the best people leaving (staff or in the church congregants) and over time it leads to decline. 

What keeps leaders from growing? Often our busyness keeps us from focusing on what is most important. Thus we can live with the illusion we are leading (we are doing things) but we are not actually helping the ministry move forward but are rather managing the status quo.

I believe another reason is often laziness. It is easier to manage the status quo than to figure out what comes next and how to get there. 

Finally, pride can keep us from seeking help from others. But none of us grow without the help of others. Often leaders need help to grow but do not ask or take the initiative. Pride makes us believe we are better than we are. Humility leads us to seek growth as we realize how much we don't know. 

Pride, laziness and busyness all conspire to keep us from learning new things. If we are going to go the distance it is a lifelong process with great intentionality and purpose. Pursue growth and the organization will grow. When we don't we actually stop leading.

Posted from Guatemala

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.