Reflections on Father's Day

This morning I have been reflecting on how our fathers mold us for better or for worse. In my case for the better. None of us are perfect fathers or had perfect fathers but we were all molded by our fathers. Here are some of the lessons that my father left me.

It is all about Jesus. My dad knew that life was about God, not him. I remember his 4:00 am devotions and prayer before starting a long day at the hospital, and our family devotions (which I did not want to get up for). 

Character is everything. Dad was a man of utter honesty and integrity and did not cut any ethical corners. Nor did he allow us to either.

Go where Jesus wants you to go. Feeling called to missions and being told that the mission needed a doctor he went to medical school and then to Hong Kong where he co-founded a hospital (Evangel Hospital) with Bob Chapman. Needing a surgeon, he came home, did a surgical residency and went back. This on top of his engineering and theological degrees. In the mid seventies my folks had two sets of parents who needed care so they did not return to Hong Kong in order to care for their elderly parents. Dad was willing to do what was needed to follow Jesus where he felt Jesus was calling them. 

Share the gospel. My parents both had a compelling desire to share the gospel with others. People were always in our home, they had home Bible studies where I believe hundreds came to know Jesus and in his later years my dad wrote a book called Discovering the Bible for those who desired to read through the Word. Translated into Russian and Chinese it may turn out to be his greatest legacy in terms of sharing the Gospel. In the hospital in Hong Kong the staff shared the gospel with every patient.

Keep getting better. As my brother Tom said at my dad's funeral. "Dad was not a perfect man but he kept getting better." That is one of the greatest takeaways from my dad's life. He was not content and he did not settle. He kept seeking to become more like Jesus and he was a kinder, gentler and more grace filled man as the years went by. 

Like any son, I had my struggles with my father. At times - epic. But his imprint on my life in important areas will be his legacy to me and I hope to my children and grandchildren. It is why I dedicated my last book Deep Influence to him. Dad's have a deep influence on their kids, at least mine did on me.

In my dedication of Deep Influence to my father I wrote this:

To my father.

Engineer, theologian, church planter, evangelist

physician, surgeon, author, teacher and mentor to many.

Most importantly a man of deep Influence

Who met His Lord on November, 19, 2012.

Posted from San Diego

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

The baton has passed: My father's death

My father went to heaven today at age 86. In some ways I lost him a number of years ago when dementia set in but today it was final - for this world. He left ten children, many grand and great grandchildren and many spiritual children.

My life changed today. I am not sure all the ways but I know it did. I will know it next week as well as we lower a casket into a grave.

There is no longer a generation of men ahead of me to die. I am now on the front lines. Mortality took a step closer. I cannot pretend. The grave is ample proof. My father said as much to me years ago when his father died. It was a rare instance of transparency into his heart. He was a private man but less so as the years went by.

Legacy now passes to me. I am part of my father's legacy and it is now mine to pass one on to my children: Jon, Chip and grandson Gavrel. Like my father's it will be flawed by living in a fallen world but still I have choices and those choices and example and relationships and life become the legacy I will one day leave. There is much that I can treasure about the legacy I was handed. There is much I can do about the legacy I hand off. 

Life is precious but it is also limited which is why heaven becomes even more precious. For it is unlimited in its time (there is none), its person (Jesus), and it's wonder. As C.S. Lewis wrote, it is the home we were truly made for. It is the home father was made for and he has now looked into the loving eyes of the One he served and loved. Like Paul, he fought the good fight. Like Paul, not perfectly, but like Paul not timidly either.

There is no unfinished business between us. Fortunately we took care of that years ago. It won't be long until we are reunited as he today is with parents, family and other friends who went before. I am sure there is a party taking place somewhere even as we grieve but grieve well for a life well lived. 

Finishing well is the challenge all of us have. Dad finished well. I desire to finish well. It makes the leaving ever so much more easy for the one who leaves and the ones who are left. For believers there are no final good by's, just temporary ones. 

See also, Legacy. Thoughts on my dad

A father's blessing

What is it about fathers that makes them so special if we had one that we loved and admired? And for those whose father failed that test, why is there such a hole in the heart of longing and sadness? Why are our emotions around our fathers often so conflicted: Love, admiration, longing, sadness where they failed us - emotions that can run strong because there is something special about fathers.

I wonder if much of these conflicting emotions come down to this: We need, long for, have been blessed by or desperately wished for our father's blessing and acceptance. How many people are still trying to gain their father's blessing and acceptance long into life when that blessing or acceptance was withheld? Is this the reason that emotions around our fathers remain strong for all of our lives?

Fathers who withhold blessing and acceptance from their children leave a legacy of longing that never fully goes away. Those who give this gift are easily forgiven their many failures because this gift is so powerful!

I believe that a father's acceptance and blessing is really a spiritual longing and mirrors our need for God's acceptance and blessing. God is the father none of us fully had for He is the perfect father and He bestows on us full acceptance, divine blessing and loving encouragement. He knows us fully and still loves us fully. His love is unconditional and cannot be earned. His favor is upon us even when He lovingly disciplines us. 

For those of us who are fathers, our example for fatherhood is the character and person of our God. For those of us who long for a father figure they never had, God is their ultimate father! Seek His blessing for He freely gives it!

To all fathers: Never withhold acceptance and blessing from your children. It is what all children need from their fathers - as youngsters and as adults. We can fail at many things but if we fail at this we will leave a deep hole in the hearts of our offspring.