Dealing with an Age of Anger in the Church

 

There is a great deal of anger today in the church....over everything. 

People are leaving churches in anger, withdrawing their giving, are incredibly cranky and irritable and find all kinds of things to complain about. Leaders have spent an inordinate amount of time in the past six months calling folks who are upset. It is often a fools errand. They cannot solve the discontent. What we can do is to focus on those who are with us rather than trying to convince those who are not.

Where does the anger come from? 

It stems from Covid and the incredible burden this has placed on people, either discounting the threat and angry about the stipulations put in place, or, concerned about their own safety and the resulting fear. Just the additional burdens that this time places on people is heavy. 

Then there is the political anger that divides our nations, and for many evangelicals that was magnified by the results of the last election. There are the racial tensions that divide our communities and additional division about how to deal with it. Sales of guns and ammunition are way up for members of both parties and those who fear racial unrest - Blacks and Whites. I have not remembered a time when conspiracy theories of all sorts had as much attention as today.

Unfortunately this all spills over into the church. 

There are simply a lot of cranky, irritable, critical and unhappy people today. In fact, in my many years of working with churches I don't remember a time where attitudes were so bad. And it seems for leaders, you cannot win. 

Churches that quit meeting for a season out of concern for their people were accused of allowing the government to "shut down churches" and "interfere with religion." Then, when the church reopened, there was the criticism that "you don't take the health threat of Covid seriously." Often this is pretty much a 50/50 split. So no matter what you do you face criticism. The same split is evident in how congregations are dealing with racial issues that have torn our nation. If you address the racial issues you face criticism from those who don't believe there is a problem. If you fail to address the issues you are seen as uncaring and contributors to the problem. In the arena of public opinion you cannot win!

On top of all that, there has been a lack of face to face communication and what people put on social media or into emails is usually far harsher than they would express in person.

What should our response be?

Be Compassionate but not empowering

While cranky, irritable, critical and unhappy attitudes are not what Jesus desires, mercy would have us give people space and grace. It is a tough time. One of the realities of ministry is that we are required to put up with times when people are out of sorts. 

Don't take it personally

OK that is hard. Just this week our team put in an amazing number of hours to bring back live services after a six month hiatus. It was a wonderful day and the team crushed it but I got home to a critical email that lacked grace and simply complained. It is easy to take that personally but it is wise not to. But...I didn't bother to respond! It was not worth it given the attitude behind the comments.

Challenge people to live by the Fruit of the Spirit

We cannot control opinions but we can call people to the standard that Paul set for us, based on the example of Jesus himself. Remind people that the fruit of the spirit is the attitude that should flow from hearts that are like Jesus. Paul tells us that we ought to walk in the Spirit because the Spirit lives within us. Sometimes we just need to tell people that their attitudes are unacceptable. Be kind about it but not shy to say it. Scripture is pretty objective on how we should deal with one another.

Answer questions and have dialogue selectively

I say selectively because those who have a history of bad attitudes, critical spirits and crankiness don't deserve much of our time. You will not convince the inconvincible that they should change their attitudes or critical spirits. So don't try. Ignore those who have a history of critical spirits. Show then love but don't waste your time trying to make them feel good. Sometimes they just need to be told the truth about their attitudes.

If you are dealing with at reasonable person, answer questions and try to help them see why you have made certain decisions. A conversation with a reasonable individual can almost often bear the fruit of understanding.

When people threaten to withhold their giving or leave the church don't try to change their minds

Over the years I have seen a lot of people take their ball and go home. Sometimes because they didn't get their way, sometimes because we didn't meet their expectations, sometimes because they are just critical. Sometimes because they took a petty offense and made it a dealbreaker. 

I once received an email that complained about something the church had done, made crazy allegations and finished with these words, "I don't need you anymore." Ouch. But here is a fact. With that attitude your congregation will not be very attractive to others. Blessed subtractions are not a bad thing. Let them find somewhere where they can minister with a happy heart and a clear conscience. Bless them and let them go. People left Jesus too. Sometimes in droves. 

Walk in grace and truth yourself

Shepherds don't kick the sheep. Grace means that we give space and compassion. Truth means that we see attitudes for what they are. Our job is to be sure that we live in grace and truth ourselves. It is our surest antidote to the disappointment that critical spirits can bring to us and to our congregations. 

It takes wisdom to navigate these days. Be innocent as a dove and wise as a serpent! And focus on leading the church into missional waters.

Winners and Losers

By the time this day is over, or soon after, half of America will be happy with the election results and the other half very unhappy. Whether your candidate wins or loses, there is another issue that is in play today. It is whether we will respond Christianly to the election results. At the national level, whichever candidate wins the White House, there will be a great deal of ill will by the losing party. Perhaps gloating by the winning party. But how do we, as Christians respond?

We often forget that we are citizens first of heaven and second of our nation. Our highest loyalty is to our Lord. In effect, we carry two passports which are why Peter calls us aliens and strangers in the world. In accepting Christ as our Savior, our citizenship changed even though we still hold a passport here on earth. Given that, our Christian worldview, our Christian attitudes, and actions will often be at odds with the prevailing worldview, words, and actions around us.

Here is Paul’s advice to us today. On this day and in the days to come. “Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men.”  Titus 3:1-2. 

Think about those words. There will be many who respond very differently to the election results because they lack a Christian worldview. In fact, many who are Christ followers will react differently than Paul’s admonition as well. It is hard sometimes to remember that, as citizens of heaven, we have different values, practices, words, and attitudes. But we do. In this and in every area of life. Our worldview is no longer that of the country in which we were born but in the country to which we are going. This is what sets Christians apart in whatever society they live in.

As Christ's followers, this is a day when we slander no one, are peaceable and considerate, ready to do whatever is good, and show true humility toward all men. We do not join the vitriol and anger that will follow the results. Or, slander the winner or loser. We are different, We act and react differently. We are citizens of heaven, and our response should not be the same as those around us. Can it be hard? Yes. Does it please God? Yes. This is a day to remember where our true citizenship lies.

Transparency in the church: Twelve principles for dealing with bad news!

 

One of the unfortunate practices of the church is to spin problematic news rather than to be candid enough that reasonable people can understand what is going on in a particular situation. Spin, of course, is the manipulation of a message so that what is problematic or plainly bad looks less so and those who are resposible are able to offload responsibility. 

We watched in bemusement as the leaders of Willow Creek and Harvest Bible Chapel tried to protect themselves by massive spin - denying that there was anything wrong until events forced their hand. The truth is that many of us looking in knew there was more to the story than was being shared and the denials in the face of multiple situations and people coming forward made it impossible to believe the spin.

When one hears spin from Washington or in the news, it is often apparent. It is no different with a church. Eventually the truth is going to come out and leaders who have spun the story or manipulated the facts to make things look better than they are will lose their credibility when it does. Hence the resignations of entire boards at Willow and Harvest. Whatever the original issues, the spin caused tremendous damage to the church and the belief that their leaders had told them the truth. The result is that both organizations are in significant trouble as congregants are leaving in significant numbers. 

Bad news can be handled if it is communicated truthfully. This does not mean that leaders must tell all they know but it does mean that what they share must be true. In addition, they must share enough of the facts for reasonable people to understand and to have context.

 Here is the irony of spin. In an effort to preserve their reputation as leaders or the reputation of a leader who has made mistakes or is guilty of impropriety, all parties involved in the spin lose far more credibility than they would have if they had simply told the truth. Enough truth for people to understand what went wrong.

Here are some principles when something goes wrong or must be reported to a congregation.

First, don't hide the issue. You actually win points for being candid in a timely manner.

Second, you do not have to reveal everything you know but you must reveal enough for reasonable people to understand what you are dealing with.

Third,when bad news ocurrs, come with a good plan of how you intend to address it and ensure that you will get to the bottom of whatever has happened.

Fourth, run a good process and report back to the congregation what has been discovered. It is foolish to run bad process and face criticism for both the problem and the response to the problem.

Fifth, remember that if you do not share adequate information it will come back and bite you every time. Truth does rise to the surface eventually and on that day those who dealt with the issue will also face scrutiny and evaluation as well as the one responsible for the original issue. 

Sixth, if you attempt to protect the guilty you become one of the guilty. Lack of truth is enanthema to God and to those you serve. When there is smoke and fire and leaders try to downplay that reality, they engage in lies and falsehoods. 

Seventh, it is the job of leaders to protect their flock. Being dishonest or covering up what is evident or true is not protection but collusion. 

Eighth, always get outside counsel. When the stuff hits the fan, it is hard for those who are in leadership to be objective. Our instinct is to want to make the issue go away. To "protect the church" by pretending the issues are not as bad as they seem. Outside counsel from someone who has experience in these situations will go a long way to get it right the first time. 

Ninth, allow outside wise and godly counsel to help you in your communication with the congregation. You don't want, like Willow, to have to come back a second time or a third time to "clarify" rather than simply communicating bad news upfront.

Tenth, once you have told the truth, ask the church to pray. Asking the congregation to pray when you are not being upfront won't work. People know when they are being manipulated and not being told the truth. In these situations, you will not get prayer but gossip, questions and anger. 

Eleventh, you need a plan for helping the congregation heal. This may take time and trying to "get it behind you" without adequate process will often cause more pain that it will healing. Again, outside counsel can help you get this right. 

Finally, be compassionate toward the guilty but don't protect them. That is not your job. Truth means that you are upfront with the issue without seeking to protect. Grace means that we seek to help the individual(s) involved find healing as well. 

The situation at Willow and Harvest today would look much different if these twelve principles had been followed. The pain experienced by these congregations was greatly intensified by the actions of leaders. While these are highly visible examples, the same responses are played out in smaller churches regularly. Remember the more spin there is, the longer it will take to heal and the more cynicism will grow - which will hamper future leaders from leading with trust. 

Good news for election week

 

In many ways, our world has become a giant echo chamber of bad news. The twenty-four-hour news channels would have us believe that nothing good is happening in our world. In election weeks like this one, social media is chock full of dire predictions about what will happen to our nation if our candidate does not win. And, of course, to make it all the more complicated, Covid 19 is like a giant wet blanket that feels as if it is smothering our relationships, church life, and life in general. How much good news do you hear?

In Psalm 4:6, David speaks to this issue when he writes, “Many are asking, “Who can show us any good?” You see, bad news is not an issue only of our time. Who can show us any good in a virtual sea of negativity? It is an excellent question and one that David had an answer for.

“Many are asking, ‘Who can show us any good?

Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord,

You have filled my heart with greater joy

Than when their grain and new wine abound.

I will lie down and sleep in peace,

For you alone, O Lord,

make me dwell in safety.” 

-Psalm 4:6-8.

This is fascinating. People around David ask, ‘who can show us any good?’ because their eyes are on the events in the world around them, and all they perceived was an echo chamber of bad news. So they lived in discouragement with a negative attitude and an anxious and worried heart. But not David.

David’s perspective was different because he was not focused on the negativity of the world around him but on God, who is the ultimate good news in the sea of bad news. He is the antidote to bad news. He is the antidote to worry and anxiety that can permeate our beings. Think of the light of God’s face shining on you, as David says. According to Scripture, that is what he does all the time. That brings joy. “You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound.” Greater joy than the very best harvest, the very best paycheck. Our true source of joy is not to be found in the external world, which is fallen and broken, but in God, regardless of the circumstances around us.

This joy leads to peace. “I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.” Would you like to lie down and sleep in peace? Those around David are asking, who can show us any good? And David rests in peace because he knows the Lord makes him dwell in safety. The world may not feel safe, but God is always safe. And He can bring us joy and peace if we focus on Him.

As our election season unfolds, don’t listen to the echo chamber of bad news. Instead, allow God’s face to shine on you, bring you true joy, and let His peace quiet your heart.

Don't irritate your staff with helicopter management

In my many years of consulting with organizations, one of the prevalent complaints of staff is the helicopter management of senior leaders. First, staff are responsible for something and work hard to figure it out. Then, a senior leader "helicopters" in to adjust or redo the plan.

I often ask staff how this management style makes them feel when they describe this to me. Their answer is almost always the same: They think that they are not trusted, their work devalued, and the energy they put into the work they had completed. It is one of the most disrespectful things a leader can do to their staff, who feel marginalized and unappreciated. Of course, this does not mean the leader meant to send those messages, but their actions do just that. Every time leaders do this, they lose major coinage with their staff. 

What are the reasons that this happens? 

• Often there needed to be more adequate conversation and dialogue before the project was assigned, leaving staff unaware of the leader's true intentions.
• Many leaders simply think they know best and believe it is their responsibility to make the calls.
• Often, leaders are moving way too fast to pay proper attention to what is happening leaving them with little time for dialogue, so they helicopter down, make their pronouncements, and then helicopter off again. Their touchdowns can leave chaos in their wake, and they are unaware of how their actions impact their staff.
• Many leaders think that things should be done one way: Their way. So when a different way is tried, they feel that they need to intervene. 

What is the answer? It is to understand what altitude one should be flying at and staying at that altitude, allowing others to fly at their altitude and do their work. There can always be discussion and dialogue, but those at lower altitudes often know much better the issues they are dealing with. I discuss this issue of altitude in my book Leading From The Sandbox. Understanding the proper altitude leaders should be flying is one of the critical components of healthy leadership.

Remember that every leader's actions have ripple effects on their staff. The more senior the leader, the more ripples there are. At times one must pivot quickly, and that is appreciated by staff. However, when senior leaders regularly dip down to 5,000 feet when they ought to be flying at 30,000 feet, they need to appreciate the impact on staff. Find your altitude, take the time to dialogue with staff, so you know where they are and what they are doing, and honor them as colleagues by not changing their plans on a whim.

Living beyond Politics

The political season is a test for every believer. In fact, it reveals a great deal about our character, our faith, and our belief system. 

Let's start with our character. The vitriol of the election season is harsh, strong, and unkind. Yet, even in the church, between believers, all too often, the tone and tenor of political conversations are no different than on Fox News or CNN. People often say, “Politics is a messy business.” They are right. But we do not need to vilify others or respond in anger. Even in politics, the fruit of the Spirit applies Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, and self-control.

We fail the character test if we cannot discuss issues that divide us with these qualities. It is easy to have the fruit of the Spirit in easy conversations. However, displaying that fruit in challenging discussions is far more critical. Remember, the Holy Spirit is either saddened or gladdened by our attitude in this season.

Then there is the issue of our belief system. Here is the question. Do we believe that our political party or any political party can save us as a nation? If anything can be learned from the Old Testament and God’s interactions with nations, He raises nations and leaders and brings them down when their sin or avoidance of Him becomes too great. A righteous and just government matters greatly, but our political parties cannot save us. I long ago concluded that it matters more who is in my house than who is in the White House. 

But the issue of our faith is the most critical question. There is an Old Testament promise that is often quoted but rarely followed. It is God’s promise in 2 Chronicles 7:14: “If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”

If we genuinely believed that promise, we would spend far more time praying for our nation, living in personal righteousness, turning away from sin, and seeking His face in all our practices. And in doing so, we would be confident that God will hear from heaven and that their land would be healed. Why healed? Because every nation has practices and a past that they need healing from. Racism and a history of slavery are wounds from which our country desperately needs healing. Unfortunately, recent days have told us that the wounds are real and raw and that without healing, there will not be reconciliation, justice, or righteousness. 

We don’t believe that all people are made in the image of God. Many decry the scourge of abortion in this country. But what do you suppose God thinks about racism, exclusion, and injustice? Yet the church is largely silent on these issues and has married itself to a political party as if people cannot vote for either party and be disciples of Jesus. God is asking us to care about the things He cares about, and He wants us to humble ourselves (yes, as Christian people), truly seek his face, and turn from our sinful ways, and He will heal our land. 

This election will not solve our nation's problems. A new Supreme Court justice will not solve them either. Only God can, and it will only be when His people choose to live beyond politics and follow Him and seek what He desires that this nation, or any nation, will be blessed. Healing does not start in the White House. It begins in our house.

Three distinct ways to plan your life and one that actually works

 

It is always interesting to ask people how they actually live their lives. Most of us assume that we live by our stated priorities, but when I ask individuals how they translate what they say is important to them into their weekly and monthly schedule, I am often met with silence or a request for suggestions.

There are three primary ways that people plan their lives.

The first strategy is to live by your options.

All of us have an unlimited number of options available to us. I might say no to someone asking me out for an evening dinner but yes to a more attractive option. When I asked a friend recently about his strategy for planning his week, he said, "I don't have one." When I asked how he made decisions about what he did outside of work, he said, "It depends on the options." In other words, on any given day, the best option wins the prize for how he spends his time.

The problem with living by your options is that it does not consider what is essential to you and does not necessarily contribute to a well-lived life. It is a common strategy but not one designed to help you accomplish what you want to achieve in life. On the upside, it takes little planning or effort.

The second strategy is to live by the expectations of others.

This strategy is a trap that many fall into, especially those who are prone to please others. Everyone has some sort of agenda for our lives: Family, friends, employer, colleagues, church....you name them. These are things that others think should be important to us. They are not things we feel are important to us, but we have a hard time saying no and living our lives by the rules of others rather than our values. 

This strategy is obviously not planned. It is reacting. Further, it usually causes an underlying frustration, if not anger, when we realize we do not control our destiny. One of the most liberating skills is the ability to say no and feel good about it. Not to be contrary but to ensure that we live according to what we believe to be most important. To live by the expectations of others is to give others the ability to determine what is essential for us to do - an abdication of our own responsibility.

The third strategy is to live by a planned calendar based on what we believe our priorities are.

There are two caveats here. The first is that we have done the hard work to determine the priorities of our lives. There is no well-lived life that has not first determined what is important and what one wants to accomplish. 

This is because all priorities take time, and time is the most precious commodity we have as individuals. Money comes and goes, but time only goes, and you cannot get it back. Every obligation we choose or agree to has a time check attached. Just as we write financial checks, we also write time checks. They are ultimately more important than how we spend our money because they determine what we accomplish in life. 

There is a second caveat. You must connect your priorities to your calendar in a proactive way to live them out. If your priorities are the compass for your life, your calendar is the clock. Unless the compass is connected to the clock, those things you value will not have the attention you desire. Thus, your priorities go on your monthly calendar before anything else. This is the only way to plan your life that ultimately works (if you believe in your values and priorities). What one does not reserve time for usually does not get done.

If you look at your calendar today, does it reflect what is truly important to you? Are those essential things actually on the calendar?