Understanding what good and bad EQ (Emotional Intelligence) look like

Emotional Intelligence (EQ), is the ability to understand ourselves, know what drives us, accurately understand how we are perceived by others, and understand how we relate to others. EQ measures whether we have the relational skills to work synergistically with others while being ‘self defining’ and allowing others to speak into our lives or work without defensiveness. Many of the actions, responses, attitudes and relational tendencies relate to our EQ. Healthy leadership therefore requires healthy EQ since leadership is all about relationships and people. One can lead from a position of authority with poor EQ but one cannot lead through deep influence without healthy EQ.

I believe that we pay far too little attention to issues of EQ in the hiring of leaders, building of teams or in our own lives. There are many brilliant individuals whose poor emotional intelligence leaves havoc in their wake. Poor emotional intelligence on the part of leaders is the major cause of relational and leadership issues. It is an issue every leader needs to pay close attention to. Those who do not end up hurting their leadership and the organization they lead. Several key issues of EQ stand out for leaders.

Consider these signs of poor EQ

• Defensiveness
• Inability to resolve conflict or negotiate differences in a healthy way
• Lack of empathy and understanding leaving people feeling hurt
• Marginalization of those who disagree with us
• Narcissism, where it is all about “me”
• A need to get our own way
• Control of others rather than empowerment
• Inapproachability by staff, volunteers or board members
• Use of spiritual terms like “God told me” or “spiritual warfare” to shut down discussion
• Lack of flexibility and ability to negotiate issues for a win/win solution
• Holding grudges and lack of forgiveness
• Inability to play on a team
• A history of relational problems with people one has worked with
• Lack of sensitivity to how actions, behaviors or words affect others
• Personal insecurity
• Inability to be self defining while maintaining good relationships
• Attitudes of cynicism and mistrust toward others
• A poor understanding of one’s strengths and weaknesses
• A victim mentality where we are the victims and it is always someone else’s fault when conflict occurs
• Seeing the world in black and white where there are good guys and bad guys and not much in between leading to the demonization of others
• Needing to be popular
• Becoming enmeshed in other people’s issues
• High personal anxiety over aspects of my job
• Saying one thing to one individual and another thing to others

Consider these signs of good EQ

• I am approachable and have a nothing to prove, nothing to lose attitude
• I seek to resolve conflict quickly and well
• I am self defined but always leave the door open for dialogue with those who disagree and work to keep the relationship
• I live with self confidence but not hubris
• I am highly flexible
• I seek to understand myself well including, weaknesses and strengths and the shadow side
• I ask others for feedback on my behaviors
• I am a team player and value “us” more than “me”
• I work very hard to understand others and put myself in their place
• I don’t hold grudges and extend forgiveness easily
• I don’t need to be popular but I do desire to be respected
• When conflict occurs I take responsibility for my part
• There are no issues that are off limits for my team to discuss
• I am patient with people and always give them the benefit of the doubt
• I have a sense of humor about myself and don’t take myself too seriously

Creating cultures of excellence
AddingtonConsulting.org

Emotional Intelligence and it's correlation with organizational culture.

It is a given that the Emotional Intelligence of an organization is the sum of the EQ of its members. In other words, the organization's EQ reflects the general emotional health of its people. When I ask people about the culture of their workplace, they can quickly identify the positive and the negative aspects of their organization. What they often don't realize is that they are describing the EQ of those who work there. 

In effect, the EQ of the organization (which reflects the EQ of the individuals within the organization) creates the organizational culture. There is a direct correlation between EQ and culture. So, if one is going to change the organizational culture it becomes necessary to grow the EQ of its members. 

For instance, if one has a culture that is rife with gossip, back stabbing, unhealthy competition, conflict and people taking credit when they should not or blaming others when they are to blame one has a dysfunctional culture that reflects poor Emotional Intelligence among its members. The core issue is not the culture but the people who make up that culture and their level of emotional health.

The lower the EQ of the staff, the more dysfunctional the organization is. The higher the EQ of staff, the healthier the organizational culture. And the culture almost always reflects an organization's leadership as people take their cues from leaders.

Because we don't often think of organizational culture as related to the EQ of its members, we become frustrated with our inability to deal with issues in our organizational culture. However, by teaching and coaching in EQ we can directly impact the culture of the organization in healthy ways. 

All cultures have positive and negative aspects to them. Take a moment and think about the problematic areas of the culture of your team or organization and armed with that knowledge, do some teaching and coaching in the requisite areas of EQ that are involved in the problematic areas.

For examples of the signs of good and poor EQ, click here.

Five EQ skills that can transform a team or organization

The average level of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) within an organization or team has a direct impact on the success of that group. The higher the EQ skills of a team, the better they relate, the more candid they are, the less conflict they have, and the health of relationships is stronger. All of these contribute to greater cooperation, more innovative thinking, cooperation, and a lack of infighting and politics. This also applies to boards and in the church world to congregations.

There are five EQ skills that can literally transform a team or organization if leadership focuses on them, trains their staff, and communicates these skills regularly. These five skills can be learned, but we must also unlearn some unhelpful habits to get to a place of health.

The first skill is that of self-definition. Self-defined individuals think for themselves rather than simply taking the party line, verbalize their views even when it may be lonely, and do not worry what others might think of them. They are secure in who they are and what they believe. Innovation experts say that this skill, along with a culture that invites it is one of the most significant keys to innovation.

The second skill follows from the first. It is the ability of a team to engage in robust dialogue where any issue can be put on the table, with the exception of personal attacks or hidden agendas. Where this does not happen, it is almost exclusively the fault of leaders who are threatened by direct dialogue that might rock the boat. The ability to engage in robust dialogue invites ideas, observations, and innovation, while the inability kills both ideas and innovation.

A third skill is essential to the first two, and that is a non-defensive attitude on the part of all team members. It is an attitude of "nothing to prove and nothing to lose" where we do not have to be right and where we approach our work with open rather than closed minds. Defensiveness shuts down conversation, whereas non-defensiveness invites conversation, ideas, dreams, innovation, and the ability to look at situations with new eyes.

The fourth skill comes into play when we don't do the first three as well as we could: conflict resolution: the ability to quickly address conflict, de-escalate the issue, look for a win-win solution, and normalize the relationship. Conflict is not bad. Unaddressed conflict, however, is toxic. Think of the mental and emotional energy that is spent in unresolved conflict. People can be taught how to resolve conflict and to think of it in three steps: address it, look for a win/win solution, and normalize the relationship.

The fifth EQ skill that can transform a team or organization is the simple agreement to ban gossip. Gossip is the transmission of second or third-hand information to others that is prejudicial or first-hand information that is harmful and which need not be shared. All gossip is toxic to relationships, teams, and organizations so a concerted effort should be made to eradicate it.

Take a moment and think about what your team or organization would look like with these five skills being lived out by all members. They can be taught and practiced, and over time, they will transform your team or organization.

Ways that organizations inadvertently compromise the quality of their services

Almost every organization I have worked with would  say that they are committed to quality work internally and quality services externally but often the reality does not live up to the goal. This is particularly true among non-profits but it is not only resident there. Often it is the result of several overlooked factors that inadvertently compromise the quality of their work.

One of the first things that comes to mind is that of poor hiring methods. When we hire without doing do diligence to the qualifications of the applicant or the skill fit we often end up paying a steep price later. There is an adage that says "hire slow and fire fast" and it has great merit to it. Many organizations don't realize the bottom line impact poor hires have on them. First, unqualified individuals do not make the organization look good. Second, it takes more unqualified individuals to get the job done than one highly qualified individual. Thus there is both a financial and service quality variable in our hiring practices.

In addition when we choose to compensate below the fair market value of a job we drastically reduce the number of qualified candidates who will consider working for us. Here is the irony.  We end up hiring more individuals to do a job than we need because we got what we were willing to pay for. So in an attempt to save money in salaries we actually spend more money than we needed to. This is particularly true with churches and Christian non-profits but it can be found in the for profit sector as well.

Another common mistake is to pay too little attention to the Emotional Intelligence (EQ) of those we hire. Even highly competent individuals can hurt the organization if they exhibit poor EQ. They can hurt others on the team internally and create issues with customers externally. Considerable attention ought to be given to the issue of an individual's EQ in the hiring process as well as in ongoing education in this area. For more on Emotional Intelligence see "Signs of good and bad EQ."

Finally, in the desire to save money, some organizations do not provide the necessary tools to staff to get their job done efficiently. This can be training, technology and software or the necessary ongoing mentoring. It is unfortunate that the investment already made in these staff is lost when they either choose to leave or cannot fulfill their job with excellence because of the neglect of their supervisor.

None of these actions are meant to hurt the quality of an organizations work but all do so inadvertently. My philosophy has always been to hire slow and well, pay competitively, give staff the tools they need and have as few staff as necessary. You can do that with the right staff.