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A blog centered around The Addington Method, leadership, culture, organizational clarity, faith issues, teams, Emotional Intelligence, personal growth, dysfunctional and healthy leaders, boards and governance, church boards, organizational and congregational cultures, staff alignment, intentional results and missions.
Showing posts with label Good Emotional intelligence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Good Emotional intelligence. Show all posts

Monday, June 1, 2020

One critical issue for new leaders: The speed of change is directly related to the speed of trust


Coming into an organization as a new leader is an event that will test the ability of even the best leader to manage the transition well. This is because change is an inevitable part of the process. Each leader has unique gifts and skills and they are hired because their gifts match the organizations needs at that time. So change is a given. Yet, that very change although needed, and even endorsed by those who hired the leader can be a difficult process. There are three reasons for this. 

One. Regardless of your resume or accomplishments which may bring great hope to the organization, you as an individual do not yet have the trust of the staff. This is even more important if the previous leader had violated trust with the staff as you may be seen through their lens.

Two. You are coming with a vision for the future but there is often a DNA and a culture that will stand in your way until it is changed - if it needs to be changed. In other words, if culture needs to shift, that is perhaps your most important work because culture trumps everything (even the best leadership), Until you have a culture that will allow you to move forward without a drag on the organization, many of your efforts will prove futile.

Three. In most organizations you have two primary staff constituencies: those who represent the past and will cling to the ideals of the past and those who represent the future and want to move forward. How one deals with this will vary but a new leader needs to recognize that both groups exist and until there is alignment, some things will have to wait.

The key to navigating these three realities is to build as much trust with staff as quickly as possible. Trust is the most important coinage a new leader has so developing that bond of trust is the most important and pressing job. 

Trust comes before most actions although taking some actions can actually build needed trust.  This will be counter-intuitive for many leaders because leadership is all about action. New leaders come in with a vision and an outside perspective that allows them to see what others don't see and they are ready to move! What they don't understand is that those they lead can either make their life easier or harder depending on the degree of trust that exists. Trust can be built quickly if you have a strategy for doing so.

Here are proven ways to get to where we desire to go.

First: Honor the past but build for the future. Too many leaders act as if nothing done before their arrival has any significance, forgetting that the present staff was all part of the past to one degree or another. It is not necessary to criticize the past if one has a vision for the future.  Honoring the past while you build for the future does not disenfranchise staff who were part of the past.

Second: Listen - a lot. Trust happens when individuals feel that their story and opinion counts. A new leader usually comes into their position with a well formed direction they intend to lead the organization. This a time to listen before revealing all that is on their mind. There is a large upside to this. In listening carefully to key staff, one can also make judgments as to whether they will fit in your preferred future. Listening builds trust in a significant way.

Third: Ask a lot of questions rather than making statements. Dialogue trumps telling every time and dialogue is nurtured by good questions. The answers to your questions also tell you a great deal about the thinking ability of staff, the vision and dreams that they have and the thoughtful nature of their responses. 

I have realized on a number of occasions that if I had not taken the time to get to know staff I would have made poor decisions. I would have let people go I actually needed and I would have kept those who did not actually fit. Our first impressions may not be accurate and until there is dialogue one will not know.

As you listen, you are making judgments regarding people and strategies. Where there are things you strongly disagree with, keep your own counsel or speak only to those who can help you make necessary changes. Careless words to others will cost one needed trust. 

Fourth, affirm everything and everybody that you can. You may not be able to affirm everything but you can affirm some things. The same is true with people. And remember, if there is a significant need for organizational change, it is because of a prior leader who allowed the organization to atrophy. There are staff who probably knew what was happening but their hands were tied. Don't blame them for what they were not responsible for. Be generous with your praise even if you intend to change many things. Criticism elicits no coinage. Affirm what you can and where you cannot, be light on criticism.

Fifth: be gracious even with those who won't be with you in the future. Graciousness costs you nothing. It is easy to be critical but the best leaders practice graciousness even when making needed changes. This means that we watch our words, our criticisms and our attitudes. 

Sixth: Share your vision for the future but cast it in "wet cement" so that staff can dialogue with you on that vision. In order for your vision to become a shared vision you need to engage people in significant dialogue. One cannot just pronounce vision. And a new leader's vision will not prevail anytime soon unless he/she can bring staff along with them. Find multiple ways and venues to share a new vision for the future and engage in dialogue. Again, listen carefully. Staff may know things you don't know and will either be able to help you or hinder you.

Seventh: As new leaders we come in with our plans but we need to realize that an organization can change only as fast as people can react to the speed of change. The speed of change is directly connected to the speed of trust. The higher the trust level of staff the faster the change. The lower the level of trust the slower the change. What this means is that the speed of change we are proposing is only possible if we are paying equal attention to the speed of trust. 

I have watched new leaders this transition because they believe that leadership is simply making the right calls. They made what they thought were the right calls but didn't listen to the wisdom of others, nor did they develop the level of trust they needed to bring staff with them. Eventually staff rebelled or constituents pushed back and it was over - especially true in nonprofits and churches.

Remember the speed of change is directly related to the speed of trust. Change always requires trust if you desire to being people with you.

So what is the most important job of a new leader who desires to bring change to an organization? It is the building of trust because trust is the coinage that allows them to lead in new directions and in new ways. The faster that trust can be developed, the faster the change can be implimented.

Tuesday, January 22, 2019

Understanding what good and bad EQ (Emotional Intelligence) look like




Emotional Intelligence (EQ), is the ability to understand ourselves, know what drives us, accurately understand how we are perceived by others, and understand how we relate to others. EQ measures whether we have the relational skills to work synergistically with others while being ‘self defining’ and allowing others to speak into our lives or work without defensiveness. Many of the actions, responses, attitudes and relational tendencies relate to our EQ. Healthy leadership therefore requires healthy EQ since leadership is all about relationships and people. One can lead from a position of authority with poor EQ but one cannot lead through deep influence without healthy EQ.

I believe that we pay far too little attention to issues of EQ in the hiring of leaders, building of teams or in our own lives. There are many brilliant individuals whose poor emotional intelligence leaves havoc in their wake. Poor emotional intelligence on the part of leaders is the major cause of relational and leadership issues. It is an issue every leader needs to pay close attention to. Those who do not end up hurting their leadership and the organization they lead. Several key issues of EQ stand out for leaders.

Consider these signs of poor EQ
  • Defensiveness
  • Inability to resolve conflict or negotiate differences in a healthy way
  • Lack of empathy and understanding leaving people feeling hurt
  • Marginalization of those who disagree with us
  • Narcissism, where it is all about “me”
  • A need to get our own way
  • Control of others rather than empowerment
  • Inapproachability by staff, volunteers or board members
  • Use of spiritual terms like “God told me” or “spiritual warfare” to shut down discussion
  • Lack of flexibility and ability to negotiate issues for a win/win solution
  • Holding grudges and lack of forgiveness
  • Inability to play on a team
  • A history of relational problems with people one has worked with
  • Lack of sensitivity to how actions, behaviors or words affect others
  • Personal insecurity
  • Inability to be self defining while maintaining good relationships
  • Attitudes of cynicism and mistrust toward others
  • A poor understanding of one’s strengths and weaknesses
  • A victim mentality where we are the victims and it is always someone else’s fault when conflict occurs
  • Seeing the world in black and white where there are good guys and bad guys and not much in between leading to the demonization of others
  • Needing to be popular
  • Becoming enmeshed in other people’s issues
  • High personal anxiety over aspects of my job
  • Saying one thing to one individual and another thing to others
Consider these signs of good EQ
  • I am approachable and have a nothing to prove, nothing to lose attitude
  • I seek to resolve conflict quickly and well
  • I am self defined but always leave the door open for dialogue with those who disagree and work to keep the relationship
  • I live with self confidence but not hubris
  • I am highly flexible
  • I seek to understand myself well including, weaknesses and strengths and the shadow side
  • I ask others for feedback on my behaviors
  • I am a team player and value “us” more than “me”
  • I work very hard to understand others and put myself in their place
  • I don’t hold grudges and extend forgiveness easily
  • I don’t need to be popular but I do desire to be respected
  • When conflict occurs I take responsibility for my part
  • There are no issues that are off limits for my team to discuss
  • I am patient with people and always give them the benefit of the doubt
  • I have a sense of humor about myself and don’t take myself too seriously
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