The most important items on a board's agendas are the ones that no one wants to talk about

 Here is an ironic truth: The most important things that most boards need to discuss are the very things that no one desires to put on the table because it is too controversial, will open a can of worms or be pushed aside because it is a political or personal hot topic. 

Here is a principle: If a board doesn't want to talk about a certain subject, that is the very subject that they ought to be talking about. First and foremost.

Why? Because those unspoken discussions are the real issues that are impacting your ministry. Everyone knows it but no one has the courage to put it on the table. It is an elephant in the room. But here is the thing about elephants:

Principle: Elephants are only elephants when they remain unspoken issues. Once you name an elephant, it is no longer an elephant. Rather, it is an issue and issues can be discussed.

But since these are often awkward conversations which is why no one wants to raise them, how does one raise those issues in a sensitive manner? The answer is simple: Ask permission.

Principle: When you have a sensitive subject on a board to raise, ask for permission to raise it! It is unlikely to be turned down and it gives people a chance to understand that something sensitive is coming.

For instance, "Folks, I have something I would like to put on the table that I think we all know is there but it is awkward for us to discuss so we leave it alone. Yet it has significant implications for our congregation. Do I have your permission to candidly share my concern?" The answer is almost always "yes, of course, please share." With that permission you have the opportunity to name the elephant which then becomes and issue that can be discussed. Do it gently and honestly and you will have a hearing.

Principle: When there are elephants in the room, most board members want a way to put it on the table but they don't know how. If one courageous and kind board member will put it on the table, others will almost always start to interact and relief takes place that we can at least start a conversation on an important subject.

If there are elephants in your boardroom, be the courageous one who asks permission to put it on the table and starts a conversation. Remember, the elephants that you don't want to discuss are in fact the most important things for you to discuss.

Unspoken Discussions on church boards and work teams

Church boards and work teams are notorious for their unspoken discussions! Those unspoken discussions are the issues that are present, that people know they are present, but that either individual board members or the board itself do not dare to discuss as a board. These are elephants in the room - often critical issues for the church that require being named and dealt with, but the board's culture mitigates against it.

Many individuals do not like conflict; their definition of conflict is anything that might cause individual or group discomfort. So, there is subtle pressure put on board or team members to be friendly and not rock the boat by naming issues that are out there and need discussion. (The same dynamics can be had on almost any team.) You know that you have breached a topic that makes people uncomfortable when you put an issue on the table, and there is either silence or someone jumps in to quickly deflect the problem from the discussion.

I recently read an article about Patrick Lencioni suggesting that major financial institutions have been in trouble lately because of the prevailing culture on company governance boards to not deal with issues that would make others uncomfortable. So, the culture of nice sabotages a culture of truth and effectiveness.

Pastors, leaders, board members, or team members who choose not to speak in the face of real unspoken issues do a disservice to their organization. The irony is that everyone generally knows there are unspoken issues - they just don't want the discomfort of naming them. The hope is that they will just go away!

How we speak to the issues is essential. If I approach an unspoken issue and put it on the table, it will be best received if there is not a personal vendetta and my words are not meant to hurt. I don't have a hidden personal agenda; I want the best for the organization; I communicate in a way that invites rather than disinvites dialogue; I say it in love; and I acknowledge that the issue may make others uncomfortable.

The funny thing about "elephants" is that once they are named, they are no longer elephants. I once worked with a group around a whiteboard and asked them to name every elephant they felt existed in their organization. We filled the whiteboard (a bad thing), but once up there, we could talk about all of them (a good thing). Once named, an elephant is simply another issue that we are allowed to talk about. Unnamed, it is one of the unspoken discussions we know we need to have but need more courage to discuss.

Every board, team, and organization is better off with a high level of candor and trust, which mitigates the candor turning into anger or cynicism.

If you are brave, I would suggest that you ask your team or your board in a relaxed atmosphere to brainstorm on any unspoken board discussions you need to have, on any elephants that need to be named, whiteboard them, and then develop a plan to talk through them one by one.

Unspoken discussions are not discussions, just frustrations, and they often hide real issues that unresolved will hurt the organization.

Unspoken discussions

Church boards as well as work teams are notorious for their unspoken discussions! Those unspoken discussions are the issues that are present, that people know are present, but that either individual board members or the board itself does not have the courage to discuss as a board. The elephant in the room - often key issues for the church that require being named and dealt with but the culture of the board mitigates against it.

Many individuals do not like conflict and their definition of conflict is anything that might cause individual or group discomfort. So there is subtle pressure put on board or team members to be nice and not rock the boat by naming issues that are out there and need discussion. (The same dynamics can be had on almost any team.) You know that you have breached a topic that makes people uncomfortable when you put an issue on the table and there is either silence, or someone jumps in to quickly deflect the issue from discussion.

I recently read an article about Patrick Lencioni suggesting that one of the reasons that major financial institutions have found themselves in so much trouble recently is the prevailing culture on company governance boards to not deal with issues that would make others uncomfortable. So the culture of nice sabotages a culture of truth and effectiveness.

Pastors, leaders, board members or team members who choose not to speak in the face of real unspoken issues do a disservice to the organization they serve. The irony is that everyone generally knows that there are unspoken issues - they just don't want the discomfort of naming them. The hope is that the issue will just go away!

How we speak to the issues is important. If I approach an unspoken issue and put it on the table it will be best received if: There is not a personal vendetta; my words are not meant to hurt; I don't have a hidden personal agenda; I want the best for the organization; I communicate in a way that invites rather than disinvites dialogue; I say it in love; and I acknowledge that the issue may make others uncomfortable.

The funny thing about "elephants" is that once they are named they are no longer elephants. I once worked with a group around a whiteboard and asked them to name every elephant they felt existed in their organization. We filled the white board (a bad thing) but once up there we could talk about all of them (a good thing). Once named an elephant is simply another issue that we are allowed to talk about. Unnamed it is one of the unspoken discussions that we know we need to have but don't have the courage to discuss.

Every board, team and organization is better off with a high level of candor coupled with a high level of trust which mitigates against the candor turning into anger or cynicism.

If you are brave, I would suggest that you ask your team or your board in a relaxed atmosphere to brainstorm on any unspoken board discussions you need to have, on any elephants that need to be named, white board them and then develop a plan to talk through them one by one.

Unspoken discussions are not discussions, just frustrations and they often hide real issues that unresolved will hurt the organization.

TJ Addington of Addington Consulting has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com

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