We play our role and then yield the stage

At 58 I am acutely aware that there is a finish line to my professional life lurking in the next decade or so. Not my influence as that can continue long after my final paycheck but our jobs don't last forever. We play our role and then yield the stage.

At least that is the way it should be. My predecessor yielded the stage to me with grace. Not only did he not meddle with me but he chose to support me even as I made significant changes to the organization. I had so much trust in his character that I invited him to a new part time role that allowed him to do what he loved to do.

Yielding the stage is a hard thing to do. Our ego is often wrapped up in our work. We have put strategies and philosophies in place that we believe in and don't want others to mess with them. We hired staff who we will be leaving behind and who will be giving allegiance to a new leader. And, it is hard to reconcile that our time is now over at least in the official sense. If one has had a job they loved and seen some success I doubt this is ever easy.

While not easy it is a test of our maturity and character. Maturity to understand that there are seasons and they come to a close so that new seasons can begin. Character to leave in a way that blesses the ministry rather than hurting it in any way. How many pastors, for instance, hang on long after they should and elders must literally pry their fingers from the ministry so that they can move on. Or board members whose time has come. And ministry founders who need to allow the ministry to go to a new level that they cannot lead but cannot yield their control.

Humble leaders understand the concept of seasons and that it is not about them but about the mission of the organization. The moment I lose my passion for the job I have is the moment that I need to hand it over to another even if that comes before the end of my professional career. It is true for all of us.

Think about this issue long before you need to implement its principles. The day comes for all of us to yield the stage, often faster than we expected or wished but come it does. How we handle the end of our careers is just as important as how we stewarded our role along the way.

(Posted from Atlanta)

When people leave your church

OK lets face it. It hurts when people leave the church we pastor. We take it personally and in most cases should not. We forget that individual circumstances and needs vary and we cannot meet them all no matter how hard we try. In fact, if we were in the pew, rather than in the pulpit, we might leave too - depending on our circumstances.

I am not advocating a culture of moving from church to church. And frankly it is not the movers that cause us angst but those who have been with us for a long season. It is their leaving that hurts. But think about this:

If they leave because they are unhappy with us as the pastor, why did we assume that we could please all those who come? If we have had an influence in their lives that is good and will pay off for the rest of their lives. If their needs change or their stage of life changes, how can we be unhappy that they need a change? Often the issue is more about us than it is about them. 

If they leave because because of unresolved issues with us then we need to do all we can to resolve those issues. It may be painful but it can be redemptive and instructional for us. If our actions, attitudes or words have caused pain it is good for us to hear that and to learn from it. It is not about trying to convince them to come back but rather making peace and learning from it.

I think the most painful situations are when many people leave and it is then that we need to sit up and take notice. Why are they leaving and what have we missed, if anything that has caused their leaving? Sometimes it is because we and the leaders have made intentional changes that we are committed to and we will be sad but realistic with the leaving. Other times, it is because we have been unwise in our actions and it is a reaction to our decisions. 

Understanding the reasons is the important thing. If we need to learn from them we should. If we and our leaders are committed to a course of action that is right in the long run we need to take the hit in the short run. This is all about understanding the reasons and being willing to incur the cost when renovation or change is necessary.

Sometimes it is necessary for disaffected people to leave a church so that the church can move forward with greater health and missionality. Sometimes we push people out for unhealthy reasons.

When people leave, understand the reasons!

When it may be time to leave a church

Some would say that church loyalty is one of the greatest values and certainly jumping from church to church is unhealthy. However, there are legitimate reasons to leave a church and look for another. Just remember that there are no perfect churches.

Consider these reasons:

• The church is inward focused and having little or no influence outside of its walls
• There is a legalistic spirit which is anathema to what grace is all about
• You don't feel comfortable bringing unbelieving friends
• The congregation is controlled by one or more church bosses and politics is prevalent
• You have been marginalized by a leader or leaders and don't feel that you can make a positive contribution
• There is a high control factor to keep church members "in line" with the prevailing group think
• The church board is highly dysfunctional and cannot lead the congregation into healthy and productive ministry
• Independent voices are quickly stifled
• You are not hearing the Scriptures lifted up in the messages but rather psychology and self help

There are no perfect churches but there are churches that see far more Gospel fruit and changed lives than others. With the short time we have we want to make the most impact for Jesus that we can. If that means changing churches it is an OK thing. I have done it for some of these very reasons. 

Congregations, especially dysfunctional ones make it hard for one to leave. They may use guilt and pressure of various kinds to keep one connected. Many take it personally when someone leaves a church. Remember, though that the church we attend is a choice we make and when the choice is taken from us we are no longer in a healthy place. Friendships do not need to go away because we don't attend the same church. If they do, they were superficial friendships in the first place. We will spend eternity together. Sometimes we need to change our location on this side of eternity!