Don't get caught in the trap of those who want endless dialogue as a means of getting their way

There are people who must have their own way and when that is challenged they try to rope others into endless dialogue designed to wear people down until they give in. They use phrases like, "I am not being understood, can we talk?" or "I am confused by your position," and "I must not be making myself clear." If it is a group decision and their position is not being agreed with they may try to triangulate with others on the team to get their way.

Those who rope others into endless dialogue have a strategy. They have learned that they can wear others down by debate and eventually many will simply give in or give up. Often they have strong personalities and the dialogue becomes a method of intimidation until people basically surrender. 

I once observed a dialogue between two senior leaders. One of them was trying to convince the other to make a certain decision that he did not want to make. The aggressor kept coming back with different angles, never acknowledging that the other party kept saying no. It became so problematic that I finally asked them to take a time out so I could suggest to the aggressor that he needed to back off and leave it alone.  He was simply unwilling to take no for an answer and his MO was to keep pushing until someone gave in. This behavior is nothing other than bullying and intimidation under the guise of dialogue.

Healthy people don't keep pushing others when they have clearly indicated their preferences. Humble individuals do not try to force others to agree with their position. Don't allow aggressive and pushy individuals to rope you into endless dialogue. They know exactly what they are doing and it is not about "understanding each other." Rather it is simply about getting their way.

Manipulative "God talk"

It is amazing how individuals can use spiritual language to manipulate others in the church with the implication that to disregard or defy their demands is to defy God himself. 

Phrases like "I've prayed about this and God is clearly telling us to do such and such." "If we continue to pursue such and such, the curses of .... will fall on us. We need to repent and move toward a new way."

As my friend Quintin Steiff remarks, "These prayer bullies assume extraordinary authority and view themselves as virtual pipelines of the direct revelation of God. Their pride is staggering, they are deadly serious and they are usually unteachable. They are not speaking about the divinity of Christ or the substitutionary atonement of which the Scriptures speak clearly. Rather, it's about some secondary matter or personal preference like a ministry program or policy decision or building program or style of worship. And they are promoting or rejecting some viewpoint."

This is not about being sensitivity to God's leading but rather about outright manipulation. Often such individuals see themselves as prophets whose job is to correct the wrong ways of a congregation or organization but essentially what they want is their own way. They fight for it unfairly with God talk which automatically shuts down dialogue. After all, how do you argue with God?

If someone's God talk sounds manipulative it probably is. Don't allow it. I have run up against a few of these who were essentially narcissists cloaked in spirituality - a deadly combination.