Grey thinking

A secret of wise individuals and leaders is the ability to evaluate all sides of a potential decision, listen carefully to those who are part of the decision or will be impacted by it while keeping all options open until the decision must be made.

This is called thinking grey.

All key decisions have consequences, some of them unintentional. The better one understands the consequences and can smoke out the unintended consequences the better. That takes time and time is the ally of all good decisions. The faster we make key decisions the greater the risk of a significant downside.

Leaders who practice grey thinking are upfront with others who should have input that they are mulling on a certain course of action but that they have not made a decision. They invite input without making premature commitments regarding their ultimate course of action. And, they are willing when they are processing but have not come to a decision to say, "I am thinking grey on that." 

Some leaders are unable to say those words, thinking that they always need to have an answer. Good leaders willingly admit that they may not have an answer but in telling staff that they are thinking grey they invite conversation and dialogue until a decision has been made.

Finally, good leaders don't make a decision until they need to. The longer one can put off a decision without hurting the organization, the more time one has to get clarity on the issues and clarity allows one to make better decisions. Many decisions made by leaders would have been better made or better executed if they had taken more time to think grey before pulling the trigger.

Controlling our reactions, thinking grey and quiet resolve

Do you have anyone who really pushes your buttons? Someone who you don't really understand and who manages to irritate you mightily at times?

It is a common situation. It is also common to respond by being "reactive," that is, with emotion, either to them, often to others and to make assumptions about their intentions and motives. It is also easy to shoot off emails that we might want to take back when we find out that our assumptions were not accurate.

Some people will actually seek to cause reaction on your part by their actions.

While all of us are "reactive" from time to time, generally it is not a good sign of emotional intelligence and we should learn how to not react, not allow our blood pressure to go up and not to become angry because when we do we usually respond in ways that are not helpful or healthy.

When I hear about someones actions or words or attitudes that might have caused me to react in years past, my goal now is to "think grey." Thinking grey is listening to the information, soliciting other information without drawing any conclusions as to whether the conclusion others may be drawing is accurate. This is actually one of the secrets of good leaders. They do listen, they do want to know and if something sounds problematic they do want to find out the truth. But in the process, they think grey and refuse to draw hard and fast conclusions until they have enough context and information.

It is a wise thing to do. Sometimes the information is not accurate. Sometimes the information is accurate but the conclusions those around you have drawn are not accurate. Often, motives are misjudged as bad when they are not. The behavior may have been problematic and harmful but rarely are the motives truly destructive. As someone has wisely put it, "Never attribute to poor motives what can easily be attributed to stupidity."

Thinking grey does not mean that we intend to ignore the issue or not confront the individual. It means that we will do so when our information is such that it is reasonable and when circumstances are right.

This brings me to another trait of great leaders. They have quiet resolve. Rarely will they react with anger and often they will think grey. But once they are aware of a problem they display a quiet resolve to deal with it, even if it is an uncomfortable situation to deal with.

I often tell those around me, "do not underestimate my resolve." Anyone who does is in for a surprise because I am committed to a healthy work environment, committed to the guiding principles and core commitments and practices and culture of our organization. Waiting for clarity, or for the right time to address problematic situations or people is not weakness. It is simply wisdom - and quiet resolve.

One other thought. With passive aggressive individuals who cause problems to you or the organization it is often not wise to immediately confront them. They will deny the allegation and play to what you want to hear (passive behavior) while behind your back they display contempt or attempt to undermine you. They will also play the victim to others when confronted. Holding passive aggressive individuals accountable is like trying to get your arms around smoke.

Again, quiet resolve comes into play. You don't ignore but you do wait because passive aggressive people will usually hang themselves if you give them enough rope. You wait and eventually they will do something public enough and egregious enough that those around them see them for what they are and you have the support you need to confront, hold them accountable and be so defining of what behavior is and is not acceptable that they will either conform or leave or you have the ammunition to take action should it happen again.

The ironic thing is that passive aggressive individuals often think they have the upper hand when dealing with leaders with good EQ. The truth is that those leaders are simply waiting for them to show their true stripes at which time they will take decisive action.

Good Emotional Intelligence and wisdom will almost always win out over poor Emotional Intelligence and stupidity. Control your reactions, think grey and commit to a quiet resolve.

For more reading on Emotional Intelligence see Emotional Intelligence Revisited

The art of Grey Thinking

Contrarian thinking often simply means that we think grey on issues until we must make a decision. Grey thinking is the practice of soliciting as much input on a situation as possible, allowing those options to marinate in our minds and not making a final decision until it is necessary to do so. In the process, we often realize that there is an out of the box combination solution that is far better than any one of the proposed solutions by themselves.

Some people think it is a skill to make quick decisions and they pride themselves in their ability to do so. The truth is that slow decisions that have had significant input from a variety of sources is usually far better than a rapid one. In fact, wise leaders always bring the best thinking to the table including disparate viewpoints in the process of seeking the very best solution.

Outside my office is another room that used to be occupied by my executive assistant. Today is has a table, four chairs and white boards on two walls. I use that office far more than my actual office with a desk because this is the “think room” where together with colleagues I tackle complex issues in one of our many white board sessions. It is frequent in a conversation with colleagues that someone will say – “We need a white board session on that!”

Out of those sessions have come all kinds of unique ideas and solutions that were far better than any one of us could have crafted. There is no such thing as an all wise “sage” who invariably makes the right move. The sages of our day are those leaders who are secure enough in their own leadership to invite many others to the table in order to find solutions that no one person could have found.

Having sought a variety of wise counsel, wise leaders will than mull on those ideas, always asking the question, “Is there a solution that is different from a conventional solution that would allow us to move forward in a leveraged position.” And, they will often wait until the decision must be made to give themselves as much time as possible to consider alternatives. This is not decision avoidance: Rather, it is getting the right input and giving the right time to come up with a solution that is unconventional and better than what might have been decided earlier.

I will often tell my colleagues that I am thinking grey on an issue. They know that as long as I am thinking grey, they can dialogue with me on it. Of course, I rarely make a decision alone anyway – they are part of the equation. Grey thinking gives all of us the opportunity to continue to look for a unique solution. Remember, conventional wisdom is always conventional but it is rarely wisdom.