Why the minority voice often wins on church boards and within congregations and what to do about it

It is very frustrating to those that make up the majority when a minority voice is able to determine the outcome of church issues. This can take place at the board level or within congregations, even when the polity is one where the majority should be able to move forward. Unfortunately, it is all too common, and church leaders often allow it to happen. In my experience, there are a number of tactics that are used to manipulate a larger group by a minority group.

One. Our voices will be loud, and we will therefore give the impression that we are many. This works well behind the scenes when there is conflict over a decision and in congregational meetings where loud voices often rule the day. 

Two. We will declare that many agree with us with the implication that if you try to move forward, you will "split the church" or cause "serious conflict and division." Now I have done a great deal of conflict resolution in churches, and I have never encountered a situation where this was actually true. I have seen pastors and boards try to push things through when a majority were dissenting (it was not pretty), but when a few voices declare that there are many with them, I am often skeptical. However, this tactic often works because leaders and congregations don't want to cause undo conflict, so they back off with only the word of a few that they actually have strong support.

Three. If you move forward with that decision, we will leave. So let's call that for what it is: congregational blackmail! Since it is considered wrong to "push people out of a church," this threat is used against the majority because the minority can claim that they were indeed pushed out. What actually happened was that the minority simply chose to leave because they didn't desire to stay. 

This is often a threat that works, but it is nothing less than congregational blackmail. The same can be said for those who declare that if you move forward, they will withhold their funding. That is financial blackmail. All threats no matter what they are, by a minority voice to block the majority should be considered blackmail and should be called exactly that - in public where appropriate.

Four. If you move forward, there will be a lot of people who will be angry. Given what I said in one and two, it is unlikely that a lot of people will be angry. Also, any time you make any decisions in a church, someone is likely to disagree, but if that is the criteria by which we make decisions, no decisions would be made. While this strikes fear in many congregants, it is emotional blackmail by those using the tactic.

One of the fundamental reasons that all these threats work is that most people are conflict resistant. They don't want to have to negotiate conflict, they are afraid of conflict, and they especially don't like conflicts in the church with people they know. Unless leaders understand this and speak to it, such threats often work to the chagrin of the majority of the congregation or board. Fear keeps leaders and congregations from moving forward in the face of threats. 

So how do you counter these tactics? Especially when you have an entrenched individual or group where dialogue and reasoning has not done anything to change their minds?

First, I would suggest that you look at the tactics of the minority group and ask whether they fit any of the scenarios above. Perhaps I have missed something but be willing to name the tactic that is being used for what it is. Explain to the individual or group involved that their tactics are not fair or honest and see if reasoning will change their behaviors.

Second, if reasoning fails, which it often will, I would encourage the board or leadership to share with the congregation what they believe to be true. That you believe this is a minority view, that you have tried to reason with them, and that you believe that for the good of the ministry, the church needs to move forward. It is possible to say these things in a way that does not disparage but does speak the truth. If leaders are cowed, the congregation will be as well. If leaders are courageous and forthright, the congregation is likely to follow. 

Third, if this is a significant decision and there is no clarity on what is actually happening, bring in a third party to ascertain what is really going on. It is not hard for a disinterested and experienced third party to evaluate the situation and determine the actual facts rather than hearsay. 

Finally, in all of these discussions, remember that what is at stake is the health and effectiveness of the Body of Christ, The Bride. Don't compromise the work of God out of fear! 

TJ Addington (Addington Consulting) has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

"Creating cultures of organizational excellence."

Make 2019 the year that you don't resaw the sawdust

Re-sawing the sawdust is the practice of asking the "What if" questions of our lives. It is reliving the situations we wish we had handled differently and avoiding the regrets that we live with. If only we had not done.... If only we had handled a situation differently. If only we had not suffered the situation we walked through. If only. 

Here is something to remember. None of us get to the end without regrets, failures and situations that are painful. But the sawdust is already in a pile on the floor and there is nothing we can do about it. We are fallible, sinful, sometimes foolish and often wrong. The only thing to do with the sawdust is to give it to God,  ask forgiveness if necessary and live in His grace and mercy - which according to Jeremiah is new every morning. You cannot re-saw sawdust. 

Asking the "what if" questions is a waste of time since we cannot do anything about them except learn from them. And that wasted time is time we cannot invest in making wise and productive choices regarding our future. The past is past and there is no redo. The future is a wide open vista with unlimited possibilities. It is where our focus should be. 

When Jeremiah wrote the words "Your mercies or compassions are new every morning, Great is your faithfulness," he was standing in the rubble of the destroyed city of Jerusalem. Rather than focus on the disaster that surrounded him, his focus was on the mercies of God and God's faithfulness today and tomorrow. At that moment he was not looking back but looking forward based on the character and love of God. Jeremiah was declaring that all was not lost. His mercies are new each day and His faithfulness is great. Repentance for the past sins was part of his equation but living in the past was not (Lamentations 3:22-24).

Those who have the hardest time letting go of the past are those who tend toward perfection. Failure, mistakes or not getting it right are deeply painful to them (I count myself in this company) and just letting go and admitting they screwed up is tough. Those who live in their head find themselves reliving the events over and over and over. 

For those who know Christ, we can leave our past at the cross. If it is a matter of sin He tells us that He fully forgives. If it is a matter of mistakes made He tells us we are human - it happens. If it is a matter of illness or those things we have no control over, He tells us that His faithfulness is great. If it is infused with pain, regret, sadness and depression He says His mercies are new every morning.

If all those things are true, we need to discipline ourselves to look forward and not backward. Every time you start looking back, remind yourself - Jesus has it - you left it at the cross. There is no better place to leave everything. 

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What are the most important priorities in your life?

Priorities matter. They reflect us in a unique way because they reflect our character and commitments. For me, these include my marriage, my family, my God and my work - using my gifts that God has given me. These four priorities reflect my deepest desires and highest attention.

Our challenge is that those things that are most important to us are often not given the highest attention in our lives. We know they are important but other issues and things take their place in the normal course of our lives. The only way to compensate for this is to ensure that what is truly important to us is that which we focus on first, leaving other things for later.

The end of one year and the beginning of another is a great time to evaluate that which is most important. How did we do this year? What do we want to accomplish next year? What is our plan to nurture the important and not allow the less important to crowd out the important?

If you are serious about the most important, take the time to identify what you want to accomplish in those areas of life this coming year. And then write down you plan with specifics that you can work on through the year. 

You may not fulfill you plan perfectly but a plan is always better than no plan and progress better than the status quo. Each year is an opportunity to grow in those areas that are most important to us. Don't let the opportunity go by. It is precious as life is short. In fact, we have no idea how long we will be on this earth. We want to minimize the "I wish I had..." at the end of our lives and replace it with "I am so glad that I..." 

Ecclesiastes tells us that as long as there is life there is hope. Use the time that you have and focus on the most important because that is what will matter at the end of our lives. 

New beginnings and New Year Resolutions

I find the days between Christmas and New Years to be a time of important reflection. A new year is a gift. Whatever the challenges of the present (past) year were, there is a new year starting and we have opportunities for renewal, new hope and even new practices.

I would encourage you to take stock of the past year during these days. What do you have to be thankful for? What do you wish had been different? Are there things or people you need to leave behind for your own health and well being? Are there things that need to be different and what can you do about it?

The last question is an important one. New beginnings can be a perfect time for new practices. None of us can do everything at once so think about the two or three things that you believe should be different in your life. Be specific about what you want to change.

Change does not happen without weaving new practices into our lives. Habits are formed by repeatedly practicing something over and over. Think about how you can incorporate needed changes for three months. At the end of three months if you are consistent, those changes are likely to have become habits and fairly easy to stay current with. Practices become habits which become part of our lifestyle! Change can look daunting but if you can think of the next three months, the longer term is likely to take care of itself.

If you keep a journal, keep track of your daily progress for three months. If you don't keep a journal this is a good reason to start one. A daily reminder of the commitment made will go a long ways toward your success.

Don't let this season pass without evaluating your current life. One, two or three significant changes can change the trajectory of your life. The new year is a great time to start. The past is past. Now for the new!

The absurd story of Christmas

No story is better known. No story better captures the heart of a child - small or grown - than the one we celebrate today. No matter how many times we hear the story it never grows old, it never disappoints, never ceases to evoke deep emotions of wonder, awe and comfort. An angel’s proclamation to illiterate shepherds, a teenage unwed mother, a loyal carpenter fiancee, the evil king Herod, a cold, clear, Bethlehem night without a place to stay. A messy birth in an animal’s stall, alongside a dirty alley in the dark of night. Confused cows watching unknowing as the Son of the universe stares back unknowing at the very animals He had created eons before. A mother, a child, a carpenter, a few agitated animals and the pungent smell of manure.

This is a story so absurd that it could only have been scripted by a Divine hand. No other writer would have attempted such a script. If they had they would not have claimed it to be true: fiction maybe, but not reality. This is not how the One whose voice had echoed off of a billion galaxies would make His entrance. Without CNN and Fox News, into a hovel known affectionately today as Bethlehem but then nothing more than a tiny village on the path to Jerusalem. 

His entrance was marked not by a proclamation to kings but to astonished herdsmen sleeping with sheep. The heavens opened with ten thousand voices – not over Jerusalem the ancient capital – but over a tiny grazing field for a handful of insignificant shepherds. They would be the only witnesses of the grand entrance of a King. No other writer would have written such a script. 

No other author would have taken such a chance. For behind this story there are echoes of another story - equally incredulous. Centuries before in the vastness of eternity past – when infinity kissed infinity, The Master of Infinity spoke into being the universe in which we live - 3,000 of whose stars are visible to the careful eye, 30 billion visible from a large telescope, - the other 90% of the universe still hidden from our eyes. Its splendor an eternal testimony to the Author of the story.

Immortal, invisible, God only wise,
In light inaccessible hid from our eyes,
Most blessed, most glorious, the Ancient of Days,
Almighty, victorious, Thy great name we praise.

Great Father of glory, pure Father of light,
Thine angels adore thee, all veiling their sight;
All praise we would render: O help us to see
Tis only the splendor of light hideth Thee.
(Walter Chalmers Smith)

The Author’s heart had love that could not be contained. A heart full of love is not easily satisfied. Transcendent goodness longed to give away infinite love. Again the Author spoke: A planet was expertly crafted. One among billions. A people wonderfully created – in the image of the Author. Free to love, free to experience the infinite goodness of the Author. Free to revel in His infinite Love. But above all free. Love cannot be forced and remain love.

We are not the sole owners of broken hearts. No heart suffered such sorrow as Infinite Love rejected. Image bearers rejected the Image Maker. The story’s characters fired the Author to write their own script. Unmatched, searing pain pierced the Author’s heart as the loved jilted the Lover. 

Chaos infiltrated beauty. A planet was hijacked and spun out of control. Poverty of spirit supplanted endless joy. Unfulfilled hearts realized the pain of lost love. Without the Author, individual story lines faltered – and failed. Sadness reigned. Darkness descended in seeming endless gloom.

Truth can be stranger than fiction. For in the pained heavens the grieving Author plotted love’s revenge. An awesome revenge that only Divinity could contrive – that only Divinity would contrive. Having lost His loved, the Lover would send His most loved to reclaim His heart’s desire. The rejected Creator would kiss the unfaithful created. Tender mercy in place of deserved destruction. An astonished heaven broke into unbelieving applause. Image bearers would be reclaimed by the Image Maker. Light would once again prevail over darkness. Brokenness would be made whole. Peace would triumph over chaos.

All was silent in the heavens on the chosen night. Angels held their corporate breath. For nine months the Son had been absent, resident in a young girls womb, coming to us not as a king but incognito, just one of thousands of children that would be born on a lonely planet that night – into the darkness that our word had become. Placenta covered the Son of the universe arriving to claim back His beloved: this time, one by one, heart by heart. Tender mercy arriving in disguise: one of us, one like us. On that night, the Author personally entered our story. 

Such humility our world has never known. A stunning reversal for a world gone astray. A Heart full of love is not easily satisfied. Transcendent goodness longing to give away infinite love, arriving under cover of night in order to “shine on those living in darkness…to guide our feet into the path of peace.” (Luke 1:27).

When an author writes, each character is unique; each has his or her own story-line. We, each have a story – unique, unrepeated, singular. Each story has its own joy, its own pain, its own pathos and unmatched quality. But each shares one singular, astonishing feature. We are made in the Author’s image, and He will not rest until we have invited Him to join in our story. 

More astonishing than the script He has authored, the story we celebrate today is that He also wants to enter into your story. This is the most ancient of stories but it is also the most contemporary of stories. The Christmas story is but one chapter in the Author’s divine script. The Author is still writing. And every person who invites Him into their story becomes a separate and unique chapter in His unfinished book. And into each story He brings His light and peace. 

“For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.” (John 3:16-17.)

Have you invited Him into your story? 

Why defensiveness is destructive and how we can become more open

Defensiveness is a part of the human condition. A negative rather than positive part. It is usually an indicator that we are guarding our pride and our ego and that we don't want to be found wrong or wanting. Defensiveness is wanting to be like God. He is the only one who is never wrong or wanting. Thus defensiveness is proclaiming that we are not what we are: human, often wrong, fallible, broken and often wanting. It is a façade rather than the truth and it is our way of saying, "I am better than I am." And we are the only one who believes it. 

Defensiveness is destructive to us in many ways. First, we fool ourselves into believing that we are better than we are. The best leaders and the healthiest individuals are those who know their own vulnerabilities, dark sides, and lack of knowledge. The truth is that we know very little, are often wrong, often misjudge others, and have dark sides that are far worse than we want to believe. Personal health comes from knowing the truth about ourselves, not from lying to ourselves. How we see ourselves will impact how we see and treat others and their views.

Second, defensiveness drives people away from us. When we are not open to the views, observations or criticisms of others we keep those around us at arms length. They know that we are not open to authentic conversation and thus don't share what they really think. In driving others away who could tell us truth we not only hurt ourselves but we hurt authentic relationships with those around us.

Third, defensiveness keeps us from seeing and treating others in a fair way. Defensive people generally see fault in others but not in themselves, see the quirks and shadow side of others but not their own. This impacts how we see those around us and if a supervisor, how we may treat our staff. The lens that a defensive individual sees through often sees others as worse than they are and themselves as better than they are. 

The root of defensiveness is insecurity or unworthiness. The feeling that we are not enough: good enough; competent enough; smart enough, wise enough or worthy enough. That lack of self worth causes us to want to look better than we are which amounts to elevating ourselves while lowering others and resisting anything that strikes us as criticism. Defensive individuals are not healthy, whole people. 

How do we overcome defensiveness and get to wholeness? The first step is to make a decision that we will be OK with who we are, how God made us and our strengths and weaknesses. If I can accept the truth about myself I no longer need to prove that I am different than I am, that I am better than I am or more perfect than I am. We are all broken vessels and becoming OK with that - even as we allow God to heal our brokenness - gives us freedom to just be us, not someone we wish we were. 

This is about adopting a "nothing to prove, nothing to lose and nothing to hide" attitude. I don't need to prove myself. I don't need to worry about losing my reputation. Nor do I need to hide those areas where I am weak. It is a freeing attitude and it is how God wants us to live. It allows others and ourselves to see our authentic self.

That inward decision needs to help us with our outward behavior. When we experience that knife thrust of criticism (whether it was meant that way or not), rather than reacting defensively we can learn to relax, not react outwardly and say something like, "That is an interesting thought, tell me more."  Rather than pushing people away, we are drawing them closer and inviting conversation rather than shutting it down. We may be fighting our emotions inside but outwardly we are practicing new behaviors.

Learn to spot the triggers that cause you to become defensive. Every time you get triggered, ask the question, how might I have responded differently than I did? And, Why did I react to that statement? Once you begin to learn the triggers to defensive attitudes one can develop strategies to counter it in the moment.

Defensiveness is about pretending to be someone we are not. Authenticity is allowing others to see us as we are.

"I don't need this". When leaders want to walk!

I met recently with a ministry that is in a stalemate. It has a group of individuals (current leaders) who desire to move forward into a new era of ministry. It has another group of individuals (past leaders) who are resisting almost all change. They want the future to look like the past even though staying there will inevitably compromise the church's future. 

Before I continue I need to say that building for the future does not mean that we dishonor the past. In fact, my mantra is that we must honor the past while we build for the future. If all one does is honor the past you compromise your future. If all you do is build for the future you disenfranchise those who got you to where you are so both are necessary and wise leaders recognize this.

Here is a true saying: What go you to here got you to here. It will not get you to there. No organization can stay static. All organizations either move forward or they stagnate and die. It is that simple. If you want to position your church or organization for a slow painful death, just stop moving forward into the future. This often happens when prior leaders create enough conflict and criticism that current leaders say "we don't need this" and walk away. It is very true that they don't need this. It is, however a mistake to walk away. Someone must build for the future if we care about the generations that come behind us.

One of the key responsibilities of leaders is to position their organization for a hopeful and fruitful future. If it were easy we would not need leaders. But without courageous leaders, there will not be a hopeful or fruitful future. The harder the leadership task the more an organization needs to break through into a new future. For leaders who want to walk: You can, but the very fact that leadership is hard where you are is an indicator that you are needed more than ever. 

In my book, High Impact Church Boards I write this:
Leadership is an awe-inspiring, weighty calling. From the earliest days of biblical history, God has called men and women into leadership roles, energizing and gifting them for the task. One lesson shouts from the pages in this history of God’s people: When there was a faithful leader,God’s people flourished. In the absence of godly, empowered leadership, His people suffered.

Without a Noah, mankind would not have survived. Without a
Moses, the Exodus would have failed. Without a Joshua, the land would not have been conquered. Without a Deborah, the Israelites would not have been liberated. Without a David, a nation would not have been built. Without a Nehemiah, a city would not have been reborn. Without an Esther, a people would not have survived.
In each instance, God called a leader or leaders for His purposes,

clarified their assignments, and empowered them with skill and wisdom.

In God’s kingdom, leaders are called by Him for His purposes and

empowered by His Spirit. We do not just choose to be a leader; God chooses those He wants to lead.

If you are in a hard leadership place, consider: Maybe God has you here for such a time as this.