For those who have experienced failure

Failure comes in many forms but one of its realities is that in its aftermath, those around us often define us by that failure - some forever. That often contributes to those who have experienced failure to also see themselves as defined by their past. After all, that is how others see them. 

What is particularly interesting is that this often happens among Christians who would be the first to proclaim that we worship a God of Grace. We sing about Grace and mercy in our worship services and then consign some of those around us to an attitude that does not reflect either grace or mercy. Unlike Jesus who lifts people out of their ditch and encourages them to move on, our attitudes can actually keep people in the ditch and discourage them from moving on. And I suspect that there will be some readers who think that is a good thing for those who have failed.

Here is an insightful statement for those who have experienced failure.

"If you have people who want to live in your history, let them; but don't for a minute think you have to live there with them. You cannot move into your destiny if you don't let go of your history. Surround yourself with people who define you by your purpose rather than your past."

One cannot fight what others think of them. Some will always see you through the lens of your history. But you don't need to live in your history nor does God want you to! He wants you to live in your purpose and in freedom. And there are people who will define you by your purpose. Those are the people you need to bring around you. 

With a repentant heart and the help of God, David moved on from his failure and was called a man after God's own heart. Moses was able to move on from his failure with time and God's encouragement and was called the most humble man who ever lived - a far cry from the arrogance of his youth. Paul said it well in Philippians 3:13-14, "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

God does not want us to live in our past. He came to redeem us from our past failures. He calls us to live in His grace and freedom. Others may not want you to live there but He does so let those who want to live in your history do so. But you...move on into a new history through the grace and mercy of Jesus who came for that very purpose.

Creating cultures of organizational excellence
AddingtonConsulting.org

Make 2019 the year that you don't resaw the sawdust

Re-sawing the sawdust is the practice of asking the "What if" questions of our lives. It is reliving the situations we wish we had handled differently and avoiding the regrets that we live with. If only we had not done.... If only we had handled a situation differently. If only we had not suffered the situation we walked through. If only. 

Here is something to remember. None of us get to the end without regrets, failures and situations that are painful. But the sawdust is already in a pile on the floor and there is nothing we can do about it. We are fallible, sinful, sometimes foolish and often wrong. The only thing to do with the sawdust is to give it to God,  ask forgiveness if necessary and live in His grace and mercy - which according to Jeremiah is new every morning. You cannot re-saw sawdust. 

Asking the "what if" questions is a waste of time since we cannot do anything about them except learn from them. And that wasted time is time we cannot invest in making wise and productive choices regarding our future. The past is past and there is no redo. The future is a wide open vista with unlimited possibilities. It is where our focus should be. 

When Jeremiah wrote the words "Your mercies or compassions are new every morning, Great is your faithfulness," he was standing in the rubble of the destroyed city of Jerusalem. Rather than focus on the disaster that surrounded him, his focus was on the mercies of God and God's faithfulness today and tomorrow. At that moment he was not looking back but looking forward based on the character and love of God. Jeremiah was declaring that all was not lost. His mercies are new each day and His faithfulness is great. Repentance for the past sins was part of his equation but living in the past was not (Lamentations 3:22-24).

Those who have the hardest time letting go of the past are those who tend toward perfection. Failure, mistakes or not getting it right are deeply painful to them (I count myself in this company) and just letting go and admitting they screwed up is tough. Those who live in their head find themselves reliving the events over and over and over. 

For those who know Christ, we can leave our past at the cross. If it is a matter of sin He tells us that He fully forgives. If it is a matter of mistakes made He tells us we are human - it happens. If it is a matter of illness or those things we have no control over, He tells us that His faithfulness is great. If it is infused with pain, regret, sadness and depression He says His mercies are new every morning.

If all those things are true, we need to discipline ourselves to look forward and not backward. Every time you start looking back, remind yourself - Jesus has it - you left it at the cross. There is no better place to leave everything. 

Helping individuals and organizations go to the next level

AddingtonConsulting.org

The rear view mirror

Some things belong in our rear view mirror rather than our worrying, feeling guilty or obsessing about them. Here is a truth that many of us find hard to accept: Some situations we cannot fix, some people we cannot change and some problems we cannot solve. Often when we run up against such walls we feel guilty that we could not make it right, we wonder how we get through to people who don't want to hear and we feel anxious that we didn't do all that we could.

How many supervisors have agonized before, during and after letting someone go who needed to go! As a consultant I have encountered clients that I could not much help and watched good ministries settle for what is rather than what could be. Or, that relative who we want to help but isn't open to input. These situations can be anxiety and guilt producing and we constantly re-saw the sawdust in our mind. Or, we have finally got rid of that highly dysfunctional leader who made our life miserable but we keep dwelling on the pain.

Here is a second truth: God does not expect us to solve all the dilemmas we encounter. People make choices, organizations make choices, and some folks are not interested in hearing or changing. That is not our issue so why do we obsess about issues we cannot change?

There are some phrases that apply here: "It is done, put it behind us," "get over it," "put it in the rear-view mirror and move on." "It is not our responsibility." "We cannot solve someone's problem who does not want to hear." "Some people like their dysfunction and drama." "Let it go."

When we hang on to stuff we cannot solve we take responsibility for things that are not ours. It is wasted energy to be sure and highly unproductive to say nothing of stress producing. Let it go and put it in the rear view mirror where it belongs.