What leaders wish their staff understood about their role

There are many things leaders wish their staff understood about what they do. While there may be a  mystique about leadership, the realities are very different. So on behalf of many leaders, this is what I wish my staff understood (and many do) about what my life looks like as a leader. I am sure many other leaders have similar thoughts - if they could share them.

• On most days I love what I do. It is how God wired me.

• My greatest discouragements are not from the outside but from what people do or say within the organization.

• Criticism is easy. Real solutions are not! I don't have the luxury of criticizing. I must find solutions.

• I respond poorly to cynicism toward leaders and leadership. My calling is a calling just as yours is.

• My work never goes away, not even on vacation. Not Ever! Ask my children and my wife!

• Part of my job is to clean up messes that others make - quietly. 

• I don't mind criticism but I do have a heart (really) and how it is conveyed is important.

• It can be a lonely job as I cannot share everything that I am dealing with.

• Even leaders need encouragement when it is sincere.

• If you wonder what I do with my time it is all on my calendar and you may see it. I share my daily schedule with those who pray for me on a monthly basis.

• I desire the same respect from my staff as I give to them.

• I need your prayer daily. I pray daily for wisdom, favor and empowerment. I know how frail I and needy I am.

• If I sometimes seem distracted, please don't take it personally. I have a lot on my mind seeking to integrate all that our ministry does rather than simply one facet of the ministry.

• When I travel I take all my work with me including the hundred fifty plus emails I get daily. While others can disconnect, leaders cannot. Mornings start early and evenings end late. Sleeping in hotel beds 150+ nights a year is not a perk but a challenge!

• I have the joy and responsibility of sharing the blessings of success with our staff (who make great things happen) and taking responsibility for failures (no matter who made it happen) when they occur. 

• When I make a mistake it is more visible than when you do. I may require a lot more grace as well because of it. Some notice when you blow it. Everyone notices when I do.

• While I wish I could, I cannot meet all the expectations that people have for me and must focus on those things that God clearly wired and gifted me for. It is hard but necessary to say a gracious no. By the way, like you, I am only good at a few things and those are the ones I need to focus on.

• Because of my leadership visibility I will be misunderstood for things I do and say no matter what. I wish for the same grace and benefit of the doubt that I give to others. 

• When I do create questions I would prefer you ask me what I meant rather than talk to others. They don't know my heart, I do. I am always willing to talk.

• As a leader I can be a friend to staff (and want a highly collegial ethos) but there are boundaries because of my leadership role. Not all understand this.

• I am not the leader who came before me and not the one who will come after me. I am me! 

• Like you, I am accountable. All of us are including me. Like you, I answer for my decisions and work. If anything, my accountability is higher because my responsibility is higher.

• There are many things I don't have answers for and will not pretend that I do. I do a lot of thinking and pondering and dialogue and learning. I have learned that answers to complexity does not come easily. 

• I am deeply appreciative of the staff I work with. Whatever we accomplish is a team effort. I thank God daily for every one of them.

• As I said, on most days (including today - so far)  I love my job!

A prayer on election day

Our Father in Heaven:

We ask today that you would be gracious to us today as a nation. We don't deserve your mercy and grace but we humbly ask for it. We confess our shortcomings as a nation and realize that you are the only solution. We confess our corporate sins and ask for your mercy and forgiveness. We pray that your grace would cover our nation as the waters cover the sea.

No matter what the outcome of the election we know we are a divided nation. We pray that the church itself may be a source of healing to our country and that the Gospel can become well known.  May our confidence not be in any party or elected leaders but in a sovereign God who reigns supreme over all nations and peoples. 

Give us as your followers a Christian world view that no party or platform can articulate. Help us to think Christianly about the social, political, ethical, and global issues of our day. May we daily seek your mercy, ask for your wisdom, pray for our leaders and for the peace of our globe. Help us to reflect your mercy, to act with your justice and to walk humbly before you in all things. May your will be done on earth as it is in heaven for the glory of your Son.

May our minds, hearts, priorities and relationships be renewed daily through your Holy Spirit. May our Jesus centered lives be a challenge to all those we come into contact with. May your concerns become our concerns and your love our love! May your Name become well known and your reputation lifted high through the love of Your chosen people. My You be our highest priority, our greatest love, and our deepest concern!

Amen

Leaders and their reputations

A byproduct of leadership is a level of viability that many of us don't really want but which comes with the territory. Along with that visibility comes a vulnerability from those who are unhappy with us for decisions that are made and who choose to take shots at our reputation in return. Sometimes it is out of spite and anger. Other times it is out of a lack of understanding that we are not at liberty to clarify. Either way it can be painful for all of us care about our reputations.

This can be especially painful for leaders who have a need to be popular. That is an unhealthy need for leaders. We should desire to be respected but we give up the contest for popularity if we choose to lead. Inherent in leadership is the need to make unpopular decisions at times. 

Leaders are naturally targets when those they lead or others are looking for one. While there are many ways in which leadership can be a deeply fulfilling calling, this is not one of them. This is one of the costs of leadership rather than one of the perks. It is a cost we willingly take on with leadership which is why Peter says that leaders need to be willing to lead. 

How do leaders handle the painful shots that come their way? First, we must realize that ultimately our reputation is in the hands of God. David realized this in Psalm 37 and 73, two Psalms that have been of immense help to me over the years when the the missiles were particularly painful. 

Reputation management by ourselves does not work but God is completely able to handle our reputation in His way and in His time. When we focus on managing our reputation we are focused on the wrong thing. When we focus on doing what is right we are focused on the right thing.

While leaders are not able to share everything, a candid, open spirit can go a long ways to generate trust and understanding. The more open leaders are, the more accessible they become to those they lead. And, while others may not keep their emotions and anger in check toward us, it is important that we do toward others, even those who may not deserve it. Except on rare occasions, and with purpose, leaders seek to de-escelate conflict even when it is targeted at them. This is why I write so often on issues of EQ and leadership. The ability to manage our emotions is a large part of good leadership.

The ability to dialogue with those who become our critics can in many cases win them over, especially if we can speak honestly without losing our relational connection. This does not work with black and white people for whom you are either right or wrong but it does work with reasonable people. When your critics understand that you desire to hear and understand their point of view, even if you don't agree with them, it helps build bridges rather than walls. This is usually a learned skill and a very important one.

This is not possible without a non-defensive spirit, even when we are the targets. Defensiveness escalates the issue while non-defensiveness de-escalates. This is not an easy thing to do in the face of unkind words or actions but one that is a necessary leadership trait. The issue, after all, is often not really about us but about the organization and its direction and philosophy. The more impersonal we can keep the issues, the better chance we have to see resolution. The more we can keep issues impersonal and relationships personal, the better chance we have at resolution and understanding.

None of this means that we simply accept behaviors that are damaging to our organization or team. There are times when we need to be defining and clear about words and behaviors. This is not about us but about the health of the organization. When doing so it is critical to put it in writing or say what needs to be said in the presence of another so that there is clarity and accountability. 

Leaders bear greater responsibility than others especially when they become targets fairly or unfairly. How we respond to shots at our reputation is a test of our leadership.

Personal reflection is only as good as the mirror one uses

Have you ever looked into a distorted mirror and seen a distorted image? Mirrors are great when they are well made. In the same way, our own personal reflection is only as good as the mirror that we choose to use in doing so.

Many people use those who are their greatest fans as their mirrors for personal reflection. It is convenient and exceedingly comfortable as these individuals will invariably tell us what we desire to hear. And what we want to hear are positive reflections.

King David knew the dangers of syncophants who simply told him what he wanted to hear. In the Psalms he does deep personal reflection in prayer and in the Word. What he finds is often not what he wants to see (Psalm 51) but to his credit he responds to the image he sees of himself as measured against the image of God.

If we neglect our mirrors and they become smudged and dusty, they cannot reflect back a sharp image and that is what happens when we neglect the world for any period of time. Our reflection is best when we use it regularly and keep it clean.

David also learned the value of those who would reflect back his behaviors in the person of Nathan who told him a story of injustice that struck David to the core when he understood he was that man. The value of people around us who can gently but honestly tell us the truth is huge in our spiritual growth.

In prayer we experience time exposure to God who will invariably speak back to our spirit. In the Word we have the sword that cuts to the marrow of our lives and in trusted friends we have others who can speak truth to us. These are mirrors we can trust. Many other mirrors will fail us and tell us what we want to see but not necessarily what we need to see.

It's a level playing field

Over lunch recently a friend said to me "You are very important leading an international mission! How do you do all the things you do?" I looked at him and said, "I could never do what you do, how do you do it? (he ministers to gangsters in Hong Kong and is on staff on a church full of former and current Triad members, prostitutes and redeemed underworld figures - many very much in process). 

None of are more important than others in God's kingdom. In the world there is a pecking order based on titles, salaries and perceived importance. In the Kingdom all of us are simply asked to live out the gifting and calling that He has gifted and called us to. That is why what I do is not hard - for me! That is why what my friend does is not hard - for him! In fact, in the Kingdom, those who would be great become servants like Jesus. In His economy the last shall be first and the first shall be last.

We have different roles but we have equal value. We have different giftings but we have equal importance. We need to honor each one in God's kingdom for each is indispensable to what He wants to accomplish. There is no A team and B team: only His team. When we give undue honor to some and not to others we miss the values of His kingdom where the playing field is level and everyone is needed! This is just one of many areas where the values of our world are opposite of the values of the Kingdom.

The emotional EQ of team leaders makes all the difference

Teams are only as good as the Emotional Intelligence of their leaders. Poor EQ makes it virtually impossible to lead a healthy team. Signs of poor EQ include anger, defensiveness, inability to listen well, micromanagement of team members, inflexibility, needing to have their own way, lack of empowerment, to name a few.

Understanding our own selves well and the ability to understand others is a critical skill in any leadership position and ought to be part of the development plan of every leader. The better we understand ourselves and others, the better we manage our emotions (a critical element in EQ), the greater our skill in negotiating conflict and the better we practice the twin issues of empowerment and accountability the better we can lead. Leadership is always about people before it is about strategy and process.

How do we grow in these areas? One is obviously to do personal study on the subject of EQ which can give us a knowledge base. Another is to do personal testing whenever possible that allows us to understand ourselves better. 

I believe, however, that the most helpful practice is to solicit feedback from trusted friends and colleagues about how we are perceived, what we do well with people and where we could do better. The reason feedback is so critical is that there are simply certain aspects of our behavior that we are blind to. Others, though, can reflect back observations that once we become aware of we can pay attention to. 

Because leaders traffic in relationships, people and teams growing our EQ is absolutely essential to our success as leaders and to the satisfaction of those who work with us and under our leadership. Our EQ impacts the whole organization or the part of the organization we lead. For this reason, boards ought to mandate ongoing personal development of their leaders (many businesses do) as well as pay for it. 

Professional development (our particular skill) is important but personal development which includes EQ is just as important for any leader because it impacts those they lead.

Blessing other ministries

I love to help others in any way I can and I love to watch the reactions of those who are not used to someone offering help with nothing expected in return. This is particularly true among Christian leaders who more often compete with one another than collaborate. Or, who are simply too busy focusing on their stuff that they lack the time to add value to fellow leaders.

For me it is about kingdom influence which is a driving force in my life. I want to see the bride (the church) be all that it can be and the gospel expand to every corner of our globe. Thus, anytime I can help other leaders or ministries I am contributing to the Bride and the expansion of the Gospel regardless of whether it helps the organization I lead.

My point is that we often think of ministry expansion as defined by what our ministry does. But if we are willing to look for ways to contribute to the success of other ministries we actually leverage our influence in significant ways – even if we never get credit for it. If we care about His Kingdom we will not only work hard to lead our own ministries well but we will work hard to bless other ministries as well.

That is why ReachGlobal willingly gives away any tools it develops, any systems it has and any lessons we have learned. It is not about us, it is about Him. It also keeps us from a competition mindset. To the extent that we help other like ministries (missions and the church) we bless the growth of the church. It reminds us that we are servants to our own organization, to God and to the mission of the Great Commission. We learn much in the process because we develop new friendships and relationships.

There should be a fundamental difference between the business world (where it is all about competition) and the ministry world (where it is all about cooperation). Any time in ministry we compete against one another we are actually competing against God who is Lord of our ministry and every other ministry. When I help other ministries I bless God and the mission He has given the Church. I would rather bless God than try to compete against Him.